She was the heaven and the earth
She was beautiful
Everything strong that I could not be
But she left me

She was the ocean and the shore
She was security
Understanding in a way I didn't know how to be
Then she left me

She told me one day she would disappear
And she finally did
I wonder where she went and who she found now

Is she everything beautiful still
Is she still just as strong
I wonder if I ever cross her mind

Hello? Yes, hello...
You must have built up so much courage,
But I'm inclined to say no.
Because although,
Many years have passed...
I'm still trying to rebuild the girl you destroyed and burned to ash

Hello, can you hear me?
Oh now you want to reconcile after all the pain you caused me...
So I've heard, you've been talking,
Going around telling everyone
How sorry you've been feeling...

There's such a difference, between us...
And a million miles.

Hello from the other side
It must have really hurt your pride
To have sat there, waiting.. for me to come around
After all the humiliating words you said to the crowd

Hello from the outside
I learned to walk away and smile
You have written letters and knocked on my door
Begging forgiveness but I must confess I feel nothing for you anymore....

Hello, I'll stop you there
Where's the girlfriend that you had back then
As you would run your fingers through my hair
I hope, she saw right through you
And that she left you just as broken as what you deserved coming to you

I'd tell you something, that I know now
But you're just not worth the time.

Hello from the other side
It must have really hurt your pride
To have sat there, waiting.. for me to come around
After all the humiliating words you said to the crowd

Hello from the outside
I learned to walk away and smile
You have written letters and knocked on my door
Begging forgiveness but I must confess I feel nothing for you anymore....

We walked along the river and approached a small hill.

You reached out for me and offered your help to me, but No.  No thank you
I don't want your hand.

Because me taking your hand is a symbol of trust.

And I don't trust you enough to catch me if I fall.

I would rather be your Friday night than your Sunday morning
Because I know that you're with me Sunday morning.
I would rather be your Unknown Caller.
I would rather be your
"meet me on the corner" or your
"I wish I could stay"
Because that way I would know where I stand.

But I'm not any of these things.
I am your wife. And I am envious of the one who has your heart while I only have your hand.

So little does the outside world see
Of the girl that I know to be me
Of the girl who seems perfect in every way
Who appears so flawless and in such array

So little does the outside person know
That I too fight demons that do not show
That I do see myself in the mirror and want to cry
Because the girl I see is not who you see outside
The girl that I see is messy and lost
She struggles with self image whether you believe that or not
She chooses actions carefully although they seem so effortless
Her insecure comments and remarks are heard as cleverness
Although her love runs deep, his love will always run shallow
And he toys with her emotions because she is young and she is callow

But so little does the outside world know of her soul
Because as she appears is not the story at all.

Your hands are like an earth quake.
So strong and full of force. Breaking down my walls and crumbling me to pieces in your lap. You vigorously shake my emotions and wreck my fortress that I have taken time and dedication to build.

Your eyes are like water.
So calming and moving. I just want to be your rock. You see right through me and my thoughts like a tropical ocean. But you watch me undress and I see pacific waves crashing in your eyes. I can feel your thirst.

Your mind is like a fire.
So sure of itself and so powerful.  Like a forest fire. It would take many men to stop you or put you down. You know the direction in which you pursue and you burn your own path.

Your compassion is like a rose.
Beautiful and fragile; you are gentle and bright.  You bring smiles and radiance to the room but you make it very clear to me that if I hold you too close, you could hurt me.

I'm a little better every day
With each week that passes my eyes see clearer
With each moment that you're not around
I find my thoughts a little more cleaner.
I don't say your name when I'm half awake anymore
Or reach out my hand for you when I'm alone
Check my screen every five minutes for your name to pop up
And I finally deleted your number from my phone.
Erased your name from my heart nearly completely
Convinced myself that I was worthless to you
This made the whole "moving on" thing much easier
Once I realized that's all I needed to do.
Now that I took a step back and see what this was
You're not nearly as great as I made you out to be
You kinda just fall into that same pile as the rest of them
And in time you will be completely dead to me.

You've never felt hate before
Not like the kind you've instilled in me
I feel so possessed with this evil rage
That craves men's hearts, it's so hungry.
What have you done to my hopeful self
You turned me into someone I used to loathe
All I ever want to do now is play reckless games
With each one of their souls..

I guess I'm supposed to fall in love right?
I'm supposed to feel butterflies and laughter?
I'm supposed to post wedding dresses on pintrist
And instantly delete my tinder...
I'm supposed to wait for his text by the minute
And wish on a star that I see him soon
I heard that girls when they're in love fantasize
About what he may look like as her groom.
I heard that women write in diaries about men
Scribble love poems and play Taylor Swift
I guess I'm supposed to do these things when I feel something special
I think I'm supposed to value his love as a gift.
Sure, why not.
Give me love and I'll show you what it's really for
It's a tool that men use on women
To keep them knocking on their door.
It's disgusting and it makes me sick
They really are all the same
And if you think for one second that he gives a **** about you
Then you've already fallen for his game.

Yea, he makes me laugh all day
And his eyes are happy to see me
His hands so quickly reach for mine
When I lay on him his heart beats rapidly.
He sends me texts that say "I miss you"
He forgives me for abandoning him
A few months ago when I was reckless
He holds me like I never left.
He brings me to old places
He lets me nap in his bed
He trusts me with his secrets at night
He willingly lets me into his head.
I see nothing wrong with him, except
He needs love and I can't give that
I have no doubt that he can wait patiently
But I'm afraid I won't ever have it back.
I'm sure I'll look back on this poem one day
And smile to remember him
Sitting alone in my thoughts at home
Dreaming of what it could have been.

His words said he loved me
But his hands told another story
His eyes saw right through me
And his soul was just hungry.
He was hungry for love
But he didn't know what that was
He had seen it in movies
And felt it growing up...
But the love that he needed
Was stolen from him
By another past lover
Who turned out to be a witch.
What she took from his soul
He could not find in anyone
So he scours the earth
Still in hope that someone,
Possesses the power
To fill that void inside
And no matter how many women he holds
He is still left empty by night.
He held me and I knew this
But I thought I could save him
I thought that maybe our voids together
Would help us both feel less broken.
But he moved on so quickly
Before I could try
That witch, how I loathe her
For what she has done to his life.

It's the strangest thing
To think you're in love
And then in the end
To not really know what it was.
In the end you start to question
"Does love even exist"?
Because I swear I think I would have
felt it by now if it did.
In the end one mans' hurt weighed on you
Reminds you of all the others
And how they all turned out to be
No different than each other.
In the end you see no light
But that's normal and that's okay
Because soon you will see a new light again
And you will forget all this pain.
That smile to come in the future
Will be worth all this mess
And so just remember these things, my dear
When you start to feel down and distressed.

Who the **** do you think you are?
Running through towns playing games with broken hearts?
Lying your way into a women's soul,
Finding her weaknesses and playing a fake role.
Taking what you can and seeking out more,
Pretending to be a man you knew she'd adore!
Apologies and deep words that have no filling,
Empty nouns and meaningless verbs that you never intended on doing!
It must be true that you really can't feel,
Because if you could then you would've known that my feelings were real..
Or maybe you don't care, and so you do as you please,
Thinking you just can't feel would be easier to believe...
Easier to digest than thinking you never gave a **** about me
God I'm so sick and so stupid I wish I could just puke and forget everything!

Can we keep you innocent, my child...
Wrap you up and never let another hand touch you.
Keep you wholesome forever and always see a smile on your face.

Can I keep you this big forever...
Listen to your giggles and hear your tapping feet on my floors for as long as I live.
Feel your little hands and feet wrestle with me every night before your big beautiful eyes close to welcome another day.

Can we stay this close to one another...
You depend on me to always take care of you and be there for you, as I depend on you to fill my life with joy. You give me purpose.

Sometimes I fear that if I'm too quiet everyone may hear what I'm thinking; what I'm feeling.  What I know to be true is that every time I'm around you my little world crumbles and all I want to do is take cover with you.

Often when I'm alone I find myself lost in a jumbled word wreckage like being in a junk yard trying to find something that will satisfy the search efforts.

At times I forget where I am in the middle of a conversation because my mind is trying to run away. Too many ideas and my brain can't just sit down and hang out with us for one whole topic. Say goodbye as she finds another path to walk on.

He said one day you will see
You will soon live through all that you've done to me
You will soon realize how deep my love was
And how no man in this universe can ever measure up
I can't wait for that day my love, I can't wait for that call
For that moment when you tell me that when I left you lost it all
For that instant gratification I will feel through your pain
And I know the day draws nearer with every breath that you take.

Am I safe to keep my heart in your hands?
Why do I feel like I've given it to a gremlin
Cloaked in disguise as someone I can trust..
All of the things that I thought to be true, crumbled to dust..
I'm trying to analyze an empty canvas figuring out how to make a masterpiece
When I have no paint and no brush, but yet I'm trying to make something out of nothing.
Trying to put these feelings into words to try and help you understand
But it all comes out so messy and the confusion has no end
I can't tell what you are anymore, just when I start to feel slightly sure
You do something that leaves me questioning, **what are we doing this for?

Back and forth, left and right
We never could make up our minds,
We never could be on the same page
We always were too disengaged.
When you wanted attention
I wanted freedom
When I wanted commitment
You wanted a reason.
We spoke of love like it had no limits
One of us was always more invested.
One day we were inseparable and the next I was at your throat
One minute you had your arms around me then in a flash you would explode...
For the longest time we truly believed
That I was meant for you, and you for me,
We thought two broken souls had finally found a home
But we were even too broken for each other and the result was a cyclone.
Our love was a tragedy and I don't believe it was real
We both just wanted a heart to steal...
We lost ourselves and its sad to remember
That at one point we both made a promise of forever,
We were best friends and now we can't even speak
Because every time just brings up too many bad memories.
Your pictures make me puke and your voice gives me a headache
But at one time just thinking of you used to keep me awake,
And at one point you trusted me enough to tell me your secrets
Things I know now you wish you never revealed.
Three times you asked me to marry you and make it official
But each time I said no because I was too fearful
Terrified of you and your selfish ways
All of this **** I've said too many times, just in different ways
It just doesn't go away.

YES* I'm territorial. And YES I want you all to myself..

Are you *really so mad at that?!

Part of me doesn't want to trust you.  I don't want to be disappointed.

She waited in peace as he took her breath away
Stood with her eyes closed as he took her to another place
Somewhere she saw only in her dreams,
She could now feel through his hands washing her clean.
A place inside her that was once evil and rough
He now stands to protect her, defending her love.

Did I really do that?
Turn you into this person who stands today?
You look at me and all I see is anger
I can feel your hate from these hundreds of miles away.
I can sense you feel no guilt, which is funny
Because you have plenty to be sorry for
Patching up these holes in the walls
And staring at the broken hinges on every door.
Your rage with me began so long ago
And yet it had nothing to do with me
The first time you choked me unconscious
I woke up and realized how dangerous you could be.
The first time you shoved me with our daughter in my arms
Across the room then ran to our rescue
Revealed a side to your wickedness
That I always wish I never knew.
The first time was not the last time,
And somehow it is still at no end
You decided to push me away for six long years
Then suddenly you wanted to be my best friend.
You're hurt because you opened up to me
And finally gave me your heart and soul
But by the time you wanted this thing to work
I had already turned cold.
Stop calling my phone and playing victim
Continue to gossip about me to your family
Solitude suites you so well old friend
Just forget about me.

There's a fire between us,
I can see you through the flames
And you can see me too,
But we stay our separate ways.
I see the same fire when I look in your eyes
And I feel it's overbearing heat,
I know you would throw me in it if you had the chance,
I hear it in your thoughts as you stand before me.
This fire used to burn for other reasons,
But now only exists to feed your soul,
The same flames that we once shared to keep warm,
Will now be yours to keep you whole.
You choose to house this inferno,
That incinerates the memories, the good and the bad
But I can't help but wonder what will become of you
When the fire has done its part, and all that's left is ash.

Such a critic.  Analyzing others words and relating, which is the beauty of poetry.

Exept you don't seem to see the beauty. You only see the hate that eats you alive.

I just do.
Because I don't have another way.
My daughter needs a strong mommy
And so I fight these battles every day.
I do what I do because
My mom never did for me
I wasn't a good enough reason
For her to be happy.
I didn't make her smile enough
For her to love me over men
And I'd always give her another chance
Hoping each time would be different.
She was notorious for the best promises
She really had some good ideas
But she was too depressed to leave her room
So we never did any of those things.
I always wanted to know what it was like
To have a mother who would do anything for me
But she always wanted to know what it was like
To leave this life and be set free.

Our hearts were at war.
Now my heart has given up on you.
I see nothing more to fight for...
No hope in you.
All this time I was fighting-
Until I just decided I'm not right for you.
And you're no good for me either,
So now what do we do?

I felt stuck for a long time,
but now I see things clearly.
I have nothing more to offer you,
You really did take the best of me.

You used me then expected me to still be the same girl.
I spent too much time debating and I've decided to let go.

For once I'm doing what's best for me
And I know you won't understand.
I hope one day you find peace within
And that love finds you again.

It used to hurt... Letting go...
But I guess I've become numb to it,
When u say goodbye to love so much
You kind of just get used to it.
I can't let myself keep taking the hit
For another runaway love
I allow myself the day to cry,
Then the next day to adjust.
I'll drown myself intentionally
In the sadness of my thoughts
For one day I am depressed,
So the next I may move on.
Time may heal the sadness
But my mind must endure the torture
I see us and our memories
Playing over and over.
In my dreams when I'm sleeping
I see us in a fantasy world
Where you stay in love with me forever
And I get to be your girl.
A life we may never live fully,
So I'll just have to make do
But I must admit I'm a little upset
For falling so deeply in love with you.
You caught me off guard with your piercing eyes
And with that look that you gave me,
I had never felt so naked in public
As you stared right through me.
Little by little you stole my heart
With every deliberate move you made,
I so quickly embraced you,
Not thinking about being afraid.
I tried not to think of the end,
I hoped there wouldn't be one
Even though realistically I knew
I would eventually lose someone.
Truth is I hoped it wouldn't be you
I was kind of thinking we had a chance
Was I wrong to risk it all
And fall in love at first glance..?

He said I love you, but you can't be my girl.
He said I was too valuable like a vintage car you keep in your garage and don't drive. But he said I was so beautiful he needed me in his life.

He said I was gorgeous, but he couldn't take me with him. He said I was so valuable that I was almost too fragile, and if he slipped his fingers off of me I might fall and shatter like fine glass.

He said I was brilliant, but I should lay back and relax. Let him take charge and take care of me. The best gift I could give him is my heart and he doesn't need my money.

A perfect image. Too perfect to be real. The truth was right in front of me if I would have just picked away the layers of lies. He had a woman and he only just wanted something pretty on the side. He wanted me to lean on him so I felt unable to leave.

I asked for an angel
And yet God sent me you...
I never understood why he did this
I thought it was a joke and he the fool.
A broken girl with a hurtful past
And yet you send me a gangster
There's no way he heard me right this time
This really couldn't be his answer.
Every day I thought to myself
There must be a reason God sent you
To me you belong for a reason
Show me what he found so special in you.
But now I know the gift was not him
He was a blessing in disguise
The beautiful baby girl that this man gave me
Was the angel God placed in my life. :)

What is a hero. Who does he look like..
The father who makes time for his children and loves them with all his heart. Who never holds back to show them he cares and always supports their ideas and decisions..
The single mother who crawled out of a drug hole to better herself and become a woman after a lifetime of childhood and hiding behind closed doors and dark rooms, who now sees light and a path..
The warrior who knew his calling was greater than desks and lectures, who felt a passion in his heart for our country and therefore decided to protect us all while he endured the worst..

We can all be heroes.. We all need to be saved.. We all face life struggles in our different ways..

You and your love are like bruises on my skin. Not kisses or butterflies. Your intentions seemed so pure at first. Like my soft and delicate flesh. And then you punched me around and left me with dark reminders of your cruelty.

But just as bruises do, you began to fade away. Goodbye to you and your bruises.

You want me to open up to you,
But where to begin...
With the memories that scare me at night
Or the scars on my skin?
I could tell you of pain
That you've watched on a screen
And tell you it's real
Because it happened to me..
Or I could let you into my mind
And open up Pandora's box
Secrets that nobody wants to hear
My deepest regrets and thoughts...
My hardest lessons learned
And the dreams I once had
Stories of my happiest moments with him
That now just drive me mad.
How much is too much to know?
What's the price on a painful memory?
Is there anything I could do or say
That would make you turn away from me?
Would you listen then forget?
Would your eyes see someone new?
These are all questions I need answered
Before I can feel comfortable opening up to you.

And after it all- I was still standing.  Alone and cold, yes. But I was still standing.

You shoved me down and pulled me through the mud by my hair. Kicking my face as you walked and reminded me that I wasn't worth a ****.  Yet, here I stand.

You do not own me. You do not control me.

The best part about love is that it's unique to every individual. Mine is different than yours and that's what makes it special.

There is no standard and there is no normal. If I make myself vulnerable to you that means that I love you. I love you enough to trust you. My devotion to you rests in your hands. Stay loyal to me and I will remain faithful to you.

The best part about love is that I feel it with you.  I continue to learn what love means to me as I continue being loved by you.

Falling in love is an amazing feeling.
But I don't want to feel that every day for the rest of my life.
I want to feel what it's like to be caught.
And live every day with the person who caught me.

It takes the most courage to love again
And again and again and again.

And each time you fall deeper
And each time you come out cleaner.

I know in this moment I want to be in love with you. Let your guard crash down like waves and come build a fortress with me. You need a home. We can build one together. Your walls and my walls on their own will never protect us. Help me protect you and love me unconditionally.