I have become the sum of all my fears and failures
The accumulation through the years,
To some degree,
Is on another level then most others
Uninstalled the self installed blinders
Hoping to stumble across some left behind life perks
I didn't know this is how finders keepers works
Nothing found has kept me off the ground,
Barley kept me out the ground,
And every moment hurts
For what it's worth,
I don't know what I'm worth
Starting to wonder,
Just internally first,
But maybe this whole thing is cursed
Or worse
There was never a purpose of falling prey to thirst

©2024

A man with a hundred faces but nameless with one voice
A thousand thoughts a second but one life to live it, where's the choice
Never found much of a reason to rejoice
Worthless or not worth it, the math's not adding up on this invoice

A million phrases, can't remember faces
Thoughts escape the mind, breaking free of their cages
The visual is heinous, it feels dangerous
I can't explain what's going on but they tell me this is only the beginning stages

Time turns pages but they're all reflective, hold them to the flame, more failure through the ages
Dr Jekyll lost, tossed into the void, annoyed as Mr. Hyde rages
Whatever it is, for everyone else's sake, I hope it's not contagious
Stay cautious

©2024

They tell me, they promise me, I'm not alone
But I can only go by what I've always been shown
Unwanted, undesirable, freek show, just a small sample of all I've known
I wish my inner abuser would adapt another tone
I don't own my own thoughts, any positive feeling is only on loan

People act like I hone in on this curse to be worthless
Like I thirst to be anxious
Like I have to coerce this anger and bitterness
Like I enjoy being immersed in the hopeless
Like my first thought is the worst on purpose
Like I enjoy all my deep rooted issues constantly rising to the surface

Then comes the question that brings me back to reality
"What are you doing to get control of this? Not enough certainly"
Honestly that's another cog in the circle mosh pit of misery, part of the continuity
I'd give anything for it to be as easy as everyone claims it should be

Because what most people see from me is rehearsed
My final diagnosis can not be reversed
The totality of my issues couldn't possibly be unearthed
But that doesn't change the horrible landscape I've traversed
I wouldn't be able to tell you what I'm worth, all I know is...
...I am this, for what it's worth

©2024