I try to get a grip of time
But I keep making love to a man that will never be mine
I caress more than his mouth
And he moans without doubt
Timely shadows of ecstatic instruments hit the wall
Until the clock strikes the end of it all..
  
Tobacco candies between my burnt lips
As he brush my many napes with his fingertips
Probably thinking about that girl he has deceived  
And just before he leaves
I Stifle the tears that i'll never be the queen on his deck
And he leans forward to give me a peck
     And nothing more
     After all, as he once said; i'm just his *****...

-fir.m

In the morning he feels the weight,
The pounding rhythm of the hour,
Where he starts his day
Having to bear the effects of getting such jumbled thoughts
And mixed vain feelings
Where are the answers to the questions that do not wish to have answers?

Inside the scriptures of mind
No thought is second guessed
The reasons of the rhythm stand true
There is something inside of him that moves
* ~A heart he claims to not have *
  The one that lingers and vibrates
At the bottom of the sea
Aligning with the coral shelves
Worrying about whom he's yet to meet
Whom will figure out
That in his heat lies a soul
In his hell lies a prophet
yet to reach potential
   Having to
Push his door open
And burn the envelop that cages him

But he fears
Letting go of this hatred
Would waken the realization
Of how alone he really is
For that hatred
Is what keeps him from cracking
Is what helps him maintain
His make belief life of dark love
But in actuality
It's just clothing on the lonesome truth
Of his scarred
Made of Steele
Lonely Lion Heart

-fir.m

Oh darling my heart's on fire  ❤

                      *For you

They say suicide takes us to hell;
Well, I guess I'll be ******
'Cause your presence is fatal
And I am not going anywhere*

-fir.m

Oh how my heart grows fond
Oh how it wrecks my every bond

It fails my lungs
It endorses my wrongs
It drowns my heart
Pulling my limps apart

Ohh, how it closes all doors
And so much more

This sickening melancholy
This universal unholy
Attached itself to my brain
Tries to prove myself insane

Oh how it makes me want to go berserk
Puts my mind out of lurk

Ripping all ties to pieces
Figuring it'll bring me to peace

Oh but all it does is spread
All corners of my soul blue or red
Oh how it ruins me
Foregoing all the good I was supposed to be

Oh how this loneliness is addicting
This melancholy is growing
This bittersweet agony
This sweetbitter happy

Is it me?
Or
It is it apart of me?

I wonder
Oh how I wonder

-fir.m

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks.

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly.

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain.

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion'
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud.

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins.

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
That even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do.

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul.

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand over your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead.

Those eyes, so striking;
Hiding such deception
   •looking only to gain
Not to save and restore
But to corrupt and pain
Yet, I let you love me
For I am filth, ensured
To give you everything
For just your phony love
For just your presence.

Those lips, so intoxicating;
Dishonest with such precision
     •mixes lies only to keep
My drunkenness so deep
Your potion never goes weak
Your enchantments so fulfilling
So bogus, yet so satisfying
But I'm only human
Your lies save myself, fallen
Your magic saves my thunder
And I need my thunder
I need you saving my thunder.

That touch, so mesmerizing;
Fatal with such bruising intention
    •love, it is you alone
That wreck so beautifully
Only you can satisfy me fully
Can send knives in my spine
Can play and victor my mind
Only you can wear my lips
Tear it with your fingertips.
Love, it is you who clothe my emptiness
And fulfill my nakedness.

That person, so alluring
Beautiful with such aching emotions.
   •I complain too much,
Without regard to how weak I am
And to how strong you have become.
I know that you're only trying to love me
In ways you know how.

-fir.m

What does it take to be good enough?

Anybody?


I'm so tired of not being good enough..
Tired tired tired..  😭

All my love were lost on you.
Magnificent are your shades of blue,
My shades of black are beautiful too,
Its all so pretty yet you have no clue.

-fir.m

My mind wants you to go
But my heart stooped too low
It wants you clenched in the fists of unbidden desires
But your patience slowly expired
You said Goodbye
And in ignorance I ****** my tears dry
I didn't attempt to stop you
You didn't turn around to meet my view

    What was that bittersweet agony?
That buried into my head; your melodies
Your unsought words drowns me in an ocean-less pit...
As I walked the lanes where to you I became whit
I reminisce on the first word you ever said to me
And compared it to the last and undoubtedly
They sounded the same...

   Unsure if you ever did love me at all
I try to **** your memories growing tall
With bursting flames
Seaming through my veins
I dig a grave for your souvenirs
And slowly peer at the dirt; reincarnating my tears
Did i do the right thing?
For the pain of being without, stings
Like snowflakes against zinc

But then what if it is for the better?
Somewhat like an investment letter
Where I forego you for something prettier to come
or not?
Who knows?

-fir.m

Being over driven by youthful desires
She fell asleep with her tears on fire
Will she live to tell another tale of heartbreak?
Will she live to see through the fake?
Who knows?
Her heart, unfortunately, grows
Her blood oozing out of her wrists
Her dreams became brutal from being bliss
"Why was I so stupid?" she sleep-talks
"Someone, please pull that trigger!" she sleep-walks

The anxiety for morning to reach died
The thought of a future became pesticide
For the only future she knew was with him..
The blade made love to her from her shoulders down to her limbs
Until there was no more pleasure to escape through her veins, through her skin
She lost... But what did he win?
Nothing but absolute guilt, at her funeral, where he looked above
And only remembered her sweet gesture of; "Give me Love"

-fir.m

Now i'm wearing this smile that i don't believe in
And inside i feel like screaming
     I had options;
     You were my chance to completion
     And when you leaned close to kiss me
     There was drowning melancholy
     But I kissed my fears; instead of you
And now towards me you've grown blue.
Eventually my heart gone sore
And i'm drowning in a water-less floor
It hurts to acknowledge the feelings that I hide
Fearing that destiny would not abide
It's not your fault, i swear
It might just be too hard to bear..
For who would truly love a girl with all these scars?

-fir.m

I basket-ed my wounds
With the sole purpose of still being your friend
But all it did was made me feel swooned
Only hoping that this torture would end
As every second passes by; seeing you with her
My heart aches with profound jealousy
Why can't I stop loving further?
For this pain takes me day by day breathlessly...
Every image of you etches in my mind; sealed
I imagine your words to her being sweeter than wine...
I just wish that the devil was real
So i could purchase your love with mine

-fir.m

Your aura breathed blue
My aura breathed red
Your blue breathed my aura confused
My fierce red tried hard to refuse
But your colour seemed too beautiful
Your toxic air swam too plentiful
And my red fell into something weird
A pit that left my fiery colour smeared

Your colour densely mixed with mine
The thickness of such fog left me blind
And while i was slipping into a vibrant purple
I forgot that we were but weak mortals
My red was colliding with your blue
And i was happy
But then you decided,
that purple wasn't the colour for you

-fir.m

What are we worth?
See the thing is,
      We have none.

-fir.m

He said that he would love to have me around

Only if when I touch him, I didn't tear him down

Only if when I'm with him, I didn't make him reach the ground

Only if when I call him, he didn't feel compelled to respond

Only if when I love him, I didn't bruise him with my tongue

Only if just only if, this list didn't go on and on and on

-fir.m

The year of the downfall
The year of the broken
The month when every human built walls
The month when returned with pride every token
The week of the undying lust
The week of the of the pardons of the unjust
The day the skyscrapers fell
The day the dirt started to rot
The hour of the broken majestic bell
The hour of your first cut
The moment of truth
The moment of dead roots

Those are nothing,
Nothing,
Compared to
     That moment I lost you.  ~~

-fir.m

You're* the shell I once kept safe
Now carefully shoved away

You're the song I once loved
Now deleted for it caused boredom

You're the book I once read over and over and over
Now easily packed on the shelf

You're the food I once stored to eat
Now decomposed in the trash long gone to the heap

You're the flower I once nurtured
Now dying without a drought

You're the candle I've always kept lit
Now the flames put out.

You were the one always on my mind
Yet after so much, still on my mind.

-fir.m

This world is a very wicked place
Made so by nasty and wretched people
But it is kept so by the quiet and frail ones.

-fir.m

I'm sorry Hello Poetry,
For being as pathetic as I am.
You see, I've often heard the quote that goes something like-
-'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.--
But I feel like I keep loving and loving and loving
And even though I keep losing and losing and losing
I still keep loving and loving and loving
And it aches me, 'cause do they even miss my love?
The love that comes from every good atom of my existence,
The love I try so hard and hard to keep pure, to keep real, to keep lit!
Do they miss it?
So I'm sorry for being pathetic,
For not wanting to accept that loneliness might just be meant for me,
For not having anymore love to give anyone.
They'll just take it away and move on,
And leave me as is, pathetic as ever,
So what's the point even?

-fir.m

I don't have any friends
I say im good with people
Always abled to communicate trends
You know, the stuff that's hardly lethal
But what about the stuff that matters really?
See I'm profoundly too scared
I can't express my emotions freely
Not matter how hard I try, I'll always use a laugh emoji or smirk and say I'm alright
But the thing is, I'm not
And I don't know if I'll ever be
And I don't know if I'll ever let them see
Hellopoetry is my salvation,
When I call my friends to tell them I'm hurting in portions
I can't, I pretend to laugh when they enquire
But cry so hard inside to my desires
I ask about  their wellbeing and as usual,
I try to be their salvation.
But right now
I'm tired
There's a growing lump in my throat
Or in my chest,
I don't even know
But it hurts so much
That I'm naturally tired
Just too tired to be alive

-fir.m

This heart of mine
Beats rapidly with time
But with every beat
I forget to read
To count and check
The luck I reck
With every thought
Over-thought
With Every pain held
Tremendously Over-felt
With every love broken
Abrupt agony's awoken

But now I'll try
Cause there's a reason why
Why that heart still beats
And why pain repeats

To form a strong soul
To help mend and mold
A mind so withstanding
A persona so outstanding

To help write a story
With so much fricking glory

-fir.m

the devil you found in your lover
ruined the angel in your reins
he made you wish life were never  
and made you one with pain;
into one cold heart *******

-fir.m

The Blackness of the heart seems darker
The silver chain wrapped around the neck
Squeezing and slowly draining the pain bitter
Losing breath seems better than feeling wreck
It starts from the feet
Then to the finger tips
The coldness stretches until it meets
The pale and melancholic lips
The lips that left opened
The tongue that ran dry
The skin seems to lost its touch; once cotton
The eyes left hoping for one last try
And the soul...
Maybe it never truly lived.

-fir.m

There's nothing pretty about a girl that is 100 pounds overweight.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has 15 different skin tones.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has faint eyes coloured dark with insomnia.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has thin lips barely matching the size of the doubled chins.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has fat cheeks hiding her faint eyes from the world.

There's nothing pretty about girl that has a  neck covered in fat and hidden by the weight of the chins.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has ******* smaller than the belly it resides above.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has belly enough to cover the scope of her womanhood.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has thighs that rubs together hiding scopes of her womanhood.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has a camera that dulls and fades the blemishes and extra chins away.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has pictures of herself resonating on her social medias but not looking like herself.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that hasn't accepted that there's nothing pretty about her.

There's nothing pretty about a girl that has.................

There's nothing pretty about me.

-fir.m

Someone just told me that
I try too hard
But I don't know how i should react
Should I be upset or proud?

See I know only of one thing worse than trying too hard
And that's not trying at all...

fir-m

Inseparably attached
Hopelessly apart
Many oceans away
But we carried one heart

The emotions I feel
As I think of you
A smile or a tear
I wonder which is true.

I never touched your hand
Or called your name aloud
Yet I have no doubt
About finding you in a crowd

The words of love you give
And bits of truth you share
Are the only things that help
This distance life's given me to bear

I try to be so strong
But I am brought to my knees
By the miles that separate us
To create our love's complexities

-fir.m

Sometimes i wonder what happened to us,
And it's so ironic,
'Cause i am the one always saying
And preaching about how
Inevitable change is..

Not that i was unrealistic,
It's just that
you're one change
One change
i hoped wouldn't happen..

-fir.m

Stifling from the fallen Grace
You've loved,
You've lost.
Unbidden promises,
the ones that annihilated
What was known as love,
What was known as caring,
What was known as selflessness.
But why?
Are they the ones you keep safe
In your ******* soul
Filled with anger,
Frustration.
Those are the promises that is meant to be forgotten,
Yet you hold them captive,
Reasons?
I shall never know..
Will you ever let me know?

-F.M

There's something wrong with my smile
I don't know if anyone else sees it
But i have been going through my pictures
And for the longest while
There has been something wrong with my smile

I remember the pictures of colgate ad worthy
And i see now pictures of nothing happy worthy
There's something wrong with my smile
That good jest of good riddance
That warm comfort, that warm trans
What is wrong with my smile?

-to be continued-

-fir.m

this magic spell you cast
is making me see rainbows when i cry
and roses blooming when i bleed

-fir.m

My heart is throbbing and throbbing

Why am I being punished?

My heart is big and fragile

   Just what crimes could I have committed?
What crimes could I have committed?

To be broken
  To be broken in your love like this


-fir.m

my heart is not fragile
yet when im with you im agile
without you im not worthwhile

my words hardly stumble when i talk
but with you im even shaken when i walk
without you i gawk to find you like a hawk

my vision not too clear, can hardly tell things apart
however with you i see all with my heart
without you im barely even smart

i know not spanish dutch or french
but with you all love songs are sensed
without you all are stentch

with you all things beautiful
without you all things pitiful

i like things beautiful

       lets keep them beautiful.

-fir.m

because nothing makes me happier



      and nothing makes me sadder

than you

-fir.m

My eyes are burning
From the hot embers
Within my scorching brain
Or my heart, or my soul....

Just, my eyes are burning
With the corrosive emotions
Found within my still heart
Or my brain, or my soul....

Just, my eyes are burning
For it's freedom,
Captive by society
And what's "right"...

Just my eyes are burning
To actually be burnt
Burnt away from existence....

Just my eyes are ....

-fir.m

Religious I may not be
But oh dear lord, I pray
I pray so hard to not see
To not feel, to not play
The cruelest game all above
The destructive game of love

-fir.m

I have a problem
I hope you're not
Too fed up with me
And my never ending
Sadness and self loathe

But I have a problem
Not with anyone else
Or anything
But with myself

You see mirrors
Aren't my problem
What I see
When I walk pass is

I'm not talking about
The fatness and the
Unattractiveness
I'm talking about what
I really see, everytime
I walk pass a mirror

I have a horrible problem
I hate the person I see
I am disgusted with
The soul I see
I am disappointed with
The ******* human
I see.

I have a ******* problem
I am my own *******
problem
I hate myself way more
Than anyone else can...

-fir.m

You sit in a dollhouse all day,
Pouring tea out for your dolls and teddies. Mother comes home,
fake smiles on her face,
Father comes home,
reads his newspaper for the day.
"Hello, my love,
wipe your tears.
fix your face.
fix your heart.
put that makeup back on,
wear your lace.
Because Mr. Smith doesn't like when you cry.
He doesn't like when you pout,
he hates when you want to die".
"But mama,
I look so pretty when I cry.
Leave me be.
I want to die.
I want to be free.
I want to fly.
I want a painful goodbye
So I can have all the good
in the other life".

Mother doesn't know.
Father doesn't care.
Sister is far away.
Mr. Smith is an ******* with no hair.
LoVe iS iN tHe AiR.
LoVe iS iN tHe AiR.
"Go back to bed, honey.
You need your pretty sleep.
Dry your face,
paint your nails,
Fix your hair.
The world doesn't like your sad,
ugly face".
The walls are the best psychiatrists ever. They listen, they listen,
oh how they whisper.
You can stare at them and they'll never run away.
They'll never give you pills.
They never tell you to fix your face.
Your teddies are your friends.
Your dolls are your puppets.
"Gimme a canvas,
let me paint my worries!"
You take a knife,
you put it to your skin.
Out pops all the fuzz and stuffing.
No one cares. No one cares. No one cares
about anything but your face and hair.
You stare at yourself for what seemed like 1,000,093 minutes of dread.
"Oh, Mr. Smith, do you know about the demons inside my head?
You don't?
You don't?
Aww, how sad!
Then you must not know
about all the blood that I shed"
All they say is pain is beauty.
You cry out to your pillow,
"Help me! Someone just help me!"
But the truth is, babygirl,
the wrong people in this world only care
about their own teddies
And their own dollies
And their own rainbows
And their own swirlies.

-k.ira

Sanity lurks within the insane
Feeling sunshine in the rain
Lost, but in the right place
Each raindrop echoes your face
Dreaming, but wide awake
Will go breathless in your sake

Soaring in the depts of madness
They say I'm in love
What is this happiness?
It's an alien feeling, it's mauve
An uncertain colour, beautifully pale
Like the death your eyes prevail.

Your words make me fly
In this weary ****** up sky.
Your 49 shades of blue  
I gracefully try to woo.
Your eyes, I crazily admire
Baby, you're everything I desire.

Come to my depths soon
Touch my soul, make me bloom

-fir.m

She doesn't loves me as much as she loves you
You can say that I'm dramatic but we both know that it's true...

-fir.m

I've lost my father more than a year ago
It should be enough time to mourn, no?

I loved him with all my heart
And just like that he was taken out of
The only realities I've ever known

Yes, death is indeed inevitable
But is it fair to make us love something so ever dearly
To just rip it out of our grasp
In such short notice and in such swift torment

I loved him with all my heart
And my eyes will never shed enough tears
For a man that created a spectacle of all the other men
that had, has and will ever enter my life
And I'm unable to show my mother
This pain I feel

She's sitting in her room listening to the old
Warmth and lovingness in Michael Bolton's voice
As she cries to her heart's content and
She reminisces all the glorious times they've had
Ignorant to how I'd feel hearing the agony in her throat

I loved him with all my heart
To be selfish and to be selfless at the same time

And I love her with all my heart
To let her see the strongest and the most resilient
Version of her daughter

-fir.m

I remember when I was the girl running in everyone's inbox everytime something went sour with them.
I remember when I talked with both parties of friendships or any other relationship and translated how they actually felt because they were too upset to actually hear each other out.
I remember still being constantly behind them even though they clearly didnt want me there.
I remember throwing concern all over the place trying to fix everything that went wrong simply because I don't like things going wrong.
I remember forcing people to breathe each other's air because they were too fixated in breaking something that was once good.
I remember crying with them when their hearts broke every single time, even though I kept advising them ways to avoid that pain.
I remember being too nice to people that I knew were taking advantage of me.
I remember putting my own lovelies and my own families behind to solve the trigonometries of people's lives.
I remember no one holding my head up on days that built a mountain on my back.
I remember being selfish because I wanted someone to hug me when I cried.
I remember being a bad daughter because I didn't get the bread she asked me for and because my boring depressing excuse couldn't quite cut it.
I remember telling people to no longer tell me about their issues if they weren't going to take my advise when I give them and I remember holding those same people together despite of them being stupidly stubborn.
I remember being left out on several occasions because I just didn't suit the crowd and because I am too much.
I remember never being too much and I remember becoming too much to fix the awkwardness in any air.
I remember making myself the fool to raise another person's soul.
I remember remaining the fool because that's just how everyone else began to see me.
How do i revert to being the girl who was outcasted for years because she didn't share everyone else's opinion to being the girl that suppressed hers just to feel some sort of acceptance?
I remember being called a ***** because I supported someone else's choice to follow her heart rather than to be stuck in a relationship that only made her insides crumble by every second.
I remember when they said I didn't love my father because I refused to bawl at his funeral.
I remember being by his side all the nights he was in pain for years to and from three different hospitals with little to no sleep and still make it to work in the morning.
I remember how my brother told him that he hated him and how much it broke my heart to see his heart broken.
I remember always being left last because I wasn't old enough to know yet always being left to do things on my own because I was smart to enough to go complete all the legal requirements for certain necessities.
I remember being silenced of everything I believed and loved and felt because I was too young and I was too naive.
I remember loving someone to the point where I erased my value from this earth.
I remember being cheated one over and over and over again and I remember staying and I remember all the promises and I remember all the times those promised meant less and I remember the time when it meant nothing.
I remember being used for *** umpteen times but the one time I wanted a friend with benefits relationship it made me a ****.
I remember being told that I was too much and that I wasn't enough, confusing right?
I remember moving with everyday performing my daily duty of being a girl who understood, felt, compromised, laughed, made jokes, talked and talked and talked.

I remember how it felt to put everything behind me just to live a normal, socially accepted and "mature" life. And now they dare ask me to feel? They dare ask me to understand? They dare ask me to put myself in their position? They dare ask me to allow myself to be loved? They dare ask me too much ****. And they also dare ask me how do i do it?

-fir.m

Loving.
Loving.
Loving.
Losing.
Losing.
Losing.
Oh only God knows
Just how much I try.

-fir.m