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I :living a dream...vibrant, abundant and ,just, as immaterial.
We desire the things that will destroy us in the end

It's funny how we protect those who hurt us I think it's because we think there constantly trying to change that imperfection we have with in us how ironic

They told me it would be fun I wouldn't ever forget the feeling, this feeling, they said I'd be cool if I did it, and how I feel cool  the cold night air as soft as cotton when it touches my skin but as sharp as knives as the cool cuts to the bone I can see every thing clear as day as if the sun was at my back showing me a new perspective I think that's why I can see the stars shiny behind the thick clouds. I can almost hear them whisper their singing heavenly tunes with the rushing river playing percussion with the river rocks which drummed and the claps of the rips which match every color I've ever seen even the new ones in front of me

i feel like i could fly and belive me i tried every time i landed the grass under my bare cold feet were having tickle  fights with my toes there rugged wet tips almost like a dogs tounge licked and my soles they were winning, I the meekest of the meek was now the king of all I Survey and as I watched my kingdom of color, shape and sound they started to take shape of my "friends" all laughing with tears in there eyes I thought it was another one of my renditions of how I perceive things them seemed so real I could almost feel their breaths as they laughed even more hysterically their laughter seemed to shack me to my core so I called out to ask what was the joke

the sky spits at me with great disgust I want to ask why but I could not hear my self over the now screams of my "friends" they matched the screams of banshies and nails on a chalk board I mixture of millions of off pitch  piano keys I was In pain a pain I had never experienced before it was every were on my body no fixed place no origin site but raw utter pain I held with all my might it still was no competition for there screeches, I wanted so much to rip off my ears but befor I could for a brief moment i felt at peace one with all and all in me then every thing went black no songs now vivid colors no feeling of anything just darkness then when I woke I saw a bright light took me a second to realize I was back to normal the sun was up but it did not greet me the grass was cool but it didn't fight I felt lonely I check my phone for any massages,

"how was it""do you want more" I  thought about all the hell I went through all the pain I felt then I remembered that feeling I wanted to feel it again no I needed to feel it again so with out a second thought I answered "yes"  it's funny how we want what will destroy us in the end it's just human nature
Sorry if there are any spelling errors .
A bad trip.
I knew you before I knew your name
I knew you and I felt the same
I knew I would love your taste, your scent
I knew our passion was hell bent
I know I cant move this fast but it feels so right
I remember how you knew where to bite
I want to convay with you during the day
And i want to feel you in the still of the night
I met her at least i hope so my kindred spirit my new passion
This cough is a reminder of a renewed addiction to take stead until a new one comes along.

These scars are a reminder of how strong I can be,but how weak I was.

This callus which pumps away in my body is a reminder of how dangerous yet fleeting "love" is.

These dry cheeks are a reminder of how many tears I have shed for friend and foe, blurred by the gleam in my eyes.

This tremble is a reminder of how plagued by anxiety I am, Why? I won't know till it's too late.

These pictures are a reminder of how many of who I see are not with me now , taken away by time or ,most often, by death.

This ache only reminds me why I envy them so.

These memory's serve as a reminder of my mistakes in this life ,and oh how they disappoint me.

This poem is a reminder of why I've done what I'm doing.

Now please don't forget me.
Alt title /Remember me as I was. My most recent dark state poem
I never thought I would be in this position .
Even considering such a notion.
****** ,the most grotesque of actions,
But it would be a mercy.
Trade the loud intolerable menacing world
for the peace of that dark abyss .
It would just take one maybe two swift strikes
Then life would just drain, then a cold sensation would consume you till your numb.
"That's what I've read",
seems painless enough...

It hurt for a bit but it wasn't the worst of pains
The water is quiet soothing I feel all the aching just wash away smooth as velvet and just as dark
The chill is refreshing, my sight is weaning as is my sense of touch
I let out a sigh.
So tired so..vee-rr..y... t-ii..r...
'this is my saving grace'
One of my dark state poems I'm not in any way condoning suicide I just wrote this to show the rational of it
I'm sure I heard it
Did you ?
The snap or was it a clap
Can't tell it's been too distorted and echoed around my empty soul
Or rather this husk of what I used to feel: the love the triumph the passion the validation .

Now I'm sure I heard it or was it you clicking and praising my words yeah maybe that's what I heard no I can feel the sinking this hole in my chest I can't listen to my heart it's voice has be laid to rest six feet is quiet a feat.

There it is again
no that was just a ding for an idea or a notion pleading to me to take action but this is a fallacy, a distraction
I'm ignoring the signs to busy thinking what is mine rather then keeping what was mine now I'm left with nothing


There it is, that distinctive ring


The timbre is right I can hear the angels sing.
this cold unloving content or is it fury I can't know surely but this time, this time.. I heard the snap of my mind

It sounded like click  . clack . **bang
Wrote this now I'm a Tad rust I must say
I love you.
I want nothing but the best for you.
You love me
But you just don't want to be hurt by me;
Your passive aggressive threats,
Your unwarranted mistrust of me,
The constent questions, the tests.
Love is supossed to fly and be free,
But all I feel is loves firm grip on my throat its talons digging in to my very soul,
Bleeding me of my empathy.
Am I in this love to fulfill a role?
Is this now my reality?
I'm cracking under the pressure
My psyche beaten and bruised by your ups and downs.
You say "this is a love that's forever"
I smile at you but this smile hides a frown

I love you but it feels like it needs an -e and a -d
because I don't want the love you give me
I can't take much more of this

Poem in my muses series
Let's make a toast partake if you hear my voice beyond the coasts.

To our past the hurst, the Many learning curves buried in the sands of time.

To our here and now The good the bad and the **** take a bow.

To our future I hope you never
A toast
I play with the switch‬
‪turns the light on and off‬,
‪The shine; my soul‬
They slumber in their stubbornness, they, alone

They have seen their brethren and extensions lost to the ebenflow

All that is left of themselves is what has not been lost or given.

They have shielded the meek since they left, the safety of the waters, to the bountiful yet perilous shores and banks.

A foot hold for the scenery and possibilities a fort against the storms and heavens tribulations.

Shadows cast, air guided

To be left, alone, I have to leave all I've known or Is known.
I think me a star when I'm only dust.

I try sympathize and synchroniz not knowing I is the disconnect.

I wake in their home surrounded in my stubbornness now they think me my own.

Dust for the young monoliths to grow.
I was in a valley/ canyon in Mpumalanga the air was clear and a storm was a day away.
Medicated and meditated these are some words I remember
Written In a way the stanzas look like peaks in a range.
And here they come with their beautiful demeanour ,with their empty eyes laced with an allure stronger then the forces which construct our physical forms.

They speak in perfect sequence as if it had be rehearsed but I've heard these words before, of course, they've been here before they're regulars to my bar, filled with my bottled emotions.

They spoke of no wonders or such tacky things they spoke of a peace unparalleled, a welcome change to my current state of mind, a place where there is "no more judgment", "no more ridicule","no more lies" and "no more death" a place where I can be myself.

As they imbibed themselves with my fermented hopes, dreams and beliefs they grew bolder with each bottle they emptied.

"How can you live in this place it's a cesspool, so cluttered so unsure"

it's my home I play with the cards life has dealt me-

"ah there is the problem you are bound by life why not be free?".

I see no other path.

"there is".

they slide me an object,

"keep the change"

and they left.

the object was a box reading "the tool of your salvation" it had a note  end the lie, end your __.
I closed up shop,they are right, it was time for a change,
So this is my good bye.
There is no death after death
I was at the edge.
She pulled me back and sobered me why couldn't i do that for her
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared inspiration flows and you know what are your hopes and dreams are they straight ahead like a beam or do they have twists and curves like a water stream shaping  the world as it so feels, path of least resistance kind of has an appeal.
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared insperation flows and I know I can feel the electricity in the air these word to me are a strike but to you at most a spare since I haven't knocked down mental pins given this topic justice But I'll keep on keeping on I can't be perfect like a good night kiss which tells us we're ok no need to be a martyr no not today.
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared inspiration flows and we know we can't make a change when we're at a stage of letting one per millions turn the page in to a new age of innovation through investigation education and perspiration. Greatness Isn't for the select few but for most of us that's my view
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared inspiration flows and so I think greatness is making a change in many lives and that's what I strive, to do, but by changing one life or maybe two every person they change will be because of you , let that sink in, so in fact greatness is for all of us. I trust you don't think I'm trying to make you rush I'm just trying to let you know your potential is exponential like that of ones mind making something out of nothing like these rhymes, from mind to pen to paper sole inspiration it's my time to shine.
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared insperation flows and I hope these words will be with you where ever you go do as you wish not because someone else said so.
And so it's goes when your mind is cleared insperation flows and I know it's about Time I go.
Spoken word
I need to stop this love for the sake of my nerves so what's left of my mind will be preserved, I have a space reserved for you, not for you two if you wanted it to be this kind of sum you shouldn't have said I was the one but you are not to blame alone because I was in the zone when I let you in my home, in my room, way too soon like waking up to the moon.

We had said it was like a dream now my eyes are open and it seems you've sold this dream before, I don't judge but others might've call you a ***** but I'm not like that but I didn't think you were like this...
I told you my fears most hidden from my closest peers and brethren considering confessing to a reverend or a rabbi or a pastor no I will converse with my master Roshi but,
Roshi's very tired
          He's lying on his bed
He's been living with the living
          and dying with the dead.
Relating to L.Cohen.
I can't believe how you're playing me.

**** "love".

**** the fact you like it rough,
My lust would be enough but, you are too perfect to let slip. I want you by my side no reason to hide I am yours you are mine.


What is a perfect person at the wrong time?
A regret and burden on the mind.

It was like a dream so perfectly seamed it seemed life leans to be mean disguising pestilence as cream.
Original Spoken word scribed and structured as it is was said.
I needed to get this off my chest and I know *she* will read this,
What are these ten words?
A view into my mind.
First attempt
Life is not black or white but,
We are being taught what's wrong and right,
By those who can no see the light
Bigotry is a result.
We have been brainwashed in to cults:
Whites are wicked, **** are sick
Blacks are stupid, men are pigs
Cash is key individuality is naïve.
You are worth what is on a piece of paper:
Student, teacher, Doctor, salve or *****,
My god is right yours is wrong
Bigotry has become a way to belong.
"You've changed" no I've remained the same
your clouded vision is to blame,
In this world of black and white with more grey then either
Bigotry preys on that like a fever,
Can't you feel your hot head
Your rash actions have left him dead.
Your justification he wasn't one of us,
Bigotry can only lead this world to bust.
Links in the chain,if they fall away when time sways then they play no part in the ka-ching.
Sol oh paniter of visions, curator of those under your light. Your passion is easily confused with fury and your momentary absences are known to be a time of danger and chaos
Basting the blessed and decimateing the ******,a infernal bliss.
General of the soil, those born from it follow your call under you they toil. maestro of the bloom and birds their harmonious notes in the air ,smelled and heard, from the plains to the berg but at the coast is when that celestial sovereignty ends.

Enters,a vision, Oh Luna; soft yellow dipped and dyed in the honeied hues of the horizon or a radiant alabaster, stark and chilled. cut from the heavens, apart of the city resting on that which scratches the sky but only visitors in the sights, you Nobly looking over. Teach me as you are, not as they say ,cold but ever observing seen every day.
You the Choreographer of the waves they dance by your direction, beautifully and brutishly birthing rainbows from their violate bombardments, for the birth of Brilliant ideas they have been the midwife.we lose and find ourselves in your teachings

Raising higher as you we age, as one should, on the path of the sage.
Stayed by the sea for a few days and got to know sun and moon a little better
Building wings of wax all because you know not the beauty of your own plumage.
Dazzled by peacocks jealous of their colors when you soar like an inky raven
A love that will rip it's self apart if not told whats enough,
end up doing too much but better that then us losing touch. I believed but now
I know, I hoped to bare the weather, prideful, no idea what was is tow: rain,sleep and snow.

A love that was free, turned selfish, my minds on you and I can't help it.
Inhliziyo I have no faith but patience and loyalty so your silence can only annoy me; but when you tell me what's good I make you laugh like a jester and I treat you like royalty.

Funny because now I was feeling like booboo the fool. I need rest, You Just look on when
I sing my song are you deaf-


wait This can't be true.
This can't be you

-No wait-

this isn't me, been blaming you a lot recently. we haven't been on the same frequency, We're  always up and down, that's a sine.
I need to disconnect and clear my mind.
haven't had time to meditate, now that's a lie.
I always meditate when I'm silent, write or rhyme.

I do this a lot, darkened visions from the burns and cuts I got, know your not one but I've taken a hit more than once,it wasn't fun, but It had to be done.
You are worth it, a crown but I can't make it right now.
I want to grow with you; Like a tree bares fruits not only flowers, fickle,it looks beautiful, only, in daylight hours.

Let me be wise so I can handle instability,
I learn more about myself for my own sanity.
I had let my light dim not dealing with every thing that life brings.
I had a love for you that was starving because I wasn't truly loving my self enough, that was toxic like lead but now I'm clutch.

No need to write in a rush, but know
I'm sending love
Had time to think whilst not distracting myself with her glow whilst we grow(up). Planning on making this a song
The title is a play on the  words it can be read as :decent love as in the ideal Of Love, dissent Love as in toxic relationship hurting each other over misunderstandings in my case Or the sent  love meaning me reaching out

In my 'trip' series
It's not that I'm silent I'm, rather,
lost for words
Because this series of events are the worst I've heard,
In a minute.

this is more than simply "under the weather" because this is a divine tragedy.
A story ,of the battles, of vassals,  retainers and traitors;
heavens tribulations and its resounding failures.
Shocked; What took days, now hours.

The pettiest wrath is one born from wanting, fraudulent men exhibiting the worst of fruedian plans
and add a Hate:
born from nations divided, in ways outsiders decided: for the pay;
to make use of the weak till this day,

I can't comprehend this.
It's like the collective consciousness has taken cyanid the: matricide, fratricide, parricide and pedicide; is this an attempt of suicide?
Can't imagine terras eyes, Being terrorized by the homies side
blighting it's own kin, queens and this King's pride.

Is this blaze worth it's years to come when you burn away the blood that flows through us all and purge the graces we won,blessed with a unity, cursed by sub division, the delusions they built dictate how we liv'in.

I can't lie, at times like these I can only try an fly
forced to contemplate the irreconcilable and the priceless how can I evaluate the hate when I know it's love that elevates, so...
how can I;
I'm on the hated and hatful side, oh my what a time, what a time, to be alive.
There's a lot going on in South Africa and I've been shocked out of my wits to say the least. Can only hope for the best...
Rain, rain, don't go away;  haven't been promised another day.
Wisdom with age
I saw you kiss another man last night,
you didn't even try to hide.
You showed me no love last night,
I felt the wind change aswell as the tide.
You didn't say sorry,
it's as if you were saying it was my fault.
Either way I wasn't going to listen to your stories, No I wouldn't humor this insult.
Those lip which I thought were mine,
Laid against a mans I never knew.
Wasn't I present , attentive did I miss the signs,
Was I delusional thinks it was just me and you.
I still took you home,
you dared to smile my way.
This isn't a palindrome ,
it was right in only your way.
I should be furious ,
but currently I'm numb.
But I wonder I'm curious,
did I know this day would come.
When you would test me ,
fastidious about your way to ***** my mind.
What could your reasoning be?
You ask " are we still on for lunch " I say " yeah what time?" .
I don't know why I'm feeling so little ,
in this situation
I guess I'll have to settle ,
for this emotional condemnation.
I have to let her go
It's getting hard in the RSA
even those who don't get paid have to pay
the insane tolls
the cops on petrol
just to get on there way
you under stand what I say
the difrance between we and they we have hi-def blue ray they have it hard desray it means destiny I don't have a plan to get a fan or a groupie I know you probably thinking this ****** mind is doodie but its my duty to make things know especially the things that aren't shown on tv like corruption or so called special selection and the detention of those who don't deserve it because you deserve it

I'm on buzz cause of this love I'm getting from my team it feels like a dream I'll rise to the top like cream but with skin like milk chocolate my imagination flows like water out of a facet, tap I've got talent in the rap and my connection to my soul  is uncapped
I'm just warming up like a kettle I'm like a precise metal in fact I'm talent in its purest form I should be on cable or at least the periodic table but registered as unstable because I'm on a hair trigger jack rabbit with my bad habits like talking about things I don't know then asking   About things I don't know you know making the unknown known remember my curiosity  been burning like an ember

I truly fear for our women ashamed of the cards they have been given or delt and the blows that have been felt on their surface and in their core these stories I hear just leave my heart sore I need to flyaway on the broken wings of my generation with the help of some recreation  to stop the exploitation of those who don't know better not because they could have Learnt better but been taught better you can call It third world problems I call it mankind problems because it affects us all and we're all one after all ilitaration is a mews helps send across my point of view so light bulbs flash ding an idea that's was a great example of onomatapia  it's a process of elimination in a  copulative form these thoughts and ties are more messy  then the perfect storm but I plan to help heal our nation not by confrontation but cooperation

I hope these notions stay in your mind like the blank slate sticks with the blind and the peace with the deaf order In the hands of the ref or better yet Organised chaos,
Because that's realistic But we didnt request it, It's like a pay off  see there I changed the rhyme scheme From aabb.Too abba It's redundant to say But it helps me see,
my potential so I know my credentials and knowing you is essential to keep your heart full your flaws on tour don't think it  trifle but gargantuan like Rabelais' book but most wouldn't know his literature or calling any man sir  but they know facebook I hope these notions stay in your mind like the blank slate sticks with the blind and the peace with the deaf by now I'd  think you'd like to be deaf tired of my voice but I have no choice but to make a statement about what my emotional state is I hope these notions stay in your mind like the blank slate sticks with the blind and the peace with the deaf the name of this poem is emotional theft
This is a slam spoken word poem also, it was my first attempt at one 2011 February 7
When facing escape
A Door leading out, one fears.
Nothing you have known.
The devil you know right ?
All I hear is you are comfortable in hell/naraka when the void(possibility) is a step away. Do not fear change for its existence, like death, it's an inevitable and necessary function. Read the italics and know a truth
A halo's weight: Heavy.
Unbearably bright, blinding.
Power is a Lens.
Standing in piety. Power is just a lens augmenting what we see and how we see. Think of the relationship between celebrities and thier fans
I can read you like a book,
A deep gaze in to your pretty brown eyes is all it took.
They're the windows to the soul after all
And yours left mine enthralled
That Much beauty in such little space?
You move irrespectively through the world at your own pace.
I'm sure you've heard it before but,
your smile brightens a room
You look my way again, I try not to loom.
If I could I would but I don't think I should.
What would I have if I lost my dream?
What if my idea of you is all a want...
Yes that's it I don't love you.
Just the idea of you,
I'm content with that ...

Ha such a fallacy.
remember the time,well you wouldn't it's my memory,
I was on the Great Wall.
Dreaming amongst the bustle of tourists, but I wasn't bothered at all.
All I could think about was you,since your name is their precious gem, your Beauty ,to me, was greater then what I was seeing.
I was in my own zone my own paradise.
I felt closest to you in this foreign land then I did in my own home, my precious gem.
My heart.
My Jade.
I am here because of you
I have been able to Expirience this world because of you two
And I am thankful for this
But you done so much more here's a short list
You've been a pillar that's always there and even when you are mad I know you care.
You've shown me how to act and shown me I don't know all the facts.
When I see you two what I perceive Is a wish, a dream I hope to ,one day, achieve.
you've shown me to keep my composure in life, keep strong when things seems strife because it is with in my power to make it right.
You've given me goals to reach and it won't be easy you see,
but I'll make you proud if I get knocked down I'll get right back on my feet because that's what you have taught me.
You've given me more then I can explain in words, to think I could even scrap the top was quiet absurd but I just needed to show I appreciate what you have done so this is a kind of thank you letter from your eldest son.
I wrote this to my parents for their anniversary 17 years love them so much
Is this what love is
To be in a ****** fray
To be sure one checks
Like ink on a page
You are paint on a canvas
You, a masterpiece
So this is longing?
I did not know it hurt so,
Well at least I know.
You are on my mind
I think about our good times
Now my heart is heavy
I am who I am
I can not Change what can not
Let me be me,please.
At night I see stars
During the day I see none
But know they're there
Am I still alive
or is this just memories
I can't help but cry
Why does it linger
open wounds with out care rot
So let it fester.
Slick, Drip, damp,drop, moist.
Thunder jealous of your groans
Lightning, of my strikes.
It’s about ***,not storm gods
Now you know it all
Now tell me what has changed?
Nothing ever does.
Oh Adolescents
Emotional highs and lows
We mellow with age
Now I am "okay"
It can change without warning,
Emotions are fickle, I learn this everyday
I'm an observer,
I'm both within and without.
I see all your masks.
In the mist I remeber in the shadows I learn into the crowd I observe
My timing is bad,
Like a death of a loved one
Seems selfish, a far.
Suspend your disbelief but when emotions are high foresight is low. Revealing my pain to release my chest. Never belligerent
I do it so I can feel pleasure,
Searching for battle, ***, and treasure.
I take them to be numb as a rock or light as a feather.
They say slow down ,will I? Ha Never.
I ride dragons and keep company with the green lady.
I love this girl because she never questions my fidelity,
I abuse her, burn her on a pire as if for witchery.
Her name is Mary.
I have no god in my pantheon except Eros,
He goes by many names ethanol, E and blow.
He saves me from monotony, its nagging like a stubbed toe.
He runs the world like a ring master at a circus show.
We are lions being whipped and taunted
Because to fill the void is all we wanted.
Another part of my muses series on lusts addict family member hedonism
I love how: she looks, she smells, she tastes, she makes me feel, she makes me act, she just makes good vibes. I love you Mary Jane
I have a question. What is real? Should it be based on what you can feel because now feel can be touch or emotion, I feel the suns warm rays the same as I feel my heart break and no one can tell me or you that either is not real because we can feel so I ask what it is you feel? I for one feel imprisoned by the Mold society has put me in as a man I have to be handsome,brave,loving, trusting and understanding but at the same time because I am a man I am by default a conniving, cheating, abusive, alcoholic, womanizing pig, why? Because " we are all the same" such caprice why? Why is it I must feel ashamed to be a man why is it I must be everything you want and don't want, the light of your day and the darkness of the night the Prince Charming in your life fairytale as well as the villain with the apple in my hand ,the apple of my eye is that what you want? I feel as if I'm just the means to an end the end being the moment I yield to this mold these confines in my mind why do I have to feel like I'm the enemy? how is it my fault? you're the one who laid in the sands of his beaches indulging in that forbidden fruit from the garden of eden, your tears now fueling its sea,  but all i hear are your cries of betrale his name the lyric of choice but I see, I should take the blame its what is wanted of me the good guy but the moment I deviate from your plans I am the evil one I'm the reason for these broken hearts mine and yours I'm the devil can't you see the flames you set In my personal hell in my mind in my soul
why is it I'm a mockery?
My most recant scribed spoken word poem
Are you the end, severing my potential?
Are you a end, or are you a beginning a apathetic agent who clears the way for the new?
Am I old, or have I done what destiny prescribed and you are giving me a pen for a blank canvas for my own tales?
Aren’t you the gate keeper, the one who welcomes those to the starless lands?
How can I write anew tale at the end of all tales, do I need to? there is no light to show my glory no light to revel my despair
Ah, you are death.
A poem; a bout, the acceptance of death
We fear you because of your necessity but heed not the toll of neccesity on you.
You are the owls ***** in the night.
The solace at the end of the longest and most periless of trials.
To know about you is to fear you but to know you is to love.
you are my friend and the last I will ever see.
I know you?
A poem about death, a miss who's misunderstood
I am a boy who doesn't know the worth of a dollar

I play my part.

I am a friend who is there for his even if they don't know

I play my part.

I am a lover who knows how to lift your spirt even when the love is only shared by me

I play my part.

I am a console to those who think they are alone

I play my part.

I am an ingrate who doesn't appreciate the sacrifices you have made

I play my part.

I am a smile that hides the sadness on the other side

I play my part.

I am the one who listens even when no words are spoken

I play my part.

I am a hypocrite who preaches but rarely practices

I play my part.

I know what I want and never what I need

I play my part.

I am who I am so no one can say I am worthless because,
I play my part.
I'm tired of the judgement I face every day,
the what are you doings,  the why would yous, the you don't knows.

I'm tired of the distance that grows between us,
The once a week chats,The Ks, the byes
I miss the days gone by.

I'm tired of the sadness my self inflicted pain,
The bitten tongues, the doubt ,the you're not good enoughs.

I'm tired of this stagnate cycle,
these confused feelings, this constant weight on my chest, theses thoughts of suicide...

I'm tired of all the things I love dying
My family, my friends , my hopes , my dreams.

I'm sick and tired of all these false promises, ideologies and philosophies,
Life gets better, if you try your best you will have no regrets, patience is a virtue, we are one.

I've fought,
To only lose.
I've accepted others,
But been rejected by most.
I've waited for my chance to arise,
just for it to never come.
I've done everything I can to better my life,
to no avail.
I've kept my pain in me from
effecting others around me,
letting it fester never seeing the light of day.
Now all I am is tired,
And I'm tired of Being tired.
I don't know what to do anymore
You speak to me and say "you just waste the day away"
I respond "you could've just said hey" but that's ok.
I light a smoke too your dismay
"Every smoke you have cancer will repay"
I pay you little mind as I ash on the tray
"I smoke my all days because it takes the pain away"
My train of thought you dismissed
I was too far gone in euphoria ,this bliss.
This is a lift i could've never missed.
I once heard that art is most beautiful when imitateing life . I never understood this; imitation infers a falsehood, a lack of authenticity. Art can only be what it is, unapologetically,It can’t build a facade.
I ,the one who is deemed alive, lie habitually to those around me and worse my self.
I am a performer playing the part of least resistance and greatness propitiation. Solitarily contemplating a collective I want to both develop beyond the horizon or envelop in the flames of a star.
conundrums are the base of these self destructive edifice. Best escape is outside of self, either on the wall in the air or on a shelf.  

Now who imitates who,
When One feels most real imitating art?
not sure if this is a crisis or a metamorpheus
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