I search for you
in the stars,
in the shimmer between planets,
in the way moonlight
folds itself across empty sheets
like a question that never needed an answer.

I lie awake at night,
staring at the sky,
as if the constellations
might shape the contours
of a presence I once knew,
as if the hush between stars
could hold a trace of your breath.

I search in the shadows
With reverence
behind each heartbeat,
each flicker of thought,
that still hums through the bones.

You're in the pulse
of every breath,
the sacred stillness
between inhale and exhale,
a quiet echo
threading itself
through the silence.

But the absence
is its own kind of presence
a hollow that holds,
a sky that listens,
and still,
I search,
as if finding you
would not complete me,
but remind me
of who I’ve always been.

And I keep searching,
in the soft spaces
of breath and shadow,
not out of need,
but because something in the stars
still speaks in your language.

Some days,
it feels like I am outside myself
watching my child-self drown
beneath a skyless surface,
eyes wide, arms reaching,
and I, the adult,
do nothing but stare.

The water is still,
but heavy,
each second dragging me down,
each memory a stone.
My child-self drifts deeper,
hair flowing like seaweed,
a mouth open but silent,
watching the shape of me
blur in the distance.

I see the small hand
reaching upward
not angry,
not afraid,
just desperate
in a quiet, aching way.

And I,
frozen,
feel sorrow crack open
like a fault line,
a grief so old
it forgot how to scream.

I want to dive,
to pull them up,
but my feet won't move.
I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s too late.
Maybe I never learned how.
Maybe I believe I’m the one
who let them fall.

And still,
the hand rises,
the eyes search,
while I remain above,
a ghost
with lungs full of air
and a silence I can’t explain.

I wake, to the rhythm, of you
breaking slowly, behind my ribcage.
The orchestral swell;
the auric light, of rosy dawn...
blooming, to new life.

More, than a phantom.
More, than a phantasm.

I yearn, to be wound, around you,
in long, lingering threads,
of bruisy, purple-gold daylight,
and pull tight, as I knit myself,
around your stretched form...
soft-skinned, and sleepy...
pulling you so tight to me,
that your body barely rocks
upon the edge, of the tapestry needle.

Let my legs, be the woven fabric,
that ensnares your hips,
and pulls you, even closer, to me.
I want to feel, your rippling laughter
burble, through your chest.
I want to swim, in languorous strokes,
the fathoms, of your aching mind,
with the ease, of turning your thoughts:
flipping through its dog-eared pages,
like the well-read chapters,
of a readily studied, book.

My arms, seek to hold you,
and cradle you, to me,
lips, pressed to your skin,
plush, and satin pillow soft.

I want to devour you, in rapacious,
repeated kisses...I want to feel
the spring-coiled tension,
above your shoulders, snap, and unwind
relaxing, in helpless surrender,
at my nymphic touch,
as the rest, of you...hardens, like resin
and then melts away,
between my own spread,
buttery thighs.

I want to be so filled,
with the full, of you,
that you spill over, and escape...
I want to clutch your face,
in the tenderness of my fingertips,
and lose myself, in the labyrinth
of your lovely, dreaming eyes.

I need you, like flowers,
need gentle rains, to bloom.
I desire, you...like the prime, of night,
awaiting the the rising moon.

and I wait, for you...
like the guitar string solo,
in a beloved tune.

If I had just one more day...
I'd tell you I loved you.
I'd tell you I need you.
I'd tell you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

If I had just one more day...
I'd give you that one last hug.
I'd give you a kiss goodbye.
I'd give you my world.

If I had just one more day...
I'd show you how much I really loved you.
I'd show you why I loved you.
I'd show you why I NEED you.

If I had just one more day,
it would be okay for you to go away.

My life is so lost without you here.
Please come back, for just one more day...

i dreamt of you last night
each detail so vivid
that i mourned the loss of you
all over again by morning

i thought
that after endless summers
the abyss between us
grew so large now
that i could no longer
remember your voice
yet there you were
sea drunk eyes sparkling
full of such hope
asking for one more night
as if i was your centre of gravity
your smile brighter
than all the suns

from the first moment
i knew
that our love
was the one thing
i'd never recover from
burning across my sky
like a star falling to earth.

Feeling the warmth, feeling the cold
people come, some people go
and my mind is always wondering
how long you are going to stay

Among the sandals and tambourines
the firefly diamonds and
the sudden silence, the big vendetta
and the scene stealing corpse

Night falls, sleep comes, sand
bugs bite my ankles and I still
hope to see your sunburned face when
I open my bonfire encrusted eyes

Hello, this is Onij. I'm glad you missed my call
I know nobody listens to voicemails but
I'm afraid you gave me something.
It seems to be contagious and I've been spreading it
I see it on their faces, I saw it in the mirror.
The smile you left me with is uncontainable.
My heart flutters at every thought of you.
Dear patient zero,
It is advisable that we should quarantine together
Body to body is the recommended solution
Three times a day, multiple times at night, twice on Sunday
On my knees I'll worship you
Lift you to a state of  exaltance
Dear patient zero
I want to tell you that I...
To rerecord this message press the pound key
To save the message please hang up

Light dances out from the club
It colours the wind
in my net curtain

The rain rustles and splashes
in the greasy gleam of the wet film
over the mud road through the village

A woman and a man appear
and play in their underwear
They push and slide

Mud on their skin, I watch
and undress in the dark
Where is my darling?

Attention is nice

even from a distance, but --


I miss our embrace.