sometimes I imagine myself
in a gold casket
pretty as ever
dressed in black
eternally sleep
from a heart attack.

Looks in mirror with eyes closed...

Love is not real.
Love is not real.
Love is not real!

Opens eyes slowly
******.

Why do I still feel?

the sadness of her eyes
have become my sunshine

the loneliness is her voice
is a visit I welcome by choice

I can not offer her much,
besides my love and my time...

hoping it is enough to ease her weary *mind.

he told me to relax
and he spread my legs
and caressed my back.

he said chill
as he tasted my *******
and copped a feel.

with time it was over,
only then was relaxation real.

2015 left me with some good advice...

life is not nice
life is not fair
life does not care
life does not share
life does not love
life is a ***** and she's tough!!!

I just pray 2016 has mercy on me,*

because I've had *enough

I was born wild
looked after by one burdened cloud.

I grew alone,
strangers always came to vandalize my home.

The others died,
in a ****** open field they left me.

I am a bound tree.
Dying to be uprooted,

Waiting to be free
expectation has become my misery.

Day by day I decay,
I can't continue life this way.

dark hair
dark eyes
dark skin

darkness within.

dark personality
dark humor
dark smile

dwell with me in darkness
for a longer while.

dark love
dark ***
dark heart

you said I was your light
and I can't see how,
when I was born BLACK!

*dark from the very start.

I didn't ask to be born into this world
there's too much pressure
being someones babygirl.

Delicate, with dignity
I once was
but I turn into a freak
as dawn transforms into dusk.

At night,
I close my wide eyes
and darkness consumes me entirely
no more light.

I defeat God's will,
there is no more fight
no more worries,
little to no care.

Atlas I transform

until a mothers worse
*nightmare

In the land of love
I will be your angel
and you could be my dove....

In another lifetime
I could be yours and
you would be mine....

If Earth became Heaven
we would get married
woman and man....

*Too bad it does not exist,
only lust and temptation
that I sometimes find hard to resist....

Without love I'd die
even when it's bad
even when it makes me cry.

Without ***
I feel undesirable
my body seems useless.

This way of living has caused
my heart, soul, and spirit much pain.
Yet, love is never lost,

*only shame is gained.

I attach myself
to multiple hearts,

searching for my soul
through their many parts,

*** is a like completing that puzzle
only to realize, a piece was missing
from the very start.

I love you
and you too.

I need pink hearts
to color over my blue.

I love you,
and I love you them too...

I need you all,
I simply will not choose.

Dear God,
and stupid cupid
will you ever send me
someone that I love can back?

The boys hand me their hearts
and I hand it back,
later their bodies are found
from an apparent heart attack.

Don't listen to a word I say
because my feelings change day to day

Like when I want you to leave
but I really need you to stay....

I fell in love
with the way
another girl made me feel.
but I didn't want
a boy Pinocchio
I wanted a man,
something real.

bright and beautiful, I expected butterflies
when we kissed.

No, just a vision of hairy caterpillars
rough and ugly,
but it was their form, that I missed.

I kissed a girl.
and it was something I did not enjoy.
It felt off,
like playing with my brothers toy....
because I was a girl,
and she was no boy.

I wish I could purge my flesh
from all ungodliness.

leaving no sign of life,
death is a mess.

I've defiled my body
and my bed.
handcuffed my heart.
seduced my head.

I've commited acts
that have tainted me internally
but I clean up nice
my dirt you don't see.


I don't want this addiction any more
stopping is tough,
Detox, I must!!!
Ive had enough.

I've danced with the devil for far too long.
ive learned the lyrics to all his songs.
meanwhile my desire for good has gone.
and my debt to Jesus has grown.
How could I be so foolish?
Why must I be so wrong?

Do not cry
                  when I die.

Truth is I have been dead
the only life left was in my head

my heart tapped out a long time ago,
this world was not for me,  I had to go

Love, Life, and Happiness
is something I would never know

that black broken hearted baby from the ghetto
                     never could *grow

sometimes......................
I take one too
many
pills

because I don't want to think.

I don't need to feel.

Rain are my tears
so many prayers
for so many years
Heavens water capacity
overfilled,
God sends them to me,
as a reminder and gift
in hopes that I heal.

That Heaven is for real

If only the rain
could cleanse
my pain.

Wash away
the tears from
my face and heart.

The bruises
and blood
that stained me from the start.

We were nothing more than two young black
*******. Old in soul, too soon we became grown. Belonging to nothing or no one.
Together and alone...

We talked of marriage,
but I questioned my ability to be a
A committed lover.
I could never see the wife in me,
and I could not be his *mother

Unsteady and troubled,
I needed stability and security
he was in over his head,
the young boy,
couldn't be my *daddy

Sometimes I escape to a magical place.
A mirror of myself, a beautiful face
A high like a drug that has been laced
sensation out of this world,
into deeper space.
My eyes water as my heart pace.
A sigh of relief,
as my mind tells my body
"you're okay ...
I laugh and admit,
*I am a great lay!

I want to drift far away
into an endless day.

escape tomorrow
and all its sorrow.

but instead i stay here
because death too,

is something i fear.

I invited this war,
was prepared from the start.
My mind turned grey,
steel became my heart.
I grew into
a cold piece of work,
a robot.
And even my warm human blood
could not make it stop.

Satan or cupid must hate me
they blind every lover that I see
beautiful eyes never notice me..

days and nights I remain lonely
I grow tired of trying
sleeves wet from crying..

accepting the fact that no one is mines

and may never be....
*yes, love hates me

they claim to want me,
but loneliness is all I see.

the last kitten in the box,
sad and afraid of getting picked last.

they admire me from the store glass,
still not chosen as tears fill in my eyes.

woman: I'm tired

man: of what?

woman: loving you.

I don't deserve you
this is true.
I change too often
every day I'm someone new.
But you still stick with me,
like Elmer's glue.
I remember making a wish,
and before I blew,
a white dove flew...
I closed my eyes and cried
because at the moment I knew...

that our friendship had grew...

and

I was in love with *you

Love told me,
"I never did like you"

Embarrassed and heartbroken,

I yelled,
"Well, I'm starting to
hate your *** too!"

you said you weren't greedy,
but you had your cake,
and ate it too.

You said I was a mystery,
it was a lie,
all alone you knew.

I was addicted to love,
and over time your power grew,
then, vulnerable I became to you.

like a dog chasing her tale,
since I've known you,
you've been under my spell.

like a child,
time did tell,
I grew to know you very well.

Then one day,
I grew clumsy and fell into your thrill
and you left me codependent and unable to feel.

body sweeter than chocolate
I grew tired,
but I could not stop it.

body softer than butter
I've had many,
but you're a special kind of lover.

moist and hot
working your way to the middle,
to taste the spot.

the more he saves me
      with his help
the more I feel
          indebted.

I think
we are all
God's
test dummies,
here for his testimonies only.

I thought I was brave
I was not.
I was afraid,
to touch you,
to look into your dangerous eyes,
to call you mine.
Afraid you would see through my lies,
of getting my heart ripped apart.
I was insecure from the very start,
because I am just a diposable toy
to someone like you, a bad boy.