I kindda wish
I can describe
that tingling sensation
he gives me
whenever he pulls
my face closer to his
before we share
a very sweet kiss

I'd like to write a poetry
about how easy it is to reach for your skin
to bow down and get a sweet taste of your sin
to put my insecurity sleeping inside your promises
to fall for you until I scattered into pieces

On Friday night
the citylights shone at its brightest
he'd made me laugh the loudest
where being near turned into nearest
is how I know I am the happiest

At times I'd like to stare to strangers eyes
wondering what creates their tears of joy
who scattered their hearts to dust
why they see red on their own fists
where did they got those scars or tattoos
but the one substantial thing I'd like to know
is how to make them smile with warmth
inside their chest that will lightening up mine

It is said that I have lost so much;
God took my source of life, my parents
that I have been betrayed by my siblings
that I have been left stranded and alone
by the love of my life in such misery
that the ones I have been calling out
as my best friends spit on my trust
that I have been crying without any hand
to help me, to acknowledge me

but I have a faith within my own two feet
a light that surpass the darkness outside
a love inside me that is big enough to know
this;

I am bigger than loneliness
stronger than hatred
and wiser than heartache
I am aware of my true self

so I wipe my tears,
stand as tall as I should be
I smile and say this:

"I am powerful,
I am me
and you
you cannot break me"

Be kind,
Be honest,
Be brave,
Be curious,
Be your best self,
If they ever tell you the opposite
make them all pay attention
to your back!

Do you know what magic is?
It is when my heart is falling
down to your hand palm
yet it’s still beating—fast
pumping butterflies all over
my veins when you kiss me

Surely I have no idea about jealousy
until I see her having a lovely dinner
next to my table with her mother

And I'd continue to reminisce
how the sun bends down
towards your night sky eyes
as they stare deeply into mine
while you were arching your body
at 5.14 pm, to kiss me—repeatedly

It's impossible
not to fall
for you
even
the stars
above fall
for you too

His love gives me static electricity
mixed with waves of fragility
feels like my wool sweater
—so good, nothing else is better

You are the kind of guy
I can live with all my life
but he
he is the kind of guy
*I can never live without

Prove me
every love song
you’ve sung
make them all
hear the scream
from your lungs
cause my world
is in complete mist
covered by the amount
of the feeling I miss
so for once
—just for me
just be here
be here
with me

Tell me how does it feel when it's midnight
as the clock turned to zero and so does your fight
how you just feel like sliding down the mountain
after doing all the climb to erase the uncertain
when the shadow is your only best friend
and the nothingness inside drives you insane
tell me how it does it feel when it's midnight
ah, nevermind, you won't ever see another daylight

Have you heard from your bedroom wall
that I long to be where you are?
have you heard the birds whistling
how I wish you a good day each morning?
have you heard your silence cellphone
ringing out the canceled calls from my phone?
sssh... be quite and listen carefully
let my blue heart speaks slowly
I am missing you, badly
and I am secretly still loving you, baby

She's my first tear catcher
my personal mood charger
we share stupid laughs together
and become each others' healer
she's the coolest life teacher
my idiotic picture liker
helping me to be a better stalker
each time my ex has another girl
she's the angel and the devil
knows me better than a fortune teller
she's my best of friends
she's my forever

Adding more chapter
to a storybook that has ended
won't make it gets better
cause a legendary story
don't repeat itself
nor get extended
I supposed that is why
there is no Titanic 2, right?

Never before I feel so desperately weak
when you raised your tone with a voice so bleak
that was the moment I am certain of one thing
I need to be closer to you
badly, so badly, very badly
and I wanted to be forgiven wholeheartedly

Just when I thought by putting back the puzzle
will create a bulletproof bond between us,
he destroyed my poor heart all over again

even a heartbreak is an understatement now

the wound I keep stitching are also keep opening
and the way he react wasn't suppose to surprised me
but in the end, adding an ultimate decision
with someone you want the most will always be
a bombshell even for someone as tough as I am

because being completely in love is nothing like
any other pain I had suffer before
it is my utmost invisible foe
that drag me into an eternal woe

It was when his finger prints left marks on my coffee cup
in that Starbucks he politely gave me my warm hazelnut
I remember how I got a little struck of his height
he made me look at him like I am gazing at the stars

It was his 'hi' that painted my crooked smile
followed by a simple question, "what's your name?"
God, he's so cute in that black t-shirt and snapback
I sounded like a ****** when I speak my name out

It was his vibe and a little of his laugh
that got me re-arranged a space in my mind for him
as he threw compliments with the same amount
of every single thing I like about his consuming eyes

It was a bye-bye that evening where it started to rain
and I counted his steps as he walked away from me
along with the ticking clock for his first phone call
cause he stole my every attention until I stumble and fall

But, Darling
my sun rises in your eyes
and sets in my breaking heart
my moon shines from your starry kiss
and disappears along with your goodbye

before you leave, this I must say
eventhough your love is all about grey,
I still fell deeply in love with you
before I even knew that love itself is true

therefore I've made up my mind inside my fear
to speak these words just for you to hear
for the first and the last time shall you feel
"I love you, so much"
and there's no way it could be more real

His smile has rained over my ribcage
where inside rests a soil field
for him to grow hundreds of red tulips
as red as my kiss to his sweet lips
and they've been blocking my breathing
each time he tells me that he's leaving
or simply return to me and staying
so I pluck them all and start counting
one and two and three
does he loves me not?
or does he loves me?
until teardrop falls and I cannot see
cause it always ends up with him
not loving me

Shall I give you a bouquet of flowers,
I'd give you Amaryllis for your splendid beauty
that charmed me in all the right way with insanity

a touch of blue Iris for every faith I put in you
and hope for all my prayers to come true

I'll decorate it with some white Chrysanthemum
for it is truth and loyalty that defines our coliseum

then a Sunflower, a symbol of dedication
of my eternal love and your heart in unison

We both promised ourselves
—drinking our blood,
tying up the knot
in the name of sisterhood
but you ***** them
like it was a bad food

You ought to know that
whenever I see a young woman
holding her little baby
who probably looks like the daddy
I find my mind imagining my own
with you—only you
can’t think of anyone else but you

Wouldn't it be nice
to feel your hot breathing
on my cold neck right now
and to smile is as easy
as turning my body to yours?

cause it's 2.44am
where I woke up
finding myself alone
—trembling with the need
to run so fast to where you are

when I know
you're sleeping with someone else

My knees got awfully weak
everytime he smacks my buns
and pulls my amber hair
when he screws me from behind
but it feels so **** good
I secretly hope he does that more

My loving heaven,

If there is a way for me to explain
who I am now to you, I will say;
I am half of your retrograde,
the slowest rotation on your earth
that is wrong enough to be right
and half of your marquis diamond,
the most expensive shape
that lingers best around you

Your devoted Angel,
A

Oh yeah the Demon told me
that you're with him now
let me know how my *****
taste when you kiss him
and good luck licking it off

I'll tell you what's funny
it is when you look at me
and have no idea whatsoever
that you put my heart on a race
where it keeps pulsing restlessly
but never reach the first place

Leave me all at once
so that I'd stop
swallowing your razor blade hopes,
staring at the despicable truth,
and screaming for help inside your ignorance

cause I tried so hard
searching you out
by closing my eyes
but you're still the one
—and the only person
I am seeing
and that is how I know
I had failed
the attempt
to un-love you

I can stand losing sleep
I cannot stand losing *you

"What is it about him?"
He is my change of weather
the snow in my summer
the sunburn in my winter
he spoils my blush-on with tears
of too much laughter or fears,
my roller coaster mood of the year

I hate him enough to leave but
love him too much to walk away
cause my whole world is all
*about him

Bleeding sounds like
an exotic pleasure
only if you want to be
inside me

My tired bones are aching
for the comfort of your blanket arms
you are missing from me
you said I'm your priority
I am losing my senses
as you make me stand on fences
but the funny part is
rather than fall asleep
all of me decided to fall in love instead

I'm still waiting for your impossible call
until the dawn is breaking as so does my heart

In August
with the shining sun
turned the trees to share the same color
as bright as your hazel eyes
where my heart met yours
from a "Hi" at 1 AM to a kiss at 5 AM
was the moment I discovered my Achilles' heels
located in each Summer I promise to greet
with you

Because you are
the one person
who can pump
my dead heartbeat
back to life
when all
I ever wish
for it
to just
stop

The crowd shouting
and the DJ yelling
to jump or put my hands up
the boombox blaring in my ears
—at least it’s stopping my tears
but I am feeling sleepy
I hate alcohol so I’m drinking Fiji
sitting down and awkwardly lonely
with my mind wondering
how lovely it will be to curled up
inside your warm bed only listening

to the night singing your melody
and fall asleep beside your body
but what a shame
you don’t give that option to me

Both my ears
are hearing musics
with maximum volume
in this big dark room
filled with people
dancing and kissing

good thing I am
not able to hear
the sound of my heart
breaking

“You got your long hair now,
it’s nice—I need to get my drink”
and that was the last voice
I play on repeat in my head
right before you left me—again

as I felt the warmth rolling down
on my cheeks
when we met last night at 2am
after 7 months
of our goodbye war
and I knew
that time about you are frozen
just like the wound that I kept
open

Justru inilah yang tak pernah bisa ku pahami;
kamu mengenal aku seperti belakang tanganmu sendiri
kamu itu selalu memiliki pilihan
untuk jadi bahagiaku di siang dan malam
atau buatku tenggelam dan tersesak dalam dinginnya diam
namun pilihan kedua selalu menjadi pilihan favorit mu
pun kamu tau bahwa dulu itu menjadi alasanku tinggalkanmu

I have written hundreds of poetry
with sea of hope to the crying stars
but my pen is still bleeding words
that never seem good enough to tell you;
to make you believe—
to help you understand
how much you mean to me
nor to hold you close,
to keep you
from walking out the door

With a single wink of an eye
he snapped me out of my conscience
to another strange dimension
where bruises looks like tattoos
and wounds are ridiculously popular
until I am wide awake all alone
feeling ******* sick of him,
realizing that I'm losing pieces of me
bit by bit just to pay the price
of deriving pleasure from pain
because he fooled me
time
and time
again

Has passed
yet I can still recall how the stars aligned when we first say hi
how you answered my question with Craig David singing Rendezvous
"tonight is your night," you said on the dark road that seemed oddly bright
how you willingly opened up my door in a funny way just because I asked you to
how you took my hand after a couple of beers, a long chat, and the last order in that cafe
how the darkest sky turned white with you sitting down in front of me near the beach
how we shared our very first kiss, breakfast, dinner, until the very first morning
waking up to your beautiful brown eyes and the heat from your dutch white skin
I recall the Summer, where my heart melted to your lips whispering Iloveyou
and the Rainy days, when the cold clouds kept you sleeping inside my loving arms

but I also remember
how you broke my heart with all the secrets you hide deeper than my scars
how your words sliced my bones the nights you decided to left me with question marks
how green my eyes turned when you innocently treated her like she meant more than I was
how you pushed the restart button for the bridges you've exploded to ashes

In spite all that, aside from the bitter-sweet journey we have,
this I know for sure;
time has failed to separate parts of you in all of me along with the love I promise to keep

She took a glance at him and fell in love forever
She married a guy she hates all her life
She sticks together with her best guy friend
She got beaten up but still thinks he's perfect
She never notice him but then one day he's everything she can think of
She falls in love deeply with herself and her world
She refuses to settle down but he made her does
She dates a lot of guys but never let him slip away
She devoted her love for him even when he's not hers
She doesn't know that she can love her so much
She stays in a relationship with someone else's husband
She never let go of her teacher at school who's 12 years older
She just loves her own brother more than she's supposed to
She broke up with him but keeps on coming back to him
How's your love story?

Now
give me
one
good
reason
why
I
should
run
when
he
has
created
such
heav­enly jail
for me
to stay
in?

To be in love with him is to have
that feeling when I'm so high
all of my senses are escalating
and it's like I suddenly have this
bad idea by inventing my emotions
just to be able to keep him beside me
maybe because he has this odd ability
to make me see the bold yellow
hanging in the air coming from
the sound of his laughter
that keeps telling me to hold on