even with all the love letters that I've sent
I know I don't kneel low enough to really repent
all you ever ask of me
was to give myself unrestrained, completely
but so much of me lives in the past
always I'm the drifting ship without a mast
and you always knew it
but me leaving you proved it
now your anger is almost all I feel
seen in every passing glance I steal
and I can't blame you
for hating what is true
now I'm cashing in memories just to wear a smile
but the sore pangs of life's true cost come every new mile
and every thought of what's lost drives me into someone's arms
looking to find the same protection and charm
but stranger after stranger makes my life a little stranger
and where there could be new connections there is only mistrust and anger
and the ache of constant questioning drowns me in another drink
and I swallow the color from another glass till I'm back over the sink
facing that awful mirror that always tells the truth
that silently describes how the tears in these eyes are the proof
that I don't know how to love you more than I did
and I know it fell so short of everything you wanted
and now I know I regret it myself too
all the needed things I couldn't give you
but I don't know now who I am without you here
when I look backward to our past I see myself then so clear
all I can do now is give these apologies for all your realized fears
that I couldn't be the true love that you could always hold dear
Just a lonely girl
With a heart to share
Just a single boy
Smelling love in the air
She looks to the future
Hoping for a feeling
He looks behind him
The hurt sends him reeling
Time is the playing field
On which they play
Floating towards each other
Getting closer each day
He casts away his mistrust
Of those who might hurt him
She makes the effort to be seen
As someone other than victim
Finally the day comes
And their feet shuffle together
On the crowded street
Their love floats close like a windswept feather
An errant glance is all it takes
For fate to link their hearts
But a commotion on the street
Causes their paths to part
This love is over before it began
Too many distractions to take
Away their future and replace
It with a happiness that’s fake
Over and over repeats the cycle of abandon
The lonely know all about a life spent alone
Too little to escape and change their fate
But just enough to make their tender heart moan
The cry of an empty heart echoes at night
Filling the streets where the happy stroll
Filling their deaf ears with a reminder
Of how sadness left unheard selfishly takes its toll
This mistrust encumbers me--
I am surrounded.
Not by meanful things.
Things that leave me unfulfilled.
Drawing on my addictive nature,
Solitude steals and plunders.
Trampling in greed and lust,
It seeps away my zest for everything.
In a nutshell; I'm starved.
This social butterfly is dying.
The me that was--
Shortly ceases to exist.
Without a sound
My eyes become black holes,
Whipping at the air,
As they vortex, sucking in energy...
Those words could explode.
Say those three words.
Give me the antidote, my cure.