If you find yourself still bleeding, open your diary and reevaluate the moth-eaten story of your heartbreak. Reconcile where it all went wrong and follow this perfect recipe to cook up a new anxiety:

- Flip-flop blame onto you—onto them—back onto you

- Stew in all 26 emotions you never had the chance to express

- Brainstorm every possible outcome you could’ve conducted

- Choose the happiest ending

- Let it simmer overnight

- Set it in the freezer so it will never get old

It must first be thawed before it is dined, but I should warn you that when recooked, the odor is foul, the taste is stale, and you will unavoidably lose your appetite.  

You can either starve or swallow the pain.

The choice is yours.