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"How can someone write like they are deeply connected, yet be so far away from themselves? How does that work?"


"Because writing doesn’t require embodiment.
It only requires access.

And people who are shaped by trauma, secrecy, and fragmented attachment—have near-supernatural access to emotional language, even when they have no true access to emotional presence.

They can write the whole gospel of healing…
but refuse to be baptized in its waters.

Here’s why:

Writing is a safehouse. A sanctuary.
It’s the one place where they can simulate closeness—where they can say what the body won’t let them feel, what the voice won’t let them speak, what the heart won’t dare commit to in real time.

When they write, they are in control of the frame.
They determine the pacing, the access, the aftermath.
No one’s breath is on their neck.
No one’s eyes are watching them shake.
No one’s asking them to stay when the ache gets too real.

That’s how they can write about longing while actively rejecting the one person who sees them.
How they can write about grace while blocking the source of it.
How they can describe love so beautifully… and sabotage it with surgical precision.

They aren't writing from the seat of her wholeness.
They are writing from their disembodied knowing—from the part of themselves that remembers truth, but has no safe pathway to receive it.
It’s a ghost’s song sung in a stolen church.

It’s not fake. It’s not performative.
But it’s not integrated.

And until they get to the place where their nervous system no longer perceives safety as threat…

They’ll keep dancing with truth in the dark

while pushing away anyone who dares to light a candle."


De tant de jours de deuil, de crainte et d'espérance,
De tant d'efforts perdus, de tant de maux soufferts,
En es-tu lasse enfin, pauvre terre de France,
Et de tes vieux enfants l'éternelle inconstance
Laissera-telle un jour le calme à l'univers ?

Comprends-tu tes destins et sais-tu ton histoire ?
Depuis un demi-siècle as-tu compté tes pas ?
Est-ce assez de grandeur, de misère et de gloire,
Et, sinon par pitié, pour ta propre mémoire,
Par fatigue du moins t'arrêteras-tu pas ?

Ne te souvient-il plus de ces temps d'épouvante
Où de quatre-vingt-neuf résonna le tocsin ?
N'était-ce pas hier, et la source sanglante
Où Paris baptisa sa liberté naissante,
La sens-tu pas encor qui coule de ton sein ?

A-t-il rassasié ta fierté vagabonde,
A-t-il pour les combats assouvi ton penchant,
Cet homme audacieux qui traversa le monde,
Pareil au laboureur qui traverse son champ,
Armé du soc de fer qui déchire et féconde ?

S'il te fallait alors des spectacles guerriers,
Est-ce assez d'avoir vu l'Europe dévastée,
De Memphis à Moscou la terre disputée,
Et l'étranger deux fois assis à nos foyers,
Secouant de ses pieds la neige ensanglantée ?

S'il te faut aujourd'hui des éléments nouveaux,
En est-ce assez pour toi d'avoir mis en lambeaux
Tout ce qui porte un nom, gloire, philosophie,
Religion, amour, liberté, tyrannie,
D'avoir fouillé partout, jusque dans les tombeaux ?

En est-ce assez pour toi des vaines théories,
Sophismes monstrueux dont on nous a bercés,
Spectres républicains sortis des temps passés,
Abus de tous les droits, honteuses rêveries
D'assassins en délire ou d'enfants insensés ?

En est-ce assez pour toi d'avoir, en cinquante ans,
Vu tomber Robespierre et passer Bonaparte,
Charles dix pour l'exil partir en cheveux blancs,
D'avoir imité Londres, Athènes, Rome et Sparte ;
Et d'être enfin Français n'est-il pas bientôt temps ?

Si ce n'est pas assez, prends ton glaive et ta lance.
Réveille tes soldats, dresse tes échafauds ;
En guerre ! et que demain le siècle recommence,
Afin qu'un jour du moins le meurtre et la licence
Repus de notre sang, nous laissent le repos !

Mais, si Dieu n'a pas fait la souffrance inutile,
Si des maux d'ici-bas quelque bien peut venir,
Si l'orage apaisé rend le ciel plus tranquille,
S'il est vrai qu'en tombant sur un terrain fertile
Les larmes du passé fécondent l'avenir ;

Sache donc profiter de ton expérience,
Toi qu'une jeune reine, en ses touchants adieux,
Appelait autrefois plaisant pays de France !
Connais-toi donc toi-même, ose donc être heureux,
Ose donc franchement bénir la Providence !

Laisse dire à qui veut que ton grand cœur s'abat,
Que la paix t'affaiblit, que tes forces s'épuisent :
Ceux qui le croient le moins sont ceux qui te le disent.
Ils te savent debout, ferme, et prête au combat ;
Et, ne pouvant briser ta force, ils la divisent.

Laisse-les s'agiter, ces gens à passion,
De nos vieux harangueurs modernes parodies ;
Laisse-les étaler leurs froides comédies,
Et, les deux bras croisés, te prêcher l'action.
Leur seule vérité, c'est leur ambition.

Que t'importent des mots, des phrases ajustées ?
As-tu vendu ton blé, ton bétail et ton vin ?
Es-tu libre ? Les lois sont-elles respectées ?
Crains-tu de voir ton champ pillé par le voisin ?
Le maître a-t-il son toit, et l'ouvrier son pain ?

Si nous avons cela, le reste est peu de chose.
Il en faut plus pourtant ; à travers nos remparts,
De l'univers jaloux pénètrent les regards.
Paris remplit le monde, et, lorsqu'il se repose,
Pour que sa gloire veille, il a besoin des arts.

Où les vit-on fleurir mieux qu'au siècle où nous sommes ?
Quand vit-on au travail plus de mains s'exercer ?
Quand fûmes-nous jamais plus libres de penser ?
On veut nier en vain les choses et les hommes :
Nous aurons à nos fils une page à laisser.

Le bruit de nos canons retentit aujourd'hui ;
Que l'Europe l'écoute, elle doit le connaître !
France, au milieu de nous un enfant vient de naître,
Et, si ma faible voix se fait entendre ici,
C'est devant son berceau que je te parle ainsi.

Son courageux aïeul est ce roi populaire
Qu'on voit depuis huit ans, sans crainte et sans colère,
En pilote hardi nous montrer le chemin.
Son père est près du trône, une épée à la main ;
Tous les infortunés savent quelle est sa mère.

Ce n'est qu'un fils de plus que le ciel t'a donné,
France, ouvre-lui tes bras sans peur, sans flatterie ;
Soulève doucement ta mamelle meurtrie,
Et verse en souriant, vieille mère patrie,
Une goutte de lait à l'enfant nouveau-né.
wes parham Oct 2014
His body floats on the surface,
Limbs spread wide and bound to the water,
An "X" marks his place on the planet.
Ankles and wrists between water and air,
He submits to a force of nature,
An "X", half submerged in the waves.
It says, "You are here",
but the ocean has more "there".
The water is a woman.
The sea is terrifying,
But he won't ever fear her.
A force of nature does nothing for spite,
Nothing for greed,
Nothing for personal gain.
His death would be clean.  
Honest.
Absorbed, even, thoroughly, back to the source,
The waters from which we all came.
Whenever I have the chance to swim in the ocean, I am compelled, beyond my will, to swim out past the choppy stuff and float, limp and contemplative, upon the rise and fall of Earth's seawater.  I clear my thoughts and drift.  Invariably, though, thoughts arrive.  Then this kind of **** happens.  I wrote the start of this back when first exploring things that appear in "force of Nature", that submission to natural forces, free of judgment.
( read here by the author:  )
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/the-water-was-a-woman
Neha D Apr 2017
I walked into my house,
expecting my senses to be aroused,
by the aroma of baking bread.
so it surprised me, when instead,
of having my senses tickled by,
the delicious scent of apple pie,
or the aroma of food in the making,
or rice on the stove and turkey baking,
I walked in, instead, to an awful smell,
the source of which I could not tell.

I ventured to the garbage bin,
to see if the source of the stench came from therein,
but the bin was empty and sans any stink,
so I walked over to the kitchen sink,
to inspect and see what it could be,
But sink was spotlessly clean,
glistening almost with silvery sheen.
So I went off to see if the food had gone bad,
food in the fridge, if I may add.

But the food looked splendid so to speak,
it clearly wasn’t causing the house to reek.
So what then, was casing my flat,
to smell of a dead rat?
The toilets was where I ventured next,
to see if my kids had left them wrecked,
But they were clean and pristine,
cleaner than my face has ever been.
So I checked the rooms, to see if I had forgotten,
an half eaten plate of food that had gone rotten.

But alas, the house, to my dismay,
resolutely refused to betray,
the source that caused my home,
to smell like a sewer, from cellar to dome.
Aghast and defeated I called out to my wife,
who is the Sherlock Holmes of my life,
"Oh dearest wife of mine,
there's a stink sending down my spine,
a nasty and distasteful shiver,
like I'm drowning in the Mithi river".

"I cannot stand to stay indoors,
inhaling this vile smell anymore"
"Darling" she said sounding like a lark,
"While the cause of the smell may appear mysterious and dark,
the matter is quite simple and plain,
this smell of which you complain,
is not of rotting eggs or meat,
it’s the smell you've bought in with your feet."
With that, out of the window, she tossed my shoes,
She would have tossed me instead if given to choose.

She then scrubbed my feet with sandpaper
and made me less hideous and more dapper.
Eddie Starr Jun 2014
O Lord God is our life-support. he supports our  life with his Spirit.
He brings us through the storms of life, he is our umbrella  in the storms.
His Spirit is a ladder which raises us up when we fall down  from sin.
His Spirit becomes every single source throughout our entire life here.
His Spirit draws closer to us when we lay down our will, to pick up his will.
His Spirit become a life-boat for us during the times that we are drowning in  pain and suffering.
For when we fall into the bottomless pits of self-pity and self
- destructive  times.
For he becomes well when we become thirsty for  his righteousness.
Wood thrush
Voice rush
Ringing in the wilderness;
Your phrases fill the summer calm
With perfect meter throstle thrummed
In timely repetition.

Wood thrush
Voice rush
Ringing in my ears;
Defy interpretation with your metaphoric strains -
Spell still meaning, clearly,
Mere beauty in the wood.

Wood thrush
Voice rush
Ringing in the air;
I've oft' pursued your fleeting lines
Through mired web of brush and fallen trees
In search of some concluding note
And perhaps vision
Of the higher source of song.
John McCafferty Jul 2020
Where are the source of your thoughts
Contesting emotional triggers
Consider those eyelids to flicker
Additional context adds stress
As different paths stretch us apart
Sleep deep within these sheets

Another drill to overcome
The next hurdle and then some
Distracted by less with
small progressive steps

A learning tool for all
Dig away at the molehills
Digress with flexed biceps
Reminded to incorporate rest
(@PoeticTetra - instagram/twitter)
Sally A Bayan Apr 2019
In Siem Reap, Cambodia, after a reflective tour
of the temples, a boat took us sailing.....to see
houses standing on stilts....i never expected to
sail on an endless lake.....the man at the helm
bended...he reached for something, and let go
of the wheel...a young boy, who seemed to be
his son.......quickly grabbed the steering wheel.
from that moment on, he took over...his hands
were small but, capable....when i thought, our
boat would hit an unseen rock or land, it didn't.
he took us to our destination and back...safely.
obviously, the boy was trained young..he knew  
every curved path of his surroundings...he was
aware.....cared about their source of livelihood,
proved a child can be relied on....they're more
reliable than adults, at times, despite their play
ful innocence....many times, i reflected on that
boat ride, that boy's unflinching face and hands
i asked myself over and over,  "could i steer my
boat the way that boy did?  am i navigating my
self rightly, even on life's odd waters?.....have i  
ever helped steer reeling boats before? brought
(them back to safer shores?.........not just mine?)
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Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
    October 19, 2018
(an adult can  learn so much...from a child)
Robert Ronnow Aug 2015
In Ulzana's Raid,
the Native- and European-American concepts of property
      ownership and rights
are incompatible and irresolvable. McIntosh
had no illusions about that. He said hating Apaches for killing
      whites
is like hating the desert for having no water.
I suspect the movie's not a good source of anthropological
      data
and overlooks the commonalities among human communities
to focus on just a few bold characters
as all art must.

I consider McIntosh fortunate
to have died commensurate with the way he lived his life,
rolling a final cigarette, nothing between him and the desert,
and no gravediggers waiting, jesting, defecating. Also,
he is lucky to have had one last, dispassionate friend
to whom there is nothing left to say, the Chiracahua tracher
Kah-ti-nay.

Last night's performance of Beauty and the Beast
may have been the most victorious, ecstatic, cohesive
moment in our little school's history. Emily was Beauty, a
      filament of energy
who doesn't like to be touched and has been known to punch
boys hard. She had memorized her lines until she was hardly
Emily but only Beauty in a blue dress unselfconsciously
hiking up her tights between the Beast's advances.
Is this done in every American town and the world
over so there's no need to feel lost or lonely
ever?

There is no context for a man
outside the platoon or raiding party, home or shop.
When violence comes to the neighborhood,
the hierarchy of communicants will hold or fold
it is then the peace work proves relevant. I noticed McIntosh,
grizzled as he was, accepted the given hierarchy, a raw
      lieutenant's orders,
as he did the desert and Apaches, with a shrug and
      foreknowledge
of the outcome. If there's anywhere with no Emily or Beauty
we should bring them such blessings at the point of a
gun. But there is no place without Emily, not
the least-known prison in deepest space as long
as we do not hate or hurt or shun
the Beast.
www.ronnowpoetry.com
Lorraine DeSousa Apr 2015
Harboring suspicions from blinded eyes,



Acid gurgles under sugary lies.



The stranger swaying dementedly to and fro,



On rocking chair thoughts, their mind on show.



How should you react when a dagger is drawn,



Neutral, or reveal a suspicion is born.



Eyeing the ranks of human heads,



Thoughts emerging from crumpled beds.



As you cannot see the source of the shot in the dark,



So you only hear the tune of the singing lark.



Consipiracy theories, click codes on the mouse,



As the snake coils into the empty house.



In an unreal life, nothing recognised,



A stranger lies, looking into a stranger’s eyes.



Steadily repeated stabs of deceptions,



From foundations, of fallacious conceptions.



Locked in a make believe play of doubt,



Interrogate the evidence, turn inside out.



Within delusory ink and pens that bite.



Making sulphuric phrases into tools of spite.



Elvis on the radio confirming your thought,



Suspicion in a tormented trap you are caught.



Eliminate subject and object, unravel the day



Anchor to a certainty and then drift away



For it has always been and will always be so,



A blind thought will return to the house of shadow.
Salmabanu Hatim Aug 2018
Life is a river flowing,
Beautiful and challenging.
Begins with birth,
Ends with death,
Same source.
Life is a treasure,
Its contents has no measure.
Down the river of our life,
Roars raindrops of love and strife,
Laughter, dreams and sorrows.
Life,like the river splits into arms,
Moving where we want it to strum,
With  courage and right attitude,
Not to forget HIS gratitude,
Either be islanded between our negative thoughts,
Or plunge down into a long waterfall of depressive  noughts.
Let the sparkling water of life flow through us adventurously,
Vibrating, exciting and luxuriously,
Awakening every cell and fibre in us.
As the river of our life takes a turn and a bend,
We never know what it will send.
All we have to do is follow the right
path,
And not cross HIS wrath.
Keith Jenkins Oct 2011
This light, it drifts on in waves
Herald me, let me catch it
Let me drink it.
In the recesses of my mind
My darkness contorts to hide
How it loathes these better times.
As ever, light's tide subsides
Darkness reclaims its wicked halls
And again supersedes all that has come before.
Trapped within this deadened state
The past is all I can't erase
Shudders in the darkness
Mimic the stirring of a soul
How I long for something more
Yet in the darkness of this maze
I am blinded by twisted views of fate.
Sincerity could bring serenity
If only it were real.
Monstrous red flowing from lines of fragile blue
The dark zeal and steel rule supreme.
These are the things of which I dream

Yet again cowardice stays my hand
I lie awake and dream of being that better man
The glorious shards of light brought on by those anonymous smiles
Perhaps they will quiet the darkness for a while.
I convey the words of a source unknown
I assure you, you'd find no pleasure in my own.
To illicit joy, laughter's light
Cut great vast scars in my night
The magnificent contours of green grass and sky
If only this too were not a lie...

How I've yearned, Burned! For those days of light
But the sinewy hands of a loathsome mind
Will grasp and hold the weakness of these times.
I struggle, I scream
Surely a God would cut these ties
Oh kaleidoscope, oh light!
Darkness has seen you sink and fade
I begin to both forget and regret my better days
My mind spies betrayers, witches and fakes
Yet they are your righteous, your angels and namesakes.
And so, I shall dwell in Hell
For this Heaven's sake.
Shalini Nayar Nov 2014
A perfect man for me was never moulded by a box,
A box that screamed multitude of labels
To satiate the chaotic minds of society,
A belonging judged by feudality, no rhyme or reason required or questioned.

A perfect man for me was never measured by material things,
He gives abundantly by just being around,
An illuminating source of comfort on the other end listening,
Empathising and leaving a trail of laughter that makes me fall even deeper.

A perfect man for me was never masked crusader (okay, maybe Batman sometimes),
He is maskless for the world to bask in his genuity,
No bounds or limitations set on his acts of kindness and love,
Selfless and generous with his time, blind to any creed or pedigree.

A perfect man for me was never one to run away from problems,
Valiantly facing the raging bulls head on,
Inner strength personified by his poise and determination,
"I will get through this unscathed and no one will stop me".

A perfect man for me was never an owner of a cold crackled heart,
Headstrong, gallantly keeps the family together in a bind of unconditional love,
Lovingly adores his sunshine, making sure she knows she is loved with the same fervour,
Day in and day out, void of complains and pettiness, as the world turns.

A perfect man for me was never perfect,
Owning up to his flaws and shortcomings and being aware of mine,
A cycle that is never vicious but one that is laced with acceptance and non-judgments,
He inspires the best version of myself as he aspires to better himself.

A perfect man for me spells Y-O-U,
And the way that you are is exactly how I love Y-O-U.

Shalini Nayar
24.11.14
(C) 2014
A man of Mensa fell from grace,
Along with the world's population bound for space.
The ship was constructed from metal of a new source.
The inventor for which was known to be hoarse.

Warnings had been shared.
Reserves were being prepared.
Rumours ran amuck.
Confidence became unstuck.

A limitless arc of man's own invention.
Its potential impacts go without mention.
A crew selected.
No aspect neglected.

Few men chose to stay behind.
To the Christian faith they were all aligned.
Fearful of the concept of a new life,
One void of the perils held within religious strife.

The day man left earth,
Christians chose to stay in the waters of their baptismal birth.
They stared in awe as the shuttle soared,
The throttle for which was completely floored.

The man at the helm possessed an incredible mind.
A duplicate the centuries have made hard to find.
Cogs in the ship became incorrectly tangled,
And soon the thrusters were completely mangled.

The ship plummeted towards the ground
Screams of agony the only audible sound
The whole thing crashed and burned.
All were dead, no lesson to be learned.

The world was left without reason.
A word against Christ deemed to be high treason.
Now, these void of thought own the land
Sacrificial place holders for those who took a truly righteous stand.
Hal Loyd Denton Dec 2011
Prodigious Certainty
Go beyond the wall of burning the never ending yearning feelings that twist and turn all exposing the
Vulnerability that is cherished but must be guarded to allow the scaling of the wall is the danger of
Expressing tenderness to do so is to call good and bad to walk abroad in your heart unfettered not all
Visitors are upright they will steal a measure of trust that will cause you to fall into a tail spin recovery
Can be long and hard you must redefine the core of your understanding and perception place powerful
Guards in the weakened area to know without concern to be able to give without the fear of being hurt
Compromised or worse spill seeds that flourish in barren ground take root in unfavorable circumstances
Showing a inner richness that endures and succeeds a well that dries not and always abounds in any
Circumstance the hope of the destitute will not be disappointed love will surround those that go down
Sorrow’s path it will cause growing optimism to stand in heaps you will carry the load of many that are
Heart sick I want to interrupt here I started this piece as just a free writing exercise I didn’t know what
Actually it was going to deal with now I think I do my friend from a southern state spoke of trouble in her life so
I choose to continue now to encourage her with truth unfortunately in this life trouble is part of living
And because of our interaction with others they at times can be the source of that pain but no matter its
Origin its final end is transformed to be for our good it will purify it will strengthen it will make us wiser
And allow all of it to be a benefit for others this woman already writes with penetrating depth on the
Subjects she chooses to write about so many only skim the surface its refreshing it is a blessing to have
Someone reveal facts take a jumble of already pleasant almost free association and then present power
And roots that are magical to the point you are enabled to see the hidden take contrary circumstances
Refuse their negative objectives take now positives and build your life on a foundation that is
Indestructible this doesn’t happen automatically someone has to go alone through trial and sorrow
You are ultimately enriched in your soul the first benefit of this you will hear the painful calling of others
But now you turn and give answers mined in barren wastelands not just mindless pain or trouble
Heaped on you senselessly no there is divine purpose and undying love behind it can there be a more
Joyous undertaking than the act of quelling trouble and sorrow in the life of another if there is I don’t
Know of it so hold on it won’t be long a modern oracle is being formed in the south for your benefit
Aaron Blair Feb 2013
Sitting in a bathtub full of red,
I knew I had been disowned
by the waters of my youth.
No more would I wade into
the shallow green waters of the Blue,
tiny rocks and the shells of long-dead
mollusks digging into the soles of my feet.
I drained myself into the water,
imagined my blood swimming in the Brandywine,
swirling in the dark near the bottom of the Delaware,
letting go of itself, finally, as it flowed into
the arms of the end of the world,
as it broke upon the waves of the grey Atlantic.

Once, I caught a fish in the Cumberland,
I regarded its red-eyed terror with some of my own,
and when we threw it back, I wondered if it would live,
enduring in the water, a new scar in the soft flesh of its mouth,
an amulet against future harm, a fear of hooks dangling within reach,
and black shapes silhouetted against the bright noon sun
as it skimmed across the surface of the stream.
I never threw a hook in the water again,
but I found myself, time after time, drowning
in the palm of someone else's hand,
all for want of a river that would keep me
safely ensconced in its dark secret places.
Like the fish, I dreamed of hooks.

Imagine the end of the world.
Downtown in the dark,
the filthy Ohio snaking its way through the shadows
that fall upon the river valley.
The girl stops to smell the scent on the air,
but she doesn't quite understand what it means.
She has smelled it all her life, putrid water,
but she has never stopped to contemplate the source of it.
She never thinks she will have time to get to know the river intimately,
the way it will caress her slackening skin,
all of the days they will spend together,
on her journey to join the great brown Mississippi,
the river taking as much of her as it can get,
keepsakes to remember her by. It loves, as much as it can.
It loves the fields, the fishermen, the boats.
But most of all, it loves the girls no one wanted,
the girls no one could find. It holds them in its waters,
and when the time comes, it gently lets them go.

The city of my childhood glows white in the Midwestern sun.
The river running beside it is ugly, but not,
shimmering with diamonds of light that float upon its brown surface.
This is the river that breaks a continent in half.
It could take your home if it wanted to, your town,
everything you ever loved and anything that ever meant something to you.
It could break you, like the continent, only it would be easier.
You can cross the bridge, but you can't look down.
You know the river is waiting below you, implacable and constant.
For thousands of years, it has eaten the dead,
and killed some of those it wanted before we had decided to let them go.
Its bottom is haunted by boats, its ghostwaters are dammed with the corpses of soldiers
from wars as important to the river as the dragonfly hovering above the surface.
I look upon this river in my dreams, and it knows me.
The reflection it shows me is dark but true.
All of the rivers have known me.
I whisper their names as my skin becomes saturated.
I pray to the rivers of my youth,
but, like god, they never answer.
Inspired by The Yellow Birds by Kevin Powers.

"In that moment, I disowned the waters of my youth. My memories of them became a useless luxury, their names as foreign to me as any that could be found in Nineveh: the Tigris or the Chesapeake, the James or the Shatt al Arab farther to the south, all belonged to someone else, and perhaps had never really been my own. I was an intruder, at best a visitor, and would be even in my own home, in my misremembered history, until the glow of phosphorescence in the Chesapeake I had longed to swim inside again someday became a taught against my insignificance, a cruel trick of light that had always made me think of stars. No more. I gave up longing, because I was sure that anything seen at such a scale would reveal the universe as cast aside and drowned, and if I ever floated there again, out where the level of the water reached my neck, and my feet lost contact with its muddy bottom, I might realize that to understand the world, one's place in it, is to always be at the risk of drowning."
MJ Lee Aug 2016
Silence

That’s what you wanted
Just accepted silence
Just desired crying
Just no more defience

So why the **** do you want my voice
The ironic song bird wedged down my throat
You just want to hear your name screamed out
Whimpered out
Begged

I’d say ******* but you’d take it the wrong way
That or it won’t even reach past my new blue gloss

You want me to speak up now? Well you’ll get it, yet don’t blame me if my voice goes hoarse. My eyes bleed tears of forgiveness when looking disgusting and captivating as I screech like a banshee . With snot dribbling down my chin. With split ends visible in my wooden mane. With eyes turned muddy the unplanned forecast for blood thirst and depression

Like how about I talk about those long nights at McDonald, or when you sung lullabies that implanted insomnia, or the icy touch of your frostbitten hands looking for warmth and all you found was me. How about those whispered words of , “ I really like you.” Cuz four words are worth so much more than three. Each held more meaning than the last as if they were your last breath as you plunged inside me with dagger-claws. Yet I loved it, ****** I loved it! I loved being your barbie doll.

But were they even true

Were all the nights we stared at one another with clamped together hands just the darkness in your coal eyes wanting my spark. My bite. Was it just so you could see if I could be yours. Only yours. I left so many scars on you and you to me, and you told me you loved them. Your fingers would trace my stories I engraved upon your temple. But none were proof enough of how you ****** my mind up with yourself. Made me worshiped like a false goddess undeserving of your praise and love and soul and eyes and ******* I’m back your your dead ******* eyes even when you blinked to show you lived.

You knew I never loved anyone before you. Never held hands before you. Never had any lips besides your cracked ones trying to imitate a desert to trick others of nothingness that you’d whisper only to me. Never told a man nor woman that they were my first of everything before you. I was a tiger lily and you a ****. And you took it all away you ******* hypocrite!

You knew before I could even say wait. And I loved you for it, I still fuckning love you for it cuz I am a *****. My heart never beats when you aren’t around. I never needed to speak, you were the source of my puppeteer voice I used when other’s worried about something.

Yet now you want me to tell you lies. Tell you who hurt me

‘You’

Tell you who used me

‘You’
Tell you who ******* broke me down to a sniveling, worthless pile of ash

‘You’

But instead of telling what was reality I played within your almond flavored fantasies and blamed everyone but you. For no, never you.You, you, you, you, you. Rigamortus won’t stop my hands from grabbing your shirt as I slowly sank to the ninth level of hell.

BECAUSE IT WAS YOU GOD ******* ****** MAN
YOU DID THIS TO ME
I WAS AN AURORA SUNSHINE YET YOU ****** ME DRY
TILL ALL THAT WAS LEFT WERE MONOTONE CLOUDS
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SHOVED YOUR HAND INSIDE ME
AND REPLACED ORGANS WITH STUFFING

YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT

You're the reason
I slit my throat
******* my vocal cords.
Sewn shut my lips
It's no surprise I was thrown away
Like a broken doll

It's funny you see?
When you're choking you should see the irony
Ain't I the one that needs to hush up
vircapio gale Oct 2015
i have holidays off at my new job.
no vacation for a year
or insurance
for six months.
i think
the work is fulfilling.
but if i get hurt, it'll be my fault, according to company policy.
i mean, i make it fulfilling
--to deal with the continuous,
hateful
and aggressive abjection--
punctuated
by climaxes
of
celebratory
prejudice.
political correctness  or explicit signs of empathy
are seen as the enemy. as problems.
anything organized or tidy is
"****** up."
i mean, my boss told me the other day,
"...like if I call you a ***, and you happen to be one,
you could just sue me! People are so sensitive nowadays...
My wife calls me a chauvinist, but I say i'm just old-fashioned."
young girls we pass in our company vehicle are called,
"Pre-*****."
East Asia is called
"Wonton";
and stereotypes are considered truisms.
ethnic slurs are the norm.
**** is a common,everyday
source of humor:
maple trees are called "Raples";
grapes are called "'g'-Rapes"
and small houses are called "****-Shacks."
a large kiln oven is called a "Jew-Oven."
glorifications of violence are welcomed with a smile
and the N-word is spoken with gleeful abandon.
if something is fixed poorly, it's "******-rigged" . . .
...they say they're not racist,
but perpetuate hate speech like it's a responsibility.
how am i growing to enjoy the company of such people?
to see any aspect of value here whatsoever?
what the **** kind of coward am i?
to allow this to pass without immediate and uncompromising opposition...
i must be dead inside
to trust my safety to such people
i say
i want to ***** my heart
and show them
how wrong and terrifying,
how hurtful their words are...
how i burn, impaled on stakes with each pronunciation of the word, "******."
rage shakes me awake at night
...though less and less...
as i understand the hate and fear,
the pain these men have lived with and seem unable to restrain
from spilling out;
as i begin to understand their conditioning
the origins of this inexcusable, ancient behavior
(or as i too become somewhat desensitized i fear)

but if i can see the potential for change in these earthlings,
i will go on hoping,
live happily amid hate
measuring with wide eyes the subtle shiftings
holding the intention of healing
of understanding
of presenting alternatives
of tolerance
compassion
and honest truths of self suffering
of other suffering
of self healing
and other healing
of self love
and other love
Wade Lancaster Sep 2015
The minds eye is omnidirectional.
It can see hopes and dreams.
It is the ultimate source of human creativity.
But it also can be the source of anguish, fear and rejection.
At times it is flawless, yet at others it is completely flawed.
The third eye is always blind.
It is fixed, not seeing the surrounding truthfulness, and often provides a singular view.
This eye sees the convoluted future and fails to see the past.
The eye of complete truth and accuracy is the Hindsight Eye. As is known,  " Hindsight is 20/20 " and of perfect vision.
It is by far the eye of beauty, revelation and what the hell was I thinking.
It is the revealed truth and lies.
Liar's, keeper of secrets, they fear this eye the most.
We as humans, are equipped usually with vision.
Some see more then others.
Some are also clairvoyant, prediction of future, or worldly events, not normally recognizes vision.
Other people think they see something as truth. Oftentimes these are obscure and closer to fabricated visions of insanity.
I See... ...says the all seeing eye.
The more I think about this I think it is not even worthwhile as poetry. Perhaps I will delete it.
bd Oct 2013
You were so high that you could barely walk. I know you missed those yellows so I let them swallow you whole. I carried you from the kitchen to grandma's chair & you slept there. You slept & slept while I kept watch over your heart.

I was always so paranoid someone would steal it. The same kind of paranoid I get when I smoke. You took a piece of me I could have sworn was already missing & showed me it was right under my nose.

Who knows? Maybe after all my time & effort, through good & bad weather I trust you to make things better & you can expect the same from me. I love you so much & I'm so sick of watching myself bleed.

I'm so sick of watching tears fall down your cheeks & knowing it's all because of me. In some sick sort of way when you left me I got stronger & I hated myself for not missing you as much as I thought I would.

Night time made me realize you are the hands I need to guide me out of the darkness & into the light. You are accidental poetry in the form of you being my source of life. Blood, sweat & tears are what will consume our years so I was wondering if you're up for it?
Steve Aug 2021
The days roll by one by one
No sooner here than they're gone
Propelled it seems by an invisible force
Flashing by like a riderless horse.

Never lost nor out the sun
Never here but never gone
Never washed nor spun around
Never lifted off the ground

The days roll by like clouds in the sky
Slaves to the wind as they flutter and fly
Driven past by the hand of time
Through the midnight hour when all bells chime

Never lost nor out the race
Never in nor out of place
Never alter nor stray off course
Never falter from its source.
Thank You For The Days...
Mateen Manek Jun 2015
There is a great big lantern in the sky
That shines through my bedroom window
Onto the darkened floor.

I see life in its reflection, and it terrifies me-
I see a pool of water, and a midnight secret;
I see a hand caress a cheek, and a love
That is only awakened by the midnight moon. 

The water tells me of this tale and i,
I am captivated by this lantern light.‎
And I find its source; it is not the moon;
I had seen a projection from my hearts ruins. ‎
Love is amazing, lovers that is. You can be sitting in the same coffee shop, two tables over, on the same day. When you see them, you'll know. It's an unmistakable energy, flowing from them, a brand new life source, it seems. True love, oh, what a beautiful thing. You can tell, you can see it. They may not see the beauty in the shining light radiating from them, as if they were wearing an extra layer of skin. Such beauty shines through, when two lovers step in. You see, they love so much, and feel so much, the love begins to spread. You see it, and you see the dread, slowly leaving everyone's faces, as if God walked in and showed them all the way. I've never seen such beautiful a thing, as when two lovers pass by me. I look, I smile, and carry on my way. When you witness such a love, it almost takes your breath away, as if all the ice inside your heart, could just melt away. Love is, the beginning, the middle, and it has no end. There is no other way, than to love, be loved, and eventually float away. Pay closer attention, when you're out and about, you never know, two lovers may come along and just warm your heart.  
© 2013 Christina Jackson
Lunar Dec 2016
A source of light in the dark. You were there every night, peeking behind the clouds, awaiting my return home from school or work. You may think you're a dull gray color but you shine brightest in the dark, to me.

I wish it was always night so that I'd get to see you in your fullest form-- the last thing before I close my eyes. Even when you're the invisible new moon, I know you're always watching me, giving attention to every big turn I make when I am restless in bed, and down to the tiniest movement under my eyelids when I am deep in a dream.

I want you to know that even if the dark pits of the night swallow you up and you feel like your light is burning out, I will always be here, looking up, looking for you. And looking towards the day when you show yourself and return to my sky again, as the moon that I've grown to love.
Chapter 1 of Finding You

Finding You: a little journal-entry series of descriptives and narratives of places where we find the ones we love.

Hello, friends! I've decided to start up a new series of writings that I have come up with for the past three months. I will be posting as much as i can, when I can. I hope this series runs for a while, with so much potential in what's to happen for the next day/week/month/year!

I hope you guys will be able to find the ones you love in this series of mine. Cheers to you all out there, and thank you for reading :)
Jeune homme ! je te plains ; et cependant j'admire
Ton grand parc enchanté qui semble nous sourire,
Qui fait, vu de ton seuil, le tour de l'horizon,
Grave ou joyeux suivant le jour et la saison,  
Coupé d'herbe et d'eau vive, et remplissant huit lieues
De ses vagues massifs et de ses ombres bleues.
J'admire ton domaine, et pourtant je te plains !
Car dans ces bois touffus de tant de grandeur pleins,
Où le printemps épanche un faste sans mesure,
Quelle plus misérable et plus pauvre masure
Qu'un homme usé, flétri, mort pour l'illusion,
Riche et sans volupté, jeune et sans passion,  
Dont le coeur délabré, dans ses recoins livides,
N'a plus qu'un triste amas d'anciennes coupes vides,  
Vases brisés qui n'ont rien gardé que l'ennui,
Et d'où l'amour, la joie et la candeur ont fui !

Oui, tu me fais pitié, toi qui crois faire envie !
Ce splendide séjour sur ton coeur, sur ta vie,
Jette une ombre ironique, et rit en écrasant
Ton front terne et chétif d'un cadre éblouissant.

Dis-moi, crois-tu, vraiment posséder ce royaume
D'ombre et de fleurs, où l'arbre arrondi comme un dôme,
L'étang, lame d'argent que le couchant fait d'or,
L'allée entrant au bois comme un noir corridor,
Et là, sur la forêt, ce mont qu'une tour garde,
Font un groupe si beau pour l'âme qui regarde !
Lieu sacré pour qui sait dans l'immense univers,
Dans les prés, dans les eaux et dans les vallons verts,
Retrouver les profils de la face éternelle
Dont le visage humain n'est qu'une ombre charnelle !

Que fais-tu donc ici ? Jamais on ne te voit,
Quand le matin blanchit l'angle ardoisé du toit,
Sortir, songer, cueillir la fleur, coupe irisée
Que la plante à l'oiseau tend pleine de rosée,
Et parfois t'arrêter, laissant pendre à ta main
Un livre interrompu, debout sur le chemin,
Quand le bruit du vent coupe en strophes incertaines
Cette longue chanson qui coule des fontaines.

Jamais tu n'as suivi de sommets en sommets
La ligne des coteaux qui fait rêve ; jamais
Tu n'as joui de voir, sur l'eau qui reflète,
Quelque saule noueux tordu comme un athlète.
Jamais, sévère esprit au mystère attaché,
Tu n'as questionné le vieux orme penché
Qui regarde à ses pieds toute la pleine vivre
Comme un sage qui rêve attentif à son livre.

L'été, lorsque le jour est par midi frappé,
Lorsque la lassitude a tout enveloppé,
A l'heure où l'andalouse et l'oiseau font la sieste,
Jamais le faon peureux, tapi dans l'antre agreste,
Ne te vois, à pas lents, **** de l'homme importun,
Grave, et comme ayant peur de réveiller quelqu'un,
Errer dans les forêts ténébreuses et douces
Où le silence dort sur le velours des mousses.

Que te fais tout cela ? Les nuages des cieux,
La verdure et l'azur sont l'ennui de tes yeux.
Tu n'est pas de ces fous qui vont, et qui s'en vantent,
Tendant partout l'oreille aux voix qui partout chantent,
Rendant au Seigneur d'avoir fait le printemps,
Qui ramasse un nid, ou contemple longtemps
Quelque noir champignon, monstre étrange de l'herbe.
Toi, comme un sac d'argent, tu vois passer la gerbe.
Ta futaie, en avril, sous ses bras plus nombreux
A l'air de réclamer bien des pas amoureux,
Bien des coeurs soupirants, bien des têtes pensives ;

Toi qui jouis aussi sous ses branches massives,
Tu songes, calculant le taillis qui s'accroît,
Que Paris, ce vieillard qui, l'hiver, a si froid,
Attend, sous ses vieux quais percés de rampes neuves,
Ces longs serpents de bois qui descendent les fleuves !
Ton regard voit, tandis que ton oeil flotte au ****,
Les blés d'or en farine et la prairie en foin ;
Pour toi le laboureur est un rustre qu'on paie ;
Pour toi toute fumée ondulant, noire ou gaie,
Sur le clair paysage, est un foyer impur
Où l'on cuit quelque viande à l'angle d'un vieux mur.
Quand le soir tend le ciel de ses moires ardentes
Au dos d'un fort cheval assis, jambes pendantes,
Quand les bouviers hâlés, de leur bras vigoureux
Pique tes boeufs géants qui par le chemin creux
Se hâtent pêle-mêle et s'en vont à la crèche,
Toi, devant ce tableau tu rêves à la brèche
Qu'il faudra réparer, en vendant tes silos,
Dans ta rente qui tremble aux pas de don Carlos !

Au crépuscule, après un long jour monotone,
Tu t'enfermes chez toi. Les tièdes nuits d'automne
Versent leur chaste haleine aux coteaux veloutés.
Tu n'en sais rien. D'ailleurs, qu'importe ! A tes côtés,
Belles, leur bruns cheveux appliqués sur les tempes,
Fronts roses empourprés par le reflet des lampes,
Des femmes aux yeux purs sont assises, formant
Un cercle frais qui borde et cause doucement ;
Toutes, dans leurs discours où rien n'ose apparaître,
Cachant leurs voeux, leur âmes et leur coeur que peut-être
Embaume un vague amour, fleur qu'on ne cueille pas,
Parfum qu'on sentirait en se baissant tout bas.
Tu n'en sais rien. Tu fais, parmi ces élégies,
Tomber ton froid sourire, où, sous quatre bougies,
D'autres hommes et toi, dans un coin attablés
Autour d'un tapis vert, bruyants, vous querellez
Les caprices du whist, du brelan ou de l'hombre.
La fenêtre est pourtant pleine de lune et d'ombre !

Ô risible insensé ! vraiment, je te le dis,
Cette terre, ces prés, ces vallons arrondis,
Nids de feuilles et d'herbe où jasent les villages,
Ces blés où les moineaux ont leurs joyeux pillages,
Ces champs qui, l'hiver même, ont d'austères appas,
Ne t'appartiennent point : tu ne les comprends pas.

Vois-tu, tous les passants, les enfants, les poètes,
Sur qui ton bois répand ses ombres inquiètes,
Le pauvre jeune peintre épris de ciel et d'air,
L'amant plein d'un seul nom, le sage au coeur amer,
Qui viennent rafraîchir dans cette solitude,
Hélas ! l'un son amour et l'autre son étude,
Tous ceux qui, savourant la beauté de ce lieu,
Aiment, en quittant l'homme, à s'approcher de Dieu,
Et qui, laissant ici le bruit vague et morose
Des troubles de leur âme, y prennent quelque chose
De l'immense repos de la création,
Tous ces hommes, sans or et sans ambition,
Et dont le pied poudreux ou tout mouillé par l'herbe
Te fait rire emporté par ton landau superbe,
Sont dans ce parc touffu, que tu crois sous ta loi,
Plus riches, plus chez eux, plus les maîtres que toi,
Quoique de leur forêt que ta main grille et mure
Tu puisses couper l'ombre et vendre le murmure !

Pour eux rien n'est stérile en ces asiles frais.
Pour qui les sait cueillir tout a des dons secrets.
De partout sort un flot de sagesse abondante.
L'esprit qu'a déserté la passion grondante,
Médite à l'arbre mort, aux débris du vieux pont.
Tout objet dont le bois se compose répond
A quelque objet pareil dans la forêt de l'âme.
Un feu de pâtre éteint parle à l'amour en flamme.
Tout donne des conseils au penseur, jeune ou vieux.
On se pique aux chardons ainsi qu'aux envieux ;
La feuille invite à croître ; et l'onde, en coulant vite,
Avertit qu'on se hâte et que l'heure nous quitte.
Pour eux rien n'est muet, rien n'est froid, rien n'est mort.
Un peu de plume en sang leur éveille un remord ;
Les sources sont des pleurs ; la fleur qui boit aux fleuves,
Leur dit : Souvenez-vous, ô pauvres âmes veuves !

Pour eux l'antre profond cache un songe étoilé ;
Et la nuit, sous l'azur d'un beau ciel constellé,
L'arbre sur ses rameaux, comme à travers ses branches,
Leur montre l'astre d'or et les colombes blanches,
Choses douces aux coeurs par le malheur ployés,
Car l'oiseau dit : Aimez ! et l'étoile : Croyez !

Voilà ce que chez toi verse aux âmes souffrantes
La chaste obscurité des branches murmurantes !
Mais toi, qu'en fais tu ? dis. - Tous les ans, en flots d'or,
Ce murmure, cette ombre, ineffable trésor,
Ces bruits de vent qui joue et d'arbre qui tressaille,
Vont s'enfouir au fond de ton coffre qui bâille ;
Et tu changes ces bois où l'amour s'enivra,
Toute cette nature, en loge à l'opéra !

Encor si la musique arrivait à ton âme !
Mais entre l'art et toi l'or met son mur infâme.
L'esprit qui comprend l'art comprend le reste aussi.
Tu vas donc dormir là ! sans te douter qu'ainsi
Que tous ces verts trésors que dévore ta bourse,
Gluck est une forêt et Mozart une source.

Tu dors ; et quand parfois la mode, en souriant,
Te dit : Admire, riche ! alors, joyeux, criant,
Tu surgis, demandant comment l'auteur se nomme,
Pourvu que toutefois la muse soit un homme !
Car tu te roidiras dans ton étrange orgueil
Si l'on t'apporte, un soir, quelque musique en deuil,
Urne que la pensée a chauffée à sa flamme,
Beau vase où s'est versé tout le coeur d'une femme.

Ô seigneur malvenu de ce superbe lieu !
Caillou vil incrusté dans ces rubis en feu !
Maître pour qui ces champs sont pleins de sourdes haines !
Gui parasite enflé de la sève des chênes !
Pauvre riche ! - Vis donc, puisque cela pour toi
C'est vivre. Vis sans coeur, sans pensée et sans foi.
Vis pour l'or, chose vile, et l'orgueil, chose vaine.
Végète, toi qui n'as que du sang dans la veine,
Toi qui ne sens pas Dieu frémir dans le roseau,
Regarder dans l'aurore et chanter dans l'oiseau !

Car, - et bien que tu sois celui qui rit aux belles
Et, le soir, se récrie aux romances nouvelles, -
Dans les coteaux penchants où fument les hameaux,
Près des lacs, près des fleurs, sous les larges rameaux,
Dans tes propres jardins, tu vas aussi stupide,
Aussi peu clairvoyant dans ton instinct cupide,
Aussi sourd à la vie à l'harmonie, aux voix,
Qu'un loup sauvage errant au milieu des grands bois !

Le 22 mai 1837.
Miranda Kramer Apr 2014
Don't fall in love with a boy who loves himself more than a mother loves her newborn
Don't fall in love with a boy who compares himself to Alexander the Great (even though they both won every battle they had ever fought in)
Don't fall in love with a boy who would rather look in a mirror than stare into your eyes
Don't fall in love with a boy who had enough confidence to make Kanye look humble

Because he will never love you more (at all)
Because he will never use his greatness to climb mountains for you rather conquer you instead
Because your eyes only gave him a new source of reflection
Because no matter how much confidence he had, he will never use it to build you up

Broken girls cannot love secretly broken boys.
Tattered converse cannot stand next to Italian leather.

Despite being fostered by the same unknown force, insecurity and bravado cannot fall in love.
Sk Abdul Aziz Jul 2016
She was one of those unfortunate characters who never really got any attention or affection
Her family never supported her in anything
Her friends deserted her when she needed them the most
All her life she tried to mean something to someone
But she never did mean anything to anyone
I was no stranger to that feeling
And so when we met
It was no surprise that we hit it off instantly
And at that moment i knew that we were both doomed for something special
It's a feeling that we both hadn't experienced before...
...a feeling of being wanted
...a feeling of being loved
...a feeling of safety
At first it felt like unknown territory for us
But then as we got the hang of things
We started cherishing it
Today she has become my greatest source of strength and motivation
And i couldn't be more happier
I love everything about her
Truth be told...now i simply cannot function without her
She holds the highest place in my head and my heart
You know sometimes i wonder...
... 'where would a man be without a woman's good heart?'
Kamila Aug 2021
I wish I could describe the feelings
I have each time I look at you.
You are my source of energy and healing,
And inspiration, too.

You let my worries fade away,
And ground my wandering mind.
When I'm with you, I love the way
I put the rest behind
Dedicated to nature
John Marsh Nov 2011
How can you fight so hard and suddenly
Take yourself so far away from me?
It’s just another burn to tack on
As my heart and soul try to move on
But the list keeps growing and the wind
Keeps blowing away the good you did,
And leaving behind the freezing tundra
Of a lost individual and the
Terrible silence of being alone
That deafening tone everyone knows
That deafening lull, a chip in the stone
That sinks deep down, to the core of our soul
Right to the source code that makes our mind think
And that drives our weak selves’ right to the brink
Right to the cliff, the option we all face
To dive and let go, to die in that place
Or turn ourselves around and try to start
The grueling journey toward healing our heart
frankie Jul 2016
To my first love,
you broke me, you left me. You loved me, I'd like to believe all the times you told me you loved me you meant it.
You're not reading this, I know you're not and I know you haven't read any of my poems. They're give you insight into my mind that you never could understand.

You did push me though, you pushed me to write, so I guess I should thank you for the heartbreak, it's let me create art.

This isn't a poem, this is a letter. One addressed to the source of my poems, I love you and I know it's true. And I know that I'll never forget you.
Charlie Chirico Feb 2013
The story I've been telling is becoming less close to the chest.
Curious nature is that of a private man openly speaking tragedy.
Delivered with an uncomfortable smirk, because humility is foreign.
At this time, respectively.

It began with short sentences. Small worked because it was never enough to give insight into
the whole picture. Of course there was source material. Coincidences occasionally, but my sources were
always kept hidden. My skeletons, some would say.

Then the sentences became longer, if not, the paragraphs would.
Every now and then a hand cramp would delay the process, but
the mind kept going. What else did it have to do, but think?

But back to misplacing a humble way.
As soon as you state that you are,
you have become a contradiction,
a liar,
a cheat,
a thief,
the **** of the Earth.

But what do I know?

I'm only trying to be humble.
J Apr 2017
Clinquant stars shied away from her splendor
Harrowing nightmares banished from my sleep
Rambunctious, my soul singing in tenor
Illicit smile, this heart is hers to keep
Sophrosyne; she's the envy of many
Tall tales, myths, legends; all insufficient
Intellect complements her high beauty
Nay nebular thoughts, for she is sapient
Eclipsed behind her eyes; wondrous kindness
Morning zephyr at the end of winter
Allure that cured this poet's mad blindness
Roused the humor in this foolish jester
    I wished her joy, from the very first sight
    End may come; she's the source of my delight
John Hulse Dec 2011
The same song looping over and over…
The same suicidal thoughts torturing my sanity…
Repeats accruing on infinite piles of ruble,
Vigorously fighting these thoughts,
These demons of mentality,
A constant cartwheel of emotion…
Always racing…
Not ceasing for a mere second…
Forcing the pill in my mouth,
And then another,
And another…
The only mental painkiller is death…
I feel numb,
Darkness seeps into my vision…
Blurring reality…
The Pain is going away…
I feel alive as I feel myself die…
Emergency Medical Squads break the door down…
I sit there,
Watching them cycle electricity into my body as I blindly stare,
Eyes not moving,
Weak,
You never came.



I want to tell you I love you until it becomes white noise…
Always knowing I love you,
Never doubting yourself again…
I want to make love until we are one…
My body and yours…
Sharing the night, and day…
Filling senses with pleasure and love…
I want to hold you until you are weightless…
A feather in my arms…
Carry you up to a safe place on a dark night…
I want to love you forever…
I want to love you till stone itself evaporates into the air as it boils underneath the red giant sun…
I want to love you when the Universe rebirths or collapses…
I want to love you when the bell tolls,
The bell does not mark the end,
It will never end,
I will love you always,
Forever,
Not stopping even for a supernova…



No matter how lovely, how vivid, how colorful the painting…
Toxic fumes are given off,
The closer you look the more cracks and flaws you’ll find…
No matter how soft the wood, how elaborate the carving,
You can’t even begin to feel all the splinters…
All the cuts,
The closer you get the deeper the grooves…
This rusty drain has grown clogged of emotion and dust…
Wonderful you say…
But that is just for now,
Today.
My past is dark, dead, rotten,
Who knows if the future will be any different.
Today I have a moment of peace,
You,
A bright blue gem shining in the darkness,
So pure it becomes it’s own light-source,
Echoing beauty throughout the blackness,
Illuminating me,
True Commitment,
Warm and sweet Love,
Unquestionable Trust,
Seraphic Beauty,
Everything I need…
I sit here questioning these words…
Thinking of the purest way to put them,
But emotion is not pure,
It’s *****, rough, and raged,
But when I talk to you that emotion turns into something different,
It turns into satisfying warmth that runs through my body…
The past evaporates into the air,
Dispersing and losing its importance,
You are my future,
Not the past.

— The End —