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Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I am so tired,
I cannot move
my life seems to have lost its groove

I cannot move on
God knows I've tried
But the pain simply wont subside

Look what you did to me
This is your responsibility

You were so selfish and  dumb
to your pain you finally did succumb

Look what you left behind
my life is now such a grind

I hate you so much for this
was this surely your last wish?

You know I lie
I could never hate you
I just wish I knew why
Fidgety Midget Jan 2015
When I see that picture of you,  I cry
When I think of you,  I cry
When I see the necklace you bought me, I cry
When I think of your smile, your laugh, your look, I cry
When I see your clothes, I cry
When I think of promises you made, I cry
When I feel I am suddenly OK, I realise I am not, I cry
When I talk to your Mother, we cry
When I hear New York on the news, I cry
I cry cry cry and I am sick of it.   But still I cry.
You jumped, you died, your choice but now my pain and I cry
I am all cried out
I love you
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Upon us you always put the blame
You treat us with such disdain

Why is it so, what have I done
to make you put my head against your gun

I lived my life, and paid my way
but it is you that wants to take my life away

You take my home, and throw me out
and in the street profanity you do shout

There is no rhyme or reason to your logic
about which you seem so nostalgic

The war is over, we thought the hate gone
but in reality that was not for long

The new migrants come with their new hate
and us they continue to **** and berate us, the Jews
Whatever is wrong in the world Jews get blamed.   It's wrong.   I write about the new wave of hatred in Europe.    We have learnt nothing since WW2
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Corners of My Mind
Won't let me leave you behind

I want to move on
Now that you're gone

You chose to die
I still don't know why

But I am alive
and my empty life I will revive

But you still lurk there in the
corners of my mind
and of my pain you still constantly remind

Let me be
I so very tired you see
I am fed up with pain and tragedy

I will never forget you,
of that you can be sure
but, please, pain, I can no more endure

So please leave the
corners of my mind*
and let my weary soul unwind
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Cry all you want, I have shed my tears
At times, I still scream to the sky, WHY?,
but still no one hears.

You're gone, you're dead, you chose not to stay
You made your bed and there you lay.

My life moves on, slowly, and in no direction
I often sit and stare blankly at my own reflection

Truth is you hurt me, you killed me
At least the part no one can see.

The dark rings around my eyes come as no surprise
Now that my lonliness is realised.

I miss you
#sad #sadness #lonely #loneliness #love #death #suicide #relationship #heartbroken #heart broken #heart
#love   #suicide   #sad   #lonely   #heart   #sadness   #death   #relationship   #heartbroken   #loneliness
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Your eyes are like deep wells
I cannot see the bottom
they hold many secrets
which cannot be forgotten
My boyfriends eyes
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I realise now...

I was the friendly face in your storm
the one you came to when you felt worn
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
What was it like to fall?
Did you want to turn back?
Did you regret your decision on the way down?

You drove an hour to get there
How could you do that knowing what you were about to do?

Did you think of me even for a moment?
Was I in your  last thoughts?

Why did you do it?

Wasn't I there for you?
All the nights I spent talking and listening to you?

Don't you realise the mess you left behind?
Did that even occur to you?
Do you realise just how many people miss you?
Me and your children, and your mother

If you could tell me,  I would ask, was it worth it?
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I just freaked out
What the **** was that all about

You
that's who

My first date since your death
I stood on my doorstep
it took a moment to catch my breath

I wanted to run back  inside
to go under my quilt, sob and hide

Guilt plagues me
but my determination aides me

The first step is done
but this was only a dry run
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
She has a far away look
in her far away eyes

She's a girl that won't stay long
she has the need to always move on

Free spirits you cannot cage
that just embitters them with rage

Let her be
just set her free
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Grief is like a broken mirror
At first you may be smashed to pieces
you may find all the pieces
and glue them back together
however the  cracks will still be there
your reflection will never be the same
Fidgety Midget Mar 2015
My heart yearns for what's past
its like a dull ache
I tell it not to be silly but it doesn't listen
My head may speak logic
but my heart cannot deny my true feelings

I know I will never get you back
I know that there are no spells
to to wake you from your eternal slumber
but still my heart yearns
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I don't believe Heaven and Hell
So why I am I talking to you as if I do?
You can't hear me anyway
Fidgety Midget Jun 2015
I feel like I am drowning, but there is no water
I feel like I am falling, but my feet are on the ground
I feel like I am suffocating, but my lungs fill with air
I feel like I am dead, but still my heart beats on
This is what I feel like, now that you are gone
Fidgety Midget Jan 2015
I am so tired of being here
Surpressed by all my childish fears
Living without you
How can I ever love again?  The way I loved you
You blasted your way into my world
then you left, no word no note, no sad goodbye
So when you threw yourself off that bridge
you also killed a part of me.
I'm tired of being here, alone,  without you
#sad #sadness #lonely #loneliness #love #death #suicide #relationship #heartbroken #heart broken #heart
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I want to pack up my life and put it on hold
whilst a new adventure I do take hold

I want to run free
by the sea,
if that is a possibility

I want to climb the highest mountian
Dance naked in a fountain

Treck through the Amazon
All before my life is too far gone

Alas, its not to be,
Especially when you have a kid and responsibility

** hum, back to the Doldrum
Of a boring life I have to run

Maybe next year
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
From across the table he looks at me most lovingly
Making those eyes where
his emotions he cannot hide

He takes my hand
and strokes my finger

He says it's too soon for a wedding band
But that is what he has planned

My heart was bursting and full of love
We fit together like a hand in a glove

Now you're gone
Big dreams, big love, sudden death
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Love  - what is it?
Without it they tell you that you can't be happy
when it leaves you, everyone tells you that you will find another "love"

I feel like your abused wife, always taking you back
after you apologise and it won't happen again

I am tired,  love, please pick on someone else
Me
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Me
Fragile
Handle with care
    This way up  
^^
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I realise I've been a miserable *****
the constant grimace on my face doth twitch

Time for a smile
but you may have to wait a while
I've been a miserable cow the last few months time  to cheer up  :)
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I need to move on
it's time

You were the one for me
you were there for me
we shared our thoughts and dreams
I shared your bed
but now you're dead

I need to move on
I can't sit here any longer
talking to the air
pretending you're there
its simply more than I can bear

knowing you can't hear me
knowing you can't see me
knowing you can't feel me

I feel so hollow inside
too many tears I have cried

I'm lonely
without you here with me
just the four walls for company

I can't do it anymore
your death cut me to the core
this pain I can no longer endure

I will never love anyone else like you
but to find someone new
is what I want to do

It's time to *move on
Moving on after tragic loss
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I am so bored at work
I think my boss is a ****

I stare out endlessley of the window
At the grey sky above
and the people walking down below

I want to smash the window
to break free
I want to stop the boredom from killing me
I have one million places I'd rather be
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
The narcissist asked the mirror......

Mirror mirror on the wall
who is the fairest of them all

Not you said the mirror
with brutal honesty

No amount of make up
will cover your "fake" up
your life needs a shake up
and you my dear, need to wake up

My dear the mirror went on,
You want to hide your ugly personality inside
I see you for who you really are
Not some bright shining star
That you always seem to think you are

Your poor husband who is dead
to whom your ******* was fed
worked his **** off to provide the daily bread
and YOU alone are responsible for his bloodshed

My dear as Reality bites
why don't you stop with these stupid fights
said the mirror
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
With your eyes you saw deep into my soul
at that point, over me, you had complete control

With your hands you explored me
in anticipation of your touch
you were the lord of me

My ears heard your words of love
and made me let go,  all inhibitions of

Your mouth smothered me with tender kisses
Now as my mind wanders, of it often  reminisces

With my nose, I smelt your skin
which sent my head into a total spin

When my heart skipped a beat
I knew my love  for you was concrete
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
For you suicide offered quick relief
For those of us left behind
nothing but grief
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I glanced at your picture
On my wall it's a permanent fixture

I felt a welling up in the corner of my eye
I was so determined not to cry

Despite my best efforts
A little tear drop started to form
It was all salty and warm

It was a determined little thing
Its friends it wanted to bring

To smear my face
and make me look a disgrace

But I fought him back
with my little tissue pack
love   #heartbreak   #lost   #empty   #goodbye   #her   #goodnight   #you   #me   #us
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
The bridge with it's cold grey metal and imposing towers
I walk to the place you jumped, and lay my flowers

I miss you x
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
She's a Narcissistic *****,
I quite often call her the Witch
She ground a good man down
through her greed and selfish desires
she has no room for sympathy or compromise
if the outcome does not involve her.

Now that he is dead
She won't leave him be
and keeps slandering his memory
hate is too good a word for her
but my god I'd love to punch her
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
I lie awake every night, with thoughts of your face forever in my sight.

My heart is heavy and full of sorrow, knowing that there will never be another tomorrow.

You were my partner, my lover and my best friend, I thought I would be with you till the end.  Your passing so soon feels like my heart has been ripped out of me.

While I am filled with grief, I hope you have finally found your peace.  

Till we meet again
I wrote this on the plane from Zurich to New York, going to the funeral of my boyfriend who took his life by jumping off a suspension bridge.   I have never written poetry before, but through grief I felt compelled to pen this poem
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Your profile read "Separated with 3 kids",
Normally I would have run a mile
But you bombarded me with your words and made me smile

The more you talked the more your soft words curled themselves around my heart,
it was not long before, of you I became a part

Once you hooked me in and made me yours
the stories of your woes from your life before begins to out pour
I was your therapist, your lover and your teacher
one year passed and things only began to look bleaker

Anxiety, stress and you being generally depressed
did nothing to relieve the problems already compressed

you promised things of a life and future together
now looking back, that really wasn't clever

I believed you and prayed,
to live with you someday

To grow old and laugh
when in the evening sun we'd bask

Those were childish dreams
and it didn't take long for them to crack at the seams

Why do I call you the Time Thief?
You gave me false belief

Because you made me love you
Then you left me behind in this world with no clue
with what you were about to do

You stole my time, my heart, my soul
over which I now have no control
Feeling lost
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Valentines day is nearly upon me
All the ads tell me I should be happy, you see
In reality how can I be when you are not here with me

As the day approaches
sadness and pain once again encroaches

A stark reminder of my loneliness
whilst I miss your sweet loving gentleness
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Wake me up before I am done
Wake me up from the nothing I have become
Wake me up before it's too late

Wake me up
Save me from myself
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile
Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun
Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day
Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay
And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best


Author:   Mrs Lyman (Abbie) Hancock
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
As the  clouds of my grief begin to lift
I feel my sadness begin to drift

My thoughts and memories of you will never leave
But now,  a new life I must weave

I didn't want it this way
I wish that you had decided to stay
But now as my world is a little less grey
I will start my new life without delay

I will keep close our memories that made me smile
and think of you for a while.
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
Why can't I dream of you?

I think of you every minute of every day,
But when I lay my head on my pillow and drift away,
You are never there, I don't like it this way!

While I sleep my head maybe empty, but my heart is laden
My sorrow is endless and I don't want to awaken

I want to see you now in my dreams, I insist
To dream that it is you I kissed
Now you are gone it's almost like I no longer exist
That's life, when things are good theres always a nasty twist

Please come to me soon, I will be waiting
My heart is aching.
I can't dream of my lost love
Fidgety Midget Feb 2015
If asked why I loved him, I would say

The look of love in his eyes
The taste of lust on his lips
The touch of his skin against mine
Our hearts will forever be entwined

Even now that death has come
and claimed him for its own
The memory of our love still stays with me
and will be for all eternity

— The End —