I am often told that love will leave me breathless,
But I hope I never know a love so greedy as to steal the air from my chest,
For I have memories of a time when my body was oxygen starved
And my lungs unable to draw in breath,
Bogged down under soupy pneumonia that clung to my innards
With vice-like, snotty grips.
My mind is sometimes lost in the sensation of frantically
Drawing air inward,
******* it into my chest with great gasps that never alleviated the burning of my lungs
Or the way pins and needles tingled down my limbs.
My brain cells were consumed with desire to force O2 to bind with the red blood cells churning in my veins.
The air surrounding me was dense with particles that refused to aid my survival,
No matter how much effort I exerted to the contrary.
Sweat dripped off my too thin form and pallid skin
As I drowned slowly from the inside out in a room full of doctors
Until they finally placed the tube back into my throat to breathe for me.
The pain receded as oxygen raced back into my cells,
And I marveled for a moment at the fact that I could not feel myself breathing,
Couldn't feel the rise or fall of my chest.
The mark of my vitality was absent,
And yet,
I was very much alive.
I remember what it was to be truly breathless,
The blind panic that seized me before finally giving way to a wish for death.
It's because of this I hope love never empties my lungs.
I want a love that makes breathing feel safe and exciting,
A love that feels so gloriously alive that I am acutely aware of my chest rising.
Love should always make breathing feel like both a right and a privilege.
It is a privilege to love her and be in her presence.
But I hope she never leaves me breathless.

I wish
To set myself on fire
But, people will talk
Of how I lost the courage to live on

Because that is what they do
In their solitary spaces behind
Church pews and library desks
They remember the few

Some remember them by words
And others keep their ashes
Visit their tombs years later
But, I know my books will be made of the regret that's left

Women will swoon over those coy lines
Their children will hear the tales
That I had concocted on a lonely night
When I gave you my everything

O the One brighter than the brightest star!
O the One who talked to the moon above!
O the One whose presence bloomed all the flowers!
O the Beaut One!
O the Belovently Beloved One!
O, Mustafa!
You are the source of sparkle for our illuminating universe.
Your luminosity left the shimmering sea overjoyed.
Your benignity softened the hearts of hard-hearted.
Your nobility had left me breathless.
For how can I describe the indescribable?

What do you when you start to feel like you can’t breathe again? Your chest gets heavy, and a simple inhale hurts so bad a tear twinges at your eyes. My chest, my lungs heaving as if I ran ten miles, but here I am sitting on my bed in the dark grasping at my chest, the burning of a decade of cigarettes beating me down to the point of where if I try to stand my knees would give and I would lay an empty puddle on the cold hard floor.

A.C.

Just for you, baby (only), I bloom.
Your simple smile lightens the room,
Leaving me breathless
And giddy – it’s madness.
Just for you, baby (only), I bloom.

So empty
At the hole just below my ribs
Like the air ****** from my lungs
Like a hard punch in the gut

Like a cold, empty, air-tight cellar
With only a small sad puddle
Collected by an incessant dripping
From a ceiling that's too dark to see

It's like a vacuum in my chest
Each time I breathe in
It threatens to cave in
And crush me
So I take shallow breaths
A few molecules at a time
And just hope that the day doesn't come
When I will have to face
The consequence
Of that Emptiness

as i take a step
off the splintered dock
into the crisp
cool
water
i feel
breathless
i'm meant to be
swimming with the fish