That's how long its been since you last spoke to me
I don't miss your name flashing on my screen anymore
Or the sound of your voice next to my ear
But the memories we made
The happiness I felt
That's what snatches fulfillment out of my hands
That's how long I've associated your name
With the feeling of worthlessness
when hatred has swallowed reality's heels
and hearts lie in mud to decay in the fields
confusion is thrown on the eyes of the lost
in blankets of statements and powerless thoughts
when blood pours like water from everyone's bones
and Love is a fire with nowhere to go
the veins in our bodies will slowly unwind
to show us The Truth in the passing of time
when clocks are reset at the cost of the past
and our days are no longer counted as last
humanity's years will mean nothing at all
Our Father is missing, Our Mother is gone
Smoking at the mirror, sulking in a brittle rage,
One so strong, that it easily turns the page.
Without even blinking, I spit powerful words,
Cutting at my ethereal flesh like swords,
Hoping however, I will never run out of mettle,
Hoping the cuts will petrify, letting them settle,
As a great red crack in the skin, for me to wonder
If my swords have risen only from a simple blunder.
My consternation renders me catatonic,
Only the clash of fingers on the keyboard makes me tonic…
While her, she brings me to the doors of Heaven,
From where we drown the world under in a sweet Armageddon.
I would like another chance,
A chance to bid a proper goodbye to my loved ones,
So I can bury their sweet memories, the memories that have been weighing on me so heavily, high up between the white clouds
I want a chance to share their stories with the blue birds,
I want to send my longing tears into the clouds, I pray that the midnight rain will wash this aching pain away.
I feel you in the air,
In the morning when I wake
I can feel your soul touch mine,
And there's nothing to worry about.
I can feel you next to me
When I sit for morning coffee
And feel your breath on mine;
For a moment it's like it used to be.
You're there when I walk down the street,
I almost look over my shoulder-
Half expecting someone to be there.
Instead a gust of wind brushes my bangs aside.
You know I hate that.
My thoughts are of you,
Even when they're not
I still trace a thought to my memories of you
I didn't know I had, and suddenly I'm gone.
You're in the music I hear,
Touching me through melodies
While dissonant sounds tear at my heart.
In open fields I feel you most,
As if you've suddenly become the trees and ground.
You rustle with the wind and speak to me
Things I can't hear, but feel in the bumps on my skin.
I feel you with me,
At the most inconvenient, inopportune times
And I don't know whether to be happy or mad.
Because I am constantly being reminded of you,
And the fact that you're not here.
You can't not miss them, it's not written in your fate
Your fate's an unlucky champ, got pain scribbled on its skin
So yearn - yearn for the moment that is never coming again
For a sense of togetherness which is now uncountable fragments
And hurt yourself, feel the flow... from your heart to your scalp, your nails, your intestines
Wait until it disarms you, disembowels you, and finally drinks you whole.
I do not know how to channel a love that I wish that I did not have for you,
I don't know how to uplift my mood when I miss you each new day,
I do not know how I am to get over this,
I do not know how I am going to recover from it,
I don't know how to love someone new,
I don't know how to not wish they were you.
I don't know how to live a life that you are not in.