I smell the energy rising from you,
drifting swirls of vapour hitting me as
your heat embodies itself in the air's
molecules. I smell the importance of
you, significant to everyone except
me. You're a drug, coursing through their veins and
giving their brains exactly what they have
been craving, yet I am resistant to
your eniticing ways. The promise of that
electric focus as my heart picks up
the pace to follow everyone elses...
it doesn't appeal to me anymore.
I lost my hunger for you a long time
ago, when you started to wear me down,
and now the only drug I will ever
crave again is him.
If I decide to unpack all
my belongings in your arms,
would you let me stay?
Would you still be as mesmeric
as you were when you believed
people were temporary?
Would you let me live
inside your skin?
Because I can't tell where
rapture ends and abstinence begins.
I HATE YOU
yes you heard it right
I hate you for lying to me
for breaking my heart
for making me believe you were all mine
for kissing me as you leaned on to him
for making me feel I hurt you
when in truth you were slowly killing me all along
I hate you for making me love you so much
so much that it is so hard to hate you now
I hate you for calling me that night
and telling me that you love me
as you sat with him at the beach
I hate you because I am still not calling you a cheat
because I am hoping what my eyes saw was all wrong
because I am hoping you won't do it again
like you said you won't the time before
but I know you will because I know you
You lied to me that day
You lied to me that night
YOU leaned on to him
HE leaned on to you
"Have fun baby girl but take care okay. And don't get too close to boys, you know I don't like that"
"Don't worry about that baby, I know you don't. I will take care of it. I will be with my girlfriend, I don't know anyone else here"
Now that I think of those words
Oh god what a brilliant fucking liar you turned out to be
My mouth became a cemetery
for all the words I didn't say,
I bought them all
tombstones and coffins
and buried them,
a self destructive funeral.
I could rip you in half,
turn into a lurid scream
and shatter your spine;
I think you would be
the perfect picture of putrefaction,
mutilated, in monochrome;
the very shade of my heart.
I don't know what I feel anymore. One minute I'm happy, the next minute sad. One day I hate him the next, I miss him. My feelings are everywhere. I can't control them. But this time it's true. This time I know. The darkness lingering inside of me tells me, I do truly miss him, I do want him back. But the emptiness has came and is unbearable. He is gone and I cannot control it. For I was to selfish to see before that I was the luckiest girl ever. But that is gone and I am unsure that I will ever get it back.
Do I deserve it back? Do I deserve to have him? I wish, but I a doubt in my mind that he will ever forgive me fully for the mistakes I've made. Life will go on, dark, empty, hopeless. I wish it could get better. I wish I could see light At the end of the tunnel but I just don't see it.
I have seen rapture come
in the shape of the person I love,
in his arms,
in his mischievous eyes,
but rapture is only ecstasy
and ecstasy will eventually
fade into habit and
this fictional fairytale won't
seem so sparkling anymore;
glass loses its luster once the
sun goes away
and fragility is all that remains.
It's up to us to dig through
years of pent up baggage and
discover love in each other's rust.