Another Christmas
without you and it doesn't
become easier

6:45 PM
23/9/21

Her blue hair
played the blues
upon my heartstrings-
a song so beautiful
she entranced the moon above.
Together, we danced beneath the starry night
wondering when her song
could cure our blues.

I wish I never
had to say goodbye
and I wish our goodnights
weren't stretched across the world.
I do not wish for many things
but I wish you to be the
first and last face I see
each and every day.

Arriving in Vienna
with a broken heart and
no place to place to go.
I wander the empty streets-
it's almost midnight and I
am in search of a distraction.
A bottle of wine later and
some good company by my side,
I think I might be alright.
It's one sleep 'til the new year and
I think I might be alright.

I had never
felt more 'me'
than when I
was 'yours'

Hey kid,
I am missing you
more than usual tonight.
It's cold, it's dark, and I am sitting here
watching the winter storm all alone.
It's pouring out there-
it's heavier than the night itself.
Distant thunder bellows in the distance
but it's sure to be at my doorstep soon.
As for me, I am warm-
I can thank the comfort you give me
and your joy you radiate for that.
I am missing you
more than usual.

Sometimes just being
comfortable with someone is
really just enough

10:55 AM
16/9/21

Hi,
I know
it's been a while-
have you been okay?
It's okay if you're not okay,
you don't have to be strong
all the time.

Two souls finding each other
in this perfect little corner of the world-
a Christmas miracle unto itself but
we both know that this
Winter Wonderland
can't last forever.

"We are here for you, always."
"You can tell us anything, always."
"We are so glad you are in our lives."
"We love you, we care for you."
"We will never leave you."
"We are your friends, always."
Liars.

Loving someone from
afar is as heartbreaking
as it's fulfilling

4:27 PM
14/9/21

Grief is a
strange thing, isn't it?
One day it consumes you,
the next, you are okay.
And then, without warning,
grief strikes again at a reminder
of what once was.
You are not okay,
again.

I have found havens
all over the world where I
can escape my skin

10:57 AM
14/9/21

There are some nights where
the words flow like wine at a
new year's eve party

2:34 AM
14/9/21

I'm famished,
I'm tired,
I asked for a glass of water
but left with my heart of my sleeve.
You came back for breakfast
but I came back for
one last goodbye.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

Who knew this city of music
would change our lives forever?
Two strangers, one night,
two hearts, one bottle.
Whether it has left us better off-
well, I'm still trying to figure that out
and I'm sure you are too.

Waking up in Memphis
one last time and I
am sad to say goodbye.
She's driving me to the bus depot
thinking about how she'll spend
the rest of her day.
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how I
can stay just a little bit longer.

To this day,
it still saddens me that
our only photo was upon
the London Bridge.
Don't get me wrong,
it's a spectacular shot but
it doesn't give justice to
what we were or
what would have been.

Tourists pass through
day after day and
these ruins start to forget
that they're ruins at all.

The heart is
a heavy burden
for anyone
no matter how strong
they think they are.

It took me far too long
to realize that some people
just. don't. care.
Whether they hurt you,
intentional or not,
they just. don't. care.
And they'll go about their lives
with not an afterthought about you.
It's a cold world out there-
be careful who you let in.

Your silence
did not imply that you
had nothing left to say-
no, quite the opposite.
I heard everything crystal clear
from the silence that followed-
a silence so deafening,
I wasn't loud enough
to respond.

Whether I am sad or lonely,
or as happy as can be,
I still think of you.
Even though I am surrounded by joy,
it will never feel complete-
no, not without you.

Like water,
love cycles through you and I,
and every corner of this world.
It's always flowing,
always adapting,
always transforming-
where would we be without it?

We know nothing.
The only difference is that
some of us know we
know nothing.

This world
doesn't need me-
can't you tell from its silence?
It's deafening.

Your words
fill me with oxytocin
the way love laces
each and every word you speak.
Your touch
fills me with endorphins
the way your warmth
melts away the blues.
Your beauty
fills me with dopamine
every time I realize how lucky I am
to have you in my life.
Your smile
fills me with serotonin
the way its joy spreads across the Earth.

You long for a
flower you haven't smelt
but reminds you
of home.

Another day of
wishing these words belonged to
a special someone

5:42 PM
30/8/21

My heart will always
find its way to you
like a sunflower finds its way
to the sun.

If you ask me how
I can say I love you,
I'll tell you you’re the breath
I need to say it
over and
over again.

Like the rain
drowns the plants,
your words drown
this sinking heart.

My mind
may be empty of words
but it is not
empty of you.

Memories are as
delicate as the petals
of a sunflower

11:54 PM
22/8/21

I suppose you think
that your coldness comes from the
warmth of your heart?

2:31 PM
22/8/21

Do I think
you're a bad person?
No, I think
you were a vulnerable person
thrown into an arduous situation.
Only few can handle
that sort of pressure.

Dear diary;
This lockdown has taken
my mind on a roller-coaster.
Up and down,
and everything in between.
I think I'm used to the vertigo
of this new way of life
and some days that's enough
of a victory.

Dear diary;
Sometimes,
my emotions don't
line up with my actions-
what's up
with that?
It makes me want to scream
into the void-
why am I like this?
Why am I so broken?

This haiku won't hold
us together but that won't
stop me from trying

5:07 PM
20/8/21

No, you can't.
You can't just sweep someone
off their feet and
walk away.

There's someone out there
who feels better just because
you are in their life

7:46 PM
19/8/21

De-center them.
De-center anyone and everyone
who gives you the slightest shred of doubt.
De-center from those you need to
and center on yourself.

Are you really healed
or are you just not trying
to think about it?

7:14 AM
18/8/21

Every person
comes with their
own legion of demons so
pick a Hell and
make it yours.

This ship is going
to sink despite the fact that
I can hold my breath

6:26 PM
15/8/21

If I am going
to be a lesson I hope
I was a good one

6:22 PM
15/8/21

To this day,
I can still sense you
in every sunray and
all its warmth you have shared
with the world.
Daughter of the sun,
it is with your light
this world doesn't seem so cold
so for the sake of humanity,
don't you take that away.

I can sense you
in every sunflower-
in the scent of every petal,
the sweetness of the pollen
and the colour and light
you radiate.

Even though
I love you hard,
it is still so
easy.