You forgot to write me letters.
For every month that you were gone.
Oh eighty seven down on my part.
And this one seems too long.

Oh we had to be careful,
But we were too reckless,
We tore our hearts up.

Oh we had to be careful,
But we were too reckless,
Yeah we fell in love.

Don't you dare demand anything from me.
Don't you dare ask me to write about you.
Who the hell said I care?
Who the hell said I write about insignificant nobody's like you?
Do you have an answer?
No.
Because your lips slimed their way to mine.
And your hands wandered without prior permission.
So don't you dare moan at me and whisper in my ear.
Telling me to write that experience down.
Because I don't want it.
I don't want you.
And I don't want your schoolboy hands anywhere near me.

I keep feeling too much.
My heart aches at the tremors of your steps as I imagine you leaving.
My mind keeps replaying nights when we were happy.
And I don't know if I can give that to you anymore.
I'm terrified of feeling that god awful rip in my heart again.
Cause you bandaged the peices up and I know how easy it is to walk away.
They've all shown me that.
But I don't understand..
Why does everyone seem to have less feelings?
Why does everyone seem to have the power to walk away.
When I can't even breathe.

Shes caught up in a land of inbetween.
Every step she takes makes her more afraid to fall.
Yet every step she takes makes her wander further to the edge.
Is it insanity?
Has she been living in the wrong realities?
It's just love darling.
And no matter what you're going to fall.
Now don't listen to price charming when he says he'll rescue you.
Because we all know how that one goes.
This is real life girl.
You're inbetween the fairytales and the horror stories.
This is you..
Seeing just how far you can go
Without gravity stepping in.

I write slightly intoxicated.
Maybe it's from tge *****.
Or maybe it's from you r kisses.
Or the way you felt on that rooftop.
All I now is I've not felt like this for a long while.
And you seem to know everything I could need.
Kissing you makes me high.
Touching you gets me drunk.
You touching me.
Holding me.
Well that's almost enought to make me passs out.
What am was I saying,
Oh, yeah
You make me feel really quite special.
Intoxicated
And it's not just hte ***** talking.

I'm not sure if I want you to ******* or **** me......

I can't decide what I want I'm this place.
Commuters grabbing daily cups of coffee.
And I'm stuck on making a decision as simple as choosing between a cappuccino and a latte.
Why does coffee have funny names?
I wonder to myself.
Maybe it means something to someone.
I really can't decide.
I'm next.
"Small white hot chocolate please"
What?
What did I just say?
I wanted coffee.


I guess the choices we make are already planned out for us in life.
I wasn't supposed to have coffee.
Between the lines my choice was made already.

I understand my decision to leave you now.

"You know what?"
"You make really ****** coffee.... But you give great head... So like I guess I can live with that.."

I'm superstitious.
I always have been.
I don't think that part of me will ever change.
And I've been making 11.11 wishes for quite some time.
And sometimes they work.
My recent one worked.
In a completely backwards and crazy way.
I'm not gonna say what I wished for but it has something to do with a man named Sam.
I thought I loved him.
I wanted there to be an us.
But then one day I ran into you.
You weren't the Sam I was expecting.
But you're Sam.
And you like me.
And you actually want me.
And it's as if my 11.11 wish was answered.
It just got mixed up.
And I believe everything happens for a reason.
And I believe this could be something wonderful.....

Tomorrow pretended to be something it was not
for loving you came too easily
and now thinking back, in hindsight
i shouln't have let you drive

Behind shards of broken glass
we have fallen off steel tracks
no emergency room big enough
for the both of us

poison kisses fill me as you take those first steps
venom seeping into my veins
both of us cannot survive this mess
i leave with a wound bound tight

I knew it was too good to be true.
You're rushing to the airport as I sit on this bus with any hope of meeting you completely dissolved into my broken heart.
I knew It.
****.

Do you feel that?
Is it your train approaching?
Or is it the sound of our heartbreak?
Rumbling, mocking us.
Who falls in love with someone they have only met 8 times?
Idiots.
Reckless idiots.
The last few minutes of goodbye hurt far too much.
Thoughts and emotions spilling out,
Staining one another's soul.
Sorry.
Washing those stains out will be harder than we thought..
The last kiss was the sweetest.
The last goodbye cut even deeper.

Erenn  2 days ago


She always wondered what would it be like
To have that kind of love you see in the movies
Those moments where the guy stood in the rain
Singing in a coffee shop and the spotlight's on her
Screaming 'I LOVE YOU' at the top of the Eiffel Tower
Just someone who's willing to go the distance
Means the world to her

She didn't realized 'Fate' was already near

On a Saturday 27th of June is where everything changed
She's on the streets of Dublin with her friends
Listening to their favorite band playing
Their eyes met as he was packing his stuff
Her friends saw this & planned ahead
She was diffident at first, reluctant to progress
He made the first move & the magic begins
They were both drowned in conversations
Eyes locked on each other
Hoping this natter never ends

They met again on a Sunday to watch him play
But this time little sister is there to speculate
It was hard making moves
Both eager to land a kiss
Both didn't want to leave

He had to leave the next day
Back to Australia where his dreams underway
He made a promise to meet her again
But fate has its twist and they had to wait
She had to go to Portugal on a holiday
Where he's back in Dublin again to play

He's willing to go the distance for her
He'll be back in September
To fulfill that promise
Endeared in notions of affection
Waiting for that fateful day
Two days was all it take
For a love like this

"I'm a little bit lost without you, and I'm a ****** big mess inside.."
        ~ Scouting For Girls

This line depicts exactly how I feel about you right now.
I'm lost.
And scared.
And confused.
Darling I've never felt this way.
And the fact that you left just as I fell makes it even worse.

I'm falling far too fast for a man I've known for 2 hours.
And he leaves the country on Monday.
And he's back in August.
These things happen in movies.
Boy meets girl.
Girl meets boy.
Whatever way around it was.
But the drinking in the afternoon
And the random topics of conversation.
And inviting me to your last gig in a shabby little pub on a Sunday night.
These scenes are made for film screens.
Not for my small town, broken life.

I forgot why I was afraid of love.
And then in one quick heart wrenching pull.
I remembered it all.
I remembered why I built my walls.
I remembered why I didn't believe in compliments.
And I remembered exactly how it felt to have a broken heart again.
So now I'm laying in bed.
Cuddling a pillow.
Feeling wet tears stroke my cheek.
And all at once my heart is so heavy that I may never rise from this bed again.
I think I could look at this ceiling for forever.
Maybe.
If only I could keep you out of my mind.
Your big brown eyes staring deep into my soul.
Mocking me.
And how naive I was.
How could I have been so forgetful?
I forgot that I was terrified of love.
And now I remember why.

You're coming back.
For eight days.
In September.
I don't know where I'll be then.
Obviously with you.
But I don't know if I'll be at school.
Or have a job.
Or just trying to find ways to fill the days.
All I know is you're coming back.
And you're staying in a ****** apartment.
And I'm going to be with you.
And I kind of want to take you to Dublin zoo..
Just for some fun.
But I guess we'll see where it goes.
Youre gonna busk on grafton street.
Then we can have the day.
In stephens green park.
Along the river Liffey.
Wherever.

One thing I'm sure about is that they all disapprove.
I know you two days they say.
That's not long enough.
He could be a serial killer.
A kidnapper.
Love.
They say.
You're a child.
You know nothing of love.
Crazy girl.

But I know for a fact that I love you.
And I know for a fact that fate has something planned for us.
I can feel it.

Have you ever felt your heart breaking?
Not just crying because somebody said no to you or something petty like that.
Have you ever literally felt your chest cave in on itself and burn with a searing pain?
Have you ever lost all control of your legs after hearing a simple sentence?
I've had my heart broken a number of times.
All equally as painful.
But this....
This is something much more.
He seems to have broken my soul.
I feel fragments of myself falling from my body.
And I know it's not just a heartbreak this time...

Listening to his CD right now.
****.
I really like him.
August.
Hurry up.

Oh my.
I haven't been this suicidal in a long time.

Its 5am and I've been 'sleeping' for 7 hours.
What a brilliant lie.
How am I going to function tomorrow...

Lasy nights dream was about you.
The third one I've had I think..
I remember two lines completely.
'oh my, I don't know if I want ***, cheese, or to watch endless episodes of friends...'
And my reply.
'sounds like a plan. Let's go..'
Gosh, I do like him a lot.....
We properly talked last night for the first time in awhile...
And I've just realised I can't fight these feelings at all.
I'm lost in you.

I've made a promise to myself that I'll get over you.
I won't message you.
I won't call you.
And I will try my hardest not to think about you.
I don't know how long this will last
Or if I'll just eventually forget you
The way you forgot me.
But I will try.
That is a promise I have to keep.
Because you promised to come back for me....

It's a pretty generic title, right?
And I guess you could say we're a pretty generic couple.
Boy. Girl.
18. 24.
Both writers.
Both believers.
Love.
That's the word that binds us together.
Without love what would this be?
Just desire?
Just a feeling?
Just chemistry?
But honestly, that's all love is.
It's a label.
And it's used too much.
It's thrown around.
Like a ragdoll in a pram.
Love beats you up.
It hurts you from the inside out.
Whether it's distance.
Whether it's timing.
Whether it's other people's opinion.
Love tears everything apart.
So from now on I'm not going to love you.
I'm just going to enjoy you.
Because from past experiences,
Love kills whatever this is.
And I kind if am hoping we'll last.

When there's a big kiss at the end of the movie
I find myself trying to hide that really huge smile.
I can only imagine us on that very first day
When the guy and girl meet in some really set up, non reality, fairy tale kind of way.
Because lets face it.
Not many people get their happy ending
Or perfect beginning.
But most people experience the ****** up crap in between.

I can't listen to my radio anymore because every song they play
Reminds me of something about you.
Your eyes, lips, chest, pants, personality.
The way you lose track of how many glasses of wine you have when you play guitar.
And the way your eyes get lost deep inside of you when you tell a story.
Like you're re living everything about that moment.

And I guess I'm doing that now.
Losing myself in the flashbacks of you.
Losing myself in daydreams about you.

I never knew you had a mean side.
Wow.
That hurts.
Seeing you angry with me..
Sort of terrifies me.
I have to stop apologising.

"Hey there"

"Sorry I'm so late. She held me up again."

"Oh, it's okay. It was only twenty minutes.. Today should be fun!"

"I forgot something, hold on will you?"

"of course!"
I always waited on him. He was too good to me. He treated me normal. Not like a fragile price of china about to break in a billion peices.

"there we go. If I don't text her in ten minutes she'll freak.. Sorry!"

"aww no haha, you're grand! I get it!"

We walked a little bit then turned into his salon. He shut the doors. It was way past closing time.

"what'll we do today Ruth?"

"surprise me!"

He winks at me... It's not a flirtatious kind of wink. Just a wink to say 'I'm happy you're in a good mood' that's all.

I set my stuff down behind the counter and he leads me by the arm to this dark room with sinks and shampoo in it. I sat down on a chair and he just pressed this remote control and I reclined slowly, and the chair mechanically gave me a back massage... It was flawless. The ceiling of dim lights was wonderful to look at, not too ******* my soft vision at all.

"how's the water babe?"

"huh? Yeah it's perfect!"

Wait. Did he just call me babe or?
He massaged my temples and played with my hair for what seemed like a lifetime.. Neither one of us broke the silence. It was perfect.

"c'mere let's go... I've gotta surprise you. Remember?"

So we walked out of the confined space that would be absolutely perfect for a first kiss... Which never happened.... Because obviously he's happy with his girlfriend. (NOT FINISHED!!!!!)

The amount I've written about you is becoming problematic dear...
When will the ink run out?
When will the trees start screeching at me to give up?
I'm going to have to stop etching these words onto their skin.

Im currently curled up attempting to read my favourite book and tears keep spilling out and I'm sorry if this doesnt turn out as poetic or if there's loads of mistakes. I just can't stop crying
The tears are burning and it's like acid rain and I'm crying over the love I never got over, the love that was completely pretend, the love that's impossible, the love that's too far away and all the other little heartbreaks in between
So my tears jus keep coming and there's an overwhelming sadness in my chest and my legs and my hands.
And I need to say goodbye before this gets worse

And what if you forgot about me the minute you boarded your flight...
Maybe that's why I'm staying awake searching for your reply...
What if love to you is just a game...
See how many 'gorgeous' girls you can *****...
Then forget their name....

Have you ever found a new favourite thing?
And the old things are forgotten..
Or disliked..
Well that's how she was.
She became your new favourite thing.
Leaving me in the shadows,
Pondering what it meant to be alive.

Follow my twitter @littleruthie8 I'd love to see some of you guys there!!!

What's so bad about it?
I mean it's not your body.
It's mine.
I can do whatever I like with it.
I don't see why silly red lines that make me feel something upset you so much.

Goodbye hurt far too much.
Speechless to the point of no return.
A whole year.
****.

I have my own little theory on dreams,
And maybe I'm silly,
And maybe these words won't come out right..
But I'll try to explain.

I think we dream of other people for a reason.
And I believe every time I think of you before I go to sleep,
Before I shut my eyes.
I think you think about me for a split second.
And in that split second,
Of both our pondering thoughts,
That means I'll wake up to visions of you dancing around in my head.

Common ground.
That's what creates dreams.
We need to both be thinking of each other at the same time.
Only for a short time.
But it's truly magical.
Truly something worth waiting for.

So darling.
Stop thinking about me.
When I'm thinking about you.
Because waking from this slumber is hard to do when my brain is telling me to reach out and touch your body next to mine.
But in reality,
You're just a dream.

It just occurred to me that these eight days are going to fly.
And then I'm gonna leave.
Well you'll leave and I'll be stuck here.
In my 9 to 5 job.
While you taste every inch of the world without me.
God.
I don't want that at all.
I want you.
All of you.
And I want to taste every inch of the world with you.

But that's not reality.
September will come and go.
My plane ticket out of here is €700
That's a good few pay cheques.
And what if when I get there,
if I get there.
You don't love me anymore.
You found someone new.
You tasted something better than a pretty Irish girl.

These doubts are killing me.

Letters.
Beautiful words handcrafted in your own unique way.
Much prettier than an email.
Or a text.
I think I'm the only eighteen year old that would rather write you a letter every day than a text message.
So please.
Let me show you just how much I care.
Let me pretend we're perfect for each other.
Because the words that are spilling from your throat at 4am are beautiful.
And I'm falling far too fast right now.

I don't want it to just be a drink or two.
I want to spend the day walking with you.
I want to spend the day talking with you.
I want to kiss you in broad daylight.
And then I want to go for a drink with you.
And I want to keep talking.
I want these eight days to be the beginning.
After day turns to night I want to go home with you.
And I want to see how uncomfortable that ****** couch really is.
I bet we could make it something beautiful.
I know you could.
I want to listen to you spill your heart out at 4am.
And I want to learn some sort of nice thing on guitar.
And I want you to kiss me until we're not separate people anymore.
I just want to be with you babe..
And I kind of hope you have the same thing in mind too..

It's been 494 days since you left.
Wow.
You would think I'd stop writing about you.
We were together 237 days.
It seems like nothing really....

And I've known him for 287 days.
And yes he makes me feel better but he doesn't love me the way you pretended to.

I told you it was him.
I went to ****** therapy.

I told you it was school.
You let me leave.

But what I never said was that it was dad.
And the way he drinks too much.

And I never said it was you.
And me worrying about your illness.

But it's this house.
That's what drives me insane.

Because him without a bottle
And you and your broken brain..

It just doesn't work.

So I have to pretend I'm better.
Pretend I don't hurt anymore.

Because blaming him and school

Was so much easier than blaming dad and you...

I never used to believe it.
Pennys that bring good luck.
Black cats that make you weep.
Something about mirrors.

But now.

Now I understand it.
Because dreams, and wishes, and all the other *******.
It's real.
And crazy thing is..
I've experienced it.

Maybe it was a completely backwards way.
And maybe whoevers in charge of all that crap got confused.
But I found you.
And you weren't exactly who I had in mind.
But you seem to be better than what I thought I deserved.

So now I make 11.11 wishes.
And I pick up those ***** coins and count to 3 and make a wish.
And I don't try smash mirrors anymore.
You've shown me love is real.
That movie. Heartfelt. Real love.

You know what's hard?
Getting up every morning and being perky and pouring your coffee in front of everyone and pretending you weren't crying until 4am.

You know what's hard?
Getting dressed and putting on your make up trying desperately to impress someone... Hoping for a miracle.

You know what's hard?
Leaving the house and having every single thing remind you of a certain person. Oh we kissed there. Oh he goes to the gym there. Oh he drove me home there.

You know what's hard?
Lying to every single person when they ask you if you're too warm in your baggy jumpers, when they ask you how you're doing. Oh I'm fine, yourself? It's a monotonous reply.

You know what's hard?
Losing every inch of yourself. I've no idea who I was before. And every single time I fall for someone new (which has only happened 5 times. I'm not a crazy ****.) I lose part of who I am. And I get happy for a bit but then they leave.

You know what's not hard?
Hurting myself. I seem to be able to do that with ease. Razor blades and pencil sharpeners seem to dissolve out of their screws and plastic. It's so easy. And falling. That's another thing I find easy. I fall way too fast for people who really don't deserve it. Only I fall rarely so it hurts worse....

You know what's hard?
Love.
Life.
Breathing.
Being me.

He's the type of thought that makes me throw my hands up to my face and push my hair back in a sudden motion of hiding my smiles and delight.

I don't know if I give him the same thoughts but the butterflies in my stomach are raging and violent.
For the first time I don't feel empty.
Not anymore.

And now you're traveling trough Europe with your 'friend'
And she's beautiful, and she's wonderful...
But you said you were all alone.
And what if she's more than a friend to you.
Where does that leave me?
Cause I've a feeling I ain't forgetting you for quite a while....
But I kinda need you to remember me too......

And he changed. The way the leaves fall down. The way the ground varies every season. He changed. And suddenly I wasn't enough for him anymore.

I can't have it anymore.
I don't want it.
Just take it.
Take it away.