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And there was nothing but blackness
as far as the eye could see
She was spinning tops in her head
swatting the demons away like fleas

Unbeknownst to her, disease was setting in
Spreading like wildfire, she screamed
As they welcomed themselves in
No invitation was needed, for she had conceded

The darkness was swallowing her once again

Her yearly ritual, the grin of a ghastly figure stood over her whistling the familiar tune
She knew it was time to shut her eyes, so swallowing her pride;
Two sarcastic pills appeared in her hand, this time she couldn't disguise the screams.

Choking and convulsing
Sweating and foaming

She awoke the next morning, the whites of her eyes-
Nearly plum wine as if the vines had drawn little lies to remind her of last night.

She wouldn't let them win-
with a wink and a drink she drew the curtains of dread
Light flooded toward her
In the blink of an eye she drew a big smile
and the sun warmed her icy veins
Basking in her new found perspective

She wouldn't let the demons win.
© 2019 Christina Jackson
And if I could cry-
for just a little while
My body would run dry

Tear ducts, like air ducts
I need a replacement
The ventilation is all wrong

Misty and fogged glasses-
Impair my vision
Remove them and I am blind

Blind to the heartache-
the metaphorical bleeding
inside of my mind

Every day the pain grows-
Grows roots, roots that once
kept me grounded

Now I'm surrounded-
by the demons I once

Rip the roots from my feet
and all I'm left with is nothing.

Nothing but darkness
and blank space

Dark and deep
The black hole In which I keep you
Swirls infinitely

I brace myself for impact
the meteorite sets it sights
on my chest
****** target, take aim and
gain flight

Don't miss, you'll regret it

I could be angry, but what's the point?

You're gone forever
and never coming back
© 2017 Christina Jackson
Happy birthday daddy <3 I miss you every day
When the wind blows loosely across
my sun-kissed skin
I can feel you-
Running through the veins of my
hallowed out hopes and dreams.

When I close my eyes in the dark of night
I can see you-
Running through my littered distraught

You wake me from my dreams
Bolt upright, lungs feel airtight
I'm gripping my sheets, gasping for air

I can still feel you here
In spirit and soul

I never truly understood the
nature of suffering, until you
left me here.
© 2017 Christina Jackson
We silently weep
You wouldn't know it
under the covers we keep-
All the tears saved away

We silently weep
Beneath the pale skies of night

Where no one can see-
The tears welling up inside

We walk like giants in the day
Show no fear, or bottled up pain

We silently weep
as the white horses
roll towards the rocks

Crashing down, the waves
envelop us, drowning out
our muttered cries.

We silently weep
into ancient depths
of oceans lost-
Where our tears go
but are never forgotten
© 2017 Christina Jackson
So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

There's that look again in your eyes

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

That pain you feel inside?
It's eating away at you inner light

Promise me, hand in hand
We'll see each other again

Closed eyes, short of breath
Is your heart beating lightning fast?

Cause I'm trembling here, without you

So? How about it now?
One last goodbye

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

I'm always here

Through the depths of time and space
I can feel you here, reaching out for me

It's not impossible

It's only a holographic world
Space and time and distance,
are limiting your mind

So? How about it now?
Can you feel your hand in mine

Reaching out for you
from limitless dimensions

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

It was just an illusionary device
You conjured up in your head

So? How about it now?

The demons won again
© 2017 Christina Jackson
One hundred and twenty-six days-
I thought I was strong enough
What the **** is the point of thinking
you have free will when this poison touched
my lips again?
After 126 days-
I convinced myself I was okay, that I could
"handle" just one drink
But one turned into more-
and I've had enough in my lifetime...
© 2016 Christina Jackson
there is nothing profound about my relapse, these words are just words..and nothing more.
Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I fight and I fight
With no end in sight

Death does not wait;
Nor does life.

I wither in pain
hollow inside and out

my flame does not burn
It’s been snuffed out.

In Death and Life

There is no end,
no end in sight.
© 2016 Christina Jackson
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