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&
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
&
Lemonade & sugar.
Tar & nicotine.

To be held & be known.
To be kissed & be seen.

There's a lot you don't know about life.
There's a lot you don't know about me.

There's a lot you don't know,
about loving me.
16
Rose Amberlyn May 2016
16
Jean skirts torn from wear,
Lipstick smudged, tangled hair.
Where have you been all night?

A smile left over from the fall.
Glasses clutter countertops.
No idea where tomorrow is.

And I'm 22.
And I'm not with you.
But I'm going to be.

And I'm listening to Ingrid,
sipping black coffee,
daydreaming,
And I'm 16.
4:1
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2013
4:1
Life is a very tempermental thing,
fragile in its being and lovely in its small moments of joy.
A game of give and take,
that stretches but never breaks.
No one is perfect, no one endures,
that does not tire once in a long while.
Forgiveness is a true friend,
sometimes difficult to find among the ***** combat fires.
But She is there. She is always there, waiting.
Every person that touches life, has theirs touched as well.
And how sad an untouched life would be.
An empty canvas, dreary and bitter in the sunshine of others.
Life is no stroll in the park, through gentle breezes and warm summer flowers.
Life travels in four seasons, not one has been skipped.
And so peace is found in the beginning and the end.
All must be endured.
Those who grab life by the hand with a smile,
are the ones who may truly experience all there is to offer.
8
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
8
A bump.
A lump.
Swallow.

You’re never prepared for life.
But this was ready for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe.
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2013
My heart is like a dollar bill.
It is something of worth that passes,
from one person to the next.

Will I be spent,
or will I be saved?
And if I am saved,
how long will my stay be?

I cannot hold onto one
person.
Because in such a short time,
I could be passed down the line,
to the next.

But over time,
I will be spent.
No one wants to save a dollar,
forever.
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013
I desperately yearn for that sweet feeling,
where the earth sits beneath my bare feet.
I eagerly search for the next adventure,
the one that will make this life complete.
Long summer days, long sunny rays
that play with the color in my cheeks.
Getting lost and being found,
in a city that plays hide and seek.
Tall evergreen trees or grainy sand,
I'm living free,
no matter where I stand.
Rose Amberlyn Aug 2013
All anyone in this life seems to really want is acceptance.
The comfort in knowing someone cares about you and will protect you.
People are fickle, complicated and ephemeral in our lives.
All anyone needs is a friend.
Someone who understands you without words being twisted about.
Because words can be poisonous.
Emotional
                   unstoppable
                                        attached
                                                     capricious and afraid.
Everyone is afraid.
Friends can be family, something more or something less.
But having someone who knows you is all anyone wants.
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2017
White smudges like maps line the walls.
Crinkled bills sit on the counter.
The shades have wiped away the sun.
And humming drifts through the room,
Without a greeting.

Air sits thick upon the chest.
A pencil skipping skillfully to the tune,
Of Rosemary Clooney.
A single bead of moisture glides towards the desk.

One single tear of a paper takes us from Monday to Tuesday.
And it's here we find ourselves.
Again and again and again.

Until everything changes once again.
Rose Amberlyn May 2014
All I crave is that gentleness.
The firsts of things where sweetness rings in the
beginning of love.
The call of sheer simplicity as all falls into place,
and the selfless wanting-ness that remains in all of its grace.

All I crave is that gentleness.
Those bubbles of hope that slowly rise up,
and tickle your insides.
That rush of heat that stains your cheeks,
that you'll never be able to hide.

All I crave is that gentleness.
That genuine, selfless love.

All I crave is that gentleness.
The kind sent from up above.
Rose Amberlyn Apr 2017
I still hear pencils tapping,
as if I was sitting in the second row,
at my own small desk.

I can feel the blood rush to my head,
sitting upside down on the sofa,
with my legs over the head rest.
Talking on the cordless phone.

I see the sand pebbles,
collecting in my converse,
from afternoon bike rides at the beach.

The coolest breeze crosses my face,
and I wake from my daze.
I see the sky outside my front door.
I feel the tile under my feet.
And I hear no one.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2012
Life is full of challenges,
promises, broken promises
happiness, unhappiness
adventures, empty days
acceptance, loneliness
smiles, tears.
It is the people who fill your life, that make it beautiful.
Treat the ones you love with respect,
love, loyalty,
and trust.
When people are taken away from your life,
you'll begin to realize it isn't much of a life.
Take risks, be cautious
achieve, mess up
run like wild, slow down
and live fully.
Whole, complete, filled,
we are the puzzle pieces of the earth.
Without one of us there can be no peace.
Hold hands, kiss lips
share smiles, and realize that this is wonderful.
Feel the wind when it passes you.
Smell the seasons changing.
See love in every corner of your life.
Because we're only here for a very short while.
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2014
And she was glowing.
A freshly lit candle, building in its fiery strength.

And she was fearless.
Hanging from the bridge she had not yet crossed.

And she was joyful.
Happy.
Open.

Light as a cloud.
Her happiness had never been so loud.
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2013
The elegant sound of the willow as it rustles in the wind,
the gentle sound of the sea as it dives onto shore.
The silence of a darkened night lit a glow with shimmering stars.
And you darling.
All of my favorites things.
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2017
Some refer to love as pure magic.
This invisible hold on your heart,
that mends and burns and quenches.
Some refer to it mindlessly -
others with deep and meticulous thought.

May I dare to say, that it does not exist?
This harmonious bond between two people.
In so many forms, and so many ways,
our idea of love will fall apart.

It is nothing but a symbol, nothing but a great hope,
nothing but a promise, nothing but a commitment,
nothing but a feeling, nothing but a word.

And without it, where would you be?
Without it, who would you have?

You.

So if this thing called love did exist,
who decides what it means?

An individual, or the collective?

Or you?

So the definition of two people,
bonded by the soul, by the heart, by the body, by the mind -

is defined by one.

And we wonder why it doesn't last.
Rose Amberlyn Apr 2016
Don't go looking for an answer.
Don't stir the sitting ***.
You'll hear nothing in a murmur.
You'll see nothing in the dark.

If he wants you, he will show you.
Still my heart, be still.

There is nothing in this moment,
That won't surely show again.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2019
I found a corner in my mind,
barren, if not for a box.
I dare not visit, or stand to close,
or it may begin to talk.

What if, how come, why not,
maybe so, maybe not,
Try it on, this weighty coat,
see if you can float.

But I begin to fall,
and spiral down,
and lose all control.

So I take some tape,
and surely seal this container,
of my woes.
And hope and pray,
that one day,
I can somehow let it go.
Rose Amberlyn Apr 2016
A picture is worth a thousand words.
But a picture of you, is worth one.
*******.
Rose Amberlyn May 2016
I'm sorry I threw us away.
I'm sorry I forgot our love so quickly.
I'm sorry I never called.
I'm sorry I'm not sad.

You never listened to me.
You heard me, through closed ears.
I fell out of us in April of last year.
And you listened for the first time in April.
Of this year.

I'm sorry.
But I can't apologize.
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2017
We aim to prove ourselves strong and without need.
Our target is someone who we want to desire us.
Our blow is that we never desired them at all.

And the arrow may be removed from their flesh.
But the words will be branded across their mind.

And the hurt will never fade from memory.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
A fragile blood rich body,
balanced upon a protective slender stem.
Petals that surpress secrets far within,
A tender bud far from blooming,
that is perched upon my window sill.
In months to come its secrets are
exposed.
Opening, it reveals its death.
Once beautiful, turned crisp and brown,
rotting away within itself.
All the lies released into the cold winter's
air.
Limp and hanging from its crystal vase,
the underneath visible.
What was beautiful is now foul.
Why would you give a loved one a rose?
I would not.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2013
The smallest of day dreams can become haunting.
Anyone can call you beautiful,
but only someone can reach out the hand that saves you.
Those who look lost,
who wander without purpose.
They need someone to hand them a map,
to breathe out the light that shines their ship to shore.
Anyone can give a secret smile,
that will be wondered about for the remainder of the day.
Only someone can stop,
and say hello.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
Time is an old story teller,
he is all-knowing and all-seeing.
An old diner that sits in the west under an illuminated open sign,
holds the most twisted relationship there ever was.
Black coffee sits in an old ***** white mug,
false smiles highlight the masks of the two,
pastries gather together on an ugly dish.
Crumbs collect on their laps as they sit in their unhappiness.
Her skirt rumpled, his jeans creased,
her makeup smeared, his beard unshaven.
His wandering eyes, her lips turned towards the table,
their glumness leaves a distasteful air in the vacant restaurant.
Together they sit alone,
the rock clasped to her finger, a symbol of their struggle.
The man shudders in the cold, stands up, and walks away.
She does not follow.
Her coffee has become ice cold.
And yet the clock on the wall
just
keeps
ticking.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2019
The smallest little fingers,
Reaching out for me.
The darkest circles,
Lining my eyes.
The sweetest love,
You'll never see.

In the darkness of the night,
In the warm glow of the dawn,
You and I sit by the window.
Another sleepless night,
Gone.
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
I’ve just recently learned to stand.
Before, there were hands beneath my feet.
Ideas flowing in my head,
From a different mind.

I spoke, as I had been trained.
I loved the way I was told.
I cried when I didn’t understand.
To please every demand.

But broken, are feet without their bones.
But quiet, is a mouth without words.
But numb, is a mind without thoughts.

And a heart without its body,
Is never really beating.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
I danced around the green yard in my beat up sneakers,
without a care in the world.
Blonde pieces of hair fell in my face and passed by my eyes.
The music blared through the small speakers,
carrying me in my confident disposition.
I am me.
I felt free.
Someday they'll see.
I am happy.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2015
Sometimes it hurts too much to care,
To trust all things on which they swear.
But melting wick still needs it's flare,
And kindled heart is best when bare.
I will not blow out
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2019
who am I now?
This body I once recognized,
Is transformed.
Softer, fuller, different.
My mind has always been a map,
With roads that spin in circles.
But my body was no match.
Now my skin tells the story,
Of a new life formed.
Of hard months and sleepless nights.
And I dont feel better off or stronger,
Like the others proudly say.
I feel foreign and unhappy.
So I'll drive down these new roads.
Looking for familiar landmarks.
Until I can once again,
Call this body home.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2018
memories can repeat,
like a catchy song on the radio.
stuck in your head,
missing some verses,
but the chorus is strong.

whiskey can help,
just for a bit.
Hoping it passes,
and biting my lip.

I guess I'll wait.
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2016
The sweetest nectar,
The most sour twist.
The warmest hope,
The ice left behind to thaw.

Why is it we have to lose it all,
to gain so much more.

I don't recognize this face in the mirror.
This freshly polished complexion.
I picture the 6 year old me at my side.
Looking up at me.  

My suitcase in hand.

I hope she would smile.
This adventure is for you, kid.

xoxo
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2015
Close your eyes.
See your heart beating from the inside.
Burning blue,
watch your veins flow outside of
you.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2012
Look into two ovals of blue,
Ice caps, the winter's sea, rough, vigerous, cold.
Swimming in snow, through snowflakes, through veins of blue too.
Ice on the surface but water underneath.
Drowning.
Skin white as the snow, struggling.
Waves of warmth leaving her body.
Head towards the sky, towards the air to fill my lungs.
Drenched, heavy blue jeans, weighing me down.
Pull me to peace.
Where two ovals of blue close, and sleep.
Where warmth may be found.
Dreaming of a different set of ovals.
Brown and deep that search for something more.
A hand to reach into my ovals of blue.
That finds me.
That pulls me out softly.
Gentle.
From my battle within this cold.
This desolate despair that makes no good friend.
The ice will melt.
The cold must end.
Blue eyes made of ice.
Awaken again.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2015
Blushing water stirs,
underneath the willow,
floating, floating
flying.

gone.
Rose Amberlyn Jul 2018
words brew in a *** under my skin,
warming, churning, boiling.
Sitting in a chair without wheels,
no ability to roll across the room.

Is it a force of habit that makes you complacent?
Is it fear that keeps you from change?

What is stopping you from changing.
From moving, when plates are shifting under your feet.

Every person in the audience is telling you to move,
to save yourself,
and yet the words continue to bubble.

The *** is only left with steam.
Rose Amberlyn May 2016
Please steal me away, in the middle of the night,
Hold my warm soul, so very tight,
Please search for me when I'm out of sight.

I'm floating above my body, watching it wander,
And baby, I see you, steady on your way.
I'm a jealous woman, I may pull you under.
Be strong in what you say, keep your head above the waves.

I'm a quiet heart, I won't beat too loud,
But my mind's a train heading out of town,
Are you steady, darling, are you feeling strong?
Cause I'm a loose thread that won't last too long.
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
I’m painting you a million colors.
But none of them will stick.
They drip and drop,
From the canvas to the floor.

Without a face, without a name,
Who are you?
You’re mine.

But I’ll sit here colorblind,
And wait for you to come.
bye
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2019
bye
You hovered next to me,
As I glided on two wheels,
And slowly you took your hands away.

You whispered soft,
That sugar plum fairies would dance,
Through my sleeping mind.

You gave me love,
You gave me life,

You took it away.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
Carry me to the sea,
where the air revolves in salty circles.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Carry me in your strong arms,
to our home where I belong.
Carry me through my great sorrows,
to your warm laughter and gentle smile.
When the grim darkness envelops me in a sullen tangled web,
carry me away to our golden rays of hope.
Carry me, darling.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
Dainty fingers reach for the invisible wind,
gliding across smooth faces.
How lovely are the delights in life, invisible to the naked eye?
Trust the pulse in your chest,
don't think twice.
Smell nature's gift,
breath in deeply the crisp winter air.
Hold delicate little snowflakes in your palm,
watch them flitter in front of you.
The seasons change, but that feeling in your mind's eye,
will forever grip you.
Embrace it.
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2014
She is my little china doll,
sitting on her shelf.
Her fragile figure delicately composed.
Her porcelain face is always smiling.

She is my little china doll.
Carefully, daintily, beautifully.
Rose Amberlyn Mar 2014
Things could be so easy,
if we would let them be.

We could be much happier,
if we just let go.

Instead of saying,

no
no
know.

Just know.
Rose Amberlyn May 2017
She was leaning against the white stucco wall with a cigarette between her teeth.
Her long black skirt kissed the concrete as she fidgeted.
No one would ever call her innocent.
No one called her sweet.
She blew a thin cloud of smoke into the air.
It swayed in the wind and curled around her hair.
She closed her eyes and waited.
16 long years had gone by since her beginning.
If she wished hard enough, maybe another 16 would go by in a blink.

The photograph of her sits on the rickety table in her very first apartment.
A freshly burned cigarette stews in the ash tray on the table.
She smiles, looking at herself. Knowing what she thought then.
Knowing what she knows now.
She closes her eyes and waits. For another 16 years to pass her by.
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2016
Cold coffee sits in her cup as she watches the door eagerly.
The waitress behind the counter turns her back, and spits into a cappuccino.
Cold coffee remains on the table.
*****
She looks down at her white ceramic mug.
Deep breath. Take a sip.
*Life's a *****
Rose Amberlyn Dec 2016
She said she liked my confidence.
What she didn't know, was it was liquid courage.
That this strong façade was cracking.

Words fall unthinkingly from my lips,
a charm for wit and a fault for aggression.
Just smile.

From someone shy to someone bold.
From someone hurt to someone who could care less.
And that's what she liked about me.

The number of faces I've spoken to,
with reckless abandon.
In hopes of sparking an interest, only to stand and leave.

These shaky hands in surgery.
Should never poke at someone's heart.

But confident.
Sure.
And thank you.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2015
Careless caring
just cross each other out.
Forced feelings
just dirt among a drought.

A U T H E N T I C I T Y

that's      what      counts
Rose Amberlyn Jan 2017
I ache to feel that embrace.
The one where your whole being feels understood.
Where you can watch as the world washes away.

I'm just getting to know you.
The feel of your fingertips so foreign,
the smile you put on so sweet.

I think of you in the smallest of things.
Elegant words, rainy windows, clouded skies.

The only way I can describe it is,
that I'm curious for you.
Rose Amberlyn Feb 2017
Why do they demand so many things from us?

Hair color must be natural.
Go to church.
Get married.
Have children.
Make more money.
Limit your language.
Do not get tattoos.

This is my body, this is my spirit, this is my life.
No one may understand you.
You may feel no one loves you for you.
You may hate yourself for being so different.

But you are amazing.
You are perfect in your imperfection.
You are strong.
You are talented.
You make this world a better place because you dare to be different.

Dare to be yourself.
Because it matters.
Rose Amberlyn Nov 2012
A wild fire.
Dripping paint on an open canvas.
Colorful, inspiring, vibrant.
Breathing life into art.
Bold. Strong. Straight forward.
Her words powerful. Her thoughts matter.
She was born a leader.
Her eyes deep pools of water,
far more lies beneath the surface.
Silent laughter, searching eyes,
she is tough as nails,
but her compassion runs deep.
Socks her best friend, and food her true love.
She is beautiful and she knows it.
An unforgettable character,
beloved like an old classic.
Challenge her, support her,
she carries herself without conflict.
A memorable person, and a best friend.

Love,
Sara Ashley
Rose Amberlyn Jun 2019
I don’t decorate my lips.
I hear my words for what they are.
I see my actions as they pass,
I no longer cling to scars.

I’m no longer made of glass.

I took off my dress of glue.
The one that had words stuck to every stitch.
Mean, bossy, ugly, spoiled, selfish
- *****.

I’m a work in progress.
I don’t try for perfect days.
I don’t cry for what has passed.
I live here.
I have now.

If you stay long enough to watch,
You’ll see,
I finally know who makes me happy.

Just me.
Rose Amberlyn Oct 2012
A delicate heart held in a shaking hand.
Pain.
Sorrow.
Joy.
Love.
I feel deeply; feel everything.
With what you are holding.
Don't close your eyes.
Don't give up.
Stay strong.
Please be careful.
Tender touches, fingers softly stroking my cheek.
Quiet laughter in the morning.
Turning over between warm sheets to see your sleeping face.
So peaceful. So vulnerable.
Leave your guard down for me.
I'm not like them.
I care.
Feet sliding against each other underneath the old oak kitchen table.
Spoons clinking against cereal bowls.
Tired eyes happily wrinkled as the morning sun finds its way in the window.
Warmth, happiness, acceptance.
Don't take it away.
Don't drop what you're holding.
I can only trust so many people to hold it.
Before it falls too hard.
Rose Amberlyn Sep 2012
Hands claw into the wooden floor,
gripping the end in full.
Breath lost in shaking anticipation,
as fingers slip one by one.
Stop the pain.
Don't let go.
Please don't run.
Tall grass passes my eyes as I walk in the field,
where the lost hide.
Don't forget the way,
don't forget to stay.
My hope is unraveling one thread at a time,
something is shattering deep in my mind.
I'll be found.
Because a bruised heart is better,
than no heart at all.
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