Why’d you have to say goodbye?
I was doing fine.
I wasn’t really thinking about it,
There were no tears in my eyes.

Now I’m sitting here once again,
Crying about you,
Because even though I’m doing my best,
There was nothing I could do.

It’d be easier if I could just avoid
This feeling crashing down,
But you know I have to sit with it
Since I’ve been focused on healing now.

Once again my chest feels hollow,
My ribcage collapsing in,
I want off this emotional roller-coaster,
I just want one carnival game win.

I know tomorrow I’ll feel silly
For having held on this tight,
And I will never do this again,
Clearly my mind doesn’t process right.

It’s stupid how fast it hit me,
From just a single little text,
Now my progress feels erased,
And my heart’s a ******* mess.

I almost wish you’d stayed silent,
Kept your goodbye to yourself,
Because I was finally feeling better
Putting your memory back on the shelf.

i was always the kind
with a toothbrush to spare
reserved for only you,
not knowing who you'd be.

a friend, perhaps, in need
of a soft bed and duvet,
a midnight love, leaving
just as sudden as it came.

maybe i was always
hoping that my sanctuary
would be enough,
and maybe, just maybe,
you'd peel the old love away,
like paint from a windowsill—

but you never stayed.

I cradle hurricanes in my ribcage
while words swirl around my head.
I try to catch the good ones-
but mostly, I wish I was dead.

I do everything too much-
the joy, the sorrow, the dread.
Yet somehow, I’m never enough-
what a curious truth to be force fed.

If I laugh, it’s always too loud;
my mouth too sharp to make anyone proud.
Crying is a dangerous game,
I could sob away a city, drown in the blame.

My rage leaves no survivors,
as if I line people up on personal pyres.
When I vent, they hear preaching-
a sermon no one wants, a fear of my leeching.

I don’t love, I dissect-
obsessively search for the trap I expect.
I can’t just leave; I burn it all down-
the bubbly, funny girl wears a permanent frown.

I do too much and my inner child feels seen,
She's acting out, we aren't this mean
I just get scared when the vibe is off, and ruining the mood makes the blow more soft.

Despite the chaos I still crave love, an equal partner, wearing fireproof gloves.

I can't seem to wash you off my skin.
Yours accidentally touched mine.
As shadows fall onto the eclipse,
my heart turns into a landmine.

Exhausted it lays, beating faster,
whenever you're on my mind.
Breaths, drawn in sharper,
I can't seem to shut you out.

It's ridiculous, I say to myself,
the power you have on me.
Thoughts of you send splinters
throughout every inch of my body.

Your presence itself feels like a sin.
you're all I think about.
My wishes, never leaving my lips,
could cause the stars to burn out.

It all weighs heavy on my chest,
like ruins no one came to save.
So I leave it there—forgotten, rotting—
just wishful thinking
digging its own grave.

The quiet ache in the pit
is not only because I want you
but because a part of me recognizes
that it needs you.

Your eyes will never know me
but mine softly glow for you
as undying emeralds
cut from your light.

i ask him
what’s wrong

i tell him i’m here
that i will always support him
and the silence stretches
like fabric
thinned by too many washes,
too many wears

i say
i want to be there
but maybe the door is locked
or maybe it’s not a door at all
just a wall
painted to look like one

sometimes
i feel like a ghost in his world
hovering,
wishing he’d see me
noticing how often i check
if he saw
if he’s there
if i still matter

funny
how love turns your ribs into cages
and makes you ask questions
you hate yourself for asking

like
does he think of someone else
does he laugh harder
with someone else
does he hold
someone else closer
even when no one is touching him
does someone else make him
the happiest boy

he once said
i was too much
too close
too everything

and i try to be less
to shrink,
to vanish at the right times
but it still hurts
when he disappears before i do

there are gaps in our messages
and i read them
like tea leaves,
like grief,
like maybe he’s just tired
or maybe he’s tired of me

but still
i would sit in silence forever
if it meant he didn’t have to hurt alone
if it made him
the happiest boy

and i would leave his life
you know,
i would go in a breath
if it made him
the happiest boy

if it meant
he wouldn’t feel the way he does now
whatever way that is
whatever ache he won’t name

but i wish he’d let me stay
and i wish he’d tell me
and i wish i knew
whether i’m still
someone he’d wish to stay too

because even through all this
he is still the one
i would choose to care for
over and over again
even if it leaves me
nowhere at all