I'm tired so very tired.
I can't believe when I was younger the thought of no sleep was a fun concept. How foolish

I didn't know about the anger fits
I didn't know about the paranoia
I didn't know about the depression
I didn't know about the memory loss
I didn't know about the voices
I didn't know about the visions

I've been awake for 5 days this week  in total last month i was awake for 2 weeks.
The micro sleeps come at the worst of times
I fear that at this rate I will reach psychosis with in the week my words no longer flow my thoughts are stuttered my relationships are under strain which only adds to the stress which keeps me awake

I've done every thing except ****** to aid me in my crusade what should I do?

Are you Discontent?
If Disconnected from world,
Please discontinue.

It's been some time since we were "in love",
But the feeling I ha­ve for you stand on truelove.
It's been some time since we saw ey­e to eye,
Buts these actions are the same to enter the sky.
It's ­hasn't been that long since I felt your
 touch,
But when you felt­ it I could see you didn't enjoy it much.
It's been some time since I saw you truly 
smile,
But to be­ honest no one has seen mine in a while.
It's been some time sinc­e we supported
each other,
But now ,at the edge, we will balance ­on 
one another.

Such ignorance,
such temptation,
Such Ambition,
such delusions of grander,
such hedonism,
such debauchery,
such betrayal,
Such jealousy,
Such bigotry,
Such caprice,
Such entropy,
Such stupidity?
such is human Nature.

I choose detachment;
Excitement brings more distress,
It never brings peace.

As the rain falls gilded Hearts are tempered. They fell together but crashed apart
Soft nothings out of reach to pamper
The drops fed my hunger but never filled my heart. That's a lie told by anger the last line.
The waters yielded flowers beautiful but weak to time
Though they bare fruit and seeds without roots it can never last as do trees
We are the soil for our love and enjoyment
We are the plow of our perseverance and faith
We are our beasts of burden and sacrifice

This is the grid a battle between you and yourself in your mind against time lets you know war isn't sublime but this is subliminal makes you think more critical about you, your hopes and dreams are yours narrow and straight like a beam or dose it twist and turn like a water stream shaping the world as it says fits remember greatness isn't a quick fix it's something you build every thing you Want is at your finger tips use them at will  now soar nothing to something even the greatest mountain starter at the floor so when you can't it's all in your head think of it as a ingot your the blacksmith the best steel goes through the harshest fire that's what's been said only by beatin at it keep on keeping on till it's a fit   To what you envisioned in your mind now refine and perfect it on the grind

The rain which gives life to the planet
The wind that caresses my face can change our world, can't it?

The laughter of a child so pure and untainted
Warms any heart puts a smile  on my face for once not painted

The birds and the insects composing the symphonies of the night
They work tirelessly from dust to first light

The sound of a heart beat so easily looked over
Is most comforting when with a lover

The suns bright rays that brighten our darkest days
Reminds us that patience is a virtue and waiting does pay

Ink on paper or bits of data, So simple so small are these things
But change are all they bring

The smallest things can make a change
From poverty to aristocracy, love to hate, loneliness to solitude, peace to pain

My thought is that down to the most basic of things we are all the same

I make myself so happy for no reason then stick my own back,
melancholic acts of treason, cut and measure my own lesions;
a line between pleasure and pleasing.
Not an pessimist nor a type of optimist but a realist who has mastered the execution of delusion and illusion.
Oxymoronic, Guess I'm just human;

Apparently the semblance of a god,
so making something from nothing isn't odd,
but I was given everything from a soul to my bones, hair to my toes;
Even to me who stays in this, sinew and ivory, home the reason is unknown but I know the weight of this form has its toll.

Ties made are rarly cut
more than the material is used,
bonds spirt imbued,
that which feeds hate and love.
My soul is the ocean my form the soil my mind the heavens so it's wisdom guides the toil.
What I put on to my body will seep to the sea, be it poisons or ointments that is to be seen, my wish for foresight seems obscene,
a noxious tint colors the scene
Ah this is but a show, how else can I explain the tragedies sown.

Who wrote this play?
No
Who paid its commission,
who conscripted us to suffer, no need for permission, no fine print played off as a simple omission?
Actors with no access to backstage
so it is do or die,
freedom in a cage,
the 4th wall blocks our eyes.
we get no reactions for our performance
no real feedback,
so we face our troupe like opponents, for no real reason.
Whilst some seem to flourish in a limelight others perish in darkness
some disappear through trap doors others fly with out harness.

seasoned thespians sometimes show us a way; how to perform our parts, from when they entered the play.
We are told there is a script, so I would say some have forgotten thier lines
but honestly the script has never passed these eyes,
all I know is that somes voices are drowned out by the soundtracks of anxiety and sadness;
The polyrhythms of fear and deafening sound of loneliness and madness
How could the director have this?

That's the purpose of a tragedy; make the watcher feel like they are living lavishly.

Wanted a reason why I find it so tragic.

In the words of Life 'There, you have it.'

Old debts have been paid
Love has subsidized the pain.
Heart; open for trade.

Why stay: absentee?
Why return; to leave again?
Keep the peace: away.

Do not mistake my calm demeanor for indifference.
I act this way for your sake.
I act this way to keep others strong.
Ha. truthfully I act this way so I don't break .
Because if I let down this facade this wall of false confidence and blinded faults my cap will pop all my bottled emotions a suffocated dreams that I convinced myself I had buried will surface in all there pitiful glory.

Do not confuse my Belligerent tone for anger.
I'm speaking this way because I'm ashamed .
I'm speaking this way to hide my weakness.
The bigger the bark the smaller the bite right?
So if I shout louder with even more malice in my voice it won't hurt as bad.

Do not assume my placebo is a truth.
I see what I believe and relate to what I don't.
I lie to soften the blunt force of a whole truth .
I cry these crocodile tears to hide my true sorrow .

You can't believe every thing you hear but all you see right?
So I'm happy because all you see is a smile so I guess you are too happy that is.

More sudden than melancholy and sharper  than angst .
Can't be hidden by folly
More depressed than a 2008 bank.

Physical pain? Emotional pain?; All the same, one is for now the other remains.

As my eyes slant I see stars,
Even though I haven't reached my dreams I wonder how I got this far
as I let the gum dry I wonder how I got this high now longing over days gone by.
As I spark this flame,
I realize this feeling of loning is mine I'm to blame.
As I inhale,
I think of their skin soft, as a cloud but not as pale lips of rose to me readily exposed.
As I renew my vibe,
even though life right now isn't the best it has been kind.
As my mind flows,
my entropy grows I'm the opposite of low if you could see my aura you'd know it glows.
As I center myself no thought that I need help,these feelings are mine to be seen not felt,by others,not my friends nor the women in my bed--
my lover more like my ****** this is nothing deeper then flesh.
let me put my mind to rest.

As I stare at the cities skyline and the clocks time while writing these rhymes I remember this world, is mine.

The unfathomable abyss gradually expanding, as if to go unnoticed, yet it's intolerable constraints are ever shrinking. What is lost in it is rarely found by most; its creations, detrimental tools for the lost and weary.
Those who know its mark are in dismay but those who have yet to meet it are the truly pitiful because the longer one is nieve to its modus operandi the deeper your dissent

As I sway out of the fray and check if she's ok, "bae?" All she can say is "hey",
We reach for the ash tray we've lost our way I have a smile on my face which happiness betrays because W.A.Y.
eyes so low I Could be Stevie or Ray you can decide after you've heard me play. Allow my notes in your ear like sweet nothings, I run my fingers through your hair as I smell you in the air and taste you on my lips as we are lip to lip...
have a lil sip of this lean woh slow down don't be so keen if you know what I mean these words aren't twisted you don't need to be gifted not even lifted to get the picture but some can't relate ukuva?
let me skip this bit even though it was anything but quick. She lays on my chest as I knead her ******* eyes of earth and emerald stares burning me like embers lets me remember I'm not in Oz or the land of OOH we just chilling like the weather in May in my room what can I say but W.A.Y.

Am I still alive, or is this all just memories?
Am I on my death bed,looking back at at my misadventures and fallacies?
Am I slipping in to the abyss, are these my last thoughts?
Is this my pinnacle, did I ever learn what I have been taught?
Did I live the life I hoped for and envisioned,
Or have I lived a life full of regrets because of my decisions?
Did I find love or did I wallow in hate?
Did I practice what I preach and fight against what people call "fate",
Or did I submit to my anxiety and fears?
I can't help but wonder is this ink so wet because of all my future tears?...
I'll wait and see and what is Ment to be will be, if it suits me.
But I'll have to wait and see

Eyes deep and dark as if linked to the primordial abyss,
It was if you could see further than the blank faces of truths and lies
It was as if  you could clearly see what is and what is not, for you.

I see you.

Voice commanding attention like the horns of heavens army and as soothing as their zithers, your lips it's succulent strings.
How do you move so free fluid in design how you choose to love is invasive with no lines

So let me in

Skin smooth as molasses and ravagingly rich in flavor,  I would imagine, on my tongue.
Body as bountiful as the late harvest, your delicacies just as sweet
when your legs part  blessings flowing, falling miracles, from my chin to my feet;
ceremony, a Thanks giving for this decadent feast.

Get on the table

I crave your assortments curled up, laid down, bent over with all the sides
Greedy for the textures and scent like honey bees are magnolia.
Abundant as Gaia so I'll touch every corner like the sky,
the heat of our sol is ever high; in the still of the night I wish to bask in your moons light while I rise and conduct your tides.

Good times are savored not kept

A self, if I don't help , watering flower blooming how and when ever it sees fit.
Passion like the sun, radiant and all illuminating; like the moon on a still pond, while you seem grounded your true home is in the sky amongs the stars.

Eyes deep and dark as if linked to the primordial abyss,
It was as if " " could see further than the blank faces of truths and lies
It was as if " " could clearly see what is and what is not.

Voice commanding attention like the horns of heavens army and as soothing as it's zithers, " " lips its succulent strings.
Body as bountiful as the late harvest " " delicacies just as sweet miracles when " " legs part blessing falling from my chin to my feet,ceremony a Thanks giving for this decadent feast.

A self, if I don't help , watering flower blooming how and when ever it sees fit.
Passion like the sun, radiant and all illuminating but tempered by a mind like the moon on a still pond, while it seems grounded it's true home is in the sky amongst the stars.