I can't have it anymore.
I don't want it.
Just take it.
Take it away.

I can't walk these streets without being reminded of our ghosts travelling hand in hand along the darkness.
You haunt this city.

I've felt every single emotion while thinking about you and I've known you 5 days.

If this isn't something special then I don't know what is..

I think they're all coming to terms with the fact that I'm not a kid anymore.
I can make my own choices.
I can choose who I do and don't spend my time with.
And nobody can stop me.

I think they realise that I'm not gonna stick around for much longer.
I think they can feel it in the air around me.
Because this town just doesn't fit right anymore.

We've both got tired eyes
But you've seen the world in all shades of black and white
While I stay in this town
Counting days till you're back around

Oh the airport rooms are lonely now
The dimming street lights seem burned out
And letters for you are stacked up high
Writing comes too easy at night

Cause I know that you'll come back
Your tired soul will find mine once again
And darlin we can be happy together
Cause I know with you I'd run wherever

It's breaking my heart watching us sink
And staying in touch is harder than we think
.....?

But lonely lives keep finding each other
And I boarded my flight while you got another 
And I'm breaking apart
To know that you're away
And it's crushing me up
Cause you couldn't stay..

He feels the exact same way.
Only he's been feeling it from the 29th of June, rather than the 27th.
Holy ****.
He's renting a private room so we can spend days doing whatever we like.
This love doesn't appeal to parents,
And this love doesn't appeal to many..
But this love is real.
And I don't care what anyone else has to say.

I'm going to meet the Australian I had drinks with on Friday right now.
I haven't felt these kind of butterflies in a good year or so.
Wish me luck.
Aghhh.

I promise you I learned every detail.
I studied every inch of you.
To the point where I can't erase you.
My journals.
My mind.
Everything is full of you.

And now you're gone.

And I don't know anything now..
Because you were all I thought I needed to know.
And without you I'm a mess.
And everything up until this point has been insignificant.

For some reason I think we could work.
I think this feeling between us is strong enough to go the distance.
And maybe I'm relying too much on my over compassionate soul..
But you seem to be pretty **** interested too..

Stories.
Poems.
Letters.
Daydreams.
When will I snap back to reality.
When will she leave her land of make believe?
Never.
I whisper as the thoughts dance and shimmer in the moonlight.

Halfway round the world
Lies a beautiful treasure.
He's breaking at the cracks
Strumming till he's back.
Guitar strings keep on breaking
My heart still is aching.

Cause he ain't coming home.
I've gone and let him go.

Miles away he stares at the stars
But nothing really matters cause we both know the time will tear us apart.
We can't leave this forever.
Oh we know it's just no use.
And pining over you is the worst thing I can do.
But you're dancing in my heart and my mind is racing now.

Why'd I let you go.
I should've held you back.

If not now..... When?

When will I find someone like you again.

We've got eighty years or so to live.
And I've almost wasted 20 of them.
Then once I hit 40 I've no opportunitys to take.

So why the **** not.
I have 20 years to enjoy myself and do crazy things.



I've made my decision.
Now come a little closer babe....

So that Australian I fell in love with is coming back next week.
And guess what?
I'll be boarding a plane the very day he lands in Dublin.
I guess everything happens for a reason.
And I guess our two souls just aren't supposed to be together.....

So today I found out that you don't just call anybody gorgeous..
And I also found out that when you're back in Dublin you want to go for drinks again..
But you want me to lie and say I'm sleeping at a friends.
The visions you've planted in my mind are beautiful.
I just really want to be with you.......
Really.

Stumbling through the city
I'm a pretend fire.
You've got a blanket on tote heart cause you know I'm a liar.

And I've brushed against your hand just a few too many times.
But you don't seem to move away
Keeping steady lines.

Woahh
I think I'm falling..
And woahh
I think I'm losing who I was..


And woahh
You think you know me but you don't...
Cause oh oh you ain't ever gonna get close..


My walls are too high
For your bloodshot eyes
And my drink is to strong
I can feel it inside..

I know.
And I'm so sorry.
But I can be your friend.

I've never had somebody want me so bad that they'd spend money to get a flight to see me....

I'm not really myself right now.
And anybody I'm close to at this moment needs to understand that.
I will change.
Not quite into who I once was.
That girl is gone.
But I will definitely not stay unknowing forever.
I don't like the version of myself I have found now.
I don't like having to survive on self destruction.
I'm sorry for that.
I want to change.
I just don't know how to right now..

I must sound like a complete nutcase to people I only tell small parts of my story to.
Because I swore to myself I'd never tell anyone the whole thing.

I told you I would write about you..
And maybe show you.
So if your eyes stumble upon this then that means I've probably shown you..
You really matter to me..
Talking with you is easy.
I hardly know you
I don't know when your birthday is
I don't know your parents names
But you talk to me as though I'm significant.
And that means a lot to me.
So it's 2.30am and I'm writing about you..
I don't write about different people too often.
I usually give up halfway through...
Trying to think of something positive.
Racking my thoughts and fighting to remember something worth writing about.....
But this is coming easily.
Which means I must really like you.....
You make me happy when I'm about to break down completely.
It takes a lot of goodness to do that..
Mark.
Thank you.
You're a truly amazing person..

Maybe I'm growing out of you.
The way I grew out of my favourite sweater.
The way the trees grow out of their leaves every fall.
But maybe I never really loved you.
And maybe your words were meaningless.
And maybe I'm an idiot for falling.
But I fell.
I fell for all those stupid lies.
And you don't even know it.
Or maybe we both changed just enough so that we understood why it would never work.

Message me or something, it doesn't matter who you are.

But if I met up with the Australian guy and kind of slept with him after I turn 18 in a few weeks would i regret it?


I'm sorry this isn't poetry but I love how so many people here don't judge....

Why do I keep letting people get too close
My fragile heart can't cope anymore

Sorry but my last days are coming..

The noose is smooth against my skin

Sorry but it'll be over soon.

It was exhilarating.
Falling.
Because I thought you would catch me.
But you didn't.
Not even close.
You caught the one who didn't fall for you.
You caught the wrong one.
Idiot.

Let's get really really intoxicated and touch each other until we know every inch and evey curve like the way we know our favourite songs..

Have you ever had that stomach churning, hurricane kind of love?
The kind that makes you stand on your bed at 3am shaking your hair and your head and wiping your face with excitement filled hands.
Have you ever loved someone so much that they begin to slowly invade your thoughts and all the bits in between?
I've had that kind of love only once.
And it's the best kind of love.

It's when the daydreams merge with reality.
That's what love is.

I keep falling in love with you.
I think it's time I stop trying to fight it.

Being important to other people isn't one of my strong points.

But you're my ticket out of this town.
I just don't know if I'm ready to leave right now...

I had a wonderful dream.
You didn't care about what people thought.
You just wanted to be happy.
And you loved me.
You really did.
And you asked me to travel the world with you.
And the funny thing is...
I did.
I just dropped everything and left this crazy town.

They don't even know I'm listening. **** sake.

I just want you to know I don't write about anyone.
You have to be significant.
And being significant at a time where I don't even feel significant myself.
That makes me writing about you a pretty **** good thing.

I think the second I saw him everything changed. I felt my world get a bit brighter. And I felt a breeze come in and sweep away the remains of that horrid past. I knew in that moment that there was a change. This was my change. And I was about to grab hold of it and not let go. So that's what I did.

Now I'm breaking at the cracks..
You couldn't bring me back..

Hes literally paying for a flight to be with me for 8 days.
What the ****?
He's coming back just to be with me.
This is crazy.
I love him.
Oh my god.
And for once someone feels the same about me.

I guess guessing isnt enough to keep up a healthy relationship.
And I guess I should stop saying 'I guess' so much..

But attractive Australian men who play guitar and sing don't just walk through Dublin city with you and sit at a bar and have drinks and talk about their life and your life and all the little bits in between.

Sitting on my bedroom floor
Replaying all your perfect words
Your voice will echo in my mind
For until we get to speak next time

I'm missing the feeling of having you near
I'm losing out on life my dear.
Please don't play pretend.
My fragile heart shall love again.

I don't want to be broken anymore.
This shattered heart of mine
It's my noose.
The bruises and the scars
They won't fade.
But you. You think you can fix me.
Not a chance.
I whisper as the cold metal works it's magic.

And you've probably met a million other girls just like me.
Ones who've given you everything.
And they're probably waiting up.
Staring at the phone.
Wondering where you are....

And if you're coming home...

What was what

I just can't seem to stop thinking about you.

Have you ever tried to literally shake the thoughts of somebody out of your head?
I'm finding I do that quite a lot these days.

I know you 1 day and you make me feel untouchable.
****.
Ruth.
Don't fall.
Not again.

At night the thoughts linger a little bit longer.
Not like during the day....
They can play pretend in the sun.
But in the darkness they disappear.
They capture the good thoughts.
They corner them.
They take over.
The evil inside spills out.
I guess, at night things change.
At night things are free.
But not me.

You know when you feel him lean in and press his soft lips against your skin? It felt like that.... Only more violent. And the marks weren't nearly as permanent. Those kisses will be with me a lifetime. Those bloodstains can wash away in the showers of my tears.

To understand you must be fully understood by yourself

I'm not sure about anything.
At 18 it's hard to understand.
People think its okay to touch you and shout at you.
I'm a kid, but I'm an adult.
Nothing is final.