Dark Delusion
Dark Delusion
2 days ago

I never really listened to the real me.

Hello for now,
Goodbye for later.
Nothing really happened,
In your eyes.
Everything you thought were real,
Were just an illusion.

I used to ignore my real feelings.

Blank eyes,
Full of darkness.
Happy smiles,
With unnoticed words.
They’re like poison.

I couldn’t love my true self.

They act before thinking.
Ruining it all.
Everything you see,
Is not me.

I didn’t acknowledge myself.

Its back,
The tears.
I’m back,
More real than before.
Can’t go back,
I realised reality.

#feelings   #happy   #reality   #thoughts   #true   #real   #darkness   #black   #myself   #illusion  
Feb 17

I never felt like I belonged to anyone, or in anywhere.
I always had this feeling that i'm on my own, abstracted from all my surroundings.
Floating alone.
Detached from where I'm living.
I carry my soul & my body.
And I just wanted to feel for a moment, for a small amount of time that I belong somewhere, with someone.. because this feeling has taken over me to the point I'm afraid i'm losing myself.

#sad   #sadness   #soul   #writing   #loneliness   #myself   #belong   #lose   #carry   #belongingness  
Feb 16

I have loved
and loved
and loved
and loved.

I have lost
and fallen
from my pedestal
of ignorance.

I have hurt
and hurt
and hurt
and hurt.

I have done wrong
I have seen wrong
I have had wrong
done to me.

I am recovering;
I am healing;
I am believing;
this life is not my enemy.

I am writing,
I am learning,
I am loving,
but it is healthy.

Nobody asks about me
and people do not talk to me
and maybe I am not loved
as much as the others.

Maybe I am loved more
and maybe I am unaware
of my importance to those
I have left behind.

I have lied but I have
grown from my treachery.
I have been lied to
and I have learnt from it.

I have so many fears
I dream of overcoming.
I have secrets I wish to
tell the people I know.

I have reservations,
I have limitations.
I am more than what
they make me out to be.

This is my recovery.

I have been sad ever since I was 10.
Not anymore.
#peace   #myself   #recovery  
Tom Blake
Tom Blake
Feb 15

In an Instant
You, my Precious, were
In that very same Instant
With Your Love
Never to part.

I, yes I! see the Joy in both your eyes
See you hand in hand
The Eternal place.

See entities gather to greet You both
Family and Friends
You may thought
You'd never see again
Here come all the animals you cared for.

What GOD gives,
The  devil tries to take away.


LOVE, NEVER CAN BE defeated!...

The Vision is fading
Am still here

I am Happy

For the Glimpse

....A Daydream!

Jesus is the saviour!... and,  a big part of me believes this. But,  there is something in me feels divine.
#i   #the   #me   #let   #know   #myself   #cherish   #because   #creator  
Feb 12

*Ever since you left,

I put the fall,
in night fall…

The sheets have ceased to comfort me with the smell of your scent,
the pillows are no longer able to hold my head,
heavy from the painful thoughts and longing,
for someone who was never quite strong enough to hold my heart.

I thought it was cute when you dropped it the first time,
like this was all so new to you,
and this was your first time.
I thought i could teach you.

teach you how to cradle the muscle in your arms,
put it at ease when it lost it’s peace,
and somehow,
I convinced myself,
that I could show you how you should love me.

That I was the one that was supposed to show you. *

#man   #boy   #wrong   #thought   #guilt   #miss   #myself   #show   #teach   #convinced  

it’s humorous in a way
to feel lost in innocuous things,
Sinatra’s mellow tones,
barbequed steaks,
church pews,
stale donuts and ice cream parlors,
things that I will never divest from you, Dad.

and each year when i speak
when i sing
and i hear that voice sounding
frighteningly closer and closer to yours,
i want to go days without speaking
to stop this strange fear and because

some obscure sorrow that’s almost a word:
the tendency to give up talking about an experience
because your feelings have fatigued
and you don’t know what place it has in your story

i know its place.
i just don’t know how to say it.
don’t know how to relay
that if i could take a box
and fill it with each and every possession and happy thing in my life
that i would trade every bit of it away
to have just one more day with you

to spend your birthday
throwing a baseball
eating burgers
watching dumb action movies
back on our boat on the bay

and to think about these things
on the day you died,
on your anniversary,
instead of the sound my fist made
banging on your chest
when i shouted “i love you,”
over your suddenly lifeless body,
unwilling to be pulled away
until i received a reply

i want to hear church hymns and old jazz
sung by your smoky baritone
and not the odd echo that haunts my ears

i want to know what place you will have in my story,
if i will ever see you again

i think i feel it
on the edge of my mind that doesn’t need analysis
or logic
your smile
the biggest smile that ever was
no matter where i am
and i feel right
and my voice feels right,
my own baritone.

For JRC on his birthday, 2/11/17
#sadness   #death   #loss   #nature   #dad   #music   #me   #ocean   #myself   #emptiness  

Tell me is it strange
to be someone I am not
to find my true self?

First haiku.
#first   #poem   #poetry   #life   #haiku   #hope   #lost   #thoughts   #me   #myself  

'Innocence influences a questioned conscience'

That is all that is written
From hands that quiver
And shake
And falter
With every new movement

I cannot stress enough
The need to relieve such
s t r e s s
But alas, my mind burns
My thoughts, my heart

And now I make
Sense out of metaphors
And write
And read
Only to erase again, frustration

Feelings leave me feeling exhausted
Tired, yawning, but
Cannot sleep with this pain,
My thoughts, my heart

People might see this
Mess of memories, collected
And relate
And question
Why their sanity lies dormant

Giving up is an option
That I do not give up on
Despite everything inside of
My thoughts, my heart

With every step I take
I hear the crack of my bones;
They're fragile now.
How many times has it been?
Picking up the pieces of myself,
each jagged  bone more complicated than the last.
I wonder how long this charade can go on
When will i finally turn to ash?

To comment on this poem, please log in or create a free account
Log in or register to comment