I woke up this morning
To a whole different mind
With the same room, same skyline
I was leaving you behind
And I told you I loved you
But I didn't look you in the eyes
Because maybe I like you
But I'm sorry, I lied.

What am I to do now?
Cause I can see this on the news
"Man dies of broken heart"
But I've got nothing else to lose
So I'm flying the nest
Back to where I was raised
In search of something I lost
Among the rubble I left there.

Could you teach me to be?
Someone that I don't know
Cause you must know it hurts
To leave you and go
I was tenderly yours
But there's fire within
And I'm burning down this house
Cause it's no home to me.

I guess it’s time to realise that this is goodbye
You’re too far gone to need me in your life
I've been sitting up at night
Wondering when you forgot the light
That you told me you saw in my eyes
Everything you said that you felt, was it a lie?

I guess it's time to realise we're both growing up
You've got your work and I'm moving on, but my heart is stuck
I keep your face stuck in my head
Think about you and feel half dead
You made me feel like I was the best
Now you're gone this pain is weighing on my chest
Never wanted you as much as I do tonight.

I need to learn to forget you
I've done it a million times before
But something about you really touched a nerve
You're the closest I have come to love
Leave me in the dark
Don't turn around, don't come back it hurts too much
If you're leaving then leave now
Don't raise my hopes to drop them down.

On a pathway to self-destruction
I taught myself to live
To indulge in every moment
To laugh, to love, to give
And when the roads are weary
And death, he calls my name
I beg you for forgiveness
I beg you to forgive my sins
And all that glitters is not gold
I know this to be true
I though I was in love
But I was only fooled by you
But still I enter every moment
With ignorance and an open heart
I no longer wait for your call
Carpe momento
Carpe diem
Carpe noctem
Seize it all.

God knows I tried to make it easy
Walk away, though my heart's freezing
Let you love her
Let you live here
Let myself go on in pieces.
I grew stronger, older, wiser
But my regrets make it harder
Just to move on to the next year
And forget you, forget your feel

Cause darling, I loved you
Like the moon dies for the sun
And darling, I failed you
But I'm human and I live like one
And darling, how you hurt me
Can't you see what you have lost?
But you have her this Christmas
And I have no one.

God knows I'm happy in my life
But I can't escape from love that's died
Find me someone
Find me safety
You can love her I don't mind.
I've grown stronger, purer, better
But I regret what I did
I know I lost you with my flaws
But next time I won't do the things I did.

Cause moonbeam, I loved you
Like the sun kisses my skin
And darling, we weren't perfect
But in my eyes, we were as one
And darling, if you could see
That I'm better now you're gone
You give me hope for Christmas
That one day I'll find someone.

It's not yet winter but the cold has crept in
And wilted the flowers that grew in the spring
I saw death in the darkness
He said "hello" to me
As he plucked all the leaves from the branches of trees.

But I also saw life in the faces of those
Holding hands and laughing as though waiting for snow
Maybe death is a gift - oh I know this is true
It gives us a chance to live life to the full.

Life forms come out of hiding after winter has gone
From their slumber awake but their journeys move on
Because time waits for no one, they say time heals wounds
I don't want to compare you to creatures
But there's an animal in you.

You can ravage the beauty like winter does too
But there will always be beauty in a world without you.

Losing weight
Losing my mind
Losing love
Losing time
Losing hope
Losing friends
I've fallen down a hole
And I've lost myself again.

I'm grieving for a year that I held dear to me
For a year that taught me
That people will leave
But others will follow.
For a year that taught me that pain
Should be taken with a pinch of salt
And a shot of tequila
I mourn for a year of lost lovers
For now they have truly gone
A clean slate lays before me
But I wish that I could still hold on.
A year of fighting and kicking
To make something of myself
Or completely erase the things I've done
Thing's I've said
A year I made it to the hospital bed.
I mourn for a year I found myself
Found real friends and lost people I love
And now we move onto the next year
It's up to me now to make this one count.

I awoke to street lights and red skies
Warm heat of summer nights enveloped me
Smothering me in its embrace
As I cling to cold sheets with sweaty palms

Neon signs of buildings and corner shops
Welcome my childlike gaze
As I look upon the city and the shoreline in awe
And I spit out cherry stones and drink soda through straws

You sink your teeth into me like a ripe peach
And tell me my eyes are hazy and haunting
And we dance and we drink and soak up the last of our youth
Act as if we didn't have a clue

Bonfire smoke in my lungs
Rippling screams and laughter in the air
Last nights love still in my veins
Kaleidoscope views of how things change

I miss the smell of your cologne
And the way you say my name
I miss the beaches when it's winter
Because it's hard to breathe again

I'll push you away
To save my wasted heart
It's too late for us
This will tear us apart
Save me from the darkness in my soul
For I will never love again
Until I have you in my arms
Even if we are just friends
I need you to breathe
You said you were scared that I would die
But if I do don't blame yourself
Just move on with your life
Cause distance tortures me
I know that you are so strong
So when you give your heart to another
At least I will be gone.

Never be the perfect daughter that’s the truth
I’ll dry **** hard
But I just want to hold on to my youth
The sun is blaring through the blinds
But I’m still lying in bed
It’s the only way I make it through the day
Feeling half dead
I walked along the road
Adrenaline rushed through
My heart palpitating
As if my brain
Already knew that I didn’t give a ****
If the car crashed too
And my heart will stop
And my face turns blue.

And I have no ******* cigarettes
To smoke my lung into
The cinder in my heart
Is the only anger I once knew
I’m a ghost of the girl
I was a fragment of the past
You told me that I was a naughty girl
And slapped me on the ***
Cause my heart is stuck in
The centre of a seesaw
I can’t go up or down
Without feeling lost or used
And the ******* letters
Circled on my work book
Tell me to try a little harder
But I’m too misunderstood.

If I had any heart left
I would throw it out to you
Tell you that you ******* own it
So do with it what you choose
And I know I must have a heart left
Cause I feel it break every day
So I fill it up with sawdust
And I’ll toss it in the bay.

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you
Sometimes I’m glad you’re in my life
But I never really feel enough
And you really stuck the knife
In twisted it it’s stuck
Can’t make it go away
You told me you were in love with me
The only person to say
And I’ve seen happiness go
Like the night stealing the day
In my desperation
I will do what you want  
If you will stay
Cause I cannot see the difference
Between love and pain
I could love you or hate you
But I’d still feel the same
I want you in my arms
Just to make it go away
But when you kiss me on my mouth
I always end up naked again
So I breathe in the fumes
Just to clear my lungs
And I’ll ******* out of sadness
**** I’ll ******* out of love.

My body aches
I've climbed a mountain
I got to the top
And called to the world below me
"Notice me"
But no one looked up -
So I got to my knees and begged
To the Rain God's
"Make me a storm
So they will look up to the sky
And they will see"
The Rain God's laughed
And roared with glee
"You are a storm, are mighty thee
Have you not heard the story of Goliath?
He was defeated by someone so small
They all are in your hands so throw
Your pebbles to the world my dear"
I crumbled
I looked out at the crowd approaching
My tears slid down the mountain-range
To fall below and tumble
Like I obliterated my false destiny
To be seen, I must see me.

I slam the breaks on my mind
Reverse. Reverse. Reverse.
Back to a time where everything was trivial.
Where it didn't matter if I tripped up
Cut my knees
Cause they could heal...
Broken things could be repaired.

And now I wonder
Am I too far gone to mend my self?
My troubled head
And fix the way I think about life
I often dwell on death instead.

They tell me: imagine the things you say to yourself now
Are what you are saying to your childhood self
Are these things ok to say to a child?
Or should you shut your mouth?

I slam the accelerator of my mind
Forward. Forward. Forward.
Towards a brighter time ahead.
Where it doesn't matter if I mess up
Be reckless
Cause in time things will heal.
Broken things can be repaired.

What's mine is yours
But you can give it back
You've seen my soul
But you spot the cracks
You touched my heart
And complained when it turned black
Under the weight of it all
That's when we fell apart.

I gave it all
But I always kept my walls built high
So you can't get through
And see what is in my mind
You told me you loved me
Then complained when the glass smashed
Under the influence
That's when we knew it wouldn't last.

Turn off the light
But I was always so restless
You pulled me close
But I just wanted to give you space
Cause you don't need me
I just make this harder
Goodnight darling
Tonight we will put this to bed then.

My heart is empty
A void, darkness lies in me
There is no light to raise me up
For you were light to me.

My head is empty
Of any truth or reason
All I hear are my own lies
For you were hope to me.

My soul is lonely
I need someone to breathe
All happiness is miles away
For you were my reason to live.

I guess I should feel flattered
That I get it all the time
But it doesn't really matter
Cause I feel so dead inside
I'm waiting at the station
For a train that never comes
And I'm cutting up his t-shirts
Cause I'm bitter that he's gone

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they want me
They can **** me until everything's alright
And I just laugh because I'm rich
Oh I'm not rich from money
But I swear I'm rich from ******* that I know
But I'll never tell them no, no, no.

Another day, new invitation
They're inviting me to bed
But they can never satisfy me
Too much ******* in their heads
My best friend told me that he loves me
But I guess he's not the one
Cause I'm saving his kind heart
From my weak, destructive bones.

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they lust me
But it's not enough to fill the aching in my chest
So I'll just laugh
And I will continue dancing
I'll get high from all the happiness instead
Until they want my heart not what's between my legs.

I hate you
Because I can't hate you
Loving you is all I know how to do.
You're a *******
You're infuriating
I want to slap you with my heart
I want to **** until we're screaming
I miss you
Because I can't hold you
And holding you is all my hands know how to do
I love you
**** I have to stop loving you
Why does my heart open every time I hear your name spoken?
I'm broken. I'm broken.

I saw a glimpse of myself
Hardly recognised the face
Staring back at me through the glass
A life going to waste.

The lonely sun beckoned me on
Up towards the sky
All that's left of the future
Remains blurred behind my eyes.

I'm a soldier to my wars
Fighting battles of the past
Closed eyes are my armour
I fight to make my moments last.

I'm a drunken mess
I cant evem typed pribperly
Must have kissed 6 people tonights
and all mmy mates havbte me
yay.

I still have his t-shirt in my closet
I take it out when I am lonely
Remind myself I was once loved
Remind myself that nothing lasts
Forever, came so close and passed quick as a blink
I think I must have missed my station
With my thoughts running, over thinking thinking thinking

Funny how I pass his town
I miss it when I am around
On journeys and I reminisce
On memories of us together how nothing lasts
Forever, came so near then threw it away
I say I kid myself he loved me when
I know she was all he thought about that day, that summer day

Lovers came and passed since him
There's gaps in all my history
I lost the photos of us together
I lost the thoughts of my
Forever, cause it don't exist
I think I'll find someone better next time
Until then I'm fine, I'm fine fine fine.

I find serenity
In the faith others hold
In a being larger than us
Who we cannot see at all.
I wish I were able to conjure up a life
To lead others to salvation
To give reason to hard times.
I find healing
In others wisdom that others hold
In the words of forgiveness
When I fear I'm growing old.
I find hope
In the growth I see around every soul
In the plants and the earth
It makes me feel whole.

Darts formed in the mouth
Fire through the heart like bullets
And you know you're in the wrong
But your blood boils and at boiling point
You lose all sense of morality and justness
And eye up your opponent
Trying to weigh up your options
Oh where did I go wrong?
Are we fighting to make up the passion we used to share?
Oh lay me bare on the battlefield
Spill your guts, put down your weapons
And as we come to an end of fighting
Hold our hands up and surrender
We notice that no one can remember
Why we started in the first place
And we fall next to each other
Waiting for the next round
Waiting to see who the champion will be...

Tainted, by my own weakness
I have loved and lost again
I am stuck on conversations
I find no closure
For you left without a word
A ghost, you slipped away
Nothing left of you no more

I keep searching for you in strangers
But they only scratch the surface
And I never find your soul in them
I keep looking in their eyes
Trying to reclaim the light
For I've been domed to darkness since you left

It's this urge
It's this wound you left
I've been bruised since then
Cause no one does it just like you
It's this spark
I've been craving it
I'm searching for something
Cause you hit me like lightening

History, only keeps repeating
I'm stuck in this cycle
I'm trapped in my own bad habits
I find no one's here
For they always turn away
A ghost, you haunt my head
And I am left jaded again

I keep getting drunk with strangers
But they only make me nervous
Cause I know just what they want from me
I keep dodging their eyes
So they can't see that I'm lying
Cause unlike you, they'll never have a hold on me

It's this hurt
It's this emptiness you left
Trying to move on since then
So I can find someone better than you
It's this knowing
I'm so used to this
I'm searching for affection
Cause you make me lose direction.

There's a lump in my throat that won't leave
And try as I might I can't sleep
I know that finding love is a want not a need
But I feel like you were my missing piece
I still see you when I'm out with my friends
You say hi and then you leave again
When we hug I hold on, you squeeze then pull away
And I'm trying to move on from my mistakes.

Cause darling you don't love me
You don't want to settle down
But when you were in my bed
I felt you in my heart
And I'm drawn to you like magnets
Your a plus and I'm a con
You can let me down gently but I want you gone
From my mind, give me space, give me time.

There's and emptiness in my chest that won't leave
I fall in love so easily, its a flaw in me
Cause I swear I need someone to breath
And everyone tells me that boys are not my relief
I see my friends have someone who makes them happy
And I look at myself and I'm filled with worry
Cause I want someone who's scared to lose me
Someone who loves me so much they drown in it.

Cause darling you don't love me
You don't want to settle down
But when you were in my bed
I felt you in my heart
And I'm drawn to you like magnets
Your a plus and I'm a con
You can let me down gently but I want you gone
From my mind, give me space, give me time.

Give me love,
I'm elastic, push me hard
I'll bend backwards
For you dear
I'd move the earth
So you'd see
I put you first.
Give me space
I'm enigmatic, warm heart
Words are static
But I love
You like poison
Drink me in
I'll take over your heart.

Cold hands, grey eyes
Gives them butterflies
Dances all night.

Goes home, still drunk
Another boy, false love
Gives up, gets ******.

Messed up, trying hard
Plan fell through from the start
Can't get better with a broken heart.

Wants love, can't love herself
Puts her worth high on the shelf
Can't reach, kills herself.

Lonely, wants him
But he's dealing with the same thing
She wants more than a silly fling.

Must wait for him
Though the future looks grim
She'll hold on to it.

I hate being alone
But I hate being in love more
I'm torn apart like an old t-shirt
You wore it out and left it on the floor
I only tell you how I feel when I am drunk
I need the liquid confidence
I need some gypsy luck
To tell you I don't care any more
To tell you you're not there any more
To tell you I don't need this any more
To tell you I am done

Sick of sleeping alone
But I hate sleeping with these thoughts
I'm haunted like a house you see
You died in my heart but you won't let me leave
Can only tell you how I feel at night
Cause in the day I never cross your mind
The dark protects me
It protects me from wanting to die
Why can't I tell you I don't care any more?
Why the **** are you not there any more?
I'm tired of you pulling out my chair to watch me fall
What can I do to make you love me once more?

Before you, my heart was a starless sky
An unspoken goodbye
A life without a reason why.
Before you, my heart was heavy and dull
A lonely night, an empty hole
A desperate humming in my skull.
Before you, my body was only for fun
An amusement park, rebellious and young
A love song that no one true has sung

We ****
And we **** each other up
We drink
And we drown our feelings by the cup
We love
And we love to destroy things we touch
We hate
And we breed hate onto our selves
We breathe
And we exhale all the toxins in our smoke
We live
And we survive until we choke