i have
often tried
to be
somebody

feeling
a subconscious
need to compete
with those
around me

constantly being told
i was
not desired
for what i was
or what
i ever could be

i always
felt like
the sore thumb
amongst my friends

the dumb one
who said
and did things
that didn’t make sense
to anyone
and just made them
want to turn
and run

i have always tried to blend in
but in tiny bits
with little chuckles
and
false grins
forever living
in confusion
and unsure
of what could
and should
happen

i’m just
a dumb bunny
hoping to be
funny
and trying
to quit dying
and maybe one day
be
somebunny

Arlo Disarray ©

thousands of wasps
swirl around me
in a painful display.

I sting myself with insecurities.

hundreds of rats
drop from above
in a torrent of decay.

I plague myself with insecurities.

packs of wolves
dance around the stars
gnawing rabid at my flesh.

I rend myself with insecurities.

gargantuan paws dig
away at the dirt that
I was made of.

I bury myself in insecurities.

ursine hunger rips
and tears into
a still beating heart.

I starve myself with insecurities.

frost wrecked skies
crack above me
and fall sharp into
a dancing mind.

I wish for honey,
but I sting myself
instead.

I don't deserve anything else.

locked up in my head
where can I find the keys ?
they're right there in my hands
why can't I set myself free
its funny how uncomfortable you can be
in your own skin but you aren't able to breathe
they tell you to come out
but laugh the way you do
short skirts
modest is what must be
covered up
"why are you wearing that, it's hundred degrees"

in fear i'm never good enough
diseased to people please
but when the trip comes I know you'll be with her
I'll be in the corner as your photographer
final results done differently. anxiously?
honestly what is the difference always drowning in the ocean of doubt.
anxiety attack, waking me
will I make it in this light?
built my walls, carved them the moment of epiphany
I wish I'm you while wearing heels
head held high, voice steady
look closely, voice steady with trembling hands
I'll be her another day
for now I'll be the anxious lily with that dream
the more it remains a fantasy the easier it seems
step by step I'll get there someday wearing my flats

By Zoulaikha

I am here,
With all my ears,
To hear,
about all your fears
So dear,
Call me and I will be near..
Whether it be tears
Or stories full of cheers..
Wondering whether Earth is a sphere?
Or your obsession with that "Disney Deer."
Insecurities about how you appear
Or what's gonna happen this year?
All your doubts, I will clear,
I will be here,
With all my ears,
To hear,
about all your fears...

You watch time pass by
Seeing your friends getting married, having kids, and owning homes
While you sit in your childhood room cheering them on
As you envy them because you want to be there.

You look around at your childhood room trying to make it feel more you
All you are doing is avoiding the issue at
But you're scared
Scared of stepping out into the world.

You try changing your style from the emo phase to the boho kings/queens
Spending all your money to see what calls your name the most
Questioning everything you wear
You cry looking at the little white dress you're wearing
Wishing it was the dress that was saying the words 'I Do.'

Hoping that the feeling of insecurities leave your body
It doesn't
Not until you are ready to step out into the world
Until then you cry while you wear a little white dress.

I don’t know most things
Having been infected by a virus called ignorance
From the very moment I came into existence
Wreaking havoc on my direct surroundings
Borrowing the names of family, friends, acquaintances
Fellow contenders for defeating the exact same disease

Too often transitory symptoms manifest themselves
Reminding me I’m not cured, and probably never will be
Despite these books accumulating on those familiar shelves
Obvious solution to our shared tragedy
Namely, being aware of our known unknowns
And unbothered by the gaping hole formed by our unknown unknowns
Sparing our master contraption practicing under the alias “black box”
From debilitating pains, the need for detox

Depicting a situation that appears as gloomy
I realize there are still reasons to be happy
One is that my evident individual ignorance
Actually, vanishes into our collective knowledge
That modestly admitting my shortcomings acts as penance
Granting me what could be considered as a privilege

As I, as we, may and should always learn
Allowing our innate curiosity to indefinitely churn
Helping us endlessly push the bounds of technology
Making ancient dreams a reality
Past miracles a present triviality
Former impossibles a current maybe.

i hated my body
but today i realized
that hate was never emerged
from my heart
it was the insecurity of others
they sprinkled it like salt on me
to feel superior
and what a stupid soul i was
just to fit in small size
i hated my curves
like i wasn't meant to be pretty
as the standards were to small
for my double XL size

you tell me
I am a flipper,
no I am not,
if I am loved right
I am a keeper.