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5d · 230
Those Words
Those words were painful to hear when you told it
I don't know if you know it
Because I certainly don't show it
And won't bring it up in conversation
Only via written representation
Can I say it without hesitation
So here goes it...

You know you lied...
(To yourself mainly)
A total fabrication
One that destroyed my vision of someone sacred
Altered love to blind hatred without persuasion
From which I'm now trying to retrain
Because I've missed out on important days
That should've been filled with celebration

Why not just give me an honest and open statement?
Like what you asked of me from an early age...
Was it to minimise the ache?
To save face from something failed?
To create distance from the ways in which you assumed everyone would frame it?

Anyway
That's me saying it as plainly as I can say it
About the way that you behaved then
And maybe
Just maybe
What I've said here will aid you
Bring closure to anything remaining
So that each and every day
You can pave more of your way
In coming to terms with all the hating
That you seem to linger in after waking
Jul 2023 · 1.2k
Shirk
Ghxstcxt Jul 2023
All talk no action
Accountability
not even a fraction
Surmount humility
Profound inaction
Abound rigidity
Tall walk short stature
The American way
Work force pays for the
CEOs big payday
Do as I say
Not do as I do
Under the guise of
"we want to improve"
It's so easy to see
their ego's fragility
with the words they use
Jul 2023 · 961
The Beginning
Ghxstcxt Jul 2023
It all started with a quote I wrote on a post it note
I stuck it not for show
But for hope on this road I'm bout to solo
I'm not alone though
In fact the quote I wrote
That thought provoked
I got told
I've to say it once inside my mind
Then again to make it twice
Out loud the second time
Bring perspective to my eye
No joke
It's so I can focus through this hocus pocus
I've conjured on my own
That's slow erodingĀ soulful
In all the places that I don't go
So
Here's to a better day tomorrow
And every one that follows...
Jul 2023 · 1.7k
Blind(ed) Perspective
Ghxstcxt Jul 2023
Can't see the forest for the trees
Blinded by specificity
Laser sight for **** I don't need
Lending from my sanity
On cranium spending sprees
For all things that should not be
Store them all so perfectly
Like they're treasured figurines
A preserved psyche crazy hard to free
Carbonite Han Solo in deep freeze
No Leia to barter for release
Huttese wont work, no trip to Tatooine
Vader breathing disturbs my sleep
Palpatine "do it" on repeat
My Empire Strikes Back with relative ease
To quash anything that provides relief

Cos I'm not okay, but I am
Film flam tryna find who I am
Hell in a disenchanted dance
All my chemicals romance
Distorts from where I began
Never quit, my only plan
Exhausted but here I am
Hoping soon I'll understand
Why I feel so "******", repeatedly
Red is the new black speaks to me
Funeral for a friend, no, not for me
Categorically for my old psyche
Now bend my arms to look like wings
So I don't release that part of me
Cos I buried it deep so purposely
It can stay stuck there for eternity
Recent heavy musings after being in a bit of a emotional hole.
Jan 2023 · 1.5k
Hindsight
Ghxstcxt Jan 2023
Every thought I conjour is venomous
Specifically hot and pressed 'insensitive'
Literally lost in bottled hot headedness
Weighty when I slog a verbal cosh with these sentences
Hasty without thought at a cost to everybody's detriment
An onslaught with no relevance...
I wish I'd stopped...
If only I'd stopped...
Oct 2022 · 1.4k
(Over)whelmed
Ghxstcxt Oct 2022
Born with a better life
Formed with a rugged line
Caught in a muddy mind
Inner war in full force
Empty shores
Grains are coarse
Brain is worn from the thought
Of the cause
And the flaws
In the bottled up troubled times...
Keep that light in sight though
Eyes open wide,
So you can brave the flow so
You can find all the times
To unwind
Organise
And refine
How you fight Home Made choke holds

Feels like I'm courting
A black hole I'm forming
Distorting rewarding
Thoughts formed flip to morbid
'It's just a bad day not a bad life'
Ever had a day that lasts a life time?
Guess I'll be right in the mourning

What sort of a mess is this
Formed full of emptiness
Scorn for my premises
Thinner walls
Creaking floors
Feeling worn
Sleeping more
Brain is worn from the thought
Of the cause
And the flaws
I have bottled in hesitance
Keep that light in sight though
Eyes open wide,
So you can brave the flow so
You can find all the times
To unwind
Organise
And refine
How you fight Home Made choke holds

Start with absorbing
The wellness from talking
Succoring the morbid
Thoughts formed flip to glory
'This is a good day not a bad life'
Ever want a day to last a life time?
Might just be right in the morning
Apr 2022 · 872
The Hunt Showdown
Ghxstcxt Apr 2022
We got those 1800s vibes
Men with moustaches
Women with moustaches
You ready to Hunt for your lives?

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock 'n' load up your guns
Snub nose for up close, it's a must
Duck low take it slow, keeping schtum
Wear you out
'Til your absorbed by the mud
Extract with a bounty, that's how it's won
Countin' up our rewards, no need to respawn
We've still air in our lungs.

It's that time again, we close to sittin' pretty
Lord I pray for courage, so light that soul fire in me
Stacks of crucifixes, so we don't run out quickly
Hang it loosely round my neck should it get dark and dingy
Ward off the devils spirits, or beasts made from three sixes
Martini firepower, and no I don't mean drinkin'
Sometimes be something sicker, cos these demons I be killing...
I'm off to hell and back, to stop em from existing

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock 'n' load up your guns
Snub nose for up close, it's a must
Duck low take it slow, keeping schtum
Wear you out
'Til your absorbed by the mud
Extract with a bounty, that's how it's won
Countin' up our rewards, no need to respawn
We've still air in our lungs.

Guess its our turn now, y'all ready for a feud
Ain't no stopping us growl, we're simply too imbued
That cross around your neck, its just a waste of fuel
The venom flowing in us means conditions won't improve
We'll just keep on marching, until you're twice removed
This is our land you're farming, the boss is not amused
The biggest baddest of us here, do this **** just for fun
You'll never take us all, something wicked this way comes

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock 'n' load up your guns
Snub nose for up close, it's a must
Duck low take it slow, keeping schtum
Wear you out
'Til your absorbed by the mud
Extract with a bounty, that's how it's won
Countin' up our rewards, no need to respawn
We've still air in our lungs.

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock and load what you want

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock and load what you want

Get ready cos the Showdown's begun
Men, Women, lock and load what you want
Apr 2022 · 580
Writing About Writing
Ghxstcxt Apr 2022
I've three poems to write for Open Mic on Monday night
But where to get the inspiration?
How do I know what will sound right?
I'll have to dig deep to find new words and sentences in my own time
As well as making it matter
and make sense to you
But isn't too preachy whilst stood in the limelight
Something that flows free
And comes naturally
In hindsight
How do I change up the rhymes
But keep my structure and flow tight
What style am I wanting to deliver?
Well, I want to really reach in to memories
From which emotions are triggered
But still keep some sort of restrain
To tame all those scenes you'll envision
Cos that's me at heart
I'm all about subtlety
When using specific words and wisdom as art
But I'm not a master yet
I've still got lots more learning to do
I'm still yearning for you
To give me feedback
So if I talk crap
And it sounds whack
Tell me to stop and rethink
I can always backtrack
Cos I've got a passion for language
Which at times is demanding
When I can't seem to get what I want on a page
I'll sit and think for ages
Even when there's no sunlight
To break through the haze
Only by emptying my thoughts
Can I navigate this inner maze
So let me now share with you
How I've written words in cursives
How I've arranged every word
So these verses feel furnished
Full of purpose
And meaning
That enter your chest
Just off left
So you physically feel
What I'm revealing
Giving life to meaning
And now I've started
I'll finish
Cos I'm fully committed
That's one poem down
2 more left to envisage
I hope you enjoyed this
Simple musing I've written
Apr 2022 · 841
One Of Those Days
Ghxstcxt Apr 2022
Have you ever had one of those days...

Where you just feel sane?
No reason to why
The clouds just withhold all their rain
And you're sailing on your way...

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where you want to punch everyone you meet in the face
To sort of justify your head state, and put your feet back in place?

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where everything feels strange?
Like nothing is original;
And passing thoughts cant be tamed?

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where you.....where you just don't really know how you feel?
Those days seem to be the ones when everyone asks if you're okay
And you are
But the more that you're asked;
The more it grates against the grain, driving you insane...

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where you plan everything out
Write it all down
Feel confident you'll act it all out
But instead you find yourself glued to the couch?
Lounging about...
In your pants
Eating cheesy Doritos for no apparent reason?

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where the suns rays penetrate and renovate
Invigorate your being
Leaving you feeling as though you can touch the highest of ceilings?

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where everything doesn't go your way...
As though someone's just taken the biggest of ***** on your parade?

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where everything thing happens all at once
One minute your napping
The next your arms are flapping
Getting stressed and restless
Relentless flitting decisions causing sticky dispositions
Narrowing tunnel vision
Hearing that's constantly shifting
Contracting and relaxing
Entangling webs and...

Have you ever had one of those days...

Where you just wanted to write about it?
Apr 2022 · 401
The Depths
Ghxstcxt Apr 2022
Reality hits
I gasp for my breath
I can see again after a red mist
Gaze at the destruction
There's nothing left
Bridges have been broken
Lives have been torn
Ripped apart by an anger
Without any cause
An anger without thought
The brunt of the damage is a verbalised slew
There's a weight to my words at the end of this fuse
All my mates are like DUDE!
Calm down...!
The **** is it with you?!
I'm like the opposite of Midas
What I touch turns to ****
Just pass me that **** to relieve myself
And I take a couple hits
But then I'm a car crash in a moment
A mental explosion
So I try and stop my involvement
This **** lasts for about a week
Till curiosity gets the better
And I've had another draw
Back to the start again I guess
Now my brains chillin with Curious George
Okay, I'll tell you a little bit more
About this "fellow"
This "Curious George"
It's a name for a thought
Telling you to dabble, to cause
Mischief and mayhem with packs of drugs
Your well earnt money has bought
Taking over conscious thought
Is his final master plan
Deception is his game
In the form of a helping hand
"Experiment with my **** to see what life is like"
"How can you say no to these wicked ideas"
"Yeah just take a pill, it'll get rid of your fears"
Now you're crawling around
Whilst you're bashed off your face
Climbing up ladders,
When really they're snakes
Then it's on to the tabs
You taste that tingle on your tongue
"Go on, lick another one, the fun has only just begun"
So you do another one
Until you've never had enough.
The life and stuff you knew before dims and fades away
A never-ending state
A shadow of your former self
A conscious living grave
Or that would've been the case
Had there not been a saving grace
To aid along the way
Apr 2022 · 1.2k
White Collar Worker
Ghxstcxt Apr 2022
Looking for inspiration
In a desolate dreary wasteland
The same **** just different days spent
Hoping life will finally make sense
Cos I've got bored and aggravated
With the drama that will unfold
Is this really the end of the road before me I behold?
So I form facts from fiction
To avoid repetition
Of dreary events to which each week ends
Cos my yesterdays tomorrow
You know so my yesterday will follow today
A bit like Bill Murray
From that film Groundhog Day
But with a lot less adventure
Or comedic reflection
A script not to question
No seems between scenes
I'm caught in a dream I can't see me come free from
And those are the facts son
There's no lights camera action
No glitz and no glamour
Definitely no famous actor
With the hardest tasks keeping track of
...
Straight from morning to night
In the flash of an eye
The same simple ending
A yawn then a sigh
Only to wake with a shudder
Butterflies inside flutter
Feeling nothing but gutted
No new day
No new dollar
It's the same as before
As you walk out the door
The same route to work
To prepare for the worst
And they call it White Collar
Should be Call Centre Curse
Apr 2020 · 135
Got Demons
Ghxstcxt Apr 2020
Let me rewind your mind
Back to a time
When everything was fine.
When you weren't inclined to think
About choices you'd made
Or had voices to replay
Because you were still a child.

Now,
Fast forward some years later
When you're quiet
That's when you're hating.
All those demons are berating
Every door until they've caved in
Questioning any memory created,
any plans made they were too hasty
That major imprints to get ingrained
And every glimmer here was wasted
Because every single day since
Could've been a better one

I'm what I'd call quietly violent
When I close my eyes
I'm morbidly inspired
Not suicidal,
More tragically insightful
I'd be lying if I said the thoughts not crossed my mind though...

Provocative cranium conversations
Don't make sense, get irritating
Off hand comments on every wavelength,
That find endless ways of blaming
Yourself for all the sane things
But unlike the shrew
You cannot tame it
Emotions get abrasive
Leaving you worn out and deflated,
By your very own persuasions.

I'm what I'd call quietly violent
When I keep my eyes closed
I'm morbidly inspired
Not suicidal,
More tragically insightful
I'd be lying if I said the thoughts not crossed my mind though...

When chained to past imaginations
It puts a strain on your relations
Which coping with gets less instinctive
Cursed
With fleeting flickered visions
Giving picture to the wishes
And over time you can't restrain it
Each minute detail contemplated
For a moment
Then sedated.
But the voices still keep raining
Cryptic mental space invaders.
Welcome to adult life the playlist
"Psychologically Draining".
Apr 2020 · 315
Post Not Giving a Shit
Ghxstcxt Apr 2020
Can you feel it?
Can you fee the heat?
Can you feel the pressure in the atmosphere, or is that just me?
When did the calm disappear
and my palms get sweaty?
****, I'm unsteady on my feet.
I've been flipped like a light switch.
Cool and collected I am no more.
The words I pitch to you are already formed without thought and will hit you full force.
Maybe I could've waited?
But angers never procrastinated.
It's instant and ferocious.
I know this, you know this, we all know this.
But it doesn't help knowing in these briefest of moments.
A flash and its done,
nobodys won.
Just two broken people with regrets of whats happened with a loved one.
What a shameful and painful time to be alive.
It almost hardens the heart,
It takes its toll on the inside.
It's something we can't plan for
We can only realise after the fact and apologise.
Even if the wound is still sore.
I'm sorry.
In that moment my mind was blinded.
Can you forgive me for that moment of unkindness?
Argument, anger, passion
Apr 2016 · 770
Pleasant
Ghxstcxt Apr 2016
From that quiet place,
Take time and replay to save face,
Process the dead weight,
Push through the dark age,
Until slithers of light break
Through burnt edges
Of that pictured frame

But you're awake,
The colours of the world
Start to fill in,
You were daydreaming again,
How long for now?
Let's say a minute,

We can all pretend
Jan 2016 · 3.0k
Born and Bred
Ghxstcxt Jan 2016
Come up north to see the great outdoors
Rolling hills
Scenes leaving you wanting more
Never mind the weather
Whether its rain or shine
Grab a pint
Sit down
And enjoy our way of life

Born and bred northern boy
But no flat cap or corduroys
Yorkshire til the day I die
I'll represent that West Yorks sign
Faithful to my northern life
faithful to my northern rhyme
Brought up well with northern vibes
Through hard times, miners strike
Times when maggie thatcher tried
to stir up **** with lies designed
Got miners and police to fight
But don't believe that southern hype...
Those brutal battles gave us life
It redefined our future times
Redefined our future lines
Redefined the northern kind
Redefined our northern humour
Redefined our northern style
Tourists come from far and wide
to find out what the North is like
Expecting lack of cultured life
Surprised we're not uncultured swines
Rewarded with our northern minds
Our northern ways
Our northern lives

Come up north to see the great outdoors
Rolling hills
Scenes leaving you wanting more
Never mind the weather
Whether its rain or shine
Grab a pint
Sit down
Enjoy our way of life
Where I'm from

— The End —