The streetlights shine through my warped glass panes
Spraying shapes for me to watch in vain
I wonder if after 50 years
Anyone will even remember my name
The cars whizz by at dangerous speeds
I lose sense of time and neglect my body's needs
Feeling myself whither away and unable to stop it
My life's coming to a crashing halt while theirs proceeds
I have never felt this alone before
I keep waiting and hoping for something more
But nobody can come save me from myself
As far as I'm concerned I'm done for

im not trying to cause a riot
but no more nice girl being quiet
im telling my story this time
and its not my fault you commited the crime
i've been hiding in the dark
healing on my own
but im not that same girl anymore
im not going to pick up my phone

it wasn't "one little mistake"
no, you knew i was barely awake
you took away my choice
but you didn't take away my voice
i'm ready to use it now
to speak up for the truth despite
the backlash i know i will inevitably face
when i look you in the eyes tonight

you told me what happened
while your hand was on my thigh
"its embarrassing you got that drunk"
even my friends turned a blind eye
it took me years to process
a simple caress would cause distress
but now i can say
nothing makes it okay
and nothing gave you the right
when i was passed out
6 years ago, midnight

its like the trees are
listening to me now
sitting in their shade
the moss pulls me in
down the rabbit hole i go
falling to the depths
i hit the ground running
and have never looked back

Everywhere I look all I see is you
In cars, at bars, even on the street
And after everything you put me through
To not just leave, but cheat?

tonight i will stumble up the steps
rattle the key in the door
but my bed will be empty without you
i miss how it was before.

staring at the sidewalk the night of my birthday
i show up at your door
here for your roommate says my mouth
my tears say that i want more
its his bed i sleep in
dreaming of your lips on my skin
last summer car parked at the drive in
i was a sucker for your devil grin

these butterflies
come and go sweetly now, darling
what if we tried again
and ran it all from the top
would you want to be my baby?

my life is stretching before me
an empty canvas waiting to be painted
but how can you draw a million smiles
how can you capture a thousand adventures
how do you tint a hundred sunsets
or dye a couple heartbreaks?
all i want on my canvas of life
is to have my heart stained with the colours of you.

As if I need someone to remind me
My insecurities go deeper than what you see
Jealousy surrounds me in a depressing cloud
But how can I be mad if I don’t voice my thoughts
It’s not their fault that my stomach is in knots
I sit in the room surrounded by my peers
But they don’t notice my darkness
They don’t see me or my tears

i want to tell you that you’re mine
this cozy new year’s eve
your kisses are heaven
your smile is divine
and i’d hate for you to leave

i want to tell you that i love you
this dreary valentines day
you brighten my sky
you quiet my mind
and i’d really like you to stay

i want to tell you that i’m leaving
this warm Sunday afternoon
my trust you have lost
pinky swear, fingers crossed
two hearts broke that day, in June

tonight you yelled
screamed til i felt shame
but i know what i want
and i am not to blame
you may claim that you stopped
and you did it for her
but you're no better than him
just because "your nights are a blur"

99 bottles of her on the wall
99 bottles of her
drank one down
trying to drown
98 memories of her all around

im drunk.
high on god knows what
with the whole world spinning like a top
its even worse when my eyes are shut

but its worth the sickness
for the slight reprieve
needed a break from reality
where i can pretend you didn't leave

we are puzzle pieces of the unknown
only to be solved when we come together
in ignorance of our own mysteries.

we live in a world of half truths and half lies
if you believe any different, how lucky are you
to be so peacefully naive.

the first rule i was ever taught was
deception is a way of life
those who are good and honest
do not last long in fake towns.

stop, she cried
as i broke it in my hand
why me, she asked
when i have the rest of our lives planned?

i cant help it, my reply
as i watch you fall through my grasp
i love you, i sob
my voice coming out barely a rasp

if only it were that easy
if it were punishable like a crime
take me to the gallows
as the church bells chime

if it were looked down upon in society
instead of treated like an art
i bet there would be a lot less of it then
breaking a young woman's heart

i went to the market today
i bought myself a fresh bundle
not of your favourites, but of mine
of yellow and blue with green stems

tonight i will fill the mason jar fresh
with water and petals floating alongside
and i will watch as the petals drop
one by one i save them, dried

tomorrow i will go to the market
i will walk to the water and smile
i will skip rocks on the shore
and watch the waves stretch out for miles

i will keep those petals in a jar
those of green and yellow and blue
i will remember their place on my shelf
i will always remember you

i look in on myself from behind the window
glass stained with the colors of my life
i stare, utterly alone
until my face fades away and i am lost

these secrets and lies
can only take us so far
love me openly

The wind whistles in the trees and I watch
Transfixed by their easy swaying
How they can bend so freely
How they can snap.
It seems so simple
So impossibly clear
Watching something break.

He whistles and I watch
Transfixed by his comfortable presence
How he is perfectly himself
How he has no idea.
I have made it so simple
So impossibly clear
Yet he doesn’t seem to notice me break.

i stand on my tiptoes
stretching toward your lips
stare into your eyes
and press forward with my hips
i ask about your day
if you're excited for tonight
i want to close the gap between us
tomorrow i just might

if i was a better friend
I’d have hung up my hat long ago
but my selfishness has taken over
and i know that you know
that we’re better together
and no good apart
so im going to hold you as close as i can
until i break your heart

Wasn’t it just yesterday
I learned to ride a bike?
Or felt the grass between my toes
As I flew my rainbow kite.

Those days so quickly turned to nights
Spent with the boy next door,
Stolen cigarettes and first kisses
A bottle spinning on the floor.

Suddenly I had moved away
No longer a little girl,
Started a career and found a lover
Said yes to his grandmother’s pearl.

With his green eyes and my brown curls
Out came a baby of our own,
And since that day I can’t believe
Just how fast she’s grown.

Now each night before bed
I’ll tell a story I’ve made up
And then I poke her belly and say,
Please try to never grow up.

I think I’m falling in love
Cant stop this feeling
Its like I’m in heaven above

flashing lights in the front window
the crack of the old garage door
the smell of grease and a smile
after 14 hour days and wanting more

kiss n ride drop offs
and homemade baked goods on the counter
the smell of her perfume
and floating sounds of singing all around her

the house sits in darkness
wondering where it’s family went
where are the smiles, it’s asks
where are the children, where is their time spent?

And I’d take the good with the bad now
If it just meant I got to be young again
The arguments would mean nothing  
If it meant I got to go back to then

i woke up at five today
just to watch the sun rise
i walked the deserted streets
smelt the bakery's morning pies.
the colors shifted overhead
a fusion of honey and rose
i didn't worry about hair or makeup
didn't even change out of bed clothes.
it was a sacred time
a moment for me, and me alone
to walk in silence and feel at peace
moving headfirst into the unknown.

i wonder if my issues make me damaged goods
im not sure i will ever be whole
these scars are not skin deep
they are carved into my soul.

do you remember
those nights in my room
eating croissants at 2am
you smelling my perfume

i go back to that moment often
and the way you said my name
you trip over your words
setting my face to flame

i still owe you
one mac and cheese dinner
under your ceiling's string lights
you made me a sinner

my stomach was in knots
as i told you the news
but i didn’t expect was the yelling
the hitting and following bruise
it is yours; I swear
and I am yours too
but you don’t want to see him
don’t care when I am due
i will raise him alone
apple falling far from the tree
show him how to love and be good
show him what a man should be
so that when he grows old
and has a baby on the way
he can be a proper father
he will not run away

I can still see your brown eyes staring
Hunting me down, hungry
I shy away, a thin veil of modesty
Protecting me from the truth
But I can’t hide for long
The real shield has always been my youth.

Naivety has always been a privilege
One that was not wasted on adolescents
Until teenager became synonymous with antidepressants
And now your brown eyes shift
Tracing my outline
I guess he’s too focused on my hemline
I’m not even old enough to drink wine.

Maybe he doesn’t care
Nothing wrong with taking a look
No consent involved in a quick glance
No one would believe a kid anyway
I have no experience in romance
No proof he even made an advance.

I’m just a silly little girl
Too young to be taken seriously
And yet somehow not too young
To be drooled over by a man’s tongue.

tonight i wont fall for it
though i cry on your shoulder,
i left this behind last year.
i have moved on
though i havent gone far
life without you is my greatest fear.

i follow the steps
down to the sea
i follow our path
the one of you and me

the sand quiets my footsteps
and the wind whispers my name
as i follow her down to the shore
there she welcomes me in
embracing me deeply
and i sink to her depths, forevermore

to be young and dumb
in the city that never sleeps
just waiting for disaster to strike
we're all playing for keeps

There are days when I can hardly breathe
When getting out of bed is something I am proud to achieve
They say we are too young to know true suffering
They’re right.
I shouldn’t know the pain of losing a close friend
Losing count of the funerals I attend
I shouldn’t crave the feeling of an empty stomach
Should be too young to watch those around me slit their wrists
And use self-harm as a way to feel bliss
Self-destructing as a way to feel something, anything
In a world where we have gone numb.

im addicted to you
to your laugh and your smiles
your "i havent seen you around in a while" 's
and i've made most of it up in my mind anyway
i romanticize the little things
like your bedroom and the way your t shirt clings
i can see our future so clearly its scary
its not happily ever after by any means
but its enough for now
its enough for us in our teens

am i falling in love
or am i just falling apart
will they be right about you?
was i wrong from the start?

you see her on the street and you smile
the kind of girl that leaves you wanting more
the kind that makes your heart hurt
the kind that can shake you to your core.
you wonder what her life must be
with perfect hair, face, and shape
she could have anything she wants
yet all she got was ****.
she was so beautiful, they say
back when she was young
so much potential and promise
yet from a rope she hung.
they don’t stop long enough to see
the truth behind it all
call it a shame and move on
blame it on drugs or alcohol.
people are choosing to be blind
ignoring, as it only gets worse
nobody seems to care, until
it’s their daughter in the hearse.

your words can never hurt me
as they cut me to the bone
leaving scars like no other
their damage goes deeper than sticks and stones

waking up to the birds chirping
the sun peeking through the trees
there really is no better feeling
than that of a soft spring breeze

the bullfrogs croak
in the heat of the night
while the darkness bleeds
with sparks of firelight

I must steal Harold’s purple crayon
And build myself a brand-new town
No king or paper bag princess
It will be me who wears the crown.

I shall draw myself a forest
And begin the stories anew
Word of the Fair Queen’s fame will spread
And chaos will ensue.

In order to reach my kingdom
You must first prove your worth
I cannot be reached by sea or sky
You must travel over the earth.

Through the forest is your only hope
To gain such fortune and fame
Marry the Queen and rule the kingdom
If you can survive the game.

You must follow Little Red Riding Hood
As far and as fast as you can
Steer clear of Jack and his beanstalk
Do not trust the Ginger Bread Man.

Snow White’s cabin is to the north
Goldilocks lives to the west
Hansel and Gretel will offer you food
Beware, this is a test.

The Three Little Pigs are plagued
By the Big Bad Wolf of lore
But even he is nothing compared
To the curse Sleeping Beauty bore

**** n Boots and Robin Hood
Will save you just one time
Dare to steal the Goose’s Golden eggs
And you will be punished for your crime.

If you manage to defy the odds
And make it through alive
I shall take your hand and under our rule
The kingdom will grow and thrive.

You must understand it isn’t personal, darling
When I slip the poison into your canteen
I miss my game, and nobody can be
More powerful than the crooked fair Queen.

the first night you found me
i was singing in the kitchen
"we are young" on the speakers
feeding into your addiction

and i didn't know you then
i had my own group of friends
found myself pulled into your
seven-day weekends

and we didnt last long
but nobody said we would
my memory of you is marked with
a promise of falsehood

one final night last may
left me crying at the ballet
god i was such a cliche, i
thought that i could change your ways

we smile and laugh
his arm draped around my shoulders
we talk like lovers, you see
but when im gone he holds her
and i know this to be true
i have seen it with my own eyes
we would both be so much happier
if we dropped this friendship guise

appreciate the little things
you're alive
rain or shine
so fake it 'til you make it
and be on cloud nine
you shouldn't have to be lying
when you say "i'm fine"

i walked by your house this morning
twice before going inside
i used to feel happy and free there
but now i curl up and hide