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Christina L Oct 18
i still talk about you like im coming home to you
i still act like ill see you later
i still mention your name in all my conversations
i still think about you in everything i do

i still wish you were my boyfriend
Christina L Oct 18
what if we tried again?
what if we started over?
what if we got coffee and introduced ourselves all over again?
would you find me attractive? would you think i was beautiful? would you feel your heart skip beats like you said you did before?
would i be funny? would you laugh at my stories?
would you be nervous? would you shift in your seat and pick at your nails, squirming when we made eye contact?
would i be enough? would you leave thinking you'd want to see me again? or would you say that was nice, and move on?
what if we stayed friends? what if we hung out a lot, studied together, did stupid **** together?
what if it was like it was before without any titles?
would you fall back in love with me?
would you watch me when I laughed, turn back to look at me when I left?
what if while we're friends you find someone new?
what if she hates me?
what if she wants me out of your life?
would you leave?
would i be alone?
what if you fall in love with me and I've moved on? what if we're in a cycle of missed opportunities all because I ****** it up the first time?
these what ifs are killing me and i know maybe they might be killing you too.
I can't tell if you're thinking about me,
you've always remained a bit of a mystery to me.
I'm going to **** my brain thinking about the what if's that I can't control.
what if
what if
what if

what if i still love you and I'm never going to get to hold you again?
Christina L Dec 2017
You were hungry for me,
The sweet taste of skin and love.
You were searching for me,
Grasping me tight when you found me.
You were begging for me,
Don’t go, you pleaded, my heart is yours.

So what happened?

For now, my skin is dry without your love to cleanse it,
My body is crumpled on the floor,
Used and now forgotten.
And now you say,
Don’t go... but I won’t beg for you to stay.
Christina L Dec 2016
Your tears on my neck
my sobs on yours
your sniffle and gasp for air
my shaky hands and gripping arms
your hand holding onto mine
not letting me go
and then pulling me for another hug
another kiss
Just one more
and then another
if we keep this up
I won't have to say goodbye.
Christina L Aug 2016
like he's an angel,
a majestic being who's flown down from the sky
to bring promises and good news.

She looks at him
with love in her eyes,
she can't take them off of him
because she's so in love with him.

She looks at him
begging to be noticed, to be loved, to be seen.
She looks at him,
but his eyes are on something else.
Christina L Aug 2016
The tingles his fingers send when they cross along my skin,
the feeling of relaxation when his fingers are in my hair,
the feeling of my stomach in my throat when he just looks at me
with those "I think I love you" eyes.

He makes me feel everything wonderful in just the second where he winks at me.
He makes me wonder if all the heartbreak, all the tears in my pillows, all the loneliness, the hurt...
maybe it was all worth it.
Christina L Aug 2016
Have I mentioned I love you?
I know I did 5 seconds ago,
but I wanted to make sure.
Because I say it all the time in my head,
whenever I'm looking at you,
whenever you do something silly or dumb,
whenever you grin or smirk,
all I can think about in my head is
I love you.

Have I mentioned I miss you?
I know I've probably said it 20 times today
in a little green bubble on my phone,
but it pops in my head with everything that happens.
I'll be sitting in the car and something will remind me that
I miss you,
or I'll be laughing a joke someone told and it'll remind that
I miss you,
or I'll just be looking at old photos and videos and it'll remind me that
I miss you.

Have I mentioned I need you?
I don't know if I tell you enough,
because every moment of my day is spent thinking about you.
If you walk away,
you can walk away with my heart,
if you find someone better,
give them my heart so you don't have to get hurt,
my heart is broken anyways,
but you've been fixing it since you got here.
Knowing that,
reminds me all the time that
I need you.

Have I mentioned I love you?
Because I really do and I want to make sure you know that.
I love you despite the ups and downs,
I love you despite the distance,
I love you despite all the other boys in the universe.
I love you.
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