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Tanya May 21
dark scene of shattered sand
blanket for one lays thrown on it
a face so familiar
so distant
feasts upon the depths of my sea

where like fallen stars
jellyfish and comets are slowly
burning down
a sea of present past
stormy caressing waves

I wanted to drawn
in you
with you
in us

I went to catch you
alas, I cut my hands
a rock.
May 17 · 210
what do they call you?
Tanya May 17
I gave a name to all the pains
I went through in the name of you

Eye opening
Sensory depriving
Not okay


Oct 2019 · 123
Tanya Oct 2019
My hand will forget
how to hold onto Yours
and You will slowly fall
into the unknown
forgotten land
of a broken heart’s
Sep 2019 · 408
cosmic lungs
Tanya Sep 2019
Eyes feasting upon mine
as if a distant universe
collided with my body

coldness causing fire
and lips eager to drink the flame

in one shared breath.
Sep 2019 · 194
I let you go.
Tanya Sep 2019
I pick up our memories
like forgotten dusty books
my gentle touch is a remedy
for the thin paper that lonely hurts

dark library is where I choose to read
dark, with nothing on its shelves
except you and me

chapters of love
chapters of sadness
there is one of forgiveness
several of madness

words written but never spoken
love present, still unbroken  
memories inking my mind
I try to leave you behind

I’m still reading, holding your hand
I can’t pronounce it
or maybe i can.
Tanya Aug 2019
sometimes I could feel my speech as vast as a desert
where all the sand grains wouldn’t have been enough for me to speak the oasis of my mind

and other times

I could feel my speech as a desert-
infertile and empty,
spitting words like a camel,
knocking on a door
behind which
the reply was never home.
May 2019 · 643
past lives
Tanya May 2019
Your eyes asked me
what Your mouth was
brave enough not to dare

“Have we met before?
because I think I know You from somewhere. ”
I found me in You
Tanya May 2019
You kept me feeding
on hope and dreams
and like a starving child
I ate.

You kept the door open
the key thrown away
and like a homeless person
I entered.

You kept the fire burning,
with each word of love you spoke,
trembling, unable to get warm,
You held my body close

but kept water closer.
May 2019 · 253
the memory of all that
Tanya May 2019
I can no longer endure the dreadful sound of jazz.

It pains my ears, this rusted, broken pipe
leaks acid straight onto my heart.

In our quicksand of memories I silently sink
and my room seems so dark, so cold and empty
that all the demons from the corners left me,
and you alongside,
with the creatures of the night.

“no, no they can’t take that away from me”

****, i wish they could.
the way we slow danced,
held hands,
loved each other’s glance,
laughed ‘till three
and all those
Tanya May 2019
would you sell your mother for some cash?
watch her getting stripped, misused and harassed?
playing deaf to her calls for help
while greedy men cut her wild hair,
while they dig deep into her soils,
reaching for gold and precious oils
that simply didn’t come for them
but they search all over again,
would you close your eyes when
you meet her desperate stare ?
begging for some help,
praying to be saved ?

day after day
ignorance takes over care
as her once fertile skin
turns gray,
her tears face
skin wrinkles and fades
the life she gave you once breaks
under the pressure of her overheat,
but why bother?
she’s just a money-making machine.
you take, you greed, you win.

would you sell your mother for some cash?

then why do you sell our nature ?
take care of our nature.
mind your personal choices as they influence our world.
take action to change them.
take action to help our mother
May 2019 · 219
Tanya May 2019
yesterday I had a dream
of a yellow flower field
where i ran free
from all the pain
with which i went to sleep
my tears had grown the flowers
which i didn’t dare to pick
and there was
a small,
familiar bee
that stung
May 2019 · 893
Tanya May 2019
I sometimes wish
i could cement my beating chest,
so my heart would no longer bend and break
under the weight of my emotions.
Tanya May 2019
i hate the fact,
we held hands
on the cold January night-
we kept each other warm.

i hate the fact,
i let Your lips kiss mine-
i’m sorry
if i did it wrong.

i hate the fact,
your hands held my body
as if it was the most beautiful
violin in the world-
my strings broke,

i’m hurt.

i hate the fact,
we cooked together -
now i can’t look at food.

i hate the fact,
Your fingers ran through my hair,
as if it was silk and You, a sewer-
I want to cut it short.

i hate the fact,
I opened myself to You,
my home -
and You left;
please, come back,
You didn’t close the door.

i hate the fact,
my ears were so used to
the words you spoke
that Van Gogh no longer seems
like a man done wrong.

i hate the fact,
your eyes stared at mine
like a blind man saw the sky;
i can no longer find the constellations
at night.

i hate the fact,
Your soul hugged mine
so warm,
i felt home.

i hate the fact,
You came and took from me,
and like a broken cup-
i’m still spilling tears
over memories.


i hate the fact
You had to leave
and so did all my parts
You’ve ever touched,
You’ve ever kissed.

They ripped apart  
so hard,
so painfully,
away from me
that i’m still

I hope You find happiness.
Apr 2019 · 193
3 am questions
Tanya Apr 2019
how do you hate someone,
when you love them?

how do you tell them to leave,
when you want them to stay?

how do you erase a connection,
you wanted to last forever?

how do you run away,
when your feet are bleeding?

do you even walk,
when your legs aren’t functioning?

how do you trust again,
when your gut is screaming not to?

how do you inhale,
when you are afraid to exhale ?

how do you say goodbye,
when hello was too pleasant ?
Tanya Apr 2019
the cold crawling of a sharp knife,
tasting your blood bitter than truth,
sweeter than sin,
whispering gently

ripping apart your look for tomorrow
filling your eyes with glasses of sorrow
how does it feel,
ending it all at once,
and yet painting your beliefs
with the color of the blood you bleed?

but don’t worry one stab cannot be that bad,
please, don’t be mad,
pull yourself together and
the warmth inside your soul
may survive;

it could.

but the knife fell again,
not intentional,
a small mistake,
carving a name
on the back of your

did anyone survive?
you stabbed my love for you.
Apr 2019 · 265
the wisdom of zen
Tanya Apr 2019
“the body of a man is like the lightning of a thunder-
it appears only to sink back into Nothing”
Not my words.
I read them in a book and they were too good, too real not to be shared.
Mar 2019 · 2.1k
no color
Tanya Mar 2019
dark night is the bed
to which i come
mostly late,

strip my soul,
lay it down
covered in
memories of
black and white

nostalgia dressed
in a tear-soaked mess
wetting my pillow case

i’m falling down,

dark night
is the bed
in which you
no longer wait
for me to come
mostly late.
Mar 2019 · 174
Tanya Mar 2019
Orange juice is liquid sunshine.
I love the sun
Mar 2019 · 453
trees are beautiful (3)
Tanya Mar 2019

            Leaves grow out of the very places
                        they have  f      from.
don’t be afraid to start over
Mar 2019 · 488
trees are beautiful (2)
Tanya Mar 2019
Branches grow in all the directions
people wouldn’t dare to.
comfort zone
Mar 2019 · 860
trees are beautiful (1)
Tanya Mar 2019

              rooting from nature’s beating heart
              through mud and soil it raises
              a tree, bathing in rain and sunshine,
              listening to thunderstorms at night
                have you ever noticed
                just how brave trees are ?
Mar 2019 · 995
no more love, no more home
Tanya Mar 2019
                                   i s
                            t              h
                  ­    a                          o
                h               ­                      m
         w                                                  e
            ­       is it where you live?
                   a room, p e r h a p s,
                   a house o n  a  street
                   w h a t   i s    h o m e  
                   when you are home,
                   b u t      y o u    f e e l
Feb 2019 · 7.3k
Tanya Feb 2019
always             forever

                     and            are
                              we            mortal
Feb 2019 · 2.4k
bedtime routine
Tanya Feb 2019
                                             Bathe me in your love
                                          with lukewarm kisses,
                                       shampoo my hair
                                    with your speeches,
                                 condition with care
                               and let it dry on sun flare;
                             then put on
                          my favorite pajama
                       and let my lips thank you
                   as my eyelids pull the curtains
                of my mind
             and I fall asleep
                             ­                     side
switch off the lights
Feb 2019 · 1.3k
salty tear
Tanya Feb 2019
A drop
     which falls
                  in the sea,
to my Ukrainian friend.
Feb 2019 · 2.2k
“I love you”
Tanya Feb 2019
I often catch you mispronounce
“I lied to you”
and you wonder why I don’t reply
Feb 2019 · 2.1k
hide and seek
Tanya Feb 2019

I looked through every playlist,
with a hope to find You in the songs
to hear Your voice, track You in melody
Let my ears enjoy;

I searched for You in the cabin
where the book You gave me lays
I found You in some poems but then
You’re somewhere, far away;

Maybe You are hiding in the t-shirt,
I can sense You there,
only scent is what I find -
I search for You again.
Feb 2019 · 2.7k
I don’t take orders
Tanya Feb 2019

You should have known you were wrong
when you pulled me so close to you
that I could suffocate in the tobacco cloud
exiting your whiskey-drunk mouth,
when you demanded my pureness served to you ,
as if my body was a restaurant
and my genitals-
a table for you to book.

Feb 2019 · 1.7k
birdbox paradox
Tanya Feb 2019
I opened my eyes to realize,

you were the one

trying to keep


Tanya Feb 2019

1. Душа /dusha/ - Soul, singular;

2. Души /dushi/ - Souls, plural;
                                 - a way to call people.
We are souls,
that happened to inhabit bodies.
Feb 2019 · 7.0k
questions for a wolf
Tanya Feb 2019
what will you do when your man nature calls upon?
when your eyes get hungry for a female bone
when you starve and crave the flesh
of gentle hands
will you eat another girl
because I’m far away?

will you dance between her hips
the same way you danced between mine?
what about her hair? ,
will run your fingers wild?

will you bite off her lips, then rip her skin apart,
with the same mouth, you said you loved me?
will you blind my eyes
with pretty lies, once again,


will you be a man, loyal to his word?
starve your hormones and desires
‘till I save you from the thirst,
will you not throw away the promises
You gave, when you see her, stripping her body naked,
offering food to your hungry eyes?

will you eat her,  will you starve?
Feb 2019 · 3.1k
Tanya Feb 2019
you pushed me on a wall,
was I a painting to hang?

your tongue spoke my language,
yet I didn’t understand

  what an artist were you
to forcefully draw on me

with your ugliest paints,
with your dirtiest deeds?

that’s not how paintings
should be drawn
but never mind,
blame it on the alcohol.
Feb 2019 · 1.1k
Tanya Feb 2019
It is a furry dog
that makes love
bark in another language,
that makes my heart
run wild on four

Oscar the labradoodle.
Feb 2019 · 9.9k
Night Therapy
Tanya Feb 2019

Yesterday I cried to the moon
as she wiped my tears away
made my worries disappear
so I could sleep again.

Today I smile at the sun
and it shines back on me,
what a wonderful world
to be alive;
to be me.
Tanya Feb 2019
You broke my peace,
I broke your heart
we kept breaking each other
until we fell

Feb 2019 · 165
Tanya Feb 2019
Thank you for the ignore
with which you close the door
               when I come in pain
simply in a need
               to talk .

Showing me
what your door is made of
was the greatest gesture
so I don’t waste my time
trying to get on the other
Feb 2019 · 1.6k
I need a life jacket
Tanya Feb 2019
2 am and my feelings start to flow around,
waking up memories, that never wanted to be found

Insomnia, as always, is a welcome guest
I see her sitting besides my bed
stroking my cheek with her harsh hand,
whispering stories of how it all went,
of what you did and didn’t do
of all that left hidden with no clue.

Her laughter is so sweet and vibrant,
that it doesn’t let me sleep,
instead, it leaves me swimming
in the depths of my mind,
ugly thoughts causing sea levels to raise
struggling to take breath after breath
I remind myself of all I can’t forget.

I never learned how to swim
in that head.
Feb 2019 · 2.3k
Title is at the end
Tanya Feb 2019
Lost my way in the storm of your body,
kissing your lips kept track of my steps
I noticed every line and curve of this mountain
made a map to help myself.

I looked around to find these eyes full of love,
and I did find them, befogged,
I found the very eyes that made me fall in love
looking at another person’s route.

I wasn’t the only one climbing your peaks
but that’s what you made me believe.

What a thunderous event, isn’t it?

“it isn’t what it seems to be”

you say? sure.
I have heard better lies
by the very thieves who came that night
who robbed me of my conscious mind,
blindfolded my eyes with believes
pushed me in a storm and made me leave
my childish thoughts about you,
about what I thought was love.

I made a map of your body
just to find my way
out of the forest where
trees grew
                   l i e s.

-no bitter fruit than truth

— The End —