We are going to be okay.
Now that I know what it is to be loved by you, I could wait an eternity for our  moments together.
Every day I have with you ends far too soon.
Each day away from you, feels a lifetime.
This distance apart is our price to pay,
but we,
we'll always be worth it.

These days I am more,
more than a man,
more than a brother,
more than a friend,
more than a lover.
I am a reason,
a reason for life,
a reason for laughter,
a reason for love,
a reason to stay,
a reason to be.
I am half of a whole
and she is the other.
Together the storm is still
and we are stronger.

It's that time again,
between sunset and the dawn.
That time when I pace across
this city of goodbyes.
Songs of sadness
in my head.
Letting this weight on my shoulders
sink to the soles
of my feet
passing to earth
behind me,
so that once I return
I can pretend
till it's dusk again.

Im going home,
I dont know what to.
I suppose the river,
and the woods,
the cold icy streets
that hold so much sentiment.
Ill be too sober in the day.
Ill be too drunk at night.
Old friends wont know me,
while they all seem the same.
So much pain, and love, and words unsaid, watering my roots
in that town.
Im going home,
but am I?

How could someone you love
become a stranger so fast.
Over broken promises,
having so much hope they would last.
How could flowers so beautiful
turn and decay
when you did your best to water them
each and every day.

How could all this
have been just a dream.
When you stay up all night
your body trying not to scream
as your heart is ripped out,
and placed in a fire
where it dies, charred and black,
a funeral pyre.
You collapse
and you wake
tears and scars you must hide
while you know
you just died a whole lot more inside.

It is all too much.
The senses tune
to the rumble
of thunder in the earth,
the reverberations in the air
resounding in his chest.
There is chaos abound
while time slows
and its all a bit dramatic.
The fragility of life
a distant concern
pushed down in it's box
yet felt so fervently.
Violent action leaps forth
to the forefront of the mind.
The rest forgotten.

Cobblestone streets,
a lunar lighthouse,
and a night on North Beach.
Alcohol and arcades,
oak trees and foggy days.
So many ways
I'm finding beauty more and more
as it contrasts the violence
of the world
and the war
waged inside.

I let myself down again.
These expectations I imagine
Others placed on me
weigh me down.
But it's only me.
It's my head.
It's my ******* body
that is never
strong enough,
fast enough,
I never learn quick enough
I surely learned early
that I'll never be enough.
To fail one time in a thousand
is one too many.
I'm just not the man
I expect myself to be
I'm just me
And it's not enough.

The world presses down,
and pushing back takes it's toll
on you.
It breaks you down,
you crumble,
pieces of body and mind
shear, flake, and tumble away
from your quivering self.
Everything hurts, eyes closing, mind numb, skin crawling.
Coated in sweat, earth, rain, fuel.
Gunpowder lines your lungs
filling your nostrils.
You long for a release.
Lifting the weight off your back,
to feel yourself float unburdened.
Water to run and renew you,
The hardest mattress a cloud above the chill ground.
Jean's like an old friend on fresh flesh that has forgotten denim.
The touch of a lover, long overdue.
Her soft skin on yours,
with lips so divine,
and a voice like honey.
You forget, for a while, the weight of the world, and all you need do,
is be.
You're set free.

That song plays,
and I am taken to a place,
a time,
a corner
of my mind,
but so real.
Where the pain is physical.
A pain in my chest,
and a stomach ache.
I gasp for breath
while oxygen leaks
from the hole where my heart
ought to be.
Take me back to now please.