If
I could
Go back to
My childhood days

I
Wouldn't
Do well on
All of those tests
I'd ***** up each one
So no one would expect
That I'd automatically
Ace everything on the first try

I
Would not
Be docile
To all adults
Because then I could
Express my discontent
With the adults in power
With less hesitation now

I
Would not
Quiet down
Stop acting up
Hide my discomfort
So that maybe now
I'd be less afraid to
Show the bad parts of my mind
To show those signs of mental pain

I
Instead
Would make sure
That I could live
As free as I could
Unafraid to fall
Less afraid of power
Maybe not entir'ly free
But enough to want to live now

There are a great deal of things you can eat
After a long day of hiking
Because after a trail in afternoon heat
Nearly anything is to your liking
However, please note that it's almost
Because no mater how hard you try
You can't make good chicken pesto
In two minutes with water and ramen under the sky

How low
Do you want me to go?

How much further
Do you think I can sink?

Do you wish me
To lower myself
To the level of a beast
Because I can do that

Be warned, good sir
That if you push me that far
I can be quite dangerous
Dangerous enough to ****

You don't think I could?

I bet you don't think
That it's possible
To **** a man with only your nails

Or that it's possible
To tear open a man's throat
With one's nails and teeth

But it is possible
And if you push me that far
I will not hesitate to such things

So I will ask you
One more time:

*How low do you want me to go?

Follow your dreams
Unless they're weird
Stand up for yourself
But don't start a fight
Be yourself
Unless you're different
Belive in yourself
But authority is always right

You say that your friends
Can find a welcoming ear
In their time of need

But I know
Of hundreds of shouting matches
Half as many protested more-than-hugs
Days in and out of manipulation and deceit on both sides
Years of saying "you have no right to feel that way"
Many doged questions
Minutes shouting down every expression that you disproved of
Several iterations of "you'll die alone"
Days and nights hidden in offside rooms for fear
A few good slaps
And a laptop against the wall at age eight
That all demand to differ

There's a memory of a long time ago
Or was it a dream? How could I know
It's not as if I could ask you as to wether it's true
As if there were anything asking could do
But than I think of the shouting and it seems
Real enough to run from, to want to cry or scream

Was it really a laptop, or was it a plate
That was thrown against the wall, irate
Or maybe the whole thing never really happened
Maybe I misheard something, I was mistaken
Besides, it was nine years ago, I was too young
To even really realize what was going on
But even back then, I knew I was frightened
When I heard a crash before the fight ended

And some days I wonder if I would feel this way
If it was the man doing this to the woman one day
You're against abuse, and try to call out wife beaters
But you applaud a girl who whacks a guy when he cheats her
And I wonder why, if you say you care
Why you sometimes say things that make me wish I weren't there

And I wonder why you don't respect my space
Walking up to my form like you own the place
And I know you mean well, but could you stop
Sneaking up and hugging me in a way I'd rather not
I know you have good intentions, but why can't you see
That there's a reason I'm starting to get a little jumpy

But these are the things I'll never ask
Because I'm to spineless to find out at last
So here I sit, writing an interwebs litany
With a secret profile on a site you'll never see

Sometimes all it takes is a little hope
In this world where presidents *****
When zika rides in on ebola's coattails
When so many relationships begin to fail
When we dismiss facts like we dismiss opinion
When we find the truth behind the "truths" we were given
When lead is found in water in Michigan
And the plains are under water as more rushes in
When extremism flourishes, taking thousands every day
When humans threatened by it are told they can't stay
When big brother dictators try out nukes
And we all just want to give this world the boot
All it takes is a little spark
To start hope's fire in the dark
We will learn and cooperate and grow
Fighting together, we're stronger than we know

Some people look down upon them
Saying they have nothing good within
But I see it differently
In markups, I see
The person I was, am, and could've been

As the leaves and shade surround me
I wander on, an explorer solitary
Beetle graffiti and fertile earth
Capture my attention as I explore dirt
And though I'm called back for mandatory "fun"
My mind still lingers in the shade and the sun

Bug spray smells better
Once you start to think of it
As camper's perfume

Thinking closely, Walt Whitman was right
For there is a peculiar delight
In streching one's limbs
Admiring the machine within
With eyes that can see the world's night

My first thought on seeing him
Was "wow, you look dead inside"
But then I remembered
I looked like I'd just been hit blindside

Art is not dead
It's just rearing its head
On sidewalks and forums
As well as a gallery's decorum

Music's not gone
The song still goes on
Online and in strip malls
Just like the concert halls

Legends are still written
Leaving an audience smitten
In novels and orations
And theaters across the nation

Culture's not gone
It's still moving on
And I, for one,
Think its just begun

Beware of leaders
Who promise it all, for you
Will end up with *none

Two minutes of time
Just to find a rhyme
In a student's mind
Reading of punishment and crime
Now when will my time come
Where did it all go
Graduation's almost here
And what do I even know
I've been counting down the years
Since I've entered middle school
Now I'm counting down the weeks
And saying it'll be soon
And before the bell rings
Before time is called
I can just pen in a poem
Before I hit the fall

A random thought
(Take it as you will):
I've been in every hotel
On this little hill

I guess sixteen years
Is enough time
To see every inn
I'm this road's line

I'm pretty sure the school needs more windows
Because it's entirely possible to go
For a day between thanksgiving and Valentine's
And never once, in your classes, even realize
That the sun orbits above our globe

These quizes offer no insights
Onto what "my perfect college" could be like
And how the (word that rhymes with duck)
Am I supposed to get seventy thousand bucks

When panicking meets wondurous fantasies
Then you will see what I can see

When you test the bounds of your secrecy
Then you'll know what I can be

If I can't dance, I don't want to be
A part of your revolution
And if I can't laugh in heaven
I don't want to be in God's nation
Our favorite quotes show more about us
Than they do the people who wrote them
And if you want to see a change in the world
Become that change, then

Flashing red and gold
         Dancers leap across the stage
                         Graceful, wild, and free

The pumpkin moon rises high in the sky
As I start humming Tim Burton lullabies
The air is crisp and cool and clear
Though not as crisp as the leaves I hear
The scents of smoke, apple, and misty dawns
Mingle as I walk past leaf covered lawns
Walking a black hound, as night comes from day
I walk around, glad that fall's here to stay

Halloween has come and gone
The spirits danced, scared, and then moved on
And without the protective spells from all the wands
We begin to hear the christmas songs

I seem to be
Continually stuck

Between the worldviews
Of Bradbury and Hawking

Between schedules
Of eight million events and none at all

Between wanting to join in
And feeling like I shouldn't

Between wanting to do everything
And wanting to do nothing

Because even though I often speak
Of finding middle ground
When it becomes personal
It just can't seem to be found

I came to a fork
In the one road I knew
A fork unlike others
I had already been through

On each pathway
Stood a strange being
I blinked, rubbing my eyes
Unsure of what I was seeing

I then heard a voice,
Like it came from within,
"How do you know
What is pure and what is sin?

How do you choose?
Are you swayed by the season?
Or are you guided by them,
By belif and by reason?"

Looking ahead of me
Through my internal mayhem
I saw my two guides
Who once worked in tandem

And I began to wonder:
"By whose law do I abide?"
As I thought, so continued
That voice spoke from inside

"In one road stands reason,
And the other, belif
And in this choice
One is your aide, the other a theif."

"So who do I choose?"
I shouted to implore
But that little voice
Left me alone as before

I looked to faith, standing right
Warm and light up ahead
She offered many answers
But claimed knowledge was too much for my head

I stared at reason, standing left
Crisp, clear, and easy to follow
But he offered no definates
Only peices to borrow

So there I stood
Trying to make my thoughts clear
Two full years later
And I still standing here

I wonder if Doctor Doolittle
Started off like this

Making your own choice
With something you're scared to do
Is learning to fly

Looking over a ledge
You're nervous, then you're scared once
You start to fall down

Then once you take off
Your breath catches, and you start
To soar in your mind

And for all your fear
Knowing that you've made your choice
Flies over anxiety

There are many things I'd like to miss
But I'd never go without autumn's cold kiss
Looking at a red and gold blizzard is the definition of bliss
And under crisp apple winds, nothing seems amiss

There is much to admire about cool autumn days
Wether or not it's clear and blue or foggy or grey
The leaves, pumpkins, and winds join together to play
A day like this can truly go in any way

I wish I was better, that I could be more
That I could remember enough to keep score
That I could make more than a small change
That my life could have some kind of range
I wish I could speak my world aloud
And not change myself for who's around
I wish I could be a steadier friend
One who'd make a difference in the end
But maybe it's not meant to be
Cause all that's left at the end is me

It's quite hard to flirt
When your parents and sister
Are between you two

Books should never be
Put in a washing machine
Just trust me on this

Maps are very good
But should that map fail, just ask
For some directions

Campuses are huge
But you soon will find that you
Can walk quite quickly

If weather says shorts
But your family says pants
Trust the weatherman

Lying under waves of nightime heat lighting
I sit tight and try to stop my mind's  infighting
They say that a bounce back is helped by relaxing
But I'm three months in it and it's still collapsing
I've got one more week to lighten the relapsing
And I'm so tired of sitting and waiting to see
If I can somehow even fix this bizarre psyche
And as I try and as I fail to sleep
I keep realizing I'm in too deep

Some days I wonder if I'm just a distraction
From the relationship's latest course of action
When I'm not held up as a gifted prodigy
I'm just your problem child, one best left sight unseen
Upon wishing I could make myself weep
I realize again I'm in too deep

We must remember
That the U.S. is essentially
An experiment

Who ever knew that
Wikipedia links could
Only be Plato's

With Virginia's second largest student population
Four thousand, five hundred, twenty eight kids looking for
Companionship in a confined quarter mile
You would think that it would be quite simple to
Find a person to spend your days around
You would think that it would be simple
To find someone whom you have an
Interest in knowing
To find somebody
With whom you have
Friendship or
Maybe
Love

I remember Nonni's hospital room
I remember nights staring at the moon
I remember the smell of pie
I remember leaving junior high
I remember sailing in a storm
I remember rolling backpacks as a norm
I remember airports and planes
I remember speaking with wax vampire fangs
I remember all of the rain
I remember some of my pain
I remember what I can
I hope I remember who I am

Is there a good way to tell someone:
"I love you from the bottom of my heart
I hope what that what you desire is done
And that all of your dreams get a start

But if I spend any more time with you
Beyond what I absolutely must
I'm going to loose my mind and do
Something that even I don't trust"

It's natural to look down
But if you look up
An airbus night is
The best place to be starstruck

Like a wolf in the night
Or a deer in it's flight
Or a swallow on favoring winds
Travel swift to the end
Make new choices to send
To the spirits that lurk within

And though we are young
Stories quickly begun
Whirling around the windowless compound
So some block it out
Some start to pout
And some go insane when no one's around

So come out in the day
In this place cast away
Do not believe long held lies
Then finally, we'll see
Between you and me
What the truth is in the gentry's eyes

I often feel not quite a poet
All I seem to have in it is a flair for the dramatic
Because half of my account is rants
I'm just another white teen girl with nothing traumatic
And I only seem to write about my parents
When I've had a fight then
Like my muses seem to constantly forget
All the good times and support from them
And I write about problems I haven't been there to see
And compare places I live to where I've yet to be
I say I'm a loner with no one to talk to
But the truth is I stay away and hide my face in YouTube
Because I've got the social skills of a rotten tuber
And I seemed to have learned that chitchat doesn't help me
To see into the root of the issue, it's just more clutter and clatter
And if the people around us are all that matter
I'll be looking for all ways away from the prattlers
Because I love them with all of my heart
But good god, we need some years apart
They call me bubbly, smart, loving, and a doll
But some day they're gonna see through it all
To the weirdest hypocrisy that lies within
That while I'm living near the top
I've been feeling like I'm about to burst without stop
In spite of all of the luck I've got
So I put in my earbuds, tell them I'm fine
And I try to think of accurate, fitting, and chipper rhymes
Maybe I'll put blue skies straight into my lines next time