It lies, turgid.
Beneath the seedy mass of microscopy
lit fluorescent, breathing.
Bloated cellulose bricks in syrup
Conjunctive in an extracellular mess,
Ripped mesh and tiny sculpturettes
Freshly bleeding.
Chloroplastic green and iron red
slivers of nucleic endoscopy
A secret glimpse framed by my eyelashes.

One morning, I met and ate with Sappho, and
as we watched the baited ducklets come and go
described to her a calming Violet i had found
within where seeded crops of crocuses grow
who strapped the sunlight as its belle bijou
and subtle symmetry that provided words
to break the heart and warm the blush skin of you
I told her of broken morning birds
simple songs robbed by her brushed deviled tips
I cried of endless pages cast in ink
to describe her perfect purple lips
of desperate letters to help me understand how her love thinks
All other stem of Violetta fail to me
to remind of the shadow cast over flowers then
or to undermine those bright pink cheeks i could see
in its petal hues - usual rhythm couldn't convey to pen
this wild moss of a creature that heavn's sink....
a smile, and she replied
"a picked and pressed flower
for a Violet of my own", said the Girl.

duckling
in return for pity i offer you these
meagre meals:
my heart, substantial not to breathe from my chest but the offer will suffice.
bitten down nails -
stained confectionery colors, a brittle bone penance
stuffed thick cartilage
watery canthus
pure blood and guts that once held me upright.
I can only pray you'll forgive that I know
these choice cuts are not enough.

The storms have set in fast this year
The wet skies a little sticky to the ear
Chalk fizzing in the water but it doesn't affect us in town
and again the leaves have skipped amber to brown;
the ships dock faster every September that rolls around
and the captain keeps telling us he's found less, and less-
by now we've all been wearing the same stuff for years
- Bar sodden coats and lipstick smears
but the word with my friends is since that summer on the shore
We've never come this far inland before.
It's the last term now and the older years that are closest
tell us that the new kids catch on faster, they've noticed
but that's something we're not supposed to discuss
soaking up heavy sunlight like a dusty curtain letting its motes spin
And in the backrooms - new fashion is emerging
and again we're handling with faux grandiose -
the kids at the bottom of the class need this stuff most.
we're not likely to forget.
and that moment when the girl in the pink stood and told us
she wasn't convinced she needed us anymore
and lunch was silent.

All the men at school act like they care
But cold chairs and icy fingers forced their hand
and god knows I'm not quiet anymore -
but I don't think i'll miss the school gore.

I see you in colors no one else can see
As if the light had split and lay you down for me -
painfully so -
arrogantly pursuing a spectrum so elaborate...
golden and gleaming...
God, do i try to keep up:
I see you as the red green blue black that resides under our protective layer of peach
Crimson cheeks and crimson thoughts
Ivy trailing hair of such unexplainality
mundanity fails to carry your weight -
But green seemed so innocently subtle to contain those veins
that stick out like a spill against ivory eyelids
sheltering yet more purple, bronze, a bouquet of vessels -- -
oh, god-ridden terracotta of your tips
red just doesn't cut it for me and blue leaves a sticky trail in the tongue when you're just so
unashamedly golden, apricotted, sparks of whatever next that i find in your eyes
colours i couldn't mix
no matter how hard i tried.

You once told me you liked the way the city
breathes in beats of cold concrete
And since then I've found there's something fragile about our motley body heat
Cold breath and fur coats deep in the forest with the roaches
Burnt earth from the other kids' fires
Comfortable anxiety through wet window panes in the morning and wet hair in the evening
Both of us have fingernails nawed through to the bone
And lips scaled scarred but we still call them home
Hey, we're diamonds down to our human hilt
And we laugh when we realize our teeth are sharper 'cause of it
Pop your joints and join me in the tent we put up half heartedly
With the bags stacked up in the corner like mock artistry
Because we enjoy the grass more than we enjoy the stars -
Comets and planets only appeal to me when all of them are ours
Swirling in the eyes like a mark of what makes me yours
Or painted on your hands in kids acrylic when I'm tired and bored
Blue seeping into your freckles
Like starry night for sorry lovers.

I could never work out why my cheeks went so greedily red when you showed your teeth.
Heather says it's because I get nervous too easily - anxiety, she said
I think it's the opposite
your white lies have a familiar milky hue
And I like contrast.

Scraped knees from lying on the cold concrete
Play acting love online with a camera in the dark
I'm okay just knowing someone out there came for me
But truthfully what the hell did you expect me to be?
In the end what she did just made one more mark
Still, I'll let you take out that frustration on me
She's got a girlfriend already - daddy told me he sees them in the park
Tough ******* match to his rough voice and endless nights
Watch me scrape my knees and bury the cuts in fistfuls of grass
And oh god, pretend you care
pretend you care

Secrets lap at the edge of pouted lips
Pooling below the tongue, it sits all wrong
Fistfuls of curls in red polished fingers and a cracked bottle grazing at the wayside
Silence so soaked in sweat it hardly admits it's guilt
Cough drops held at the back of throats and little pinched baby thumbs pressed in balled up fists
Rough cotton, cool linen
Heaven coiled around flesh, around flesh, around flesh
Around breath, after breath, after breath.

Swallow your anxiety. Gulp it down and let it pool in your gullet, clouding your mind, sticking to your guts and swarming your insides. Allow it to spill out between your clenched teeth onto the flowers below you, white worry pooling at your feet and seeping into the concrete. Let it drain and drown you, crack your back and bleed you out, because its planted on your b-side - underneath your fingernails, behind your eyes, a second skin, like sticky soap in your hair.

The skies fell from my eyes as you fell from the skies,
Storm in a skin, and **** did you find a way in to my peace,
i hear your heartbeat through walls, sugar -
I found you sleeping in my dreams, sugar -
and my eyes are dark with the white of your teeth
how fitting that you would be the one beneath
the stars tonight, and the grass is moon grey
as once again I shivered as you walked away
footsteps crickering on the pathway stones -
and the back of your head makes flowers in my bones
growing petals and leaves sprout through grazed knees
Oh Angel Skin, talk to me please.

I loved him and he loved poetry
he loved me and I loved the rosary
around his razor-nicked throat, I lit a candle for him
below the window, and I let him in
just as god told me not to, I let him in
through frosted windows and blood pacts
he found sick ways to keep my heart intact
guns and langer's lines, his lips and poisoned wines
he slid his hand into my pocket and took the church key
wrote about a girl with blue eyes and told me it was me -
and that night I had dream that he let me die
he let me die, just as god had told him not to, he let me die.

Boys singing about madness and metaphors for angels
Love for toys and my own obstinate heart proving worth
I'd guess I was the only ugly girl in the world
who thought of herself as what she truly was
But who in the world could love a girl with killed kismet?
In real time, two-step dancers with platinum faces scarcely remember my name
(Don't you remember that time when you spent thousands on a skin that matches his?
But succumbed to your vice) - oh ugly girl, take my advice
a personality will suffice.

There's been a shooting in North London today -
Ugly girls with nothing but ****** to their name
"You shouldn't be outside," she said to me
But there are stars in my eyes and I can't ******* see
like blood down my throat and I called myself to act
a Monster's actions is what makes a Monster that-
So his gun, his knife, my razor, my prayers
Too many diamonds in these suburban stares
this world is a poison and to **** is to cure
That'd teach ******* like me what it means to be impure -
I have a world in my mind where the skies are mine
and now I wouldn't have to leave it, not this time
Quickly now, you'll be pretty once you're dead
you looked a bit like a boy from the book he'd read
brushing doll hair with tobacco stained fingers
the one thing you knew was the stench of smoke lingers.

Break down the mirror, and break me down
brains in my hair and teeth at my wrists,
she said fourteen caps of alprazolam gave her all she needed
she needs a new world, a new earth, a new ruler, that's what she needed-
I told you it wasn't meant to be this way, i was meant to be the prettiest
but girls with thickened veins and thickened wrists are destined for the bridge edge
My silver smiler body double told me to cut out the poison in my veins
and guess what I did it I did it I did it again
tell them your name, dysmorphia, tell them all what you think of me -
start the car and run me over, honey.

let me tell you boys and girls
how it feels to drag a beating nicotine heart from your ribs
and drain the blood from your pink and purple fingertips
let me tell you how i cried when I pulled a slice from my wrist and told myself I was beautiful
time and time again I told myself i was beautiful -
tell me how it feels to rot inside
and kiss the very thing your mama feared with ruby red lips
i've got time on this earth to spare, kids -
nail paint over blood and bones showing
hoarse throats and his own special kind of poison in my guts -
red eyeliner and a black death in tear ducts.

There's something missing in this heap of hearts.
i'd happily admit he'd fall apart
without his special taste of what was to come
after every horror night he'd slept,
beauty truthful, I wish i'd seen
his glory days, our glory days
we breathe as one, and there's music to come -
but an unstrung guitar would yearn for it.
Something like diamonds or vague metaphors
like years of friends and friendly enemies that struck a bone like a tattooed hand a chord
something like that which fills the soul of rueful smiles and before they left -
he knew that was where he took his breath.
One day I'll come to understand why deprivation is my vice and virtue
and why good things come to those who forget -
but for now its grief for ghosts and phantom hands left unheld
that keeps us both waking during the night.

AND I FELT THE LAST TINGLE OF YOU LEAVE MY BONES AND OH MY GOD
IT FELT SO BITTERSWEET TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU YET SURVIVE WITHOUT THE LOVE OF YOU