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Gavin Sep 2018
Heart in my throat, choking on my own words.
No amount of fear capable of freeing me from the truth.
I need it, I want it, I have to have it.
It’s breaking me down to an atomic level.
Just once, would you indulge me?
This simple dead man walking among  the living?

The apocalypse starts with me, the zombie uneager to stray from slumber.
The way the sun hits against my eyes is nothing compared to your smile.
At least that can get me out of bed in the morning.

You’re gone now, aren’t you?
Left by my lonesome, a stray dog who bit his own leash off.
Thinking freedom lied in solitude, rather than your arms.
On command, I would attack, sink my fangs in to our enemies.
And I bit the hand that fed me.
As did you.
What’s become of us?
Why did we drift away?
Was it fate driving us, or was one of us steering the other over the edge?

In every beginning, there is an end.
The end of us catered to the beginning of this newfound misery.
Were you ever even real to begin with?
A fever dream, fabricated from my desperation?
If so, why?
Why must this hollow heart cave in with the walls of the nightmare?

Or maybe,
It’s me..
Gavin Aug 2018
I can’t wait
To see you again
To never leave your side
Bury me deep beneath your ecstacy
Soon I’ll make you my bride!

Your cunning distance
Traveling everywhere and nowhere.
Such little resistance
From those you’ve influenced.
Millions around the world can’t wait to meet you.
Billions, they ******* hate you, they try to defeat you.
Cowards, all of them, one by one, left unblocked.

Tag me the next time you’re back in town.
A hospital, an accident, a graveyard
Lemme know when you’re around.
Style chic like perfect masquerade
I’ve seen every single inch of you
Except that beautiful face.
Come on, baby, don’t be shy
Just one more loving embrace!
I’ll do it again just to see you
I’ll do whatever it ******* takes!

All that I ask is for your signature kiss.
Black lipstick that take men's breath away.
Let’s leave this place, take me with you.
Alone together, this time I want to be here to stay.
Your skin, so cold, but warms my heart.
Chilling and skipping each beat, I can’t stop.
Choking on words, I’ve nothing left to prove.
My mind goes blank with the words,
“I love you”.
Gavin Aug 2018
Who was I then?
What’s become of us?
When did the time go by?
Where did it all go?
Why has it come to this?
How can I fix it?

Beating my chest like a drum made out of paper
Wearing out the scratches of text.
The wolf dressed in black.
Oh, he’s become such a mess.
Sinking his teeth in the neck of effort
Clawing his way through ties.
Abandoning what once was, and what is now.
In his world, there is no sunrise.

Howling, howling to an eternity.
Forever trapped in this null void.
The building blocks of his character
Brought down by his agony, destroyed.
Gavin Aug 2018
I can’t sleep without you.
These walls are caving in.
The stars are set, clear view.
Oh where should even begin?

Loyalty not question, but a sin.
Heartstrings that can play a song along the skin.
You haven’t taken a thing from me,
But I’ve so much more to give.

We’ll stay up all night, vibing.
Late night calls when it rains.
But the sky is crying for us now.
The distance is widening.
Flying solo, what’s this pain?
We’re drying out even though I still see rain clouds.

It’s just not for show.
I’m really trying this time.
Wallowing alone.
How could I’ve been so blind?
We can make things right this time.
But I’m too scared to call you.
And that’s ‘cuz neither of us have tried.
Gavin Aug 2018
I’m lost, unable to truly love.
Satisfying my own needs.
Make it hard for me to sweep you off your feet.
I make it harder to want to even be here.

Don’t bother trying to get close
You’ll burn out at the starting line.
Don’t try to captivate my heart, you’ll overdose.
A poison lingering inside.

Give up on getting me to talk.
‘Cuz I gave up a long, long time ago.
I really don’t even want to do much.
I don’t want to socialize, just leave me alone.

Don’t bother trying to reach me.
I’ll cut you off if you’ve come too far.
I don’t have that many tendons left.
I’m already battered and scarred.
Don’t tell me that it’s not hard.
I haven’t tried every method.
But I’ve tried all of mine from the very start.
Let go of me, I’ll keep pushing back anyways.
Look you straight, dead in the eyes.
Lie to you, “It’s fine, I’ll be okay”.
Gavin Aug 2018
One o’clock in the afternoon, it’s too early for this ****.
Too ****** up to even move out of bed.
This little light of mine needs to dim a little more.
Black out so I can see the stars again.
It’s really not all that bad, unless you’re afraid of the dark.
The world is so different when the Sun goes out.
Shift the gears to manual, hitting 80 on the highway.
I don’t want this feeling to ever stop.

But of course where there’s night, the day is chasing after it.
Trade this time in my life for the bright smile I’ve learned to fake.
Burn my eyes to the role that I was long assigned to play.
I should switch to the night shift.
Then I’d never have to change.
Gavin Aug 2018
We’ll stare into each other’s eyes
A seabed of imaginations
Devoid of others prophesied
Delving in to lustful sensations
A world where sadness dies
A moment we two have created.
A world no one else can find.
I wake to realize we haven’t dated.

Dreams are lucid, taunting memories
That’ve yet to happen
It’s up to me to see it through
Hardly knowing each other
I can see that I’m see through to you
I knew
But I still kept on trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel
Bright, bright, oh bright, gentle and subtle.
Shadows that want me to themselves
I’ll reject them until I’ve made my bed in the coffin.
With you, with you, is all I ever I want to be

Signs of dismay
The scorpion’s rebirth
The tunnel a labyrinth, a cave
My chest is swelling, I’m hurt.
Confessions at the lowest rate
“I like you”, I said, you said,
“It’s not me, it’s you.”

I still kept on trying, and trying, to find the light
At the end of the tunnel
No more, that’s it, I’ve tried.
I can’t put up with the fight.
Dimmer, and dimmer, darkness
Has suffocated my only light
Embrace them, and take them
Snug in the bed of my own coffin.
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