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May 2020 · 53
Ironatmosphere May 2020
You were intoxicating
I got high on your perfume

I melted into your touch
Tangled my body and my heart into yours

Sometimes I think I catch a whiff of your scent
as if it is still clinging onto the walls

Somehow you managed to untangle yourself
while still leaving me tangled
May 2020 · 60
nothing compares to you
Ironatmosphere May 2020
I kissed him because he smelled like you
and that is just a little bit ****** up
May 2020 · 47
I am the forgotten
Ironatmosphere May 2020
I forget to eat
I forget to sleep
I forget to take care of myself

But I can't forget you
How long till you forget me?
May 2020 · 40
Ironatmosphere May 2020
I got too intense
I felt too much

I tried to push it down
I really tried

I knew how scared you would get
how insecure

But I couldn't hold it down
and I drove you away

You were my drug
and I have an addictive personality

Now I can't have you
The abstinence is killing me
May 2020 · 104
Ironatmosphere May 2020
I lost my breath
kissing you
and now I'm losing it again
missing you
May 2020 · 45
Time capsule
Ironatmosphere May 2020
All I ever wanted was
for you to
savour me
Indulge in being
near me

Show me
how much you
adored me
my dreams for us could be

All the ways our
days could be
alive and
Retrogression is not the
soon I will
thrive without you

I will survive you
May 2020 · 32
Ironatmosphere May 2020
I will never forget the way you looked at me
before everything changed
You looked at me like I shone like gold
You saw my imperfections and you praised them

Then you took it way
And I will never be the same
Mar 2020 · 36
The half life of Sex
Ironatmosphere Mar 2020
And I don't know how it is possible
but I still smell like your sweat mixed in with mine

It clings onto my hair like plastic wrap
firm, but soft and colorless.

It has sunk into my skin
swallowed up by my pores
and now it is gently seeping out

A temporary alteration of my chemistry
Mar 2020 · 33
Ironatmosphere Mar 2020
All I want
is to be whoever it is you see
when you look at me

But that is a person who will die in process
Because if I use you to become the me I want to be
I won't

I will become someone shallow and twisted
I will need a new name
Whoever I become I won't ever be the same
Mar 2020 · 30
Perfect synchrony
Ironatmosphere Mar 2020
A part of me is hoping that you are using me too
So we can build each other and tear each other down
in some kind of ****** up synchrony
Mar 2020 · 85
where is the captain?
Ironatmosphere Mar 2020
Shouldn't someone be steering this canoe?
I am flailing in the water
tangled up in the stream

Where the hell is the captain?
I yell and I scream
Before realizing the inevitable
the captain
is me
Dec 2019 · 207
The Only Witness
Ironatmosphere Dec 2019
The only witness didn't not understand
He laughed silently
At the pain caused by your hand
Dec 2019 · 116
Ironatmosphere Dec 2019
Kindness cannot be measured solely on its highest peak
Just like you don't measure the volume of an ocean solely on its depth
Anyone can be kind for a moment.
But what really, truly matters is the moments in between,
the absence of kindness
When a moment violently longs for kindness
and is met with nothing in return.
That is how you tell a waterfilled hole from an ocean.
True kindness is not broken with bursts of cruelty
It ripples but does not echo
True kindness is an uninterrupted stream
Ironatmosphere Oct 2018
I don’t know how
To stop
The screams
From echoing
Oct 2018 · 258
Ironatmosphere Oct 2018
I don’t write much anymore
Words no longer work in my favor
I don’t even know how to talk to people
I can’t seem to figure out small talk
I am boring
Everything I say is boring
My life is hollow
There is nothing to say
Nothing to write
Just quiet
I am quiet
I have nothing to say
I am nothing
Oct 2018 · 163
Ironatmosphere Oct 2018
There is an ache
And it won’t go away
A darkness that smothers the light
A hunger that never ends
Leaving me paralyzed
Left craving everything
But wanting nothing
Feb 2018 · 351
Diary excerpt
Ironatmosphere Feb 2018
I stopped taking them
The pills
I didn’t want to rely on them
To be happy, but not too happy
Or to sleep, but not too much
And to eat the right amount.
I wanted to be able to do it by myself
Without the manipulation of my neurotransmitters
And surprisingly enough
I could
I can
I’m fine
In a way I haven’t been in years
But I’m cautious
I lied to my psychiatrist
She doesn’t need to know
My mood could flip in an instance
I could spiral again
Loose control
And fall down the same hole I just climbed out of
So, she doesn’t need to know
I need the pills to still be there if I need them
If not for a change in my biology
But for the hope
That makes the fall bearable
Dec 2017 · 411
Ironatmosphere Dec 2017
Sometimes life feels like
a punishment
Like it is this thing
that is keeping you,
Stopping your soul
from being intertwined
in the treetops
Or roaming free
in the waves
And dancing
in the wind

And then the guilt comes creeping
Shouldn't you be happy?
Shouldn't you be content?
You have so much
How dare you ask for more?
Dec 2017 · 1.2k
Ironatmosphere Dec 2017
I picture daisies on my grave
Yellow daisies swaying in the tall grass
Above the wooden casket holding my bones
Frozen in a state of perpetual summer
it is calling me
Sep 2017 · 302
Ironatmosphere Sep 2017
Lately I’ve been fascinated by evil
As if the heaviness inside would be better of as darkness
Because if it was then maybe I could take these stones
that are weighing me down
And throw them far, far away
Removing them one by one
Until I was finally weightless
Sep 2017 · 314
Ironatmosphere Sep 2017
I feel like ripping off my skin
Tearing piece after piece of pale off
Letting my raw exposed flesh breathe in the sunlight
A snowfall on the asphalt
May 2017 · 397
Ironatmosphere May 2017
Maybe I’ve been holding the words in too long
Because now they are too afraid to come alone
May 2017 · 1.2k
Ironatmosphere May 2017
Sometimes I feel a little too happy
A little too intense
For no particular reason at all
And it scares me
Because I feel like I might explode
That the blood pumping through my heart is building pressure
And I know it is unsustainable
I know that I am burning a little too bright
And I am scared that the world will catch on fire
Or that something will happen to extinguish my light
May 2017 · 3.0k
Abandoned terrarium
Ironatmosphere May 2017
I am banging on the walls
Loud, angry thuds echo around me
I am screaming for you to see me
But you tell me you can’t
You can’t see through the walls,
The walls you claim that I have built
My legs tremble as I fall
The skin on my knees curl around the gravel
And I wonder
As you walk away
Why can’t you see me through these glass walls?
May 2017 · 1.3k
Ironatmosphere May 2017
I wish I would just cease to exist
Evaporate into nothingness
I want to become tiny water droplets
To be the moisture in the air

I wish to follow the wind
Over the mountains and fields
I want to be the blue in the ocean
And the green in the trees

I wish to fade into the wet grass
Of being nothing more than a whisper
I want to fade out of your memory
Leaving only an echo of a heartbeat
May 2017 · 490
Ironatmosphere May 2017
My plants are dying
I have lost my perception of time
It moves like the water I keep forgetting when to give them

Sometimes I feel myself staring into the darkness
And I can’t remember the last time I blinked
Or how long I’ve been there

I can’t answer the simple question of what I’ve been doing all day
Because I can’t remember if what happened,
Happened today or if it happened at all

I can’t tell my imagination from reality
I don’t know what is really happening
And what is just a dream

So, I think my plants will keep dying
But maybe some of them
Will even outlive me
May 2017 · 1.1k
Life on a loop
Ironatmosphere May 2017
I pretend I am in my mother’s womb
As I curl up into a ball under the covers
But it is a scary thought
Being born again
And untainted
As if the moment I step outside the air will pollute me
And I’d have to live it all again
Apr 2017 · 336
Ironatmosphere Apr 2017
My mind is a prison
But why did I have to start a riot?
Mar 2017 · 323
if I die young
Ironatmosphere Mar 2017
If I die young let me be the sadness
Let me be the thing that contrasts the light
Let my death be beautifully tragic

If I die young let me be your inspiration
Let me be the thing that gives you strength
Let my death rebirth you like flowers in the spring

If I die young let me be your comfort
Let me be the thing that calms the waters of your stormy heart
Let my death remind you that we are all made of stars
If I die young know that I will always be with you
Know that I want you to be happy
Know that I want you to thrive
Please know that it is enough for me if you live your fullest lives
Even if I died too young to live mine
Mar 2017 · 476
Ironatmosphere Mar 2017
She longingly looked up at the stars

They were taunting her
Shining with their beautiful yet flawed perfection

They were shrinking her
******* all the oxygen out of her lungs
Slowly burning her life force to dust
Letting her become
One of them
Mar 2017 · 267
Hidden Hell
Ironatmosphere Mar 2017
In the most beautiful of places
Oceans made of mirrors,
a sky made of glass

In a golden forest of green
a hell

Screaming souls
trapped in cages,
feeding on their own bodies

Their entire existence,
A dance
of pain
Nov 2016 · 1.6k
Pastel Rainbow
Ironatmosphere Nov 2016
And I wish I could live in that world of pastels
Where the dark isn’t as frightening
And the light isn’t as harsh
Where everything is mellow
Drenched in sunlight’s yellow

I wish I could live in a world made of clouds
Where edges aren’t sharp
And curves are forgiving
Where everything is a soft hue
With mountains made of blue

And I wish I could live in that world of light
Where shadows aren’t as dark
And beams are the opposite of hard
Where happiness is bright
A prism made from white
Oct 2016 · 298
Ironatmosphere Oct 2016
I switch on every light in my house
Making it glow like a star in the night
In the hope that you will find me
Or that the absence of darkness will make me feel
Less lonely
Less broken
Less like there is a hole in my chest
In the place where a heart should beat
Aug 2016 · 678
His Place
Ironatmosphere Aug 2016
They always met at his place
Because he didn’t know
He never expected
That when it ended
His walls would whisper her name

He didn’t know
That the absence of her voice
Would echo and bounce
Magnifying the space
To what would feel
Like infinite expanses

He would never have imagined
That the light
Would change
Fade and disappear
As if she had brought it with her in her eyes

They always met at his place
Never knowing they would ruin it
By making it theirs
Jul 2016 · 245
Ironatmosphere Jul 2016
How do you tell someone
that you don’t like thinking,
because it hurts
too much
for you to bear?
Apr 2016 · 648
Ironatmosphere Apr 2016
Today I realized that all bodies are beautiful and strong because they have the power to transport our souls.
Ironatmosphere Apr 2016
My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
And stare up at the stars
As birds and time fly by

My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
Buried under pillows and blankets
So deep
I am nowhere to be found

My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
Let my arms rest in the damp grass
And let the sun warm my mind
Apr 2016 · 605
The Note
Ironatmosphere Apr 2016
I’ve always thought of this as a selfish act
One I would never commit
You gave me life, the greatest of gifts
I apologize for throwing it away
You should know that I cherish the moments I was truly alive
You were the ones who made it good
But living is far too painful
And I long for a quiet
An escape from the mayhem in my head
I feel more than I can handle
And I have more love to give than I get to give away

You should know
You have my permission to move on
But please don’t forget
I want you to be happy
More happy than I ever could
And know that I love you always

I want you to find peace
just as I am about to
This is what I would leave if I was commiting suicide. I am not. I am writing this for therapeutic reasons only.
Mar 2016 · 363
Ironatmosphere Mar 2016
I hate time
I hate that it moves fast and that it moves slow
I hate that it always keeps moving
And that there is never enough
I hate that it is unstoppable
And that we can never go back
Mar 2016 · 1.3k
Ironatmosphere Mar 2016
The pills have gotten easier to swallow
And my anxiety has gotten quieter
But the sadness is still there
And I try not to cry in public
But there is always that one tear that escapes
A runaway
And I wish I could follow its lead
And escape this world
Escape the shackles of time
For what is the reason of existing?
If existing is all you do?
Jan 2016 · 561
Ironatmosphere Jan 2016
They danced to the music
And there was no question about it
They were electricity
Sparks in the sky
They were fire
Crackling beautifully
Warming fingers in a tiny cabin
Raging in a forest
They were rain
Calm and pure
Smattering on the windows
They were the essence of life
They were happiness
They were love
Jan 2016 · 511
Ironatmosphere Jan 2016
Her cheeks are red
Her smile is small and shy
As they touch it spreads across her face
Happiness is shining through her eyes
And I can’t help but smile too
I am so happy for you
Jan 2016 · 670
Ironatmosphere Jan 2016
I know I might never have you
That you might never be mine
But in my head we have adventures
We travel the world
And we lie singing in your bed
Staring up at the ceiling
Where we have painted stars
To remember that time we slept outside
Or was that just in my head?

I know I might never have you
But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming
Or quietly whispering your name
When no one is around to hear
It doesn’t stop these cravings I have for you
It doesn’t stop my fingers from itching
Or stop me from wanting to run my fingers through your hair
It doesn’t stop my curiosity of what you smell like
But really, I would be happy just breathing the same air

I know I might never have you
That you might never be mine
But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about you all the time
Nov 2015 · 640
Ironatmosphere Nov 2015
If I could
I would catch happiness
And save it in a jar
Nov 2015 · 495
Better than Me
Ironatmosphere Nov 2015
I’m scared of what they do
When they are alone together
I am scared of the secrets that they keep
Of things that are not my business
Even though I’d like them to be
I am scared that he loves her
And that she loves him too
I am scared because I love them both
Although it’s something I shouldn’t do
I am scared of being lonely
Of love being out of reach
I scared that I’m not enough
And that she will always be better than me
Oct 2015 · 481
The floor is my best friend
Ironatmosphere Oct 2015
How do you tell somebody that you think you need therapy
That you’ve lost all of your creativity
That all you do is eat
And repeat
That the floor is your new best friend
Because it’s got the best view of the ceiling
How do you tell them
That you drown your time with movies
Trying to escape
To a different reality
Where you are anyone but you
Because being you is more than you can handle right now
How do you tell them
That you just want somebody to hold you and stroke your hair
And tell you everything will be alright
How do you tell them the truth?
Oct 2015 · 436
Ripping off my skin
Ironatmosphere Oct 2015
I want to rip my skin off
This layer covering me
Hiding me
Shielding me from the sun
My fingers are itching
I’m banging my head against the wall
Clutching at the metal bars
I’m going crazy in this world
This world that is too small
There are too many people
And I don’t have anyone at all
Oct 2015 · 1.5k
without time
Ironatmosphere Oct 2015
I want to exist in a world without time
A world where no one has a clock
No appointments to keep
Like that blissful moment at the end of sleep
Where nothing exists but a quiet ease
Jun 2015 · 2.9k
Shackles & Wings
Ironatmosphere Jun 2015
Every day I live a thousand lives that aren’t mine
Stuck on the inside of fiction
I never feel the wind
Caught in a cage made of fear
Made from the thousand dreams I keep dreaming
A thousand lives that I have lived
My mind is shackles
My mind is wings
Jun 2015 · 2.0k
Beautiful cage
Ironatmosphere Jun 2015
The atmosphere is a cage
Keeping us all in
A confiding sphere
Trapping us on this orb
Floating through an echo-less space
A breathtakingly beautiful cosmos we will never reach
As we keep traveling infinitely
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