once again, I am seasick
over the railing (but never into the wind)
twisting and heaving
all because you were leaving, away away
back to the land and light of day
which i have none of, only one of
forever is lonely
like the line that separates the ocean and sky
here I am
seasick, once again
The sea has many ports, while I have two eyes
but a better thought is how I am
similar to a wave —
I am his, a part of his, despite
having my own composition I move for him.
Do the waves give
their water a massage, I know
I caress his heart as often as I can.
There are crystals in there
where his organs hang like chandeliers, and I
rock them even from
above his skin, above his water —
feel me as something that can be captured.
You swear this water's still, and it's quiet, inky blackness is all around us,
Lacing itself with the thick cotton fog that makes my hair stick wetly to my skin and
You must be lying because my world is swaying
Back and forth in an all too predictable fashion and the noise, oh god the noise is mixing ,
It's mixing and swirling with those scattered fuzzy yellow lights on the horizon and
I feel sick to my stomach with the smell of rain and ocean salt soaked wood choking my lungs
You're speaking, saying something nonsensical and stupid and it feels like
You're screaming and my ears are ringing, and I beg internally for you to just
Bite your tongue because my skin is clammy and the tremors are making their way
From my skin into my veins and into my heart which is aching for the solidity of dry land
And you're still muttering about things that never matter and I can't tell the difference
Between the humidity and the sheen of sweat gracing my features
So I lean on the railing, where salt kisses my lips and water licks at my fingers
And what I wouldn't give to just throw myself over board into that
Thick, muddled water that's pleading to swallow me whole
It's toxic clutches that desire my mind in exchange for silence
But your fingers grasp my arm and I fall to my knees,
Dry heaves wracking my frame and I curse your name for eternity
My breathing feels scattered and my chest is burning
And the air is cold and wet to mock me as my internal thermometer
Goes haywire and sets its own course and my eyes feel glassy
Because my vision is milky and everything's swirling
And I lay myself down on the deck, with the fizz of foam
Grasping my hair and its white noise lulling me to a fitful sleep
I am seasick.
Though I am not sick of the sea,
Or sick because of the sea.
I am sick for the sea.
I long for the waves
And their crashing melodies.
I long for the sun
And its ultraviolet ways
Which warm and darken my skin.
I long for the air,
Salty and thick with moisture.
I long for the sea.
The sea that is within you, within me.
I wish I could see
The steady beat of waves in the hidden enclaves of the ribcage
I long for the warmth of your rays
Which warm and strengthen my heart.
I long for your breath
Hot and sweet on my lips.
I am sick with love for the sea.
I am lovesick.
I am seasick.
Your ocean's waves wash confusion up onto my shore. I lap you up eagerly, without hesitation, but quickly become seasick.
The lust for an aid to quench my thirst has led me to such disparity. Who would've thought that I'd be poisoned by one of my own kind?
A swarm of emotions comes buzzing towards me and I have no clue how to feel. Is this even real? I find hallucination to be one of the finest forms of hope. It is the true personification of mind games.
Saltwater, saltwater, steer clear of me... I am quite damaged, but plan on soon mending. Stranded and alone, you would've thought that I'd be elsewhere by now.
Well, the truth is, that I have nowhere else to go... No one else to go to... So, I sit here and remain one with this confusion.
It is the most loyal company that I've had the fortune of owning, in all my years of experience, my tears of impatience, my fears of temptations...
I'm doing well! I still exist, at least. Perhaps I will have a different outlook next year, but for now, my survival is going according to plan.
I must remember to thank you for that, for it was you who led me here in the first place... It was you who taught me how to swim... And it was you who kept me afloat.
I LOVE YOU
Hollered in the face
Of a sea-drowning
It echoing back
Your strong voice
Not in a way
breath that is
With your words
That tear away
My sea-salt tears
I’m too tired
To chase after your love
I’d rather lie down and cry
Rocking so sadly
Rolling deep and blue
Flowing slowly towards you
A steadily flowing stream
Going straight out to sea
Sinking so slowly
Into melancholy dreams
Yet forcefully strong
In this lonely ocean
There’s nothing to hold on
Sinking so slowly
Into a murky abyss
Where there’s nothing to see
And I don’t exist