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And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon

You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years

Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay

And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists

Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist

And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?

Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
*******, just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last

A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you

We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much

It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight

I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?

I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical *******
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense

And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you

And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste

To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways

I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought

Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess

Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you

I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn

I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****

All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson
just some **** I wrote while trying to avoid my problems, don't think it worked
The spring that wouldn’t end

We locked ourselves in
Sunlight became
Fluorescent bulbs and
candlelight for some

And we couldn’t breathe
airways became sirens
and the world fell silent

Out of the storm
We have united-
A shift in consciousness

It was the spring
that wouldn’t end

We thought we were
Invincible
But found out how
dispensable we had become

And becoming became a
part of our daily ritual
and our guns became
masks and bleach

We thought we were safe

The lies spilled out
over the news station
radio waves

Official orders became
streetlights
As if we were all grounded
for staying out after dark

We weren’t smart
playing dead was
no longer a game
Sunday morning cartoons
became one thousand people dead
and all before 8 a.m!

We the people disobeyed
the chief in command
A murderer
The 1% will never understand

Nurses and doctors
suddenly became war
heroes
We cheered them on and
though they tried
Thousands started dropping
like flies

They called it mismanagement
I call it a crime

The spring that wouldn’t end
bleeds into summer
and the traffic lights are
blinking warning signs

We are moving too fast
it will never end

And the tyrants started
to look like giants
We’ve drawn back
the curtain
between love and hate

Division of lives
we conquered divided lines
and we drew lines in the sand
S.O.S
Screaming at the top
of our lungs

Lungs that have grown
vulnerable, to an invisible enemy

Picking its victims at random
And our answers to
questions unanswered
lie at the bottom of Petri dishes

And our kitchen cabinets
became locked targets

People hoarded the markets
of supplies, ripped out
root and stem
We bought all the wrong things
and we’re surprised when
it didn’t keep us safe

And those megaphones
turned into noise
canceling headphones

Your words don’t matter

But hey, take solace in
knowing we still have each other

Hugs turned into construction
barricades

Don’t stand so close to me
When coughs and holding
hands became the most
dangerous weapons to wield

So we used soap as shields
Kept each other in our
“thoughts and prayers”

Still believing something
invisible could cure us
When the very thing was
killing us

They called you a martyr
for leaving your home
in plain clothes

Menacing eyes follow you,
remember
Stay six feet apart
Because “droplets won’t spread
that far” -we promise!

And to the man who
led the command
you didn’t keep us safe
Your words became
bioweapons
terrorizing the land

And it didn’t matter
if you turned off the t.v
you were still there
spreading lies
spewing hateful
rhetoric

And the history books
won’t forget about us
Not again

We will always remember
the spring that
wouldn’t end

Our news feeds
were filled up
The grids became slower
We didn’t plan for this
[oh but we did, I tell ya!]

There are some who
are thriving
Finding their way in
the darkness

Pardon me, could be
a little more quiet?
You’re disrupting the
regularly scheduled
program on war and
violence

And some became so
blinded by hate that
country of origin
was more important
than a human life

And how did they report it?

We became experts
in the art of hard targets
We had more
coffins than nails
and hammers

Virtual funerals
became a thing
When family and
friends “Party of 20”
didn’t mean the
same thing

Quickly, hide your children
hide the old and the wise
“They are most vulnerable”
lock them up inside

And we tried to
save the college
graduate
Who had no known
preexisting conditions
and as he gasped
for air

He blamed the politicians
for sending them down
the wrong path to
righteousness

And he became
just another number
on any given day

During the spring
that wouldn’t end

So we partied on
live streams-
danced in virtual
clubs
Made friends with
strangers
learned how to love

There were those
who logged
hundreds of hours
building their fantasy
worlds
Where Tim and Tom became
just as prolific as Jack and Jill

And somehow through
it all
We found love in the
time of COVID-19

During the spring
that wouldn’t end
© 2020 Christina Jackson
I could go on and on, but you get the point, right?
Fresh painted
were the nails
scratching the pavement

She screamed

The rag which gagged
her mouth
reeked of kerosene
she felt skin breaking
scraping against pavement
cold and wet

She screamed

Calloused hands gripped
and groped her ******* tight
Twisting like screws into wood
All the air left her lungs

Trembling, shaking
he whispered "just take it" and
"you probably won't make it"

She was defeated
she couldn't scream

******, bruised and broken

And though she made it
Her hands could never
touch pavement-
again
© 2020 Christina Jackson
When you lose the motivation
to keep breathing

Feeling-

The apathy settles in
Like an old friend
Unwelcome, locked doors
keys thrown aside

You tried

You feeling nothing anymore
it's all been a lie
© 2020 Christina Jackson
I am not for the meek
the weak
or the faint of heart

I am fire
And passion

Blazing trails of dust
in the faces of every man
that wronged me

And now I wake
Rise to the occasion
and let the sorrow in

Today is for the wicked
and tomorrow we sin
© 2020 Christina Jackson
And new callouses formed-
hardening the once bloodied
and broken skin

Roots broke through
old dirt
now renewed

Part the seven seas
The veins of earth,
need to breathe

We've come undone,
time to reweave-
the fabric of ourselves
hath been redeemed.
©2020 Christina Jackson
literally just gardening today so bored i want quarantine to end
I will always be waiting in between
worlds-

The moment within the moment

Where your arms were once wrapped
around me.

I can still feel you there, next to me.
©2020 Christina Jackson
A draft I never published from 2015, why the **** not right?
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