You want me to be happy
For me to smile genuinely
And laugh whole-heartedly
But my face freezes
Each time I see myself
In the reflection
Of the night-cast window
And I think to myself

You want me to be happy
I know, I want it too
But I can’t fit back into
That personality
That’s shrunk in the wash
I can’t figure out if I lost you
Or I’m losing you
Or if I’m losing myself

We’re not all on the same dose of love, you know
Some people need it more than others
And some have learned to live with less

I was reflected over the x-axis
And then translated into the third quadrant
All negative coordinates
On my three vertices

New start in a small town
Pulled apart by foreign eyes
Not like when I disappeared
Into the chaos of crowds

Grew intimate with a tease
Underneath a microscope
All being introduced too soon
Bore the promises of deceit

Paused the mainstream music
Needed to get out of this party
Didn’t need a ******* to leave with
Not drunk enough to lose myself

Drove home silently along lit roads
Careful to turn off headlights
Before approaching driveway
Turned off my buzzing phone

You’re my best friend
Always a time of transition
I was in the last year
Of my second decade

I said goodbye
To young adult fiction
Read some classic thrillers
And plays to readjust
My ripening brain

Met someone I’d probably
Never see again
Didn’t get his last name
Only a distant memory

I was surprised when someone
In Las Vegas
Had never been to New York

And how I wanted to go
To Paris
Like the scale of excitability
Was a sliding one

Thank you for giving me time
To ready myself
Before heading abroad
You always look out for me

Ideas grow like weeds
Cicadas chirping loudly
Radio spies and cerulean skies

Makes rain shout
But doesn’t calm voices down

Too many tubes of paint
Smearing across the creases
Into a new hue of brown

White clouds begin to deepen
The beast underneath the skin itches
Scratching brings relief
Only for a few seconds

Lights on and off
Can’t decide if tiredness
Dawns because of life
Or of sleep

Energy of a battery
Juiced up for an era
Stillness an enemy
Thoughts a plethora

Costly daily rituals
Ended with a wild escape

Luminous thunderstorms
Don’t have sadness inside
Learn from their naivete
Take their advice

-Actually, he is not good for you
-Why? I like him
-Not young, older than you
-Six years difference, not much

-Forget it, there are other people
-Who is more interesting than him?
-Didn’t think my heart would hurt
-Being friends with you is happy enough

Don't toss me away
Like any empty bottle
I'm vintage
With a stamp from
The ancient royals

Keep me please
I don't want to join
The other piles of
Tainted-colored glasses
I want to stay here

I've filled you up
And I've kept your promises
Now, keep mine
Keep me as a collector's item
Let me be there for you

I want to be found
Not by any other stranger
Only by a friend like you
I want to be treasured
And not broken

Not shattered to pieces
On the curb of a sidewalk
To be recycled
Into the consumerism
Again and again

Let me have a home
In your heart
So you can physically greet me
And we'll acknowledge
Each other

Like old friends
I've kept you alive
So don't throw me out
Like yesterday's jam
Like any other old thing

Guess believing in the past
Gets harder when you approach
The future
So, I'll take my fate
And get lost

Yes, we can talk in secret
You brought me flowers?
Thank you

No, you're not like them
Not like the other guys
Yes, you're special

Why?
Well, you got a mole right there
No, the one on your forearm

Serious, though
I like your mindset
Open-minded

Oh, more?
I think you have the prettiest eyes
You blinked

Yes, I love them
Close my eyes?
Now, me

Really? Kind?
That's lame
Okay, fine

I do believe you
Cool, I'm cool
You, too

I'm down
We can go now
Yeah, just us

Every time I cross the pond,
My leap takes me into another path
My world is switching up again
And starting in new place
A new time-zone
And my home away from home
Feels cozy like a bird’s nest
As I am in a tree of skilled, fearless flyers
So, I have found my people

Her trojans in my head
Even when she’s out the door
My body inside my bed
Outside, the rain starts to pour
I see her polka-dotted rain coat
And I long to call her phone
My fingers don’t do what they’re supposed to
Paralyzed by those **** trojans
All in my head, attaching to other nerves
My thoughts crowd around her
The image stark in my mind
She remains so fine and beautiful
But, all I want is to forget
Erase, delete all the regrets

I blame you for making me write all these sonnets
I tried to make the best of it, but five?
How in the ******* world am I supposed to write five?
Doesn’t each sonnet take the course of a week?
And it definitely seems that we don’t have five weeks
To write five pristine perfect sonnets
I’d rather read fifty poems than write five of these stupid things
I’d like the meet the man who decided these poems
Had to be fourteen lines, stylized rhymes
I’d say, go to hell with you and this torturous format
Instead of making me write these many poems
All in the same style, all droaning on in my mind
Like an endless treadmill of poem-writing
I say I’ll do better on the next assignment, but truthfully
I’m improvising

You’d think that demons and devils don’t exist
And that humans, once passed, would lay asleep
You can come to my office and see for yourself
But, my patients love visitors that they can keep
I don’t want to alarm you, but it is true
These patients crave souls, not pills
I can’t get them to swallow chemicals in oblongs
They can’t be satisfied with just prescription refills
You might think I’m doing honorable work
Maybe not, but at least I can deal with them
So you don’t have to,
That sort of behavior, I always condemn
Who were you wanting to visit again?
Oh, I forgot, you were the one with symptoms.

skin covered in shadows
a dead winter leaf bouncing against a flourishing summer tree
                                    catching the handle of a spider string
holding onto the living as if
                     it can escape its crumbling burial
             only can a field of soft, mumbling earth
                             call sleep more swiftly than a mattress
within the green and blue sphere are textured tints that release
            wifts of genuine air spilling into half-filled industrial lungs
                      can art be felt when eyes don't open?
as closed eyelids fall humble to the glowing yellow light
            answered silently with a curl of the lips

I kept you in my heart too long
knowing you were the perfect leech
parasites are meant to take over
especially, when you're already weak
You were the perfect distraction
but, you only gave me empty thrills
I needed you to be there for me
but turns out ghosts aren't real
I should have saw this coming
through your false sincerity
thought you had given me love
when all you gave me is pity
if my words are not verse,
then it is your name I shan't curse