sitting
                     in the quagmire of her self contempt
                     a flame ignites beneath
                     the blackened caldron


like
                      a frog
                      set to cook in a *** of tepid water

she
                      was clueless
                      she was being devoured
                      from the inside out

her grandmother        stood at the window in the kitchen

             the corners of her mouth turned up into
                  an unconscious slight smile
                  at the sight
                             of a spinning yellow blur  
                              under the big oak
                              in the middle of the pasture
                              surrounded by green grasses
                                                       wonderous hues of wildflowers

she quietly called out to grandad
                             come see this

                the lanky cowboy sauntered in
                             from the breezeway
                             with his umpteenth cup of coffee
                              peered at the blur of yellow
                              
                              opened the side door
                              stepped out on the deck beside the metal glider and
                                   called out in his smooth baritone voice

                                      sheeeeeelllllliiii...
                                      sheeeeeelllllliiii  lllllloooooooooo...
                                      


she might have
                             been 4
                                   or perhaps five

              precious in the way
                  innocent girls that age are


               dressed in smocked yellow lawn
                                                white lace
                                                patent leather

                                                  up to her shins in spring grasses
    
      slowing her spin
      she turned toward her name

       her face radiant she took a wobbly step or two
      then broke into an off kilter run
                                                 arms stretched out before her

      he took a few long strides
bent his tall body low
offering a bent knee
                 wide open arms


she flew into them with all her might
                   knowing she would be caught
                   rough housed with
                   and given a wickereye

            





                   from the window her grandmother took it all in
                                sighed
                                said to herself
                                         hold this dear
                                         hold this snapshot of the soul
                          

                                         for.                           ever.

ｐｌｅａｓｕｒｅ
                ａｓ  
ｐａｉｎ

he told his partners

unwitting souls
commanded by his
physical
beauty

strong
self assured
manner

unwillingness 2 accept
anything but compliance
acquiescence

compelling
in his self assurance
many were led into his lair
gullible

some to escape
never the being they’d been

some
attempting
to flee
flogged into further submission
and eternal darkness

pleasure as pain
he told them

the once innocents





© 2017
rf

her crystal pedestal shattered

             her tiara
                     bent and covered in filth
                        lying in a river of her tears

who she was now in soul searching question


                   the true test of a princess
                           is not how she holds herself              when waving to the crowds




but rather
  
                           how well she cleans
                           the hearth
                           when finery becomes tattered

alluring astute astounding
       creature
        born of
  
moonlightraysandkissesofoshun           wavesonbaretoesatmidnight
pleads

sotto voce

as the hiss of gaslights hush

& darkness
                  

                
          l           o           p           e           s           t           h         e                                                                              
                                                                                                
       e                                                                                               r                                                                                                        
                                                                                                      
      v                                                                                                    o
                                                                                                                    
   n                                                                                                          o

e                                                                                                                  m                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  


like death taking a young child innocently playing





         despite her   des  pair it cry

she could not be heard
for they did not see
                          her


trapped there
  betwixt

         the fall and the rise


              a ray of the full moon for ever trapped in her own eclipse

                                         seeingallyetforeverunseen
                                         brilliancetrapedintheblackholeofeternalnight

born under a dead star

sun extinguished

nothing rising stillhopeagainhopeagainhopeagainhopeonhopealways as
                                    whispers f
                                                      a
                                                         l
                                                           l
            
                                                                            
   muteondea f earsaretruerthanboogiemenunderthebed




moon aglo behind her with no mirror to reflect
             her luminosity

                  into the endless night


                                       she & her

                                       solitaryexistance              vanish
                                                   into


infin i..........
                                               t

As children
We who wore tights to school
   were taught
to wok in high heels
with a book on our heads


to never wear mascara
on our bottom lashes

                        red lipstick = harlot
            red nails = *****
            wearing jewelry = sinful


                       to be proper
                       to mind our manners


           the three monkeys mantra



                      



So we still
Go downtown in our good clothes            
Wearing high heels carrying a matching bag

We have expensive taste
Reputations to uphold

fast cars
      +
          faster boys
      =
           red lipstick
red nails
bodies bejeweled



We learned
All of that                                      Indoctrination
was nonsense









Oh! The high heels of heartache!
How those cruel shoes constrained us

there on the scaffold
          colorful cacophonous screams emanating from workman’s coveralls  
           captivated her
           rebel in real life



engaged by her lack of hero worship    dedication to her art     the common cause
            her fire drew him to her

and so they began to weave their tapestry

it tells a story
tumultuous
traveled
torn
tragic
timeless
true

brilliant hues
life
as art
compatriots
rebels
lovers
newsreels  
public pride
personal degradation
recovery
reconciliation

back on the scaffold
             cacophony revisited

back on bedrest
              resilient resisting unceasing unaccepting


scaffold and ego deemed titanic-like         demand artistic license  uncompromising
                     crushed   crumble  disintegrate  
               lose face    credibility

turn tale
and run to the one deemed feeble
whose
spirit knows no bonds                        
      as body knows no freedom

yet
is Hercules for them both

until
the day her plaits were drawn crisscross on her forehead
decorated with huge glorious blossoms
      plucked from the patio

lips kissed

last breath

a pair destined for the history books


a love
            rollercoasterlargerthanlife




FateD?


  










Frida & Diego: FateD?    

© 2017 rochelle foles

run infantwoman
run as fast as you can in any direction that seems

AWAY

run till you threaten to drop dead

or

just drop


   skinned needs, skinned knees,
                    runs inyournewtights
                    heels of your palmsbleeding
fromwhere you      
s             k             i                     d                 along the unforgiving asphalt
that had been lying in wait for your stumble
hungry for your blood
hungry for your self
—
effacement to bring you
back to this place
               so well known

– when you – smart actualized near woman you –
go THERE
and stumble




the asphalt only wins
if
you continue to wear               that same pair of tights



(no matter how many times you stumble the thing that matters most is that you land softer)


                 run infantwoman
                © 2017 rochellefoles

if
          she let go oooooooo

the grand canyon
                                   would overflow


so she painstakingly
         bloodredbrickbybloodredbrick
                                            
        
built

        an impenetrable fortress
        to guard what once was
                        
                                           an open
                                           freely loving heart

parapets and towers abounded
        
        higher ground
        first sight
                              
                                          smoke billowed
                                          in warning

                                          gates barred
                                          archers flaming lethal weapons
                                          poised and ready

                                          catapults silently loaded
                                          and aimed


intuition hyper vigilant

                                         as she isolates herself

                                         prepared to ward off

any

                                        perceived enemies
                                        whose intent
                                        evidenced by ropes and picks

is to

                                       stealth fully cross the moat
                                       scale the tower

                                       and unloose the chaos she so vigilantly protects










[wonder


victorious
       or
   victim?]

napowrmo April 3, 2019



                         she stood              on the edge
                                of the  p
                                            r

                                           e
                                           c


                                             i
                                             p

                                             i
                                             c
                                             e

                       pebble in hand
                                   mind
                                   blanketed in fog

                      staring intently
                      quietude engulfing all

              
                      she lay on her belly
                                    arm stretched     o.      u.        t.
                                               over the abyss


                      closing her eyes
                      tipping her ear toward the           unfathomable depths
                                    she loosened her grip
                                               and began counting  




                                     infinity
                                              takes forever
                                              one number at a time



                         © rochellefoles 2019

she walks in rain clouds




she walks in rain clouds
on bright crisp winter days



the night
                         and it’s terrors            still haunting


                                    the infantwomanchild


innocence          a foreign term
ravaged by.                               that which cannot be.
          
                  u .   t.   t.  e.    r.   e.   d.  



          __________


held captive

     in the horrors of darkness that plague her

      despite the rays that warm her face      her hands are icicles
                                                         ­                   protruding from appendages
                                                      ­                      blue and veiny
                                                           ­               

                                                ­                               nearly necro
                             in both body and soul

               as neither dawn nor day
                 hold solace       their strength sapped by the all too real battering

                    of the loathsome black hours that trap them
                      

          _______­_


consumed

        in the hangover
              of fear and remembrance
       she looses her way                 on a path she has trodden many many times
             but never left a crumb trail


         ___________


solitude frightens her
        as does silence            the demons that lie in wait there
        terrify her
                        to her core         she restlessly seeks out companionship

                                                    busies herself with distractions


           futile attempts to vanquish
                     the memories that plague the stillness



              __________


­
she walks in rain clouds
      on bright crisp winter days
        
            tenaciously holding on to her umbrella

it was
     a dastardly decision
         deeming fated
         to deny a future

filled with dismay
     furtive deeds     designed to forget

the futility of dark days

it was still pitch black when she slid out from under the princess and pea
sized stack of her mother's quilts

her feet slapped the chilly
wooden floorboards
of her grandmother's screened sleeping porch
as she scurried into the main house

made her way into the kitchen
snatched several day old biscuits
stashed them in the pockets of her flowered flannel robe

silently, assuredly she swept a mason jar from the pantry shelf
carefully crept to the icebox
poured herself a fridgid, frothy jar of cow juice


slid silently

out the side door into the crisp predawn air
of the country morning

on winged feet

made her way to her favorite meadow
plopped unpretenciously under the
welcoming branches of grandfather oak
snuggled into the ruff bark of his trunk

a bite of biscuit
a sip of cold cow juice

a smile

what better way to begin a day
than welcoming
the bird's songs?


patiently she waited
the sun began to rise
the field flowers turned  their faces toward the light
as her feathered friends songs began


smiling, self satisfied she said outloud, to no one in particular,

it is good to greet the day
it is better to catch the first worm

Black as coal
        Darker than a moonless night sans stars
           As blind to sight as a blizzard to a      
                                               snowflake



   is this mystery


drawn
compelled
inexplicable
      Yet with sooooooooooooooo many black       holes one has to wonder


How ever does this universe exist?


Einstein would have thot it child's play

      "Simple you bafoons,
                  One creates the chaotic world they exist in
                                     and
the other is throughly  entrenched in the theory of a chaotic universe —

so no matter the
                                                head banging


there is a  river running thru
and   rivers   of  l  o  v  e  

are rare

                






And when found
                                           run
                                                       d
                                   E
           E
               p
p
  e
    r

than imagining.



                Flowing strong
                           from time immemorial till time ceases to exist.






            But  rivers

                   Be they crashing as white water over hidden boulders
                    or pooled
                   black as night
                                   masquerading as swimming holes


never,never,never run clear and bubbling
                                                    Like brooks strayed from streams.


rivers  are     a. L. I.                V.   E
           In constant f, l, u,x
          

Always flowing

Ever moving.

So why are you surprised to witness this miracle?  E=MC2  "



                [Silly,  expecting constancy when change is the only constant to be true]

he had
        never               experienced the glow before

her love
        reigned on him
        showered         him with    sunlight kisses

and he
  
        he held the reign bow in his hands






napowrmo day 4
april 4, 2019
(c) rochellefoles

longing 4 my mother
her embrace so warm, gentle
her lap comforting
will i ever again have this
sweet unconditional love...



tanka 1
napowrimo day 5
© rochelle foles 2019

THE SKY IS FALLING!

THE SKY IS
                       F
                         A
                            L
                              L
 ­                               I
                                ­  N
                                    G!

our sitch
                   at the moment
                   is quite the same

unless we are crying
                     WOLF! WOLF!




              thank u
               miss info
                dis-em-e-na-tor
                  donny j


    without whom
     we wouldn’t
                                     be standing
                                      under umbrellas
          with baren spines
           as the thunderous
                      angry skies
           fully open upon us



Presidential now, are we?
           Yoda would posit
To the game, late you are #45




THE SKY IS FALLING
as wall street is



              we
               shelter in place

               social animals that we are

     self isolate
     worry     catastrophize    ignore
    
     attempts to hold on


                  we
                   reach out to comfort
                                   to be comforted






get out your cards
throw the i ching
           the runes
program & grid your crystals


wash your hands
cover your mouth
maintain isolation
                social distance
daren’t cough
             sneeze
             touch

try not to breathe



                  thru all this
                   cling to sanity



         cuz baby


             looks like we just

                     stepped on the carousel

bereft
bewildered
besotted

boy

bound         by brilliant beauty




a lit ter a shun: bababaB

(c) rochelle foles 2019

I bear my soul to U

                
U slam the doors of your heart


I come to U                In my finery

                    The alter is empty


I weep a river

                          U
            
Plagiarize  the Hoover dam


I search 4 U         In the shadows

       But U are silent       to my call of Marco...


i ride a moonbeam  in the hope i’ll see Ur          
                                    reflection
  
                         U             steal her luminosity

                         leaving me in pitch black


i reach out hungry for
                                 Ur reassuring touch

                  but the sheets are smooth oand cold


i crumble in a sobbing heap
                                         my spirit lost without U

she set   off
                              big dreams.   new adventures.

           not realizing

                             her limits of subconscious
                                                 contradicted
                
                             her limitless spirit
    
  
                 that at war with each other
                  the subconscious could
                 without warning
                 paralyze her

                                   with overwhelm and unfounded fears

magnify

consume and ******* her

just when she thot  she had       her world      in order


                           © rochelle foles 2019.      napowrimo

where'd u put the dust bin?



numb
as
a frost bitten toe

shocked
as an unsuspected death

disbelieving
as
an accosted atheist

astounded
as Columbus
upon finding the world's horizon
other than he believed it to be.

reality

crashing
in

p. I
      e
             c

e
       s





with nary
a

whisk
broom
in site.

i used
                        to believe
                              thru the very core
                        of my being

                        with all i had
                                       was
                                       could fathom




            then.
  

                          THEN.       ­         


                                         T.         H.         E.         N.
    


                                  the unfathomable.



      when             faith
                     should have held me


i



l


e



t





g

o




                  falling

                                   into an a                 s
        
                                                  b   ­       s

                                                       ­ y




                                    devoid of
      
                         rope       or.           ladder
                                    







perhaps
             a shift in my gaze



     might      
                    carry me

                              out on gabriel’s wings

alluring astute astounding
       creature
        born of
  
moonlightraysandkissesofoshun           wavesonbaretoesatmidnight
pleads

sotto voce

as the hiss of gaslights hush

& darkness
              l.    o.     p.    e.     s.     t.     h.     e.    
          e                                               ­             r.
      v                                                         ­           o.
  n.                                                            ­                                                                 ­                         
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                             


l­ike death taking a young child innocently playing





         despite her   des  pair it cry

she could not be heard
for they did not see
                          her


trapped there
  betwixt

         the fall and the rise


              a ray of the full moon for ever trapped in her own eclipse

                                         seeingallyetforeverunseen
                                       ­  brilliancetrapedintheblackholeofeternalnight

born under a dead star

sun extinguished

nothing rising stillhopeagainhopeagainhopeagainhopeonhopealways as
                                    whispers f
                                                      a
       ­                                                  l
                                                           l
            
                                                                ­            
                                              muteon­deaffearsaretruerthanboogiemenunderthebed




moon aglo behind her with no mirror to reflect
             her luminosity

                  into the endless night


                                       she & her

                                       solitaryexistance
                                               ­    into


infin i..........
                                               t

A HA



bile





not de zah voo

life
The second time around


a b movie

sitting in a convertible

in a drive in

in a rainstorm


                      




soggy popcorn again