Don't come knocking at my door
I deserve so much more
Than to be halve loved, halve cared about
Of this I have no doubt

My feet no longer touching ground
Suspended here within the sound
Fading fast within the beat
Melting colors in the heat
Sounds on fire
Sweet desire
Song so clever
Listening forever

Emergency, emergency
Can't you see in my eyes the urgency
They pulled the thread
Then off they fled
My skin it spread
Out I bleed
Nothing more needs to be said

The smell of rain hung heavy in the air
The clouds where not quite black but the darkest of gray
Your foot falls seemed lighter like the approaching storm was lifting your worries and care
I had to ask you why for most cower in their houses on days like today
You gave me that sweetest grin,  not often seen
You where so amused at my puzzled look
You knew no words could explain what it means
Not even if it was wrote in a book

So you took me out in the middle of the storm
I had to admit at first I was frightened,  Thunder booming and lighting flashing
But with the rain glistening on your face with every bolt of lighting,  you simply said this is my norm
The rain is like my tears, like the lighting I only see small flashes of the light, and in my head the agony is always crashing

Come dance with me in the rain
Come dance with me in the storm
Come dance with me through the pain
Come dance with me and be transformed

In the coffin bear
You will find it there
If you want to know
All the secrets it will hold
All the sorrow and the strife
Will all end in the passing of life
Take a look at the empty shell
It's been released from it's cell

Soon my friend you will unfold
For I know the deeds you hold
For you shine with the gleamer of hope
When with all the agony I can't cope

Soon my friend you will drip precious rubies
You will comfort and sooth me
When nothing else can console
You are there to create the flow

Soon my friend you'll bite my skin
Save me from the sorrow that's within
You'll transfer the pain swelling in my head
You'll drip with precious rubies bright and red

If I can not fly
Let at lest my voice touch the sky

If I can't sing
Then let the rain do it's thing

If I can't be washed clean
If I remain stuck here in between

Go ahead and ring that bell
Call the devil to rush me off to hell

I just don't care
I'm afraid I'm already there

I kicked you out knowing you had no place to go
Your back against the rabbit hole
You took and stole, after all I done for you
That was it I was through
You had left me no choice
So I raised my voice
I want you out I screamed and shout
But once at work I had no doubt
For I knew what you would do
It would be the same thing I would carry through
So I rushed back
I was there in a flash
I made it there before you made that fatal slash
For I love you very much
But a change was a must
So I stopped the bleed
Than I set you down so you could see
Just exactly how your actions had been hurting me

You and me are so alike in your heads are broken parts
Not to mention the holes in our hearts
But despite it all we are friends
I couldn't let this be the end
While you wept
You made me promises that must be kept
For I'm done with being used
Whether you meant to
Or whether you just wasn't thinking
It's all the same ranking
This is you last chance
Everyone else is done with your dance
All you bridges you have burnt
No one else can endure your hurt
So watch your step,  if you start to stumble
If your about to crumble
Talk to me, or I'll make you go
I'll watch you fall down that rabbit hole

One small shovel at a time
I'm gonna bury this life of mine
So the sorrow can be confind
I can not be committed for a crime
For I will bury it deep,  it'll be hard to find

When it's gone
Will I be able to carry on
I dug the grave in the early twilight  just before dawn
Upon my lips played a song
About how life had treated me wrong
But I'm gonna fix that and it won't take long

With shovel in hand I slung that dirt
Till every muscle screamed and hurt
Just when this wretched life I was about to insert
My eyes did divert
You tried to make me feel that old feeling of disconcert
I decided my grave should claim a pervert

You arrived at just the wrong /right time
Now instead of being your's  your mine
So I brought my shovel down
Right there on your crown
There was a crack, one small grunt after that no more sound
My face wore a smile instead of a frown
As I buried you deep underground

I filled it all in
You couldn't even tell where you'd been
Now you can not create any more monsters or any more sin
I consider that a win
I couldn't help but grin

Now I'll always know where you are
No more stalking me from a far
Never again will you **** me in your car
For I took to your head that cold steel bar

I'M DONE!!!!

My head is growing thicker
My heart is growing sicker
My body is becoming frail
My voice is only a wail
My eyes no longer work
My attitude is that of a ****

There is no saving
Thoughts that are raving
Just turn and run
Here you'll find no fun
Place wide the danger cones
This is the explosion zone
When it's all over
Feed my pieces to Rover

Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your left is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture

Father Time, look what's become of me
Slowly you stripped away all the possibilities
Now I'm fragile and old
I'm growing cold

This live of mine is incomplete
Look a cliff,  I think I'll leap
Better to take the plunge
Than live a life on the run

For time has swept away
All the joys of the day
As silent as a thief in the night
You came and stole my sight

Now I see only shades of gray
Standing in the rains of decay
Gone are the years of yesterday

All I have are memories of a life survived
Of a life where happiness was deprived
So Father Time please make my time on this earth short
I'm tired of the way you distort

I welcome your friend, the reaper
The very first  keeper

When I was young a monster took my hand
Lead me off to monster land
When he was done he passed me off
All the monsters turned to me and scoffed
They shouted out in unison and glee,  "this will never stop"
They threw me on thier block and chopped

They chipped away my innocents,  replacing it with anguish
They took away my joy, leaving memories tarnished
They stole the light in my eyes, now all I see is gray
It took a few of them to make me see this way

Even though I ran so very far
I couldn't get away after all
They finally left one cold winter day
But chained to the memories I still stay

They still hunt me in my dreams
The memories of what they've done still stream
They can still make me scream
So judge me if you want, my life's not what it seems

The clouds are about to burst
Please don't say things can't get worse
For as soon as those words pass your lips
The universe takes it as a challenge and shoots from the hip

My life of constant sorrow
Has tainted every single tomorrow
I'm left standing in the cold black rain
This agony filled life will continue unchanged

With demons  screaming within my brain
Like others, I am not the same
For despite my desperate pleas
The universe continually knocks me to my knees

This life I feel I was destined to live
But I'm about to cave, I'm about to give
In my past life I must have inflicted a lot of pain
For in this one I live in constant cold black rain

So close to the edge and about to step over
Then I can rest under that sweet clover
The fall will be like flying
With the sweet release of dying
I only see the sorrow stopping
With my body dropping
I'm so tired of the gray
I just want it all to go away
I can't take another catastrophe
The demons won't let me be
So I'll step behind the veil  
Because I already live in hell

I just want to bail
Out of this life's jail
The whole thing's been a living hell

Plunge into the fire
When I was just a child
Things where so dire

It only grew worse
As the horror filled years I tried to transverse
In all my life's sorrow I am immersed

I want this life to be shortened
For my view is so distorted
My life is so unimportant

Look at all the evil that on my life fell
It can only be used as a cautionary Tale
Of what happens to a life lived in hell

Can you feel the hate
It's storming our gates
Picking up a gun is easier to do
Than seeing another's point of view

A rational mind
Is getting harder to find
Hate is everywhere we look
Can't you see what all it's took

Our children are afraid to go to school
Where hatred is now the Golden rule Bullied and battered
Kid's pick up guns and make things splatter

No where is safe, not the movies,  night clubs, or malls
We are left with the consequences,  and do nothing more than bawl
People are trying to fight hate with hate
Isn't that just great

Can no one see the writing on the wall
Love is the only way to stop this squall
Stupidity and hatred will be our downfall
As we look upon our fellow humans laying in that death sprawl

All we do is cry and wail
Thinking the ship has already set sail
But we can turn it all around,  if we only listen to the call
When will people realize, love is truly the answer after all

Do you believe in destiny
That things just have to be
Or do you think you're in control
Dericting the way your life goes

Do you think things will bend to your will
Do you have that much skill
That you can delay
Or change the way

Can you not see the hands of fate
That everything has a set date
The universe you can not sway
We all get swept away

So enjoy the ride
For you and destiny will collide
At times there will be tears
But we only have a set number of years

So laugh through the pain
Dance in the rain
Hold on to the ones that you love and that love you back
Before it all just fades to black

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
Sorrow clouds my view
Lord knows I've paid my dues

Standing here in my misery knowing I'll never see the sunlight
Seeing my life as just a blight
Lord knows I'll never get it right

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
I can't help but sing the blues
Lord knows I am confused

Standing here while demons play with my memories
Lying "it truly had to be"
Lord knows my life's in jeopardy

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
This agony remains in my soul infused
I know the Lord's amused

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
Sorrow clouds my view
Lord knows I've paid my dues

Standing here in my misery knowing I'll never see the sunlight
Seeing my life as just a blight
Lord knows I'll never get it right

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
I can't help but sing the blues
Lord knows I am confused

The demons reign within my memories
Lying "it truly had to be"
Lord knows my life's in jeopardy

I'm standing here on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes
This agony remains in my soul infused
I know the Lords amused

Depression claims another soul
Carried it down the rabbit hole

There it will remain
Forever shackled in it's chains

For once the black dog bites down
He drags you underground

You will remain changed
Your world rearanged

Your buried alive
No chance to survive

Like a tree in the night I am the shadows
Forever an image froze

I'm just a mirage
Decked out in camouflage
A black silouet against a sea of gray
The drakness conceals the decay

Bending under the weight
Of this darkest fate
For I've tasted the sorrow
Of every single tomorrow

Watched the moonbeams resistance Against the darks existence
The star's twinkle in denial
But the darkness has been there all the while

And I ...... I am only shadows
An image froze

Truth and lies
Destin to collide

Trust it died
It couldn't survive

Here we go again
Killing over the color of the skin
We are less evolved than the ape
We pillage plunder and even ****
Doesn't mankind understand we're all kin
Despite the color of our skin
Or who we love, or who we ****
With ignorance we are severely struck
Remove the scales from off your eye
Before they drop the bomb and we ALL die

There was a bird that grew up caged
It didn't know it should be enraged
It had seen other birds fly
Thought to it's self "they are going to die"
For from what it had lived and witnessed
It thought they must have a sickness
To make them fly
Way up there in the sky
In it's cage it was quite content
Never knowing what for, it's wings where ment
So it thought the other birds where more than bent

Are you like that little bird
Thinking that flying is quiet absurd
Are you locked in a cage of your own design
Content to live your life so confined
Take a closer look and open up your mind

Dreams die
When want and reality collide

Why are you ******* with my head
It took me days to get out of bed
We were through, but here you stand
Flashing those eye's, reaching for my hand
What is this **** your trying to sell
You say you want to give me heaven, but all you show me is hell

Please oh please just back away
There is nothing to you I want to say
I don't want to see you at my door
No I can't stand to see you anymore
All you do is play your games
Get inside and **** with my brain
Everything you do only causes pain
I want no part of you in my life To remain
So I'll whisper a good by as I close this chapter
Because I already know what you're after

Misconstrued and thrown about
Of want and need there is no doubt
Pull me close within your folds
Save me from the great unknown

Make my mind float away
Hush all my voices and what they say
Let my body heave one big sigh
Let me taste how it is to die

Your glossy nails sink into my veins
Let nothing remain the same
You are mine, I am yours
To my memories you close the doors

You are my friend, my confidant
You leave me without a single want
Except for more of you
Oh the beautiful things you can do

Until the time I must turn away
My body is begging me to stay
With sweat pouring out of every
pore
All I need is more and more
You drive me mental
For at first you are so gentle
You wore a poker face, no tell
Then you left me in the depths of hell

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even though your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

I want to take a razor and slice myself into
You'll just stand and watch, there's nothing you can do
I'll make it right down the middle, so I can show you my heart
Then you can see I had one, it just came all apart

The rain is thundering down
That's where I'll be found
For in the rain I'm free to cry
No one can tell and ask me why
For they never understand
They don't wear the brand
Burnt into their brain
That slowly drives one insane
There are a few that know the pain
You'll know who they are, their standing in the rain

There's smoke in the air
It's everywhere

There's smoke in my lungs
My breath it expunged

There's smoke in my eyes
Making me cry

There's smoke in my life
Cutting like a knife


I sit and watch the fire
Burning up all I desire
I watch the wind blow
The memories that flow
Unable to stop the burn
Even with all I've learned
On all my life experiences I choke
Only in darkness is my name spoke
Nothing now but a whiff of smoke

The sky opened up and swallowed me whole
That was ages and ages ago
I tumble in the darkness going to and fro
Trying to endure the sorrow as it grows

The clown grabbed my hand
Said "let's make a stand"
"In this topsy turvy land"
His smile was so menacing, away I ran

The beast searched me out, yes I was found
He opened up his razor lined snout and gobbled me down
In his belly I'm splashing around
In all this bile I'm sure to drown

All good words and intentions where so botched
My loved ones could only stand and watch
As the universe raised it up a notch
Reached down and grabbed me by the crotch

Now I'm hoping the sky will swallow me whole
Don't search me out in that darkest hole
As I step off the edge and ride the flow
With a smile on my face I will be happy to go

I hope all is well in your world
That nothing has come unfurled
I hope the sun is shining bright
That nothing clouds your sight
I hope your heart is full and warm
That nothing has transformed
I hope your days are full of joy
That nothing was destroyed
I hope family and friends surrounds you
That nothing leaves you blue

I wish for you a beautiful life
That nothing gives you strife
I wish for you wonderful days
That nothing is set ablaze
I wish for you dreams come true
That nothing has a darkened hue

Mostly I hope and wish for you a smile
To carry with you for awhile

I'm out of my depth
Out of breath
In over my head
Filled with dread
Lost at sea
Down on my knees
Tossed in the fire
Lost in desire
Churned in the coals
Playing the roles
Left in the sun
In front of the gun
Out in the snow
As the northern wind blows
Blinded by the light
In my forever darkened night

I can't help it let the true be told
I can't help it if the mirror's cold
I can't help it that the reflection's changed
I can't help it if I'm not the same
I can't help it so little remains
I can't help it tormented by the pain
I can't help it I'm almost gone
I can't help it, it's all gone wrong
I can't help it what's  been stole
I can't help it the mirror's cold

Deep in my brain there's a room
It contains nothing but doom
Leave that door shut
Continue your strut

Be careful what you say
Don't look at me that way
Just keep on walking
I need none of your talking

You know how to get the soda out of the can fast
You shake it up and let it blast
Don't jar it loose
Don't drink the juice

Don't light the fuse
Just let it snooze
This is your last warning
Or there'll be mourning

Why does the sun go down
Every time you're not around
I tend to fall apart, every time you leave
All I can do is think of you, without you my heart just grieves

There you go, there you stay
Keeping my love an arm's length away
Please babe you don't have to be afraid
You don't have to keep up your masquerade

If you keep pushing I might not remain
Please look past your old pain
Just look into my eyes and say my name
It's not the same
I'm not her, I won't rip your heart into
Leave you for dead and blue

Can you not see that in my eyes, can you not feel that in my touch
How I love you so very much
Now without you I'm so lost
How much will you make me pay for my love, what will be the cost

Let me know
Are you gonna let me go
Or should I stay
Fight for love one more day

Now you see me, now you don't
I want to run, but maybe I wont
Frozen in time, still always moving
Memories flawed, futures always proving
Agony unwavering, is always changing
Happiness unreachable, yet so nearing
Things unwanted, forever need
Wounds have healed, scars still bleed
Always right, standing in the wrong
Feelings left to die, forever live on

Confusion reigns
Inside my brain
To much strain
Thoughts that stain
My consciousness wanes

Lights out
No murmur, no shout

My body remains
So the floor gains
My motionless carcass it retains
My mind is drained
Consciousnessis restrained

Lights out
Another bout

Eye's flutter open
Everything still floating
Reality rewoven
Body regaining motion
Soft words spoken

Lights out
Worry sprouts

Eye's full of fear
You found me here
Holding me near
My vision becoming clear
On your cheek a single tear

No time to duck or shout
Life's technical knock out

Sing me a lullaby
Let the lion lay down
Till the sun graces the sky
There's not a care to be found

Sing me a lullaby
As the day slowly fades
Darkness reclaims the sky
The star's dance and cascade

Sing me a lullaby
The sun surrenders
The moon claims the sky
Yesterday is only the remembers

Sing my a lullaby
As I drift off into slumber
Looking at the Diamond filled sky
Listening to the beat of the drummer

Sing me a lullaby
As you lay down beside me
Love so immense it fills the sky
To my locked heart, you are the key

Sadly this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
She must turn cold
For over her, people just rolled

She alway knew they would
But she still did what she could
She so desperately wanted to belive
That everyone that was truly in need
Would appreciate what she did
She had the faith of a little kid
She believed there was good in most everyone
But now with all of that, she was done

There finally was that last straw
Finally a line she had to draw
This decision was agonizingly painful
After this, she didn't know what she would live for, would she be able

The pain of this was greater then all that had came before
This killing of her own soul hurt so much more
Than what any human monster had inflicted
With this her heart would truly be restricted

She took the broken pieces of her being
Ground them to dust as tears down her checks kept steaming
She knew with this final self inflicted act
There would be no coming back

There would be no more love, no hope
If not for drugs, how would she cope

With one last sigh
One last cry
She pounded what made her, her to dust
She felt no other way out, it was a must
The chain that bound her to helping others just turned to rust
It broke and fell away
She wondered why on this earth would she now stay

For with all the good she had tried to spread into this wicked place
She sincerely thought it would be returned when difficulties she faced
Only to find
No other human would act as kind

Every single person she tured to
Only replied "what can I do"
"I would help, but I must put myself first"
Her loving heart made her feel so utterly cursed

So she decided that was it
No longer with the afflicted would she sit
No longer would she put others before herself
They could all fall off the ******* shelf

This decision was not freeing
It was gonna **** her completely, her fragile soul, her being
It was gonna break the ties that held her to this life
But when she need help, no one was there to end the strife

Now this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
Now she is as cold and heartless as the rest
But look really hard, there is still the stain of tears upon her breast

Just hang me on a hook
Everyone has already took
Hang me with the other tools
But please, don't mistake me for a fool

I really didn't mind
Giving to others my time
For when you look, you'll find
It's the ONLY thing that's worth a dime

There really wasn't a day
That I didn't give pieces of myself way
I tried, I did all I could
Never caring I'd be misunderstood

I really was quite amused
When others thought I was being used
I don't regret how my time was spent
Or those that came and went

This is the saddest day
I can longer give any more of myself away
It's all gone, only little bits are left
In my life's path so many was in need, piece of myself away crept
Now I'll just sit and wait
See what is in my fate

Will others let me drink from their cup
Fill my spirt back up
Fill the pieces in
Let me sing again

Or will I hang on this hook and rust
Slowly turning to dust
I don't care either way
I fought for every single day

I stumbled, often fell
Ran into walls as well
But I always fought, gave it hell
I tried to spend my time well
On things that truly mattered
For that I was thought of as crazy, the Mad Hatter

They just didn't know
The meaning of life, how it goes

Don't be selfish with yourself or your time, joyfully give it away
Continue walking into the future with faith and hope someone, someday
Will give pieces of themselves to you
When your season is due.

I'm trying to break the norm
I'm trying to break through the storm
I'm trying to discard the dread
I'm trying to find happiness instead
I'm trying to escape the doom
I'm trying to save what it consumes

Try though I might I'm failing
Try though I might in my bailing
Try though I might my ships not sailing
Try though I might it's hard to keep caring
Try though I might I keep on sinking
Try though I might I keep on weeping

Maybe I should just let go
Maybe there is something I don't know
Maybe I should let things be
Maybe there's something I can't see
Maybe things will be just fine
Maybe this is my sublime

Maybe things won't get much worse
Maybe I really don't live under a curse
Maybe this sadness is my way
Maybe I'm supposed to fight for each day
Maybe I'm supposed to live with catastrophe being the norm
Maybe I'm  supposed to dance in the storms.

Spots on my skin
I'm decaying from within
My blood has gone sour
Every ***** it devours
Including my eyes
One day soon they will no longer see, just cry
Watching constantly what I eat
My bloods to sweet
The darkness in my head also does what it please
Living with more than one chronic disease
Can bring any person to their knees

I can't fly without  feathers
So why are you putting me in tethers
I can't swim without fins
And still your sticking in the pins
And pulling off that little dolls limbs
Like right out of the fairytale grimms'

Your vicious as hell with that voodoo doll of twine
You made in my image so it would be mine
I constantly feel the shivers run down my spine

I don't understand why you keep me here entrapped
And leave all of our potential so untapped
Instead you think I must be kidnapped

It's trust that you're so desperately lacking
Wish you would just relize it's not me that's been slacking

Oh Dear sweet vengeful God
Over this rocky earth I have trod
Please take me from this land of Nod

My body's old and I'm bone weary
This life you gave me was so dark and dreary
The depravity of man has left me teary

The dark deeds of man is all you've shown
Sorrow is all I've ever known
Please Dear God, just take me home

He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game

You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes

I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue