"reevaluate" poems
i cannot put into words what you have done for me but i will try
i was lost in the numbness of nothingness
the silence around it all was getting way too loud
and i hadn’t felt the excitement of another for way too long
you’ve been around for a while
in the back of my mind as a matter of fact.
it may have taken a while to get you to notice me
but i was willing to take the time, because you felt different
and as far as ‘felt’
it’s too early to tell but you make me feel
and it’s not just a spurt of feel, its a feel thats real
i almost gave up in all honesty
i didn’t want to put myself out there again
to then just be torn limb from limb, again
but you felt, right
you’re quiet… to others
but to me you’re you
and i can’t get enough of you
your voice is distinct-
your voice is yours, it levels me and i could listen to it all day
your eyes are deep-
your eyes are specific, they look at me not through me
your walk is confident-
your walk is purposeful, you don’t wander
your presence is home, its way too early but at the same time idc
your essence is irrational, idk why you’re here at this time
but i can’t second guess it cause nothing has ever felt so right
i look at you and i am in wonderment
your beauty is indescribable
and your being makes your beauty seem intolerable
you make me want to become a better me
you make me reevaluate my purpose
you make me pay attention
i cannot put into words what you have done for me but i will try
i was lost in the numbness of nothingness
the silence around it all was getting way too loud
and i hadn’t felt the excitement of another for way too long
idk why God has placed you in my life
but i hope that you are here to stay
no one has affected me the way you do
i have been so afraid of it all
to stay put
to move
to be happy
to love
to give myself up
but you make me anxious to do all of those things
you make me want to be happy
you make me want to try
you make me want to take risks
you make me want to move
but most importantly-
you make me want to
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018 at 4:01 AM UTC
I love my black cat,
for all his brokenness, his brain
damage, his tendency to
drool and
to fall off
things.
I love him dearly,
in spite or perhaps because of
these various defects,
and he loves me back
with a fierce and simple purity
like only idiots can.
Still, I
sometimes wish
we could time travel together,
he and I,
and I could take him to Ancient Egypt
and show the Pharoah, the priests, the acolytes and the slavedrivers.
I'd show them my wonderful cat
with his wobbly eyes, his
flailing windmill limbs and
his perfect idiot love,
and I'd tell them all:
'This is your God.
Reevaluate.'
Jan 6, 2016
Jan 6, 2016 at 8:03 AM UTC
Neither girl nor male… So what am I? Am I the so-called perv aiming to invade the wrong bathroom? Am I a heretic aiming to impose my wickedness onto the world? Am I the clocking stares they give me? How about the result of a broken home or a broken heart? Does my mere existence force you to reevaluate your identity? When all I'm trying to do is figure out mine. Neither girl nor male… So you tell me where I am to relieve my bowels. Or am I to stitch them shut for your comfort? While I'm at it, shall I stitch my eyes shut as to not burden you with running mascara; which further assaults my "feminine façade"? I'm sorry to burden you with my fake ***** of which a second of labor (turning your head) would relieve you of your distress. I'm sorry you'd rather slave away starring and clocking them. Clocking me. I am sorry that I was born male yet refuse to live up to such expectations. I am sorry that despite my best efforts I cannot pass for how I feel. Believe me—for the life of me—I am trying. As punishment for lack of natural ******* I stretch my skin to form a pleasing cleavage. As punishment for having the wrong body type, I wear a cage around my abdomen two sizes too small that cuts into my rib cage dare I seek the comforts of sitting down. As punishment for being born with a male anatomy, I crunch my disheveled sack of nerve endings between my chaffing thighs. Dare my body have the audacity to ***** itself for any reason I bend the muscle, in such a way never intended, between my legs just to have one less aesthetic reminder as to what I am not. Your clocking stares painfully remind me that I may never be seen as how I see myself. But ****** do I try. Until I do, I am condemned to be neither male nor… female.
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 4:05 AM UTC
I find myself always over thinking
Does she like me?
What does this mean?
Does this make me look gay?
Why are you doing this to me?
My thoughts overflow like a waterfall
Constantly going going going
Stop just take a deep breath
Don't freak out
Don't let them see you bleeding
Don't show signs of weakness
Blink less
Stay calm
If they see you crumbling
They will fill in your cracks
With hate and jokes
Like negative cement
Until you are stiff
With hatred towards yourself
Causing you to over think some more
Do they like me?
Why are they whispering?
Did I do something wrong?
My thoughts cave in my subconscious
And I can't help but sit there and worry
Pacing back and forth
Mind racing
Hands shaking
Heart pounding
Don't let them hear you breathing
Don't let them see you sweating
They can't get to you
Words become knives
Rumors become wounds
Jokes become scars
And I'm left there
Over thinking
Why did they say that?
Why did they treat me this way?
Over thinking back into depression
Why do they hate me?
Why am I even here?
I cause myself to reevaluate
Until I'm questioning my motives
I tell myself I'm a fighter
Pull all nighters
Until I'm calm enough to face the world
People hate because you are doing something great
Right?
I'm great right?
Why let people get to you
When everything they say doesn't have to define you
I'm in the eye of the storm
The worst part is behind me
Funny how the things you said didn't blind me
Relax
You're okay
Stop over thinking
Pray
Why can't they just leave me alone?
Why do I let my over thinking show?
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 8:58 PM UTC
I lie awake
And think about everything I hate
Everything that relates
To my past
Old habits coming back
And I have to adapt
To the overwhelming amounts of self hate
The new scars on my arm
Tell me that I've come a long way
They will eventually go away
And then I can focus on each day
My thoughts and my feelings
Happen to be two different things
My thoughts control my feelings
But my feelings cause my thoughts
So I ought to reevaluate my life choices
Even though I don't have many
Only ones I regret
And then you come along
And make my heart strong
I can't help but feel like the universe owes me one
Or two
Or three
I'm not picky
I just want something extraordinary
To make up for all the holes that are left of me
Maybe I over think things
I try not feel
But think too much to makes sure that everything is real
I'm thinking myself into depression
Regression
Every thought leads to violent expression
And I just need someone to look at me
And say that I'm okay
My thoughts lead me away from anything that involves positivity
Just say that you believe in me
And that you will never leave me
Why sleep when I can think
Why think when I can sleep
Maybe if I think about sleeping it will happen
Everything around me slowly becomes everything that's hurt me
I don't want to die
I just need to find a reason to stay alive
Dec 9, 2013
Dec 9, 2013 at 10:07 AM UTC
When did we forget how to feel?
We forgot how to be.
As a society as a whole.
This world we live in forces us to label how we feel.
So we choose depressed.
But why?
We label every feeling that isn’t normal as
“Depressed”
When really.
Were just sad for the moment, Stressed for the day,
Happy right now, And lost for this hour.
“Depressed” Is a mental condition.
I see dark when you see light.
You see sad i see normal.
I don’t feel happy the way you feel happy.
But you don’t feel sad the way i feel sad.
I stand here trying to reevaluate this situation.
I want YOU as a human in this society
to remember how to feel.
No label your emotions
in such a broad term.
WE are humans.
We have emotions.
This does not mean we are depressed.
I see Facebook posts, and Tweets, And instagram captions
Saying how these people are “Depressed”
When yesterday they were loving life.
This “Depression” i feel.
Is not day by day.
Its something i wake up with
its something i go to sleep with.
Because you are sad today
doesn’t mean you will be sad tomorrow.
Food for thought.
Peace.
Sep 30, 2015
Sep 30, 2015 at 11:58 AM UTC
My mind wandered as he walked in,
Wandered into the undetermined future of this thing they called "us"
Was it a lifetime of undeniable affection for one another?
Or was it a longing that would only lead to years of jealousy and rage?
Either way it goes it would definitely lead to an unrelenting passion,
Unrelenting huh?
A never ceasing, always wanting, continuously pursuing, passion for one another.
Sound like a lot of trouble to me.
Maybe I should sit back and reevaluate my wanderings,
What if this attraction is only felt by me?
Then will I want all of this?
Am I okay watching from the sidelines as my other half of "us" creates "us" after "us"
What I want to say is NO!!! And run away
What I will probably do is sit and watch,
Watch as the other half of my "us" turns into a quarter than an eighth and then a sixteenth and so on and so forth until the number behind the decimal is too long to count.
And even then I'll be sitting here waiting for him to return
Cause even in my singleness I am loyal.
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC
For who can say life is not but a dream.
When you sleep does your mind often know that you're not awake?
Something that your brain can't distinguish between,
is it reality or dreamlike serene?
For who can say that death is not but a dream.
Free'd from mortal coil, the body may wither but the mind may transcend separated from the body. Time is only conceptualized and regimented. Time is of course intangible. There has only ever been one time, the now everything is happening on one scale, at one time, always.
Empty, like all living beings. composed of nothing.
All that lie behind those thin human shells, and interact as if aesthetics are taken for granted. However, all is perceived and compiled of atoms and molecules, particles. Nothing lies truly there except for perception, look aside of the boundaries and reevaluate the conception.
Living, stagnant cogs of the world with fear of rejection.
Are you a dreamer? there isn't too many of us around anymore.
Life, is a waking dream and you walk down its path, but must challenge it and not give in, therefore life is a walking exam.
Aristotle spoke of knowing something because he knows he knew nothing. I know nothing, we all know nothing, knowledge is found therein.
Faking your way through everything, who's going to call who's bluff. Invisible boundaries, ones greatest enemy must surely be themselves,
for instance all those living their lives painting imaginary walls to lock their dreams in. Told something that isn't just on a daily basis by media no you shouldn't and no you can't. Hypnosis of the masses, bow down to the monopoly and put priority to the meaningless monetary.
Living lives chained to sheets of paper, always chasing, never ever asking why? do you need that, but will you die? Confused and lost sight of the real. pursuit of Happiness, Knowledge, Creativity, Love, Possibilities of above.
Break out the invisible shackles, leap out from under the internal prison and run, never stop till you reach the top of the mountain and scream. We are free and the time is now, there has never been a greater time to be alive. The world is our oyster lets soar and leap to the pinnacle of our greatness.
We can all achieve our potential, your life on a canvas, paint your masterpiece.
Jul 12, 2014
Jul 12, 2014 at 10:58 AM UTC
"If anyone botheres you
I've got your back"
You said
So I guess you'll have
To reevaluate your statment
Because your phrase
Echoes in my head
Bugging me each
And every one
Of my days
How you told me
To stop being myself
Because I was a little weird
And now my fears came true
I got to know that everyone else
Thought that too
Because how could a father
Tell his daughter
To stop being who she is
So my smile slowly faded
You saw it less and less
Each time
And my playfulness halted
And turned into series of complaints
I hear it all the time
In your voice
you are disappointed
You are slowly shriveling me up
Weighing me down
I am sorry
I am not enough.
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 11:43 PM UTC
Most of the political world
needs to reevaluate on
how indifferent neutrality
and tactful compromise
does not amount to
equal measures
in a thriving democracy.
Mar 3, 2021
Mar 3, 2021 at 10:23 PM UTC
"You talk about the days you once knew, by far more icy that this morning's dew. trying to start up a conversation, aint **** lets reevaluate our observation. roof tops, are where we sit, trying to relax, light up that spliff. in time we are inevitably curious, maybe one day it will all be luxurious." (est.j.r.e.)
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 1:19 PM UTC
Lets be kids again and fall in love with everything we find along our journeys in this world.
Lets recapitulate all the moments of innocence and happiness we once lived.
Walk with me;
tell me about your day as if you were planning for tomorrow.
Express every detail with passion and energy.
Describe to me exactly how you feel.
Ponder with me;
question everything like it's the only thing you've ever known.
Mature with me;
understand life for what life is,
we cannot control it's terms;
we cannot always be there.
Spend time with yourself instead of worrying about others for a change. Reevaluate yourself as honest as can be. Get to know who you really are.
Accept that person,
cherish that person,
never let them go.
Consider the times where you thought you'd never see tomorrow but still woke up the next morning and things got better as time killed everything with age.
Find comfort in the present, live for the moment, and don't be afraid to fall in love..
It's what kids do.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 12:37 PM UTC
I wish I could wander
Break from the ******* of daily life
Because its about that time for me
To reevaluate the life choices I’ve made
And this time
I’m finding that
That time
Is harder to reconcile
My moments arrived to release myself
Let me break these chains
And find the man I’m yet to become
May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013 at 10:28 PM UTC
Home of the free and land of the brave
The home I reside in isn't free and with all these deaths it should've been called land of the grave
So, why should I fear death?
Even when I go about things the right way and subtract bad decisions death will always be left
Keep your eyes peeled and light on your heel
These bullets are like my words, not meant for a specific person can be for anyone to feel
And I'm not trying to disrespect the people that protest
But you'll never see me protest anything because everyday there's a new thing to protest
Dead people found in freezers, protest
Racial profiling, protest
Immigration laws, protest
And while we're talking about immigration, I've seen more marriages at the courthouse than ever
I'm starting to think nursing isn't where the money and success is at and officiating marriages be my new focus
Hurricanes came with pain and aim to level everything so nothing be the same
But if you want my opinion, disasters like these give cities new reason to rebuild bigger and better
Rebuild and reevaluate financial importance
Let's try building more homes and ignore a need for a fence
Many people might call this talent but I'm just speaking facts
During the daytime I'm just a regular college student trying to find my way in life
But at night I'm the dark knight trying to make my city a better place with words instead of bats
Sep 24, 2017
Sep 24, 2017 at 2:15 PM UTC
Lying in wait
Prone to stagnate
Unfulfilled dreams
It's never too late
I sleep not
For I am awake
Immersed in frustration
Time to create
Not procrastinate
With eyes open
Feeling deflated
Hardly elated
Don't hesitate
To Reevaluate
Rise up from bed
Set the engine to rev
Idle instead?
It's all in your head
Lying in wait
To Regurgitate
The ideas in your brain
Manifest to inflate
The cognitive state
Invent a gimmick, solution, or trait
Should I reiterate
For the duration
Due to inflation?
Remember this date
No time to debate
Today is a gift
Isn't that great?
Not a moment too soon
Must have been fate.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 12:57 PM UTC
it's almost funny how you can control your own thoughts and your own feelings. it's almost funny that it was this easy. but i dont think about this as often anymore because i am so happy. not ecstatic not elated. just happy. i am not eternally sad or mad or frustrated. just happy. i have not bathed myself in ***** water for weeks now and i have used soap in all the right places and made sure my taste buds were scrubbed. i feed myself with respect and i cuddle myself with people who make me laugh so hard i **** myself and they are the ones who make me think how i ever got bad. i reevaluate the things i say i regret doing, and now i do not regret doing or saying or feeling any of those things. they happened for a reason and now i am here. just happy.
Nov 29, 2013
Nov 29, 2013 at 7:27 PM UTC
In a silent room filled with strangers
you are the only sound, 'sides an occasional cough
and the T.V. going off about... Wait. I have no idea.
Television drowned out in my thoughts, left behind
some other where some other when I relied upon it,
when I was afraid of what was in my mind.
Now, I. Am lost in thought, poetry, books, words, thoughts on paper
Inspiration. And you are distracting me television.
You were only left on as ambient noise because somebody thought
that we, a group of perfect strangers would be too afraid to talk to one
another, too afraid of silence even, and I am glad that we turned you off.
I am proud to say that we did not, that I do not, rely upon you.
I pity the people that rely upon you. I pity their minds. Locked up
in clean little cages with boundaries, standards, and goals, even
life ambitions created by a society that relies more upon
green slips of clothlike paper than it does human interaction.
How long before we have robots answering our doors
the way machines answer our phones? This madness
needs to, no it must stop. I demand that we reevaluate.
If you'd rather a sack of cash over the words and thoughts
that I have than so be it, but you, you are worth more to me than gold.
I want to sit in silence with your mind, and cherish it.
Sep 2, 2010
Sep 2, 2010 at 5:59 PM UTC
lord please tame my ego
because it seems that i go
wherever he goes
and wherever he goes
i know
is a place so high though
i'm so tall
but like shaq at the free through
i fall short
clank
and here we go
again
back down to the bottom
try not to get swallowed
the pressure
the faces
the people
expecting
i get swallowed
pressure consumes me
my ego led me astray
the man i was yesterday
is a boy today
so i reevaluate
and try to understand
who i really am
him or me
my ego
i tell him to do what i want
matter fact
i just forget he's even there
and see where that takes us
Oct 15, 2013
Oct 15, 2013 at 11:32 PM UTC
you are leading me softly
into deep blues and tangled sheets
quiet impressions of your past loves and their crooked teeth
while you, hang me in yours:
golden molars set on a house of cards
(This dissipates and collides)
and you don't breathe you smoke
pouring grey all out into the empty space
skin meets air meets time meets space
you spit ash and I reevaluate
the space between our hands
spiraling again
you tell me to open my eyes and take it all in
your hands on my waist
my hands turning tight
catch and combust
collide and spark your apathy
I burry myself in the face of the ocean
swirling slate hushed under the seabed
the wanting comes in waves as I'm drifting after you
this longing eats holes in my favorite shirts and breaks like the wings of the tender creatures of the night
wasn't their fault they were just drawn to the light in your teeth
and the feeling compels that as the waves break neither of us can remain
I'm just tripping after
deep blues and tangled sheets
quiet impressions of your past loves and their crooked teeth
just hang it and hang me in yours.
Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 7:34 PM UTC
One of a kind???
To be undermined
As this earth is redesigned
by so called masterminds
The future predefined
becoming unaligned
and a lot less kind
The direction does not have to be underlined
The evils has all combined
To define the fate
of Mankind
The divine it seems
confined
Mankind has lost it's faith
Now it's only about cyberspace
So much time with this we waist
Is it upper case or lower case
is it in the database ???
It will be the down fall of the human race
You wait!!
Can't you see how it dominates
It will detonate
Mankind
As we overpopulate
We need to reevaluate
the direction of
Mankind
!!
Nov 10, 2015
Nov 10, 2015 at 8:59 PM UTC
My mom once told me there were four parts of a movie.
I asked her, *is it the beginning, the body, the ****** and then the conclusion?*
She shakes her head, no she said. It's the play, the pause, the rewind
That's only three I thought. I leaned closer as she explains to my eight year old brain what it meant.
The play is when the excitement first builds. It's the thickness of air around you, but still you run out of breath. She says. It's the beginning of the adventure, the beginning of everything.
She takes a breath. She presses the cigarette **** against her lips. She takes a sip from her wine glass.
The pause is where you reevaluate things a little. She begins. It's where something takes you away from your track, and it leaves you baffled, so you stop a little, digesting what went wrong.
She takes another drag from the cigarette.
The third one is the rewind. Her eyes turn a little glassy. It's deciding that the movie was good enough, that it's worth rewatching. That somehow, you can overlook the bad parts and rewind again, replay again, because to you it was that good.
Mom and I stayed silent for a long time. She kept sipping from her wine glass.
I swallow. You said there were four parts, I say.
She looks at me, and her eyes were filled with sorrow, pain. Anger.
The last part, she spits out, is the stop. It's deciding halfway through the replay that it simply won't work anymore. That it needs to end. That the bad things will always be present and cant be overlooked. That the excitement isn't worth it anymore.
She takes a deep breath. She stands and ruffles my hair. She kisses me goodnight. I close my eyes and listen to her heavy breathing fade through the lonely halls of our home.
Later that night, while I was in bed, I get the distinct notion that she wasn't talking about movies and their parts at all.
Feb 7, 2017
Feb 7, 2017 at 11:49 AM UTC
I think I've been looking at this
all wrong
she doesn't miss me
and she didn't know
what it meant when she kissed me
and I shouldn't expect her to
because I never spoke my mind
completely
oh god
I'm a fraud
I can only be mad at myself
me
myself
the blame is on my hands
my hands
Oh ****
Oh ****
Oh ******* ****
I've done it again
misconstrued everything
time to
reevaluate
I'll see you later
when my head is on
straight
Dec 23, 2014
Dec 23, 2014 at 2:37 AM UTC
I shake my head at you
Your eagerness is charming
Your willingness overpowering
You're much to eager
to jump in this world
Like a child cannon balling
into the Pool
creating ripples
whereever he goes
Your much to willinging
to participate
but you must walk
before you can run
so you don't trip and fall
Don't stumble on these words
that float easily to your head
Take a breath
Stand back for a few
and reevaluate
simplicity is a good thing
to much can ruin
don't think me scolding
don't think me cruel
I'm just tryng to help you
one writer
too another.
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 9:20 AM UTC
I'm 26
Just the ******* children of economic hitmen
Will we have the strength not to give in
Now that we are apart
My blood
My oldest friend
Brother I've missed those songs for too long Again
Ill watch you walk
I'm 31
I don't know you now
Your disposition is stagnant
you don't inspire me
You chose the road
I stayed in one town to reevaluate my perspective and create new seasons inside of me
Another year gone
We hardly talk
My suitcase packed
Ill be in Zurich soon
But first ill look to you in the bay
No matter what you say
You are the other half of the moon
Meet me in the city.
Ethiopian food on Haight.
Amoeba records
Your finger tips feathered from the cold.
Hurry up.
We are getting old.
Apr 26, 2013
Apr 26, 2013 at 1:36 AM UTC
If you find yourself still bleeding, open your diary and reevaluate the moth-eaten story of your heartbreak. Reconcile where it all went wrong and follow this perfect recipe to cook up a new anxiety:
- Flip-flop blame onto you—onto them—back onto you
- Stew in all 26 emotions you never had the chance to express
- Brainstorm every possible outcome you could’ve conducted
- Choose the happiest ending
- Let it simmer overnight
- Set it in the freezer so it will never get old
It must first be thawed before it is dined, but I should warn you that when recooked, the odor is foul, the taste is stale, and you will unavoidably lose your appetite.
You can either starve or swallow the pain.
The choice is yours.
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 9:37 AM UTC