You were the madding chaos in my mind
The thought I kept thinking all the time
I begged for a piece to fall free
And those thought to drift away from me.

You persisted for years
As a thought on my mind
Even without a hello
Or an endearing goodbye.

After all the thoughts,
One wish came true.
Finally I would see you.
And with that hello
And a smiling goodbye,
I could send all those thoughts out
Into a clearing sky.
-ALC
11/30/18

Spread out on the ground,
Lies a love that held no bounds,
Lies a love the had to die,
Lies a love that said goodbye.

Spread out on the ground a mosaic heart resides
Full of weeping colors
And longing questions of “why”?
-ALC January 23, 2017

I cannot run away from you
You're running straight into my heart
This pain is subsiding so slowly.
I can't breath this last breath
I can't weep this last tear,
You're everything I've ever feared.

When I think about those thoughts, I see nothing but fear,
I see nothing but you,
I feel nothing but a tear,
I  feel nothing but the perplexing pounding in my chest, my heart.
I do nothing but breath my silent breaths
Slowly, painfully, slowly, calmly, slowly.

I do nothing but hear the sweet clicks coming to me slowly,
I do nothing but it rises in me; the fear,
I do nothing but it comes more hastily; my breath,
I do nothing but feel so happy; it's you,
I do nothing but it pounds more rapidly; my heart,
I do nothing but they begin to appear; the tears.

I'd do anything to keep these tears,
I'd do anything to make you move more hastily; you're to slow,
I'd do anything to keep this uncontrollable heart,
I'd do anything to keep my hated fear,
To get rid of them would mean to get rid of you.
I'd do anything to keep these trembling breaths.

I want to feel your breath,
I want to wipe away your tears,
I want to be to close to you,
I'd stop being to slow,
I want to take away your fear,
I want to calm your beating heart.

They could be one; our hearts,
It could be ours; each breathe
We could tame it; our fear
They could vanish; our tears
Together we could be to slow
It could be us; me and you.

I love this world of fears and tears
I love the beating of slow hearts
I love the feeling of your breathing

It sooths my soul,
Easing me into a secure state.
Persuading me to lift the corners of my mouth
And smile a sparkling grin.

Then it snaps,
And screams nonsense in my ear.
Causing alarm and panic to kick me in the gut.
Causing my head to spin,
And my stomach to clench.

It tries to sooth the whirlwind it has lead me into,
To put me back on steady ground,
To breathe through the confusion.
It whispers soothing lyrics to me
To lift my spirits once again,
Encouraging me to smile
Imploring me to steady my nerves.

But panic for some unknown horror has already sunk in,
And the alarm bells are screaming in my ear.

With gasping breaths,
Clenched fists,
And a pounding head,
I release myself into sleep
Where even My Voice doesn’t have control over me.
-ALC January 18, 2019

The tempest builds in its confined earthly cavity,
Swirling and crushing its source.
It roars searching for escape,
Thundering out with torrential rains.
Lighting sparks through veins
Escaping in blistering snaps.

The soul relishes in the primal storm,
Yearning for a greater release,
A larger typhoon to rip this earth away.
To shatter the shell constraining its rage.
It shakes with monumental tremors,
Succumbing it’s structure,
to rubble on the floor.
-ALC August 14, 2022

If your wondering where I am and why I have changed, I wondered into the forest and didn’t returnee the same.
-ALC

It’s amazing how we change.
It’s amazing all our games,
Were made for not a single thing
Then to tear us apart and give us shame.
I look at you and wonder still
How we made it work so well,
And I wonder how we made it last
When we were both stretching onto such different paths.
I look at me now and feel utterly free
To be the person I can be.
To stretch my limits beyond your grasp
And take on such a challenging path.
I look at you and all I can see
Is a boy becoming what he wanted to be,
A partier wanting more
From a life that he completely abhors.
I wish you more from life then this
Stumbling and bumping and continuing to miss
The true struggle that makes you feel so free
The one that every person truly needs.
-ALC January 14, 2017

The bird sings into the silent night
And puts all the frogs to shame.
The crickets lower their violins
To be able to hear the echo of names.
The names of all the beautiful things
That makes up this little world.
The names of every flower,
Twinkling star,
And little girl.

The bird resonates into the silent night
A solo opera for open ears,
It bleeds its soul into the darkened sky
Only audible for a few to hear.
The creatures wait on baited breath
To listen to its song.
To hear the melancholy tune
Stretch out all night long.

The bird ***** in its little tree
With eyes only half closed,
It sings a sweet soft melody
To nature down below.
It sings of tomorrow’s promises,
Of all the laughter and the joy,
The bird sings us a lullaby
To help our dreams come alive.
ALC March 17, 2016

You bark
You whine!
So many times!
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore!
You cry,
You plead ,
You need me, please!
Just give me a little time.
I will teach you all my tricks,
I will show you this whole world!
You will be my side at every step
And I couldn’t want anything more.

You shaggy tail shall wag
During every single trip,
And slowly your whining will stop
As your view of this world will tip.
I will help you forget your fears,
You will forget that you once had pains.
I will show you that this world
Is made of some amazing things.

No one shall ever hurt you,
No one will ever scream,
I will hold you tight at night,
And you will help to protect me of the lurking beings.
You will be my guide,
In this world of ups and downs.
We will hold each other up
And help each other bound!
-ALC January 14, 2017

One last time can we do this dance,
Of uncertainty and shuffling feet,
Of awkward laughing and teasing greetings?

One last time can we intertwine our hands,
Curl into one another
Hold each other’s gaze with unspoken hopes?

One last time can we see each other,
Be near each other,
Indulge each other?

One last time can we make these memories
That will leave my soul filled and my heart empty?
-ALC May 24, 2017

Does it hurt when you see my name?
Or think that you see me in the crowd?
Does it hurt when I try to talk to you,
Just to see how you’re doing now?
Do you think I feel no pain?
For the loss you’re feeling now?
Do you think I feel unburdened?
That I’m not lost like you somehow?
I’m sorry I feel free
I’m sorry I’m not as sad,
I’m sorry that it’s been 4 months and I still miss you so bad.
- ALC [November 21, 2016]

I think we would be amazing together, just not in this life.

I AM NOT GENTLE,
I am not soft,
I am not a fragile doll, so please do not scoff.

Do not look surprised by the bruises on my legs,
Do not be shocked by my lack of faith,
Do not warn me of lives great loss,
Do not tell me to not get lost.

I want to wander
And climb
And cheer.
I want to be lost,
And full of fear.

I want to fall down
And get back up.
I want to get scratches,
To be covered in cuts.

My porcelain skin
Will soon be cracked,
And yes you may stand there and start to laugh.
Though you’ll never see
The fire inside
That devoured this fragile soul
That you think resides.
Deep in my being
It will hide
Because this lion will conquer
And rule the whole pride.

No I am not a gentle girl,
This I have never been.
I have never thought of life
  As willing to just let me win.
So here I will push on
With my bruises as friends,
And conquer this world
And then,
Yes, I will win.
-ALC February 5, 2016

She stabs the black object into the gorge,
of her victims now open body cavity.
She smears the blood as it follows her strokes,
Smearing the victim with shades of color.
Her tears roll down her cheeks
As she tries to control her sobs.
Each memory opens a fresh wound in her heart,
And she releases that pain with another anguishing
Slash,
Another added detail.
She pulls back to see her work,
Looking down at her hands smothered in the blood,
From her weapon.
She smiles
Whipping away the freshly spilt tears,
Smearing colors across her face.
She admires the creation of her heartbreak.
-ALC November 15, 2018

I forgot what it was like to spar with witty banter
I forgot what it was like to be grabbed with gentle hands
I forgot that a conversation doesn’t have to be all ******
I forgot what it was like to date a man
-ALC Feb 9, 2019

I am an amputated bird
with wings that no longer soar,
and I sit in my perch wondering where to go.
It seems like a struggle to hop around
when I once used to glide.

I am an de-clawed lionness
With fangs that have become dull
and I stare at the planes around me
wondering where all my passion has gone.

I am a mute wolf
glaring at over the valleys
to quite to call my pack back
to scared to hear the silent echo.

It’s not the want to escape from it all,
I know I will come back to the same point.
Like every living organism I will returnee to where I began.

It’s not the need to feel the burning in my legs,
Or the stinging in my lungs.

It is the ache in my heart that always causes me to sprint,
In any direction,
To feel the power of my own body pulsing me forward.
It’s the begging of my soul,
That has me leaving at a dead sprint.
Returning with a blood red face
And an open heart.
-ALC November 15, 2018

Hold me in a dark embrace
In the black stillness of the night.
Vanish the light from the day,
Allow only the stars to come out to play.

Hide me in an obsidian blanket
Where I can sit in quite silence.
Let me disappear into the night,
Silently watching as an owl in flight.

Include me in your onyx cover
So that I may think in cleaver wonder,
As the moon creates a soothing calm
And my body stills in your nightly song.
-ALC

I am happy you found her,
Just hold her tight,
Kiss her right
Love her immensely,
And make sure to cuddle at night.

She will be your new shelter
For all your shattered pieces to reside,
And I can only hope,
That you will always treat her right.
-ALC June 21, 2017

I get excited bubbles,
That burst inside me,
Leaving me leaping through the air in glee.
I always felt odd,
Knowing there was never truly a cause,
For this excitement to ignite within me.
Though as I have gotten older,
The less I have cared,
If anyone thought a child of me,
As I skipped blissfully through the air.

Though now you have joined me,
Us two peas in a mutated pod,
Us two ******’s against all the odds,
Us two soul mates bound together by the gods.

You are the ying,
And I am the yang,
Because we look so different
And yet are the same.

So now I have someone else to accompany me,
On my wild excited spree’s
As we skip down the halls,
You and Me.
-ALC February 2017

I want a song that makes my soul come screaming out my mouth.
-ALC February 1, 2017

Hello my star-crossed lover
I’ve wondered how you’ve been
I can’t stop thinking of you,
You were my best friend.

I hate, I had to do it
It was my only way
To see what else is out there
To find myself someday.

Hello my star-crossed lover
I think of you too much
I can’t help but want you
Within my grasping clutch.

I hate, I had to do it
To let you go away
You were so much to me,
I had to find my way.

So here we go again,
From hello to goodbye
I don’t want to see you go
To let our time go by.

I know it’s got to happen,
That will be here someday
And wonder where it all went
If it was worth the pain?

Hello my star-crossed lover
I’m here to tell you what,
I’ve never once forgotten
Your very precious touch.

How I’d love to tell you
That“I have found my way”
but that’s not happening
No, not today.

So I’ll see you someday
On the horizon
With the sun glowing
Brining hope again.
-ALC November 22, 2016

You held me in the rain, with tears coming down my face, and told me that your feelings for me hadn’t changed. I knew we wouldn’t be together, but somehow that impacted me greatly, and gave me some warmth in the cold.
Then weeks later you snap at me for asking if you can hang out. You yell at me demanding that I chill and calm down. So I took a step back, and I gulped a deep breath, and I said goodbye to everything, that I had once considered our friendship.
-ALC December 24, 2018

I’m exhausted,
I am a wreck,
I have put on a show,
And I did not slip.

I showed you my home,
While you smiled with tears
And we both felt the grieving
From all those so near.
We realized our loss
Was not ours alone
And we gathered together
In this just right sized home.
We mingled,
And conversed.
We shared our stories
And our tales,
And we all agreed that while in this world, He prevailed.

I feel the loss so deep
That it could cut down to my soul.
But I feel the love all around me,
As you gather in my home.
-ALC February 10, 2017

You are not a thought on my mind.
You are not a passing glance.

You are the ruin of my cerebral cortex.
A scar permanently on my hippocampus.
The destruction of my inner peace.
The trigger for my fight or flight
AC

The storm brewed,
Then lightning struck,
And the structures that once stood tall,
Crumbled to the ground.

You could hear an echoing gasp
Stretch out from the audience all around
Never expecting such destruction from beauty.

She laid in the rubble
Cause by her own building tempest,
Feeling as broken as the foundation she had built.
No longer sure of her actions, words, or thoughts.

She lacked an ability to restore and rebuild.
To rebound from the catastrophe crumbling beneath her body.
She bleed and she cried and she lay exposed and raw.
Having sacrificed more than her soul could give,
She suffered the ramifications in the most cataclysmic way.

Though as the storm rolled through,
Rain fell from the once damaging clouds.
Showering her broken body,
And washing away the debris and dust of a broken life.

The sun peaked through dappling her in light,
Blinding her with the promises of what could be.
She felt her fragile body healing,
Closing the fissures that had opened, leaving only scars.
And with shaking breath,
And tentative legs,
She stood.
ALC April 10, 2023

We are all breathing for something great in life,
but most think the answer is love.
-ALC January 7, 2015

Falling for you was so effortless,
that my heart is still bruised from the crashing halt.

It’s amazing, how little it took for me to get over you.
It’s amazing, how I can go day-by-day without thinking of you.
So what stops me now,
From walking through that door,
That separates us both?

It’s Amazing that I can go day-by-day without thinking of you,
But right now I can’t even bear the possibility of seeing you.
So I’ll stand right here,
And stare at the door,
Wondering where we go from here.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you.
But now I’m standing here
And I don’t even want to see you.

It’s amazing how little it took for me to get over you
And now I can’t even look at you.
-ALC February 15, 2019

The sand sinks beneath my feet,
And I feel myself slipping in.
I know what lies bellow me,
Yet still I don’t give in.
Maybe this will be the fall I need,
To snap out of this trance
I have placed myself in.

I watch as earth crashes down bellow me,
I watch as it is dissolved
Into the chasm below me.

My body slips forward,
And I push toward the momentum
Needing to get lost in something,
To feel the sharp snap of fear.

The earth squishes into my sneakers,
And water soaks into my feet,
Earth falls away from me.
I lean in.
And fall.
I Fall into the crevasse
I have opened up before myself.
-ALC November 24, 2017

I can't help but fall for you,
over, and over again.
And my heart still smiles,
knowing we weren't meant to make it till the end.

Faint lines leading down faint paths
Whisperings of lives come and past.
Difficult problems yet to be solved
And turbulent waters yet to be sailed.

Faint images come and they go
Each growing cloudy with the passing days.
Whispering of lives come and past.
Difficult problems needing to be solved,
Of turbulent waters set sail on before.

Faint whispers telling of faint pasts.
Traveling through foggy grounds,
And choppy waters.

Body heavy and tears run dry.
Mind gone quiet and tongue hung parched.
Legs collapsed and arms lay numb.
Intangible Conscious and Allusive Soul.

Succumb to the collapse.
-ALC 1/29/2023

I wish I met you sooner,
So time wouldn’t feel so short,
Because now I’m counting down the clock,
To the part where we depart.
Where I move twelve hours away,
And our strange adventures come to an end.
Where everything I hoped would happen
Now has an expiration.

I wish I met you sooner,
But I am happy that we meet at all.
Because I feel like your part of what changed me,
That now has me skipping brave and tall.
You remind me of what I was
And what I want to be again,
You help me look at the world
As a new adventure that’s waiting to begin.

I wish I met you sooner,
But that’s just not how it happened,
And I am not sure that it would have been the same
If it had been any other way.
Because I wasn’t ready tell let others in
And I would have been to shy,
But you have me smiling,
**** near every time you say “Hi”.

I wish I met you sooner,
So our adventures could just go on,
And I fear that when I move away,
This will all be gone,
But I’ll hold my breath in expectations
And hope for the best.
Because even though I wish I met you sooner,
I am happy we at least got this.
-ALC April 23, 2017

He rests besides me,
Gentle as a sheep.
So quietly does he sleep,
Twitching, but not making a peep.

Slowly he will rise
And blink straight at me.
I am his line of sight
The only thing he thinks he needs.

Gently he will smile at me,
With glowing eyes,
Showing all the passion he could ever comprise.

I am his whole world,
And I am happy to say,
He is mine.
And I know he would fight for me
Till the day that he will die.

And vigorously those tears will fall down my face
Anguish jumping from me in every space.
They will whisper to me
“He is in a better place.”
But he is mine,
In every aspect of time and space.

Anger will slowly fill those tears,
As I look at our past years
And know you gave me all you could.
If only I could give you all you should
Have gotten within those loving years
Of dedication through my fears.

Love will slowly seep for me
As I sleep alone and dream
Of your furry face upon my lap
And your smiling eyes that made me laugh.
-ALC January 2, 2017