I don't know how to keep going on
I can't open up to anybody
They can get into some rooms
but I lock up parts of me
Isolated and dusty
I'm an island sinking into the depths
Of my sin, of my despair
I used to have a lot of friends
Now so very few are left
I hurt most of them right in the heart
I never intended to harm them
Haha, look at all the I's I have in this poem
Just so self-centered...
I never meant you any harm
Family matters the most to me
Then why do I take you for granted?
I'm sorry, I'm saying I'm sorry a lot lately
The weight of what I've lost is crushing me
Irony of something you don't have killing you
Hey, that's just how I'm going to die...
"Back beat The word is on The street That the fire In your Heart Is out"
Strip the red petals from the stalk
Strip the sweater I borrowed
That clung as a guest
On my shoulder's hanger
Develcro your lips from mine
Deconnect these locked legs
Decide that separate, we shine
You said that I am the colored pencils
That shaded in your faded
The light that cuts
Through the cloud
If we want it to
And I want to
In your direction
Same fire green eyes
I cry, why?
Because you're beauty
But reliable doesn't tap
The water table
Beneath my basement's floor
At least not in the
Way we deserve
- - -
The alphabet soup noodles
Let them rest in the
Carpet fibers of our
Because those words were real
Because I am real
And my love is real
Every season gets worse
Years behind me, years stretch still in front
Now accepting madness
part and parcel
for who's fucked me and I've fucked
Fucked my share of life
Souls in proximity
souls wrapped in snare
souls drained for empathy,
Why else would I have consigned?
Beaches are lots of fun,
Until you realize you cannot
Go because your body,
Mind, and soul have been
Cut a million times.
Salt water burns people like me.
I fucked up my body, mind, and emotional state again, and have to figure out a way to get out of going to the beach... I'll probably blame it on school
I remember when I was young brother
Hanging on the corner
Along with the other
Gangstas like me with a bunch
Who can see me
Floss on the weakest tricks
Hittin my switch enticing multiples chicks
But they can't ride my dick
Cuz I know devils
When they come sound the drum
Take another sip of the Jamaican rum
I wonder why they wanna see me fall ?
But even if I fall
I'll continue 2 lift off where I had my downfall and ball
On sucka muthaphukkaz
Trust my guns quick to burn ya
Til ya ashes turned into dust
Lust after money never cuz I'm too clever
To let any one sever
Me and poetry wither it be
Reality or Fantasy
I'm a breed of many Prodigies
Raw rappin' so y'all know what's happenin'?
Re-Runs of slavery in this modern
Day society quietly
I see them eying me
From a distance fools get hesitant
Step on the scene empty out my magazine
Now these bullets is ya new cousine
Now you another victim to homicide got me feelin' alright
Check my tactics fool quick with them tools makin ya soul flee
Only to bring out the Gangsta in me
Now these corporate punks
Gotta problem with g funk
But I don't care still puffin my skunk
Another hater tossed in the trunk
Of my sixty four stay hardcore
Double up fool if ya want more
As sorrows pour
I want peace but my mind screaming war
Like eagles taking soar
Shoot the bird downs
Cuz I ain't a clown
And you wonder why I get around?
N how many brothers got they life drowned? Downed
By a system that never cared about them
Situations kind of grim
So don't ask me why keep the slugs to 45s Next to me
Cuz I ain't going to jail 4 free
I pay the price with my life
N don't give a fuck if it comes out nice
Its that raw shit that make critics
Hop like crickets
Can't dodge my licks once the guns click
Now ya soul in serious shit
Body throwing a fit
Soon to be a corpse of course
No remorse to muthaphukkaz
That try to do u
Art of War principles is what I follow
Life's is big pill hard to swallow
Am I wrong for speaking the truth ?
To the young generation ahead of you
But that's bullshit and I
Ain't having it
So you tricks can suck my dick
Once the lyrics hit
Ya mind ya can't shake as I make
Perfection out of poverty
Been ballin' since I was 23
Ride with me and I'll ride on yo on enemies
Gangsta in me brings out the Gangsta of You
why do i fall in love with people for the simplest little things?
like the way they say certain words
or that little smirk they do when they get nervous
maybe it's because it reminds me of something from my past
lately i've been trying not to think about things so hard
one night stands
the looks people give me at the mall
They are Immortal.
They are dead inside.
They are pale.
They often sparkle
but naturally don't.
They bite necks.
They are nocturnal.
They are out for blood.
They enthrall people effortlessly.
Their loved ones are often dead
or being mourned
while secretlly alive.
They act like the cool kids.
Or the awkward emo clicks,
but are treated like this exclusive club.
They don't show up in mirrors
because this IS their reflection.
They don't let the real them see the sun.
I am reflecting.
Why have I only dated vampires?
I'm loosing lots of blood.
What am I gaining?
their blood diseases.
And lots of exciting! moments
That belong in movies
that would get
or already have gotten
way to popular.
And be better as books.
Some of them can throw me across a room.
Some of them love to count.
some of them seem to only show up around halloween and looove chocolate
Don't get me wrong.
I still love all these terrifyingly
I have a type.
But I don't know if it's A
Or O negative?
I'm an optimism junkie
I'm not afraid of needles
But they're afraid of me.
I tend to be a universal donor.
Which makes matching blood hard
Blood that works with my body is rare.
This is not to say anyone
could use my blood
Universal donor or not.
I am infected
with a blood disease
It could be vampirism
Or well, whatever causes one to seek
I Can't confirm anything about wooden stakes
Or decapitation or garlic.
But i can assure you setting them on fire doesn't work.
No matter how hot or fiery I make them
Their anger never kills them
It just makes them stronger.
But it does repel them quite nicely.
I woke up thinking about her. Couldn't wait for her to arrive. She texted saying she was outside. I brought her in. We sat on the sofa. We talked. I kissed her. She kissed me back. We made out some more, I got handsy, she said no. I stopped. We talked. We kissed again. She laid down with her back on the sofa, and I on top of her. We made out some more, she said no. I stopped. I stood up and just looked at her. "What do you want me to do" she asked. "I don't want you to do anything" I replied. She looked so torn apart. She wanted to fuck me so badly but she knew it would only make the pain worse. A fire lit up inside her. She stood up, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. She had never pressed her body against me so hard before. She reached down for my cock and started rubbing. Suddenly, what I had been craving all morning, and was about to receive, was making me feel sick inside. But it didn't matter because I kissed her back and held her even tighter. I picked her up. She wrapped her legs around me. I carried her into the bedroom, our lips still tightly locked together. I threw her down on the bed. She took off her top. I took mine off. She took off her shorts. I took mine off. I kissed her hard and removed her underwear. She removed mine. I pressed my naked body on top of her naked body. No foreplay, no condom. I penetrated her. She moaned, as did I. Back and forth I began to thrust. I felt so dirty but I couldn't stop. I noticed tears in her eyes. That made me stop. I looked at her. She said to me through quivering lips "You know I like you a lot, right?". I kept silent, just staring at her. Tears streamed down my eyes. I like this girl, but not as much as she likes me. She loves me. She absolutely adores me. I could never reciprocate the love she has for me. I pulled out and laid beside her, with my arms around her body. We were still. We were silent. I caressed her skin and hair. I held her hands. Tears were still streaming from my eyes. We had known each other for 10 months. I am heartless. She turned to face me. Wiped the tears from my eyes. I embraced her. I held her tight. She deserves so much better. This twisted relationship between us must stop. We did everything couples did. But I never called her my girlfriend. I never told anyone about her. I never took a picture with her. Not even one. 10 months. Not even one. She put up with so much of my bullshit. She fought so hard. She looked so adorable in my arms. I couldn't help myself. I kissed her. She kissed me back. I told her to get on top. She rode me like never before. She bounced like a toddler on a trampoline for the first time. She fucked the shit out of me. I sat up with her still on top of me, picked her up and spun us around so that now she lay on her back while I was on top. I pumped away. We kissed passionately. Nearly blew my load so I put on a condom. I didn't trust myself to pull out in time. I fucked her and then laid beside her again. We talked. We talked about us. I started crying again. It would have made the strangest movie scene had it been filmed. We just laid there for a while. Just when she was about to leave, we made love again. We got dressed. We hugged. Then she left.
I miss her already. I miss her so much. I miss the way she looks at me. I miss her excitement when she sees me. I miss how she grabs my arm so lovingly. I miss how she kisses me so adoringly.