"effing" poems
Process hope she says
Find the beauty in all things
Effing counselors
Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 4:02 PM UTC
The stereotype of the female type/ packing more than you give yourself credit for/
Spineless, backstabbing ******* in backless dresses fronting to impress dogs who are/
Barking at ******* that are easy to prey on/ hoping to get a good **** to sniff/
While your tail is out there waggin/ makin’ their tongues turn stiff/
There are many who live in that dog eat dog world/ And boy it can get pretty rough out there/ catch that innuendo?
You see, effing around is simple and it works like this; you F what you see/
Sometimes you find what you think to be ‘the one’ only to be deceived/
Because you believed what you saw and didn’t take the time to dig deep/
Next thing you know, your heart has been sunk in the pool of tears you weep/
You resort to a resolution to that’s easy to keep/ rectify to the erectified/
Yes, maybe some of this is harsh/ but if you cant handle the truth/
You wont know the difference between what’s right and wrong to do/
There’s a difference between a princess and a queen/
A princess who’s prince-less will settle for the frog/
While a queen knows how to stand on her own two feet/
Royalty is respected and they stand tough even when they’re rejected/
It’s hard to see something beautiful be used by a tool who’ll/
Only add her to the collection of his tool box/ then look for a new one/
But the reality of realism is/ reality can be pretty unreal sometimes/
And Miss Congeniality secretly believes the fallacy/ she wasn’t born to shine/
Selling herself at a price her mom would hate to see/
Giving out discounts because she can’t even count on herself/
The worst part is, it’s all manipulating her moral health/
And it’s demeaning her demeanor, being treated like Miss Demeanor/
But she didn’t mean for/ her life to turn to this/
She made three-left turns/ only to find the fourth right doesn’t exist/
Maybe a forthright person is all it takes to set her straight/
Boost her confidence/ make her feel great/ and tell her it’s never too late/
To find a new place to start over/ and get your mind in a better state/
That’s why this poem is called Tulip Teaser/ your own two lips are teasing you/
Impeding you from being you/ misleading you through your own garden/
But you’re better than that/ and there’s more to your garden than you think/
Just stick to your roots and let yourself grow to be the beautiful flower everyone likes to see/
Jul 7, 2013
Jul 7, 2013 at 2:11 PM UTC
i found stretch marks on my body the other day
i started slapping at them as tears ran down my face.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
but now all i can think about is what men will think of the red streaks on my hips and legs
how i wont be pretty anymore
ugly.
so effing ugly.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
they're natural, but i wouldnt have gotten them if i didnt gain a drastic amount
i cant see past them.
i weighed myself again, too.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
theres more coming
i see more everyday
i cant wear bikinis anymore
i cant have *** anymore
i want to rip off my skin.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 5:50 PM UTC
A volley of gunfire
A stream of offensive epithets.
An amazed girl
And an enraged boy.
After every volley of gunfire,
There was a respawning individual.
Steam could be seen emanating from his ears
Anger radiated off of him.
The girl watched carefully
Taking note of every action.
The sounds of battle could be heard
And the boy kept getting aggressive.
Innovative and anatomically impossible suggestions were made
Names were called and yelled out
And the game continued
“I effing stuck him” was repeatedly yelled.
Finally, after a long rant,
The boy jumped with ecstasy
In the heat of the final battle, he won.
Now he wouldn’t have to fling his controller
The girl applauded him, thankful for the blessed silence.
Aug 30, 2016
Aug 30, 2016 at 5:44 PM UTC
fell into a hole of myself--
i know too much
a bag of cheetos in an ill-fitting suit
runs the country - made the mistake
of reading what it had to say
awhile ago
all in the stirring of a feather
my ego, my ignorance
smattering albiet aggressively in an annoying
aggregate, dog-bark bird-squacking
grating my effing ears
these 7am mornings
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 9:55 PM UTC
Suffering from cabin fever, I raided my cache of end-time sardines and went slipping and sliding down to the dock to feed the near-shore birds.
One lone Repelican sat upon a bollard by the boat launch seeming frozen to the spot. He was looking pretty grimm.
Taking pity on this cold, hungry waterbird former Marine-turned-Feeb, and apparently not stuck on I-275, this kindhearted Democrab was soon out of end-time sardines.
Telling him that I was sardine-poor but had one question I would like to ask concerning an investigation into questionable publicly financed bollard homesteading practices, the repugnant Repelican was not happy with me and stuck his long bill in my face while threatening to break me in half (like a boy) and throw me off of the effing dock before flapping away in a huff.
He called me later and asked to do lunch next week. Sardines on him.
r. ~ 29Jan14
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 5:30 PM UTC
*Pardon me, but is something amusing you?
Must you mock everything I say and do?
Do you treat everyone you pass this badly?
Didn't anyone teach you how to behave properly?
One night, I could've sworn I heard you crying.
And yet you were still effing and blinding.
When in God's name will you mend your ways?
You're driving yourself to an early grave!*
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 11:11 AM UTC
You did well 🧡
When they said you weren’t pretty, you didn’t believe them.
You did well.
When they said you had a mean heart, you didn’t believe them.
You did well.
When they said you brought bad luck, you didn’t believe them.
You did well.
When they said you couldn’t do well in a bigger city, you didn’t believe them.
You did well.
When they said it’d be hard for you to find a partner, you didn’t believe them.
You did well.
When they showered you with all the negatives, you filtered it all - only listened to your heart.
You never turned sour.
You did well.
When it seemed like all the doors were shut & there was no way out. You stubborn child - you still didn’t believe it.
You did well.
All that noise, all that dirt & like a lotus, you bloomed through it.
My love, you did so effing well!
I am so proud of you ❤
Jun 1, 2023
Jun 1, 2023 at 12:51 AM UTC
a lonesome old man with a wandering eye
slumped in the shadows of the wild and animal forest.
i watched him grow into a rusty tricycle,
dominating dusty lanes and pavements without direction;
and endless world ******* up dirt under his wheels;
dissolving memory like effing oxygen in lungs,
yelling sing-song celebrations between the leaves,
completely unwrapped, a drive, a rhythm, a trance,
a state, ignited, lost hearts; lost times;
worn tricycle, overgrown boy.
we left the lights on to hush
and i pretended he was young
for every minute he was alive and dead.
Mar 30, 2014
Mar 30, 2014 at 8:02 AM UTC
Withdrawn and disconnected...
From everyone and everything.
I think I need a break...
I just don't think there is help for any of this right now.
Deep inside of me there is this yearning- this deep sadness.
And I have once again withdrawn inside myself.
I feel confused...the person I went to for help can't help me either.
Nobody understands me.
Hopeless!
I'm overtaken by hurt, and pain.
And I am now sinking into the darkness-the bad place.
Inside my soul is this realm of darkness,
The endless horror, the familiar hopelessness.
Tonight I hate all of NitaAnn!
No hope for NitaAnn…
Just smile and pretend everything is okay.
What's the effing point - it's all a big facade...
They pretend to care and pretend to listen.
I pretend I'm not the most ****** up woman on the face of the earth!
We all know none of that is true! The jig is up!
I fold...and walk away...
Find a new ****** up person you can 'pretend' to care about!
Because as we know...
"in the face of expected abandonment -don't you dare reach out - make another choice!"
I will, DT, don't worry...I will...nobody cares...whatever!
I am FINISHED!
OH, I'm making a different choice, DT, thanks for the advice!
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 10:30 PM UTC
Many houses have been cleaned on ***** window routes
Terraced rows and bungelows and other glass recruits
Customers of differant types some casual, some suits
Pleasent ones and lovely ones, some of them fun hoots
One window shined, revealed behind someones bathroom door
An awful sight giving us a fright, more than we bargained for
We went to clean it was abscene, that horrible thing we saw
Showing his snake was it a mistake, or was he just a *****
Every time we went to clean situations would get worse
We didn't want to catch a glimps, of his ****** immerse
A naked burden it bacame, why was he so perverse
***** windows should remain to conceal that bathroom curse
The anxiousness we both felt, how low he always sank
Unwanted sightings of body flesh and yanking on his plank
Disgusting ways of a deprived mind, so very dark and dank
***** windows are one thing, but not when you ******* ****
We did not want to ascend, with each ladder run to climb
knowing what awaited us we didn't want to see his slime
That bathroom window was regular, he did it every time
His kind of antics should be re-classed as a life of grime
We're not interested in plonker pulling a real discusting stunt
Nakedness we don't want to see, or a nasty shiveled front
Your ***** windows are to much so we will both be blunt
Keep your wanking to yourself and **** off your ***** ****
We don't care how many times, or how much you try
There is no necessitation to see your small **** eye
Confess your sins and tell your wife and don't you effing lie
That you've been bathroom wanking and flashing your cream pie
We told him we're not cleaning, when he dosent wear a stitch
And because he had to ******* **** and treat us like his *****
We're not your pleasure ****** when you've got that certain itch
Your ***** windows we wont clean when your mind is in a ditch
It's time us girls said goodbye you've made us ******* cross
Window cleaners we may be but your not our wanking boss
So now we're gone and you know why, my friend it's adios
And all because you had to flash and have a bathroom toss
Feb 5, 2016
Feb 5, 2016 at 6:27 AM UTC
You know as well as I do
that internet dating can have its ups
and downs
and thus, after so many futile meetings
and tragic misadventures
in a domestic UK situation,
I decided to spread my wings
and so I logged on to an Australian website
for lonely kangaroo lovers
yes it was www.blackstump-legover.com.au
where no holes were barred.
And I soon struck up a promising friendship
with someone who sounded like
a real goer, a total slapper,
with no morals whatsover
judging from the photo she posted
taken with a mobile phone
up her skirt
which showed her **muffin *****
as well as what she had eaten
for breakfast yesterday,
poking its head out.
We finally agreed to meet
behind the old dunny
in the park where the abos go
to exchange their social security vouchers
for crack *******
or a bottle of Castlemain XXXX
or a quick one up each others' bots
in spite of the pong
on a sunny arvo.
You can imagine how effing disappointed
I was when she arrived
on a trailer attached to her grandson's ute
strapped to a battered gurney
(and almost insensate)
but still ready for a bit of backdoor action
but not from me, no sirree,
thank you very much mate:
I might be desperate, but
I would have had to have
clipped my nose shut with a clothes peg
to get anywhere near her
and my gag reflex simply couldn't cope.
So I bravely dragged the gurney
over to the convenient gap
in the fence overlooking the mighty ravine
and with a gentle shove
I sent her to that sweet place
where peace can be found
and I can still hear her scream
as she bounced off the rocks
accusing me of being illegitimate
before silence reigned
and I smiled in joy.
It only goes to show, O my friends,
that there are female dogs
of the most hideous kind
on every sodding continent
on this dear planet of ours;
and I may as well stick to
a handful of Nivea cream
and a Kleenex, at least the odour
is wholesome.
Sep 29, 2015
Sep 29, 2015 at 11:32 AM UTC
Here I stand upon this stop,
It's my ritual every day,
With all the other zombies,
Tired and looking grey,
The thought of public transport,
Irritates my brain,
As the bus arrives at my stop,
Packed like a commuter train,
The usual faces look away,
Thinking please don't sit with me,
I park my **** upon their bags,
I pretend I didn't see,
The huffing and the puffing,
People late for work,
The woman sitting next to me,
Thinking...he's an effing ****
Trying not to look at her,
Or the hairy man in front,
I look at the condensation,
As her elbow gives a shunt,
Getting up from my seat,
Needs balance and an awkward grin,
The bus brakes late upon this stop,
As she heels me in the shin,
My eyes welling up,
As I let out a massive ****
The poor old lady gags,
Pulling up her winters scarf,
Embarrassed by my actions,
I pressed the button quick,
The odour travelled up my nose,
I think that i'll be sick
Fighting past the commuters,
Trying to get some air,
I knew it was too late....
Throwing up on some ladies hair,
So now I drive to work,
Past the Bus Stop that she waits,
We are married with two children,
Some people call it fate,
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 5:13 PM UTC
bzzz bzzz goes the cell phone
****
it reads
My reply
Shush, we're not talking
about you. Movie n wine
at home later? Maybe
jacuzzi?
bzzz
Mmm ill call u love. Im
tired and cant be out late.
I have work 8am to 7pm :\
wow, ain't that lame
to which I say
:-\ ok
a few minutes later on
and I text again
I love you. Im sorry for
being sulky. I just miss
you and really just want
to see you.
there it goes again
I miss you too i love you
so effing much
:-( only 2 days but its felt
like an eternity
Agreed
and then poetry
gets the better of me
My love. You leave me an
empty vessel when you
are away. A ship without
sails. The sun without a
sky.
Her reply comes
Hunny :)
followed up quick
Im going to make this an
early night
Ouch that hurts
Caught me off guard
Do I be sad?
Or do I be smooth?
I cant even talk you into a
quick yogurt session? Ill
drive. Just there and back.
my phone rattles back
Im grumpy tired and
waking up early lovebaby
shoot quick
And I can put you to bed
w a smile on your face :)
Be a little more specific
:)
oh god
and here comes the barage
A back rub, a massage. A
head rub, a hug. A kiss, a
squeeze. Lets just say
that this lil finger went to
market.
And as Ive said, I just
want to see my baby. So I
apologize if Im being
pushy. Ive missed you
more that ever this last
day.
Hehe lovebaby *** youre
adorable
Adorable enough to get
you to agree to a quick
trip to yogurt or
something? Pretty please
w a cherry on top?
Youre.sweet and tempting
like.a cherry :) lovebaby
lets watch the snow fall
one day
Well then have a lil taste
of the cherry. It promises
to have you home by
11:45 :-)
Gah golly u make this
hard
And here it goes
full blown
oh god
oh no
Say yes and it wont be
hard. Say yes and know
you made me the
happiest boy ever. Say
yes and know you get to see
your love. Say yes and
know that my eyes will
twinkle like your own
personal stars tonite. I
miss you :-(
Jack. I love you
One more desperation push
I love you too baby.
What have you got to
lose? And Im sorry Im
hassling you. I really
really miss you.
and then the minutes drag on
a few and then ten
maybe a few more and
Im sorry, Ill stop. I hope
you have a good nite.
Sleep well love. I miss
you.
and then
there it is
I love you
I love you too baby. Im
sorry for being crazy.
and time stretches on
the beats grow long
and in reply
Ill call u whn im home
Aug 6, 2010
Aug 6, 2010 at 9:26 AM UTC
I’ve dreamed I was falling asleep
And shaking myself to keep awake.
There’s only so much weirdness
And crap a poor dreamer can take.
It was all involved with friends you see
That I don’t see now, because they
Were stranger than my dreams
Or maybe I was. Back in the day.
I would be partying with them
And walking remembered streets
But I’d look around and everybody
Found other people to go meet.
Then suddenly the Hollywood
I knew and loved for twenty years
Became Kansas City boulevards
And Hollywood totally disappears.
Or maybe I’m coming home
At the end of a tiring long day
And look around, find myself
Saying, no way. No effing way;
This is not my apartment!
It’s fine, I kind of like the place
But someone is pulling a joke
The housekeeping is a disgrace.
Then someone would come in
Who I was supposed to know
And this chick is my roommate?
Oh, no. This woman has got to go.
But before I can get my head
Wrapped around standing up
My family is there too, cooking
Handing me a steaming hot cup.
Well,, now I can’t offend them
So, I sit my *** back down.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful
Like some unfunny kind of clown.
****** I leave to go for a walk
Thinking I am in Tucson but then
This is the Country Club Plaza
And I’m back in Kansas City again.
One time I was building something,
Under an expensive sort of contract
But none of the sub-contractors
Or the assistants knew how to act.
They were putting the thing together
Like a Rube Goldberg machine.
I was going ballistic on them all;
The ugliest thing I had ever seen.
These are the dreamworlds for me
On a regular, but often bizarre basis.
Streets change while walking
And people I know change their faces.
Or I am tasked to do something
Involving technology or looming mass
I end up getting no help at all
And wind up falling right on my ***
Nov 17, 2015
Nov 17, 2015 at 3:53 AM UTC
Be loud and be proud
be quiet and keep to yourself
be upfront and demanding
be reserved and stay together
be beautiful and pretty
be hot and ****
be dainty and quaint
and rock the **** world.
Be you.
Be whoever you are comfortable being.
Don't let them tell you to shut up
don't let them tell you to talk more
don't let them tell you you're a *****
or that you're too nice.
Don't let them tell you you can't be beautiful, pretty, hot and **** **** all at once
because you know what?
You are.
Don't let them tell you to be rougher
don't let them tell you to be ladylike.
You are mother-effing lady
and you get to decide what that means.
May 29, 2016
May 29, 2016 at 12:08 AM UTC
And i don't own a piano to blame for my drinking
But there's something about an Irish summer sky
That smiles like Luke Kelly with a tear in his eye
Ballads of clouds float over a burning blue desire
You could travel the world having never got higher
A slab of Polish cans cobbled from a cities loose change
This place is our kingdom, this place is a cage
Never feeling so trapped, never living so free
As when I set you down at our favored midday tree
Where a charm of magpies promise silver and gold
And us two more, with secrets long since told
Effing and blinding for all that we've missed
Soon to forget how long its been since we've kissed
And i swear to you darling, we'll never see the dark
This here sun, stay true to us beggars of Arthur's Quay Park
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 4:35 PM UTC
Everyone's been talking about how
the universe will either expand
indefinite cold star death
or collapse and then repeat itself
meanwhile i'm a slave proper
in every sense of the word physical
bound to the elements hunger
a criminal for speaking my thoughts aloud
a loud or a soft noise unheard
unseen and unknown and unthinkable
still I would try to define it
humanity, always effing the ineffable
i'm one and apart and the same all the same
the universe cloaked in name after name
every man and woman a star
in their own drama melodrama how dramatic
i am in a word addict
again you might say i'm back at it
rhyming with rhythm but static
sense or nonsense and i've had it
Aug 30, 2019
Aug 30, 2019 at 11:43 PM UTC
In my mind
It's pouring rain
And my conscience is
This young yet worn out man
Who stands there, idly getting drenched
And as he ponders the irony of this cruel world,
He turns mad and is overcome by a crazy fit of laughter.
This "crazy" man finally came to the biggest question:
What's the meaning of it all?
He realized the answer pretty quick:
Nothing at effing all.
Yet here he is, in his empty vessel
That I call "me"
And all that's left to do in this storm
Is for him to stand there, being pelted by rain,
Letting his head fall back and laughing loud with the thunder.
Apr 3, 2016
Apr 3, 2016 at 5:03 PM UTC
I
expression for not in my culture
take it all slice of alternate
-universe
all height it all is all talks at last
II
it happened to the fuel what was
need to power it the apparatus I
-needed a
time machine if im ever going to
be anything other than this effing
nun I have to go back do something
take some action wrap again crepe
paper around the limbs nail christ to
the wall I want one of those when I
-come back
a hard body pantries full of fuel
have to go back and snort the hologram
ignore the urge to change my name to
-at the end of the world
III
-sinkholes
opened up next to a chrysler
wormhole to no-work-day to
a little late for the rodeo we
set an orange cone there its
raining underground where
- the circus
is an all year thing an
elephant jumps a pink horse
sings my mothers evil step
mother tells me not to wear
******* and tights at the
same time I think thats
nasty I tell about papas
-aliens
she says its his fault her
birth control failed now she
has to ask him for money
IV
the middle fuzzy like a
-peach colored
static bloom I believed you
were better and now I would pay to
waterfall over paint samples
-dissolute
stand solid in the end of the world
glasses full of muck fell off an
escalator got a scar in the shape
of a stiletto or maybe an asteroid
-they think of
a knife what cuts in the trim this
riddlin man this feral cat living
-life
on a soft backseat
oh and the driver
-being translucent
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 1:31 PM UTC
Let's cut out our tongues.
We'll hang them from the empty wires in my backyard and
dance around them like soulless heathens or
wear them around our necks in remembrance of
the days we spent too much time talking
and not enough time touching
or loving.
We'll throw them away or
feed them to the dogs that live in the alley by that park next to the highway because
We don't need them!
We don't want them!
To speak,
We'll stare-- and blink in rhythms:
One blink, "I love you."
Two blinks, "I miss you."
Three blinks, "Stop effing blinking, you're freaking me out."
Right wink, "Hi darling, how was your day?"
Left wink, "It was marvelous, and now it's even better because you're here."
--That's all we ever say anyway.
To kiss,
We'll turn out the lights and
hold our heads together like puzzle pieces and
breathe each other's faces off,
taking turns drowning in
unwanted exhales.
--That's all we ever do anyway.
Oct 4, 2012
Oct 4, 2012 at 6:19 PM UTC
you take the the money i sweat blood for
pry the coins from my starved fingers
shake my pleas from your pant-leg
as you walk away flipping the papers.
i talk endlessly to paralysed specialists
i type to infinity about the injustice of it
i threaten and shout
i worry and budget even tighter
i am the nothingness
greasing the cogs of your profit
with the blood of my suffering
my bones the pillars of your success.
**** you
MTN
I will chain my body
to the doors of your evil abode
and not move untill i am appeased!!
Apr 1, 2010
Apr 1, 2010 at 2:06 AM UTC
This is not really a poem, but a song...
It's a corny little song for saying goodbye to everyone.
VI:
Goodbye,
We’ll meet again,
I’ve said it so many times.
That’s why
There’s no pain,
It’s ok, I don’t hurt inside.
You might
Forget my name,
But I’ll still recognize on sight.
That’s why,
I’ll say this
One more effing time...
Ch:
Goodbye and farewell
I’ll see you someday
In a year or maybe 12.
See you soon and au revoir
I’ll miss you some days
And I won’t on others.
VII:
So why
Bother to cry?
I’m not exactly dead.
I’ll try
To dream you at night
To call you so you won’t fret.
Let’s defy
The social norm
And still be our best friends.
That’s why
I’ll say this
From miles away this time...
Ch:
Goodbye and farewell
I’ll see you someday
In a year or maybe twelve.
See you soon and au revoir
I’ll miss you some days
And I won’t on others.
The VIDEO is here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRkNhYhkSb4
Watch so you know what it sounds like :)
Mar 31, 2010
Mar 31, 2010 at 8:46 PM UTC
While wandering on a local beach
Half buried in **** and sand,
The sparkle of something caught my eye
The shape of an old tin can.
I kicked it loose from entangling ****
And saw there was something within,
A colourful creature there indeed,
An octopus in a tin.
I thought it cute so I took it home
To put in the garden pond,
Then added salt for a briny mix
So it wouldn’t think to abscond.
It swam on out of the tin to feed
And seized on a goldfish there,
I said to Diane, ‘He has a need,’
While she just tore at her hair.
‘What were you thinking?’ Diane said,
‘It’ll eat all the fish we’ve got,’
‘They’re only a couple of bucks,’ I said,
‘I’ll get some more at the shop.’
He settled right in, our strangest pet,
And cost us to feed the least,
I said that I’d name the tinker, ‘Jet’,
Diane just called him ‘The Beast’.
He started to grow, outgrew his can,
So settled down in the depths,
He couldn’t be seen for thick pondweed,
Diane said,’It’s for the best.’
The dog would bark when The Beast came up,
Would stand there, wagging his tail.
We loved that dog, though barely a pup,
Then Diane began to wail.
‘It’s eaten the effing dog,’ she said,
Her language was more than coarse,
And Rin-Tin-Tin in the pond was skin,
She said, ‘Keep it away from my horse!’
I poked around in the pool for him
Just trying to make him rise,
He bit the end of my pole clean off,
He must have grown to a size.
She said I had to stop feeding him
But that only made it worse,
He looked for food, and he got the cat
As it chased a couple of birds.
Diane was walking down by the pond
When I suddenly heard her scream,
A tentacle wrapped around her leg
It looked like a nightmare scene.
I tried my best to peel it away
The octopus was too strong,
Diane went struggling over the edge
And fell right into the pond,
It took her down to the lower depths
And ate her, clean to the bone,
I tell this tale, so you won’t forget,
Don’t take an octopus home.
David Lewis Paget
May 13, 2017
May 13, 2017 at 8:48 AM UTC