It was night and it was cold
But all I remembered was the touch of your hands
Warmth of your embrace
The sounds of the nature
The kisses on your neck
Our lust and your love.

It was night and I was cold
But you were there
Our warmth
Our love
Our lust
Your body against mine

But then
You stopped
And stared at the window
I kissed you
And your kiss
Was never the same anymore.

i need that paroxysm
that little jolt
that single spark
for me to feel again.

i hate to admit
i would sound
desperate
and needy
but i need someone.

i don't want just anyone.

but i don't know
i really need one.

the ones should be worried about
are not in the present
seducing with their devilish smiles
and their soft, husky voices

the ones leaving their footsteps
in the sands of barren past
unreachable, devoid of closure
are the most dangerous of them all.

it's not the sweet laugh you hear
caressing your lips and your ears
that will hunt and drown you
it's the laugh of yesterday's loss
that will haunt, forevermore.

they told me that
i am a pessimist
that i should wear
my positive hat
and not think of malice.

i am very sure that
every pessimist
were once an optimist.

they went through
things that made them
lose hope
and lose their courage
to bravely trust and believe
again.

from the tiniest bit of betrayal
to the biggest act of treason.

i believe no one is born a pessimist.
they were all once, optimists.

hope may be a superficial belief
but it's not as fake as you think it is.

melodies in my lullaby
broken guitars and abandoned violins
in the forest we go.

you said, stand by
we're proud sinner
we're not saints, but we thought so.

the birds fly
the sky's clearer from here
on my shoulders you lean
and the rivers continue to flow.

we laughed until we cry
we promise forever
through thick and thin
through darkness and sorrow.

but life disagreed
and kept us apart
separated we are
until we depart.

never thought i'd be yours
and you'd be mine.
but here we are
****, you're so fine.

is this reality or fantasy?

because i am here
but i am quite flying
i'm shrouded with fear
but for you i'm fighting.

is this fantasy or reality

because i am here
quite dead but still breathing
quite alive but still dying
without you me heart is screaming
and with you i can't stop smiling.

Life is hard
But hey, we got each other.

Love is bitter
But hey, it's worth it.

Thoughts are sweet
But hey, too much sweet is harmful.

Friends are like
Distant stars
But hey, they always watch for us
Even from far away.

Whatever you're going through
Just remember.
You're you.

i wanted to run away from the reality so bad i fell into the sea of my own thoughts

...

the water is suffocating me

...

i need oxygen

...

i need to brea...

True love is not seasonal, as it will always be eternal.

Your silence used to be warm
Used to be lovely.

Your silence used to be close
Enduring
Yet addicting.

Your silence was something
That makes me smile
Because when you were silent
You will smile
And your smile
Are indeed
One in a million.

But now
Your silence is distant
Threatening everything
Even me
From closing in.

Your silence
It pushes me away
And whenever I look in your eyes these days
I can see
The old you
Has gone
Along with your enticing silence.

I love you.
It was supposed to be that simple.
I miss you.
It was supposed to be that ******* simple.
I need you.
And it was supposed to be that ******* simple.

But do you love me?
Do you miss me?
Do you even need me?

Some voices whisper me in my ears
That you don't love me
You don't miss me
And you don't want me
And you seem to agree with the voices

And then these 3 simple words
Are the hardest for me
To be said.

Love is hectic
Love is true
You're aesthetic
But I'm only a fool.

i sincerely
do not think that
i would ever
understand
the reason why my chest
is heavy
and the air is
so hard to inhale
without you here

and i sincerely hate
the fact that i love the way
how this could be
so comfortable
knowing that i am
indeed
in love
and in pain

"should be counted as one, if divided equals zero."

"after all, i am just another song you'd skip on your playlist."

it was 3 a.m. and i'm gazing into the open sky
into the darkness that lies ahead.

it was black , obviously (or was it grey?)
it was black but it wasn't evil or anywhere near it.

i was happy
because it was only me and the open sky
the fresh night air
and the stars, never to forget the lovely moon.

the scene changed

i was drowning in the open sea
nobody knew i was out here
i took this risk alone
and i know i might die of hypothermia here.

it was 3 a.m. and there's this
roller-coaster of emotions i felt
this vigorous scenes changing
and constantly fading.

9.00 a.m.
it took me 6 hours later
to realize that the stars i was staring at
actually they were your eyes.

and the ocean i'm drowning in
was your cold, stiff embrace.

i keep repeating
the same chant
in my mind

please stay, please don't go away
i know i pushed you away
but that's me lying to myself

i keep repeating

please fight
even if i am not worth your might

but i watched you walk away from me
leaving behind nothing
but memories and everything.

i wander in
art galleries
colourful theme parks
busy streets
dark alleys

looking for someone
i knew once before
and it was you

i have always looked
staring into the abyss
looking for you

maybe i am a soul
destined to be forever
separated from you

you may think
that i might be looking
for someone else
someone i met before

but no
that's not the case.

i stare into the arts
to find me.
i see their smiles
to remind me
of what i was before.

often we not realize that

the best poems are the ones that were never written

never spoken

never expressed.

the best poems are the ones we keep to ourselves

raw

and untouched.

it's been awhile
since i wrote anything
for anyone
even for myself.

the day before yesterday
i decided that
i can no longer live
alongside this
cold river of silence

i crossed it.

fingers crossed
legs trembling
head's spinning
hands shaking
right into your
cold embrace.

and i realized that the sun
will never shine on me again
ever.

half of my heart
whispers
agreeing with
your very words
that i deserve everything

this chill
down my spine
this pain
all over my body
and this heaviness
upon my crooked heart.

i replayed your words
in my palace
letter by letter.

each second passes by
and not a single one
pass by
without reminding me
that i might never
get across
this river.

x

yesterday
i woke up as if
nothing had happened
like the day before yesterday
i never drowned
and got lost in the currents

x

today
i am pretty **** sure
the river got me good

the stones below my feet
laughed at my tears
these water running
chuckled at my regret
these trees
turned away
hoping that this man
would drown faster

it was made sure
by nature
and by Fate herself

no sunrise
nor drought
can get me through
this time.

i wonder why people are
so in love with the moon
when it actually just reflected
the lights of the sun?

the moon decides the tides of the ocean
but still, why are we worshipping
the reflector?

yeah, maybe you can love the stars
because they shine a little bit
and, and maybe you can love the moon
because it was there during the lonely nights

but what about the sun?
maybe we are too into something else
to realize the ones that has burned for us.

i feel sad when people said that
the religion of Islam
is the religion of hate.

i feel sad, and depressed.
i loved everyone around the world
i tried to spread peace
around me and in social medias
because that is what i can only do

but then?

why do you judge
my religion when i know it better
than you do?

why do you hate something
so much
before trying to understand it?

i know my religion
if it promotes hate and revenge
i would already leave this religion

but my religion is purely innocent
i swear to my God
to the earth, and to the sky
that my religion loved peace.

stop this, please. i'm begging you.

i don't love you with
butterflies in my stomach

i have dragons spitting fire in my chest

i don't love you with electricity startling me from your touch

i have knives stabbing me, or nails piercing me and such.

i don't love you with burning myself in that fire in your eyes

i scorched myself from the days i missed you and their rays of sunsets until their sunrises

i don't love you the way everyone else do

i love you the way i wanted to.

today we gather
along in the crowds
said a son to his father
'dad, how to lose our doubts?'

his father smiled
and patted his son's head
'son, don't be afraid.'
'as long as the sun's there, we will never fade.'

i saw the moon
in the glorious day
she's dying soon
and there's nothing we all can say.

the moon is dying
the sun is blazing
earth is suffering
and we're still here, ignoring

today is the day
the moon found her death
this might be our last day
to inhale our breath.