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7d · 31
winter
When I think of seasons,
I don't picture colorful leaves,
Falling in delicate pattern.
I see highs and lows,
Valleys and mountains,
My sadness, my woes.
I can hear my past thoughts echo,
I can remember being happy.
But I cant feel it.
New joy is fleeting.
Falling.
Failing.
This season that I sit in,
Is frosted over, cold.
Nov 27 · 35
Something wicked
Rose Amberlyn Nov 27
It hurts to be here.
My mind plays fortune teller.
Predicting all future tragedies.
Mourning all possible losses.
Seeing myself gone.
My little one alone.
It's as if a bully lives in my head.
Taunting my happiness.
Pushing it down,
As it desperately tries to stand.
I'm confused.
And I've been waiting.
Have I always felt this way?
Have I crossed a line?
Should I be worried?
A silent intruder.
Stealthily hiding in my head.
Waiting for its turn.
To make a move.
Nov 7 · 55
Moth
I am a moth.
Drawn to the flame.
Burned.
Yearning for something we used to have.
For the people we used to be.
I've been trapped for a short while.
Lost in the dark.
You turn out the light.
My eyes can't adjust.
And when you dont mean to,
You turn my wings to dust.
Oct 19 · 58
Anxious.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 19
I found a corner in my mind,
barren, if not for a box.
I dare not visit, or stand to close,
or it may begin to talk.

What if, how come, why not,
maybe so, maybe not,
Try it on, this weighty coat,
see if you can float.

But I begin to fall,
and spiral down,
and lose all control.

So I take some tape,
and surely seal this container,
of my woes.
And hope and pray,
that one day,
I can somehow let it go.
Oct 7 · 78
Birth
who am I now?
This body I once recognized,
Is transformed.
Softer, fuller, different.
My mind has always been a map,
With roads that spin in circles.
But my body was no match.
Now my skin tells the story,
Of a new life formed.
Of hard months and sleepless nights.
And I dont feel better off or stronger,
Like the others proudly say.
I feel foreign and unhappy.
So I'll drive down these new roads.
Looking for familiar landmarks.
Until I can once again,
Call this body home.
Oct 7 · 103
I'm a bitch.
I don't like sharing.
Or letting you into my space.
I have a hard time with being kind.
Judgements come naturally.
Strangers can be punchlines.
Your feelings may bother me.
I want you to like me.
But I may not like you.
My first impression of you,
Sticks even when I'm wrong.
I don't like how I am.
I've said I would change.

I haven't.
But I wish I would.
Sep 19 · 209
Mother
Rose Amberlyn Sep 19
The girl I once was,
Is gone.
The body I once had,
No more.
The understanding I once had,
Has grown.
The heart I once had,
Beats louder.
The skin I once had,
Is softer.

I am brand new,
In this old body.
When a baby is born,
So is a mother.
Sep 11 · 203
Silk of Night
Rose Amberlyn Sep 11
I love the orange glow,
That falls before the night.
The warm and golden hue,
That blows out all the light.

So you and I can lay,
And feel each other close.

Each breath you exhale,
A whisper on my lips.
Each sigh that escapes,
Your grip tightens on my hips.

Covered in the silk of night.
And hidden out of sight.
Sep 9 · 61
Thorns
We can't forget to whisper,
Sweet nothings in the night.
Please don't forget I love you,
When words turn into fight.
The hardest days have come,
But the best days are never far.
Stay with me my love,
Let's not let our hearts grow hard.

Our love is still here,
Hidden in the thorns.
Sep 9 · 140
Baby
The smallest little fingers,
Reaching out for me.
The darkest circles,
Lining my eyes.
The sweetest love,
You'll never see.

In the darkness of the night,
In the warm glow of the dawn,
You and I sit by the window.
Another sleepless night,
Gone.
Sep 1 · 81
Drastic
Have you learned to protect your heart,
From yourself?
To discipline your mind when it wanders?
Just like a small child,
I need guidance.
Recklessness rages as a river,
Through my soul.
A need to detonate.
To drastically change my path,
No matter that it’s the scenic route.
Can I learn to protect my heart?
From me?
Aug 30 · 426
Hidden
Rose Amberlyn Aug 30
Delicate lines,
You drew yourself in the corner.
Painted bars around your dreams.
Said no to in between,
Trapped yourself in the extreme.
You smudged the lines on boundaries,
You highlighted your flaws.
Nothing in this picture,
Is what you would have drawn.

It’s an art.
Hiding behind the lines.
Aug 30 · 62
White walls
Rose Amberlyn Aug 30
Her room is painted white.
A blank canvas.
Whispers fill my ears, of all her
Possibilities.
She is not me.
I have to remind myself.
Empty of memories,
Full of furniture.
I can see her growing here.
My little girl.
One day these coos and cries,
Will change to words.
She’ll sing songs instead,
Of lullabies.
I’ll savor every moment.
Every sweet little song.
In this room,
With the white walls.
My baby
Jun 1 · 126
Decorated
I don’t decorate my lips.
I hear my words for what they are.
I see my actions as they pass,
I no longer cling to scars.

I’m no longer made of glass.

I took off my dress of glue.
The one that had words stuck to every stitch.
Mean, bossy, ugly, spoiled, selfish
- *****.

I’m a work in progress.
I don’t try for perfect days.
I don’t cry for what has passed.
I live here.
I have now.

If you stay long enough to watch,
You’ll see,
I finally know who makes me happy.

Just me.
Jan 31 · 341
bye
Rose Amberlyn Jan 31
bye
You hovered next to me,
As I glided on two wheels,
And slowly you took your hands away.

You whispered soft,
That sugar plum fairies would dance,
Through my sleeping mind.

You gave me love,
You gave me life,

You took it away.
Jan 31 · 141
Beat beat
Rose Amberlyn Jan 31
I’ve just recently learned to stand.
Before, there were hands beneath my feet.
Ideas flowing in my head,
From a different mind.

I spoke, as I had been trained.
I loved the way I was told.
I cried when I didn’t understand.
To please every demand.

But broken, are feet without their bones.
But quiet, is a mouth without words.
But numb, is a mind without thoughts.

And a heart without its body,
Is never really beating.
Jan 31 · 126
For Mark
Rose Amberlyn Jan 31
It’s as if the stars were only fireflies,
The moon hung by a string,
And the sun flickered,
As a burning candle.

Before I met you.

And now the world is bright,
And the light is tangible.
I can taste it in my mouth,
When you kiss me.

My whole world is aglow.

Since I met you.
Jan 16 · 141
Momento
Rose Amberlyn Jan 16
It’s the essence of a moment.
A chapter in your life becomes minimized to a mere, few pictures of it.

And then just snapshots.
A whole year, in one blurry mind shot.
And then it’s gone.

Wrapped up with the rest in yesterdays,
Saved for a dull occasion or a sentimental moment.

A moment in time.
That’s all these are.
Each fleeting day.

What moment do you see the most?
And why is it that your mind-
won’t let it go.
Jan 14 · 220
Straight line
Rose Amberlyn Jan 14
There’s no such thing as triangles,
Or circles,
Or squares.
It’s a straight line,
Straight ahead you can stare.

There’s no backwards or sideways,
There’s no sudden curves.
There’s only then and now,
And heart and nerves.

So take a step. Then take two.
And watch as the line moves forward.
Jan 14 · 179
Story
Rose Amberlyn Jan 14
Floral sheets spread tight over the bed.
Raindrops singing, falling on your head.
Tall shady trees breaking up the light.
Small crystals falling, such a pretty sight.

And it’s just you and me,
And the breeze from the sea.

And it’s just books and tea,
And serendipity.

And it’s all making sense.
Jan 12 · 665
Breathing paint
Rose Amberlyn Jan 12
I’m painting you a million colors.
But none of them will stick.
They drip and drop,
From the canvas to the floor.

Without a face, without a name,
Who are you?
You’re mine.

But I’ll sit here colorblind,
And wait for you to come.
Jan 12 · 167
8
Rose Amberlyn Jan 12
8
A bump.
A lump.
Swallow.

You’re never prepared for life.
But this was ready for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe.
Dec 2018 · 209
fear
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2018
I realize what the problem is now.
Underneath all of my layers lies a cloud of fear.
In less than a year, I've been hit
heartbreak, death, guilt, shame,
people's disappointment with me.

My disappointment with me.

it's the fear of the next blow,
about falling further down the rabbit hole,
about not seeing my way out,
about making my life shrink further away,
from beauty, love, happiness.

it's fear.

when I was 6, that little girl had no fear.
I was fearless, I was brave.
Now I stand digging my own grave.

how do I shut out the fear?
Dec 2018 · 191
you can't hear me in here
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2018
you can't hear me
i've grown so small,
it's hard to see.

the feelings have tripled,
they swim around me,
mouths opened wide,
gulping me whole.

i'll sit here in the dark,
thinking about my heart,
and wait for my breath to escape me.
Dec 2018 · 142
there once was magic
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2018
I once found magic in the stars,
in red tail lights beaming from a sea of cars,
but my lens is *****,
and the night is dark,
the cars are stalled and sit in park.

I once found magic in someone's soul,
now I see one hundred holes,
golden opportunities,
tarnished.

There's no tears for me to weep,
only poison slowly seeps,
and sinks into my core,
and leaves me wanting nothing more.

I once found magic in myself,
now i'm a doll upon a shelf.
seeing life through my eyes,
and hiding many silent cries.
Oct 2018 · 145
everything will be okay.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2018
sometimes I let myself be happy.
rarely, I relax just enough to feel it.
the calm wave, moving through my chest.

everything will be okay.
Oct 2018 · 124
permanent
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2018
Cut it all off.
Paint it a different color.
Change your address.
Change your mind.

But the past is permanent.
Oct 2018 · 152
too hard
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2018
It's old news.
Forgotten by most.
But it haunts me,
like an unwelcome ghost.

Bravery colors my voice,
but my thoughts,
have grown so quiet.

As if admitting it's true,
even in my mind,
would be something,
to hard to do.
Sep 2018 · 313
biting my lip
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2018
memories can repeat,
like a catchy song on the radio.
stuck in your head,
missing some verses,
but the chorus is strong.

whiskey can help,
just for a bit.
Hoping it passes,
and biting my lip.

I guess I'll wait.
Sep 2018 · 135
october
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2018
Simple as sage
burning and bright
ashen and hazy
lights the dark
night.

color me cryptic
call it unsolved
thick rolling fog
that will not
dissolve.

Flee, dark spirits
ghoulish and gall
vanish at once
and heed our
call.
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2018
I want to climb a moss covered mountain and stare out at the ruins of a past civilization.
I want to taste your lips like honey, dripping down my chin.
I want to savor the sounds of the rain,
as they beat down our troubles.
I want to fall into your arms just the same.

I want moments not wishes,
I want more than I can hold,
but I'll carry myself just the same.
Jul 2018 · 91
Boiling point
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2018
words brew in a *** under my skin,
warming, churning, boiling.
Sitting in a chair without wheels,
no ability to roll across the room.

Is it a force of habit that makes you complacent?
Is it fear that keeps you from change?

What is stopping you from changing.
From moving, when plates are shifting under your feet.

Every person in the audience is telling you to move,
to save yourself,
and yet the words continue to bubble.

The *** is only left with steam.
Mar 2018 · 304
More than you
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2018
Congratulations on your new life.
You try so hard to be more than you.

Count the lines in your skin,
The ones drawn by the sun,
That hold you together,
That are a part of who you are.

You can escape them no more
Than you can escape your heart.

The one beating life into you.

You are you and nothing more.
And that's enough.
That's everything.
Mar 2018 · 199
Reminder
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2018
My mistakes are tattooed into my skin,
Reflected when your eyes meet mine,
And there's no turning back.

I hear it in your voice,
Your cologne hanging in the air,
The way you talk to me,
The way I nervously rustle my hair.

What we did won't go away.
And I still want you.

The memory hitting my heart,
Like a hard smack.
The picture in my head,
Of you laying on your back.
Feb 2018 · 296
What's Best
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2018
When it doesn't sit right,
and you can't help but fidget,
and the feeling only gnaws.

Cut yourself free.
Slice through the vines that hold you.
Use the fire within,
to burn what's outside of you.

When you have to choose,
between pain and hurt and you.
Always,
choose,
*you.
I choose me.
Dec 2017 · 273
In the valley
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2017
I've always been the woman of many jobs,
Who floats from one thing to the next.
My interests are too expansive and too small,
At once.

I always change my hair,
I frequently change my diet,
And I always change my mind.

I wish I had a passion,
Something to call my own.

And though I have my loved ones,
I'm always left alone.

Some may say I'm in a valley,
And all that's left is to climb.

But all I see is myself,
Slowly wasting time.
Nov 2017 · 285
Again
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
White smudges like maps line the walls.
Crinkled bills sit on the counter.
The shades have wiped away the sun.
And humming drifts through the room,
Without a greeting.

Air sits thick upon the chest.
A pencil skipping skillfully to the tune,
Of Rosemary Clooney.
A single bead of moisture glides towards the desk.

One single tear of a paper takes us from Monday to Tuesday.
And it's here we find ourselves.
Again and again and again.

Until everything changes once again.
Nov 2017 · 344
Untitled
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
Close those eyes,
That sting and drip.
Slow the breath,
That shakes and quivers.
Calm the heart,
That yells and groans.

This body is only skin and bones.

Like twinkling lights,
The soul will show,
unto the room.
Nov 2017 · 177
Thankful
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
I'm thankful for what I've lost.
Because it changed me.
I'm thankful for how I've hurt.
Because it's shaped me.

I'm thankful for what I have.
Because he loves me.
Sep 2017 · 289
Doubt.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2017
To become so self aware that you can feel everything.
I can see myself from outside my body.
Except it's all a lie.

The shape of my body,
The curve of my hips,
The palor of my skin,
The frown paste to my mouth.

This walking lie.

The way people stare at me with disgust.
The faces they make when I look away.
All the awful things they've got to say.
All imagined.
All lies.

Why do you hurt yourself?
Who told you these things happened?

When you've lost trust in every person you will find only sorrow.
There is beauty in pain.
And trust is pain.
But you are not shattered glass.
So you will not act like it.

This paranoia will eat you alive.
This unhappiness will swallow you whole.
This beautiful girl you stole.
From me.

I haven't forgotten her.
I will find her.
Sep 2017 · 356
Let him be
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2017
if you love him, let him be.
Do not over analyze his words
Or his message.
Do not grow sour in a silence,
Do not fall cold in stories past.
Accept him for who he is,
Human.

There is no perfect man.
There is your man.
Let him say what he wants,
Let him think how he does.
If you love him, let him be.

He may not be an open book,
Or a romantic poem,
But when he shares his mind,
I could listen forever.

Those eyes that lock with mine,
In every movement,
In the quiet,
Or in between the covers.
Those are the eyes I see,
Even when mine are closed.

So I love him. And I let him be.
If he treats you with love and shows only loyalty.
Then please just love him. And let him be.
A reminder to girls that not all guys are bad news. And if you have a good one, treat him like one.
Jul 2017 · 161
Those three words
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2017
Writing is one of the few ways I know to explain myself.
To work out what I'm feeling,
And to express myself.
And yet with you there are no words.

No adjective or verb put together could reflect what I'm feeling accurately.

It's just a moving picture in my head,
Small memories and thoughts about you molded together.

Your laugh, your lips,
the freckle in your eye.
Your breathing as you fall asleep.
The covers wrapped around us both in the middle of the night.
The way you try and make me laugh when I'm angry.
Your jokes and one-liners and isms that make you, you.

That's how I know that I mean it.
When I say I love you -
I can't describe you any other way.
I can't verbalize what I feel for you any better,

Than those three words.
Jul 2017 · 167
Moonlight
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2017
She sat in the sky,
Keeping warm in the glow of the moon.
Surrounded by only black.
And yet in her eyes,
The reflection of a thousand stars.

She wondered why some things were so romantically alluring.
The blanket of darkness we call night,
The burning glow of a candle,
The orange radiance of a full moon in the sky.

It's in the mystery of the night,
The call of a midnight wind,
The silence of a world asleep.

It's on the moon where she feels free.
Jul 2017 · 221
Unexplained
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2017
I just can't see why.
She whispers her unhappiness to me before she falls asleep.
But you have a beautiful life, I say.
To which she replies,
Why do I feel this way?

And I can't give her a good reason.

She is mopey and moody,
Unpleasant most times.
And I cannot console her,
Or waken her smile.

But some days she leaves and doesn't return.

This silent shadow that's haunting me,
Is really no person but lives within me.
Jul 2017 · 332
Sailboat
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2017
It called to her and echoed a thousand times within her head.
Like billowing sheets for sails,
And an oak living room table for the hull,
She moved with her imagination.

This vivid picture that roared like a thousand tides upon the shore.
Like crying tears of oil that stick and stain your face.
And bubbling thoughts and doubts that change you.
She moved whether she wanted to or not.

The voice you hear within is too soft spoken.
The fears you drown are much louder.
If only this small sailboat was a submarine.

Below the surface is where she sits.
Jun 2017 · 297
life
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2017
It's in the dirt smudged into the lobby rug,
And hidden in cobwebs under the stairs.

It's drizzling down the side of tall buildings,
It's wafting towards us in the air.

It's in calloused hands and drying mouths,
It's in every grimace and every pout.

It's life.

You may not like it.
You may turn from it in disgust.
But it's in you.

The same specs of sunlight you crave,
Crawl in the night.

It's the stuff of life.
And it's in you.
Jun 2017 · 250
goosebumps.
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2017
Small little bumps rise with the hair,
on my skin.

With each soft breath,
with each cool breeze,
you leave me shivering.

Barely any light to see them there,
only moving skin and tangled hair.

But in the still of it all,
you give me goosebumps.
May 2017 · 266
grab a ticket, get in line
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
Hundreds of people in one single line.
I find myself at the end.
Standing on tippy toes to see above the crowd.
Some don't even know what they're waiting for.
Others know far too well.

This isn't my first time in line.
I see a sea of one hundred faces.
One becoming more blurry than the next.
But eventually, my turn will come.

And I can only order.
With no control at all,
over what you serve.
May 2017 · 206
evergreen
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
Evergreen needles stretch upwards.
Rays of the sun glide gracefully through the sky.
Pine cones are scattered throughout the forest floor.
My bare feet step carefully through.
My eyes searching the tall tips for clouds.

Maybe this is home.
Maybe wherever I am is home.
May 2017 · 317
I think of you.
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
It's in the quiet.
Surrounded by buildings,
or in the midst of high rising trees.
The absolute silence.
I think of you.

Do you think of me?

My thoughts are haunting me.
No amount of time can take it away.
It's when I'm alone.
And I think of all that happened.
All that went wrong.

It's been a while.
But I can still feel the tears coming in hot.
Before I stop them.
It's in the quiet.

I think of you.
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