i don't know
if i am lonely
and
craving for
romantical love
or
if i am
just a hopeless
romantic
stuck in
her dreams

3am
is a weird
time

you may
get angry
at the world
for every
little
injustice

you may
feel lonely
even though
you talk
with friends

you may
get nostalgic
remembering
all the times
you were careless

you may
fall in love
over and
over again

3am
is a weird
time

and yet
it is mostly
the time
you're your
purest self

It’s not
that I am
not interested
in boys
anymore

It’s just
that I
compare
every boy
that catches
my attention
to you

And they
don’t stand
even the
slightest chance

what if
we fall
in love
because

we'll never be
able to
love ourselves
one hundred percent?

what if
we fall
in love
because

we unconsciously
need constant
reminders
how worthy
we are
of love?

one click,
not even
on purpose
and then –

nothing

my thoughts
my pain
my love –
gone

and some may
see this
at a fresh start
but I

I hold onto
the past
too much

so many
words
and
thoughts
are flying
around
in my mind

i am not able
to make sense
of them

reaching out,
our fingers
nearly
touch

just a little
bit further,
sparks fly


and i
lay alone
in bed

you weren't
there
you didn't
reach
for me

it was
just a dream
it was
just fake

she hid
her tears
behind
closed doors
and
a mask of attitude

but wanted
nothing more
than someone
to understand
and
a hug

sometimes
I have to
get rid
of thoughts
that I can't even
tell my best friends

that's why
the moon
is one of my
most trusted ones

SOMEHOW

you blow away
my confidence

i was
mesmerized
by your movements

the way
your hands
danced over
the drums

the way
your face
lightened up
when you played
the rhythm right

the way
you groaned
when you didn't

the way
you laughed
at the same time
with us

we should
live
like sunflowers -

leaving
the dark,
the shadows
behind us

and facing
the light,
the good things
in front of us

why can't
we be

two midnight lovers
sharing kisses
in the safeness
of the night?

saying silent
I love you's
with our eyes
so no one
will hear?

holding hands
while walking away
until
our fingers
brush for
one last time?

why

can't we be
midnight lovers?

I fell alone
and no one caught me at the end
you say I'm just a friend
but act like I'm something more

faint glimmers crackle,
smoke fills the air and lungs,
laughter fill ears.
secrets are exchanged,
jokes are told,
memories are relived.

All underneath
the moon who watches
our sins.

it's 3am
rain
is ponding
against
the window

darkness
swallows
even
the moon
and stars

and my soul
feels weirdly
vulnerable

Tic toc
it’s half past eleven
I had a dream and thought;
I am in heaven.

Tic toc
heaven turned into hell
am I still dreaming?
I can’t tell

Tic toc
it’s an hour past midnight
I am wide awake
and wrapped in by the night

Tic toc
on the clock blinks a fat two
I have only one thing on my mind;
and that is you

Tic toc
now it’s already three
a devil on my shoulder tells me to overthink
and I agree

Tic toc
it’s nearly four
I am still not tired
and think some more

Tic toc
now the clock shows five
and god, how grateful I am
to be alive

Tic toc
my windows let through, the light of dawn
but my eyes close and show me darkness,
to which I am drawn

Tic toc
my alarm rings an hour later
I am exhausted because insomnia
struck again, this traitor

i hid
my true
emotions
behind
jokes
and laughter

but your
playful comment
******* hurt

and yet
i still
overthink
and
overreact
over
things you do
even though
i shouldn't

i am looking
at
that cute picture
and i
wish
that i could see
you
everyday

without
her noticing
her favorite songs
always
remind her
of the person
she once
loved

i keep saying
that I don't love you anymore
but I still feel like before

The way
she looks
at him?

With the
small smile
and
twinkling eyes?

That is how
you know
she loves him

The way
he treats
her?

With
soft hands,
never wanting
to let go?

That is how
you know
he loves her

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get judged
about whom
they love

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get criticised
about who
they are

It’s the 21st century
but still –
women are
less worth
than men

It’s the 21st century
but still –
dark-skinned people
get discriminated
and killed

One would think
that we live
in the 21st century
and not
in the middle ages
but still –
we must change
a lot
until
everyone is equal

it feels like i know you
well,
even though
i don't

I clung to
“what if”
and
“maybe”
as if

I was
drowning
and
they were
life-rings

But I
did not know
that
they were
riddled
with holes

sometimes i quit writing
because it kinda hurts

because i can't have
what i write

not with you

i am
a night child

feeling safe
in the
dim darkness
illuminated
by the moon

finding calm
in the whispers
of the trees
an the wind

finding peace
within
the soft screeches
of an owl
and the
chirping of crickets

and i wonder

if 'you think (?)' about
'me too.'

if 'you feel (?)' the same
'i do.'

if 'you talk about me (?)'
the way
'i talk about you.'

i close
my eyes
and they
burn hot
with tears
i don't cry

her smile
isn't
bright as
the sun

her smile
is small
with
nearly
invisible
dimples

but it is
the most
genuine smile
you'll ever
see

Don’t
make promises
when
you’re drunk

Your sober self
will be
thankful

imagine
we all would have
a playlist
with all
the songs
we used to love
but
forgot about

a lot of them
would bring back
memories
bonded to
joy

some
would bring back
memories
bonded to persons
we almost forgot
too

and some
may bring back
all the memories
we associate with
pain and
agony

but we would
still listen
to 'our' songs

My parents' love
is strong;
even after 27 years
they still seem
to feel the butterflies

They share
whispers and secrets,
unknown to my ears

They share
tender kisses and hugs,
making me feel like an intruder
in their own little world

They share
a love
that can withstand
even the most severe storms

They share
a bond
no knife in the world
could cut through


I can only hope
that someday
I’ll experience
true love like theirs

one brushstroke
after
another

there a little bit
of white
there a little bit
of blue

a song
fades
softly into
the background

and
my thoughts
once
don't revolve
around you

i don't meditate
but i paint

“what
do you feel
when you think
of him?”

“I honestly
don’t know.
there are
so many things
I feel
when
I think
of him.

Among others...
confusion.
just
a little bit.”

MAYBE & IF
i kinda hate these words

they promise hope
when there's none

they promise possibilities
which don't exist

but mostly
they make you
daydream
&
fantasize
when you want to
escape from
the truth
&
reality

how would
it feel

to kiss
your lips?

to feel
your arms
protectively
around me?

to feel
your love?

Warm sunbeams
touching
cold snow

Making it
twinkle
like stars


Before
the snow
finally
returns
to its
original form

why do i
always start
to care
for people
i barely know

when they
probably don't
care about me

when people
ask me if
i have
a type
then i don't
think about
anyone in particular

but i
still describe
you

love
is a
scary thing

it gives you
way too much
power
over someone else

and it
makes you
lose control
far too
easily

it wasn't love at first sight
it happened slowly

every time
i saw you
i fell
a bit more
for you

just once
i want to be
the one

just once
i want
someone's eyes
to light up
when they
talk about me

just once
i want
my feelings
to be
mutual