Half of what I was,
What I am.
See the broken,
Saddened smiles.
Roses wilt,
But bloom now,
Happily.

Half of
What I
See
Saddened,
Roses
But bloom
Happily.

what I was,
am.
the broken
smiles
wilt
now

I grew up in suburbia-
With picket fences as white as the faces
Who say they're godly enough to save babies
(As long as they're not queer)
Because we don't have to live with the fear
Of corpses lining the sidewalks
Of our perfectly landscaped yards
We have no guards firing on peaceful protestors
Because our children are filed into orderly lines
Laid out for them at birth
But for what it's worth, we teach them of racism
From a white textbook that lies about founding fathers
Where segregation is just a word and
Oppression is hardly even mentioned.
Our children, who play at the age of 6
And lose their innocence at the age of 16
Suburbia is a life of it's own,
Gangly arms and legs
Like the teenagers who starve themselves
And steal their parents liquor
Just to get drunk quicker
Ignorant of those on the streets dying of hunger
No wonder I yearn to be far from this hell I call home.

Allen Ginsberg once said
“America I’ve given you all and now I am nothing”
The Wonder Years once said
“Suburbia I’ve given you all and now I am nothing”
But I’ve found fallacies in both of these,
I feel it’s more like
Suburbia I’ve given you all
And now I’m an awkward 20 year old
Who doesn’t know how to talk to black people
Suburbia I’ve given you all
And now I’m way too confident walking around the city at night
Because I forget there are communities
Where people actually have to lock their doors,
Suburbia I’ve given you all
And now I have a 16 year old brother
Who thinks the word *** and **** jokes are funny
Suburbia I've given you all
And now my father hates that I'm for gender equality
Well dear daddy,
I hope this offends you.

Because I am offended
By a community that tells **** victims they were asking for it
I am offended by a community
That tells my best friend Liam
That he's just confused, that
His love for Adam is an abomination
I am offended by a community
That offers equality as thinly veiled oppression,
With houses decorated in the decadence of degradation,
All the while their perfect sons and daughters
Are dying of depression because
The hilt of a gun is so much quicker
Than the drugs of their addiction

Suburbia, you are the seed of suicide
Feeding off of your violent silence,
Your white fences slice our tongues
And leave us mindless.
Suburbia, you have betrayed us.
Taught us ignorance is bliss with
Algebra instead of how to do taxes,
Spent more time worried about
Girls' shoulders instead of *** education,
Taught me not to speak unless
My hand was raised as if praise
Is given to authority without question,
Funny how they forgot to mention
Our country was founded on rebellion.

But suburbia, I forgive you
And so I humbly ask of you,
Find the keys of compassion within the heart and
Shed the lock of ignorance that grips your mind
The door may be rusted but it can open with time
Suburbia, I beg of you
Join us in the war of love
Let us all raise our fists and
Paint peace signs on our wrists,
We are disobedient dandelions swaying in the sun,
Words of kindness rolling off our tongues
Like pacifistic shots of a gun
Firing respect instead of rounds
And burying hate instead of bodies in the ground.

Safe under clutching hands;
Such wild, easy, effortless touch.
Ruin unending, it nears.

Everything is broken.
So broken I don't know where the first tear began,
Perhaps it was always there.
I don't know what's worse,
The pain you cause me or
The pain I cause myself by hurting you-
Unintentionally.
Is it my fault?
My creator, my mother.
Why do we hate?

We live in a world of high speed wreckage, so much so that I fear our youth
Have been desensitized to the sight of death and destruction; It's only a
Few clicks away with our media addiction but, that's not what I'm here to
Talk with you about today. No, I think it's time we take a 3 minute break
Of high-speed mentality, to break free of swift reality if only for a moment.
Speaking of moments, I need everybody to close their eyes for a time. No, seriously, close them.
I want to tell you a story that sight cannot settle, no semblance of reality, for
Some things are meant for eyes, others for ears, still yet others are meant
For the mind. For the soul. Let us sail on a ship of sound, a journey, collectively.
Now sit still, and listen.

So what is it we percieve behind eyelids shut tight? Before we fall asleep at night?
On one hand, it is nothingness; no light to comfort us, such a solemn black.
I guess I can't speak for you but, at times I get sad before I sleep. I think back to
Every promise someone didn't keep, all the words I was too scared to speak; or
the whispers my lovers' lips never returned, like "I love you". In short, I
Was lonely. There is something in the act of cutting off sight that leaves me
With a crippling sensation of isolation. But something tells me I'm not the only one
All-too familiar with this sense of suffocation. Somehow I feel as though this is
Shared not only with you, but with the person sitting next to you, and beside them too.
But, I'm not here to depress you, and so let me share some words I once wrote with you;

Lost souls
Drink ink.
But only wither,
With the weather.
Like roses,
Red-
And dead.
But they're beautiful,
You know.

You see, it was a poem I had written around the age of sixteen, and I didn't really get it then but,
"But they're beautiful, you know" was a seed of thought that blossomed in the next few years;
The thought that sometimes the broken things are the most beautiful for they are perfect in the story
That they tell. The story of imperfection; of affection; of sweet affliction; whatever words you
Deem worthy of describing our time here on Earth. Put simply; we are stupid, pointless, silly, exquisite humanity.
Like shattered glass, we can never be what we once were but only arrange ourselves into a magnificent stainglass window,
Allowing the sunlight of our lives to paint a picture of whatever unique self-disciplined blessings we choose to give
And when the sun starts to set, allow me to remind you of this; being along has never hindered the beauty of a sunset over a meadow,
Visible by standing in the treeline on top of a gently rolling hill. And so I dare you, I dare you to live alone, yet married
To the aesthetics of one eye, instead of two. I dare you
to fall in love
with you.

If you haven't already, you can open your eyes now. Our break is coming to a close; soon we'll be back to tweets on twitter
Instead of outside our windows before the sun rises each morning. But after I'm done speaking I hope you can take something with you.
Specifically, the next time you feel like crying yourself to sleep at night; remember this poem. If not in it's entirety, remember just this;
You are stupid, pointless, silly, exquisite humanity and there is not one bone in your body that is not broken or incomparably beautiful.
Know that somewhere I'm out there, hoping that you drift with a smile into sleep.

I met a lady who was a nose
And mountains that were eyes,
I asked them both a question,
It was the mountains that replied;

"Melting moonrise--
We quiver at your river,
For fear of falling in--
But we can't step away from the reflection,
Rejection is surmise--"

I am but borrowed passions,
Everything a gesture
To impress unrequited lovers,
My lips touched by corpses;
Caressed by the dead
As an object of ***.

Each kiss poisons--
Hollows this person,
Until she is naught but body--
Skin, *******, and withered bones--
Lying in a coffin, legs exposed;  
She'd call it necrophilia
But life had left, long, long ago.

Hey here I am again
Breaking,
Falling to the ground again
Wishing that someone would help me up.
But of course no one hears
My silent cries of help
So I sit here,
Broken.

"History changes"
Said the old man,
Deep crows' feet lining his
Sunken in blue eyes, as he
Led us through a library.
And I think those old books agreed,
As they tiredly watched me
From their glass prison.

We wear X's on our hands
Right below our middle fingers
That tap in sync with the music
Like a pen that bruises paper.

I think you're the sea.
Your blue plaid shirt the waters and
My red plaid jacket the sunset,
Our hands are oars,
Yours tracing my fingertips-
My skin-
Arms, legs, and stomach,
Sending shivers down my spine,
Exploring my body like a ship
Sailing out into the horizon.

I hear your heart,
It beats in time with the tide,
Your breath a sweet ocean breeze
As it tousles my hair,
And I'm hyper aware of how
Deep your eyes are.
Not blue,
But brown like the ground of
The earth underneath the water.

Our kisses are dives,
Striving to reach the
Sunken treasure at the bottom
Of your ocean,
Of my ocean,
The pieces are scattered but
We'll find them and
Piece it back together.
Our hands intertwine to
Lock the chest but
I find I drown in your stare

Because seas are violent.
I'd forgotten that, but the thought
Seizes my mind as your waters
Grip my throat and I
Gasp for air but I find I can't
See anymore.

Your hands are cold against my body,
Like the tide of your heart casting me out
Onto the shore,
Naked and sure of indifference
Your breath a typhoon of ice
Hurled perfectly at my chest-
You used this sunset and
Left a storm in my eyes.
Painted a picture of sincerity but
Blue is the color of clarity and
Mine won't forget your
Murderous waves or
Mischievous ways and

Through you I've come to know
Some people aren't that lucky-
We cry alone.
Throw a rock, aim right at our chest,
Our hearts are stone.
We suffer in silence. And
If I could catch all the tears I've cried in a pitcher,
I would rain them down,
Drown a river in my sorrow.
Drown my sorrow in a river?
What's the difference? Life is only borrowed, anyways.

Have you ever
Held a wineglass,
But seen a rose?
Sullen prose above my waist,
The grace below
A fevered waste.
Deflowered from that wine,
Irony beats in time.

Resplendent is the End.
Music for silence; how
Bewitching is the Earth
Yearning for the Sun.
Like lovers and their
Cigarettes -- we fall in
Love with our destruction.

The cloud on fire
Cried hearts and I
Jumped into puddles.
It looked at me
With bloodshot eyes
So I offered a cig.

I am scared.
Hands and ankles clasped to a metal table,
White-washed walls inspire spasms of uneven breaths,
Irregular heart-beats,
Body and mind unsynchronized
My thoughts flying faster
As my pulse slowly falters.
I am dying.
Slowly.

Close my eyes and brace against the bite
As you break
Every bone
In my body.
I breath slowly..Inhale, and lament screams unholy
While I hear you laughing, ripping at my chest coldly.
I collapse in on myself,
Blood, guts, and gore spilling contents onto the white-washed floor, until
I breath
No more.

Just before I take leave of this world
I open my eyes to find that of my demise-
I see
A mirror.

They'll take
Over. To
Remember is
To die.
Unanimously
Remain, or
Endure forever.

Hey, look at me.
Skin shown, cleavage down to my toes.
I know how to make them look,
I can make them want.

I'm the heart-breaker,
Twirl you around my perfectly manicured finger,
I know how to  breathe.
I know how to ******.

I'm the girl everyone wants to be.
Perfectly advertised, desirable.
Beauty, intelligence
All pertains to me.

Who am I?
I'm every teenage girl, who
Has no self-esteem.
Who lies, cheats, and manipulates, just to be seen.

And I have a question,
Still want to be me?

Sometimes life stands still,
Like the moment before a breath.
Inhale, exhale, repeat.
Potential behind each beat.

The reflection of the rain at night
Mirrors our tiny lives.
Blurred and seemingly unending,
But washed away by morning light.

A lonely girl fell in love
With the city skylines in
the horizon of time and
Distance. She lived for
Taking walks & watching,
Listening, being near all
The different stories who
Talked like she couldn't;
She had never learned to.

Her solitary soul found
Peace in pacing streets;
In passing and passively
Partaking in this company.
Perhaps a small smile or
A windswept "hello", she
Was happy. Always near
But never with, just this.
She needed nothing more.

Undermining one's
Self is almost
Effortless.
Lethal injections
Easily ******,
Such a
Silent surrender.

It's getting worse again.
These walls become my friends;
Tell me tales 'till night's end;
Have they gotten closer again?
Wait - why have they gone black?
*Ah, they've come to take me back.