Have you ever seen someone
Fall in slow motion?

A seemingly gentle descent
Till they hit the ground?

That's not possible
You reply

What about that boy in your math class,
Who committed suicide last year?

What about that little girl
Whose father beat the life out of her?

What about the teenager
Who took their own life?

What about all the people
Who hurt themselves each year?

What about the man
Who blew himself up last month?

What about that woman
Who hung herself from all the stress?

What about that mother
Who drowned herself for losing her baby girl?

What about me?
Have you seen me?

I'm falling
Falling slowly, but surely
And the ground is getting dangerously close

Trust me,
**It's possible

What can **** a man,
But is used several times a day?

What has a positive word in it,
But a horrible meaning?

What is simple to say,
But hard to fulfill?

What creates hopelessness,
But started with joy?

What word
Is the most important,
Most life changing,
Most devastating,
Most deadly,
Seven letters you've ever heard?

The answer is
*Goodbye

Yes, Doctor
First it hurt horribly
Unbearably

Then,
It swelled up
So I wrapped it tight
Till the swelling went down

Next,
The swelling was gone,
But it started to bruise
It turned bright colors; purple and red
So I iced it numb
Till I felt no more

Now,
The bruises aren't so bright
But the numbness went away
And back came the excruciating pain
So I took some medicine
To make things seem better

But Doctor,
Here's the thing:
I don't think it will get better

So Doctor,
Can you fix my soul?

When I tried to tell someone how I felt
How I felt like a failure
How I didn't have a will to live
How I looked to the future,
And only saw pain

They said,
"You don't look that sad,
And anyway,
You're young.
You're probably exaggerating.
A young, healthy person,
Would not feel like that."

I know I don't look sad
I practice every day
So no one sees my pain

I know I am young
At least in years
But I have seen and felt
So much
In the short time I have been here

I know this.
But I am not okay.
I am not young.
And I am not healthy.

My heart, soul, and mind have aged
Far beyond my years

And I am not healthy
I have not eaten in days
3 or 4 I think
I did not sleep last night
And got less than an hour the two nights before
I slice my own skin open
To bleed the bad things out
And my mind has put me
On the verge of death
And taking my own life

Do you think that is healthy?

As for me being okay...
I think my tears and blood
Can speak for themselves

Before I was born,
My mother wanted to name her child Kaitlyn
As the firstborn,
That should have been me

Kaitlyn was my mother's favorite name
But as soon as I was born
She looked at me
I just took one look
And realized,
I could never be her Kaitlyn

Three years later  she tried again
Now her Kaitlyn was born
A beautiful,
Happy,
Innocent little girl.

My mother calls me
"The trouble child"
I cause trouble
I am not good enough
I am not her Kaitlyn

Now I am named Nicole
My mother wanted her child to be Kaitlyn
She loved the name Kaitlyn
Was I not good enough?
Why was I not her Kaitlyn?

Put me six feet under
Away from all the noise
Where no one will hurt me again

Sometimes I think
I'm empty inside
Like there's a black hole
In my chest
Where my heart is meant to be

Sometimes I feel like
It's ******* the life out of me
It's stealing my energy
It makes it hard to breathe

Sometimes I wish
I was normal
And I had a strong beating heart
Where all I have is a evil black hole
That stole the innocent me

Sometimes...
No.
All the time

I think
I'm stupid
Ugly
Annoying
No one wants me here

But I'm too cowardly to do the deed
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
I'm beautiful
Sweet
Kind
And I should stay

And that it's cowardly to "run from my problems"
And leave this world forever


I think
It hurts too much
No one wants me
No one will help me
No one cares about me

But I'm too selfish to say goodbye
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
That the pain will pass
That you want me to stay
That you will help me up
That you care about me

And that it would hurt you if I "gave in"
And left this world forever

What I think
And you say,
Do not match

What my soul says
And my ears hear
Are very different

Someone must be lying
**And I think it might be you

Every time
I look inside myself
I want to cry

Who is this girl?
She is disgusting
And ugly
And dumb

No one likes this girl

Every time
I look in the mirror
I want give up

Who is this girl?
She is fat
And stupid
And flawed

No one wants this girl

Every time
I think of my past
My soul starts aching

Who was that girl?
She was sweet
And kind
And lovely

What happened to that girl?

Every time
Every single time

**It hurts

By seven I knew I was different

By eight I thought I was weird

By nine I thought I was fat

By ten I thought I was ugly

By eleven I started to hate myself

By twelve I thought I shouldn't exist

By thirteen I wanted to die

By fourteen I began to selfharm

By fifteen I planned my death

By sixteen I was long gone

Does living
So you don't disappoint anyone
Count
As a will to live?

For some reason my account is telling me that I got a message but when I click on it, it doesn't show any. So, if you sent me a message and I didn't reply, this is why. Sorry.

Life is like a math problem--

Some people are cancelled out
So that you can find the answer

Some people are like asymptotes
It seems like they should be there
But they're just a hole in your graph

Some people are like parallel lines
Always in sight
Never in reach

Life is like a math problem
And sometimes
*There's no solution

Watch carefully
Most can't even see
But look close

There's a little girl
Can you see her?

Her flame,
Once so bright
Is slowly
Very slowing
F a d i n g   a w a y

Soon she'll simply
D
    i
       s
          a
             p
                p
                    e
                       a
                           r

Just watch
For the little girl
Is going
Going
**Gone

When a diet
Became a way to lose weight

When calories
Became a negative word

When 130 pounds
Became overweight

When skinny
Became positive

That was when
All the little girls started *dying

When everything fell apart
I said
"Goodbye for real this time"
And those simple words
Are slowly killing me

And those simple words
Will be my last words
Before I die

How... ironic

What do you want?
You ask all these questions,
Like you actually care

But what do you want?
A confession?

Yes I self-harm
Yes I am sad
Yes I am anorexic
Yes I cry every night
Yes I want to die

No I am not okay

Is that what you wanted?
*I didn't think so

The world is dark
And I don't know what to do

And don't you dare
Tell me to
Simply turn the light on

Cause if you think I haven't been looking
For that stupid light switch
You're crazy

Haven't you seen me,
Running around
Feeling the walls?
Looking for the light switch

But it's pitch black
And I can't see a thing
So if you really care
Why don't you lend me a flashlight
And help me look?

Turn the music up louder
Shut your eyes
And pretend the world doesn't exist

I'm always shocked
Walking past mirrors
Because there is a stranger in them
Looking back at me
I don't even know her

She's happy
She smiles
She laughs
She's not me

I used to see
Myself in the mirrors

Now I see a stranger
Looking back at me

I'm not the girl
Smiling in the mirror

Listen
Listen closely
Carefully

If we're quiet enough
You might hear it
Just maybe

You could hear
The reason for my tears
The reason for my cuts
The reason for my exhaustion

Maybe
Just maybe
You could hear
My heart breaking
And my soul falling apart

Did you know?
At the center of the universe
There's a black hole

Which means
The heart of the universe
Is remarkably similar to mine

I am not like him
I am not like her
I am not normal

What I most resemble
Is a coffin
With a smiling face drawn on top

Happy on the outside
Dead on the inside

I am not normal

Keep it under control
Tears in
Smile bright
Laugh loud
Shadows hidden

Keep it under control
You must be perfect
Do not slip up
Study hard
Help others
Never make a mistake

Keep it under control
Never let them see
Your pain
Your imperfections
Your exhaustion
The real you

Dear Ocean,

I'd like to join you
You're the only place where I'm at peace
The only place where I am safe
Where it is quiet

Dear Ocean,

I'd like to sink
Beneath your powerful waves
To stay with you forever
Where it is calm

Dear Ocean,

Let my salty tears
Meet your salty waters
And they will float away
I will be safe forever

Dear Earth,
I'm sorry
But this is goodbye
I'm leaving
I'll go meet the Ocean

Dear Society,
Are you happy?
You win

Dear Ocean,
Thank you
I am coming
Please keep me safe
Now and forever

I'm done
Someone **** me

I miss our talks
I miss your smile
Rare as it was
I miss your eyes
The way they were dark and beautiful
I miss your voice
I miss your laugh
I miss your tattoo-artist dreams
I miss your strong mind
I miss helping you with math
I miss everything
I miss one thing
*I miss you

I can't
I just can't
Moving on is just something
I can't do

Every memory haunts me
I replay it in detail
Would have
Could have
Should have

*Didn't

I don't believe our lives are a puzzle
No--
I believe that life is a puzzle

The difference is
That you do not have the whole puzzle
Like some people think

You are one piece
In a larger puzzle
You fit next to some people
And not next to others

But it's not quite that simple
It's life we're talking about,
After all

You see,
Sometimes people change shape
So even if you used to fit next to them,
You may not be able to anymore

In fact,
Sometimes they have moved to the other side of the puzzle
And they are gone
They no longer complete
The picture you are creating

And sometimes,
You change so much
That you don't fit the puzzle anymore
That is how I feel

But don't jump to conclusions,
If you leave the puzzle too early,
The person you would have fit next to
No longer has anyone to complete their picture

So as you can see,
Your life is not a puzzle
You are a mere puzzle piece
Life itself is the puzzle

Because I'm tired

Because I'm lonely

Because I miss you

Because I'm a failure

Because no one likes me

Because I'm better off gone

Because I'm *done

Why couldn't you have stayed
A random kid in the hallway?

My heart is like
The plate you broke
That was Grandmas favorite
And you lied to cover it up

You see,
Like shattered china
I'm sharp at the edges
And will cut anyone who tries to help me
Intentionally or not

And while once I was beautiful
I fell
And I'll never be the same
Once I was loved
Now I am just trash

And now that I have fallen
I'm full of lies and guilt
And a little anger
Should grandma ever find out

This is what my heart is

If I could have
I would have
But I couldn't
And I can't
And I'm *sorry

It scares me
To know I am a child
And still feel like this

I am frightened
Because it seems death
Is my only option

It makes me cry
To know what could have been
Yet still be here

It scares me
No--
*It terrifies me

"Let your smile change the world,
Not the world change your smile"

~anonymous

I'd give you a three leaf clover
Yes, that's three not four
Each leaf has meaning
The first is faith
The second is hope
The third is love
And the fourth is luck

But if I have you
I don't need luck
I only need three
I only need love

I'd give you a three leaf clover
Yes that's three
Not four

Welcome to Society
It's full to brim
With blooming
Actors
And actresses

They practice each day
Their smiles and laughs
Till they're simply perfection
And you'll never know the difference
Between what's real
And what's not

These people
They act out their lives
With well practiced actions
And say it's all fine and dandy

When really,
*It's not

If most
Is is the highest
Above all
Greater than anything else

Then how is more
Above the thing before it
One step ahead
It's on top too

Is most
The greatest,
Or is more
Greater than most
Making it the greatest?

And then there's the same problem with
Great and greatest....

There is a silent poem
Being written
Constantly

It's a story
A beautiful story
One of pain
Joy
Peace
Love
Beauty
And so much more

There are no words
None are needed

It's in every broken heart
And hopeless tear

It whispers from the trees
And through the gentle swish of grass

It resides in the twinkling stars
And bright silver moon

It's in every child's laugh
And every baby's cry

It runs in every drop of rain
And shines through every lightning strike

It has no words
But if you listen carefully
Maybe
Just maybe
You will hear the silent poem
Of the universe

It's too easy
To say those things
To hurt those feelings
To do those actions

It's too hard
To hear them talk
To not cry
To stay strong

It's too much
To keep going
To hold on
To not give in

It's too soon
But I'll say it:
*Goodbye

You know,  I've never seen you cry

I don't cry

Everyone cries

I don't

I cry all the time

Mmh

You must cry sometimes

*No

If I were a state of matter
The element I would be
Is water

The state I would be in
Is gaseous

Why?

It's because
Ice is beautiful
And useful

Water
As a liquid
Is natural
It's calm
And beautiful

But water vapor
It's invisible
No one cares about it
And while you can't see
You can feel it
You can feel the way it
Presses down on you
When it's hot out
No one likes humid days
No one likes water vapor

Water vapor
Does not belong
It's supposed to be a liquid
It does not fit in

And also,
It's molecules
Run away from eachother
Just as I
Run away from myself

If I were a state of matter
I would be water
In its gaseous state

Go ahead,
Break your promises
Destroy my smile
Laugh at me
Tear me down
Make me cry

Go ahead
I don't care
It's what I'm used to
Everyone else does it

So go ahead
**** me
It's what you wanted
Right?

Don't tell me
To look to the future
Cuz I can look all I want
But I'll never reach it

I'm stuck in the present
It's always the present
So don't tell me to look to the future
When you know I'll never reach it

I'm stuck in between
Used to be
And could have been

Between
Falling
And splatting

Between
Numb
And agony

Between
Deep
And deeper

Between
Sad
And gone

I'm stuck in between
(More commonly known as the present)

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I don't know why the lord
Took your life early
But he did

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I didn't really know you
But you will be missed
By each and every person's life you touched

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I can't believe you're gone
I send my prayers to your family
And friends

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
You are gone
But your memory lives
And goodbye is for now
Not forever

You will be missed
*Goodbye Dalton Stuck