may my delusions
be smashed

may my sanity
be restored

wisps of smoke rise like prayers
to the sky

may hope overcome fear and hate
in the darkest of nights

i pray for you my friend who feel lost and alone
may you find your way home

words ramble out
like notes through Mile's horn
or smooth strokes on the keys by Bill

poetry and jazz collide as a rhythm of sound and beats
echo through my heart and soul

love of music and words fuses inside of me
and comes out as cacophonous mix of sound

.
                            ice
        
           melts                      slowly

making                        ­           patterns

       that                             secretly
             makes     ­         God
                           smile

your soft purrs lull
me into peace
friend for life

speak out
against hatred
love who you love*
without fear

broken bodies                              with open hearts
call forth                                       inner change
my mind                                       seeking for peace
releases into infinity                   in a simple touch.

i fell in love with the Tao,
                        when i wandered the mountains of Korea
                                                                ­                                               as a child.

i cannot name the Tao,
                        or hold it conceptually like religious deities
                                                         ­                                                     unspoken.

i­ love the Tao,
                   when my heart is aflame in the great reality of
                                                              ­                                              now.

            
                                          i am fully alive,
                                                         when i flow with the great
                                                           ­                                                 Tao.

nothin' like home cookin'
to revive my soul and belly

a brief moment of clarity
a moment of grace is all it takes  
to truly surrender

the hard part is to keep surrendering
a day at a time, but not as hard as
living in the hell of my disease

grateful to be free just for today
and to be trudging
on this "road of happy destiny"

today, as i walk this path
I am not alone

Beloved, you were waiting in
the veins of my soul to provide
sweet water to quench my
spiritual thirst

no person, *****, or acclimations
relieved my desperate thirst

Today, I am a channel of your life giving water that
I freely share, and in return I am given the gift of
peace and serenity in my soul

i have been silent
words do not flow out of me
i am a steady stream of silence

              words spoken out of turn
              used to incite great reactive storms
              in the mind and body of my father
  
                             sometimes i am silent because of fear
                             but lately i am silent, because i speak
                             with my body and actions

                                         i no longer speak hollow words that **** life out
                                         words that lead to further disconnection
                                         today, when i speak  i choose words of connection

                                                                   little by little
                                                     peace
                                                                   grows in me

your love
melts into me
thawing my icy
*heart free

sitting and waiting
a breeze visits
with a soft caress

winter is fast approaching
and the morning frost has
already come

but my heart is like the spring
and new life is blossoming
in my unfrozen heart

May the love I feel
stay in my heart forever

just a little bit longer
linger in my arms
as our breaths sync in rhythm
and our bodies lie heart to heart
stay with me
just a little bit longer
as the everything else fades away
for a few moments
the only thing that matters is
our hearts beating as one

stir awake from your drunken slumber
embrace the joys of life that you may be free
pass on this beautiful gift that's freely given

at the edge of oblivion
not knowing if I should
surrender  or continue living
the way I have for a while
which is only half living

it's easier to keep doing what doesn't work
than ask for so I can change and try something new
but my own mind convinces me I got this
even though I am slowly falling apart physically
and dying on the inside

I am on the edge of oblivion
stranded with my worst enemy
me

I am desperate enough that for the first time
in my life I ask for help and actually take the help
without dictating what form that help takes

this all happened over 3 years a go
and today I have a life I never imagined
all it takes is for me to be willing to continue
to ask a power greater than me for help each day
and then be willing to take the help that comes my way
sometimes it means I have to put my willingness into action
or just simply sitting in silence and waiting

I am no longer suspended
but connected into the fabric of life

no matter how fast i go,
i never seem to be able to outrun time
my actions catch up with me,
then i can either run or face the music

recently i have found a third way to live,
i can flow with the stream of life
and be guided by the natural rhythm and harmony
of a Loving Force Greater than me
I just have to "relax and take it easy."

negative words cut into me
they leave their wounds

old cuts flare up now and then
I hear the world screaming
I am not good enough,
even when I am the only person around

the negative voices in my head
are slowly quelled by the daily spiritual path
based on love and service,
and each subtle damage is being transformed
to scars that teach

no great awakenings has happened today,
but something small has shifted and my heart
is just a little more free and light than it was yesterday

each day sometimes can feel weighted with life's responsibilities,
and feels like more of a burden than a gift

a subtle shift happens in me when I trust in a God I don't understand to guide me, to where I do not know, but
I know I'm not walking it alone

the summer rain washes
my blues away

makes everything new

i want to roam those gentle mountains
free from the clamors of city life
nothin' but the sound of cicadas
and the feelin' of a summer breeze

i have the summer time login' for yester years
childhood memories grow sweeter each year

eyes so tired
sinking into oblivion
searching to find
*love

.                                              

                                                 sunrise
                                 meet the              and greet
my soul wakes to                                                  it with a smile.

strange that my
self-will and self-centered fear
had to be emptied
before I could be filled by
a Loving Power

I did not surrender,
because I was so spiritual
but I had no where else to turn.
the gift of desperation was truly grace, a free gift, but in the moment I only saw it as a curse.

take me to the edge of oblivion,
promise me your empty lies.

sweet ecstacy,
you take me to the edge of madness.

I have been here time and time again,
I always trust you with my heart.

In this brief moment of sanity,
I choose the mundane reality of my life
with promises of joys and pains.

There is a quiet transcendent ecstasy
in a life that leads to wholeness.

I never thought I would be a teacher,
even if I am an assistant teacher, I am
helping to shape the minds and spirits
of my students.

I teach students with autism, and sometimes
I wish I was like Professor Xavier and that I could read the
minds of the kids I work with, who are a mystery
to me.

I don't have mutant powers, but I do have the
capacity to love.  I learned and honed the skills
of listening to my heart at L'Arche, which is
often called the school of the heart.

I do my best to learn the lesson plans and provide
reinforcements for positive behavior, but
mostly as I engage my students I pray a simple
prayer of "Thank you. I love you."

My students are not a cumilation of data, facts,
and their diagnoses.  Each one of us including
me has value, because of the breadth of life of the Creator.

Divine presence, may I treat each child with love and
with an open heart, so I may give and receive.
May I teach and be taught lessons of the heart
from my students. Thank you. I love you.

my heart crumbles
as I walk away
with you crying in your mother's arms
with tears streaming down your face
reaching out to me

I love you
                            i loved you even when i put you through harm,
                            even when i put chemicals into your body.

I'm sorry
                           for all the times i hated you, and almost took your life.
                           I chased oblivion and thought that would bring me peace.

Please forgive me

                           , so i may learn to love you. you and i are one.  

Thank You
                            for loving me even in small glimpses of hope in my darkest
                            moments.  you kept me safe so i may return home to you.
                            home to the seat of my heart.

I wish I arrived at humility out of love,
minutes often I arrive at its doors
through the pain of humiliation.

My self righteous anger brought me
to this moment of the beauty of humility
as I cradle my bruised hand after punching a wall.

I am a human being that makes mistakes,
and the beauty of a spiritual life happens
through progress not perfection.

I am growing little by little,
and slowly breaking the cycle of violence
passed from my father, passed to him by his father...

I cannot spiritually grow alone and without help.
The beauty of humility is that I am not alone, and
I am neither the worst or the best.  I am human.

Buddhists say that each breath brings us closer to death
the saying is not a morbid desire for death, but a reminder to wake up now

I know the big sleep is coming, and some days knowing I will die motivates me to be fully present to today, but somedays the knowledge I will die makes me want to withdraw and do nothing

I don't want to run from death, or embrace death to run from life

most of my life I have tried to keep
appearances and show the world
that I was a strong confidant young man

I smiled my polite smile as I was dying inside,
so afraid to share with any other human being
all the shame and guilt I kep buried deep inside

I have a fellowship of people today,
where our common weakness unites us
and we find strength in mutual vulnerability

when I embrace my weakness,
I allow God to enter into me
through my wounds

how easily I forget along with the rest of the world
that God chose to meet us face to face in weakness,
in a flesh like mine

your life is such a blessing
it brings me joy

mystery abounds
when I embrace love

the sad little boy lost in himself
who was so afraid to love is now
growing into a man, and soon will
welcome a little boy or girl into the world

I am lost for words for love filling my heart
with gratitude for some power greater than me
that helped me to stay alive when I was doing
everything possible to end my life

If you are where I was,
lost in the darkness of my own mind,
please don't give up hope.
If someone like me can discover love and hope
with each day than you can too.  

Life is a great mystery to be experienced,
so we can share it with others.

life giving water flows
from the hidden spring
look within

are you a harbinger of death or life?
sometimes it feels so right to shoot the messenger.
you brought the message that my heart could not bare;
I feel as if I am dying from the inside.

how could it be that three simple words could
cut me to the bone,
"I hate you."

followed by the devastating blow of
"I never loved you."

the sea rises and falls
in rhythm with the moon

my soul ebbs and flows
in  rhythm of our love

the crisp morning air
embraces my skin
greeting each pore
with a welcome
to wake up

I write because it feels right
in the process of writing
I am creating something

the Divine spark lives in me
and comes to life in the act of creation

even during my darkest suicidal hours,
I could not abandon poetry and art.
the act of creating and destroying
saved me

the process of writing is like my life
I build and destroy,
and in the process
try to grow from the experience

waves crash and pound the
hard earth till it softens

soft caress of the mysterious moon
and the vast ocean

there are no words to describe
the space in between
where love blossoms or welts

no words to describe
the space in between
when life lifts you up or crushes you

no words to describe
the space in between
the joy of birth and grief of death

the greatest gift of my spiritual journey
has been learning to experience
the space in between
where life is more than either/or