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Belle 5d
i found stretch marks on my body the other day
i started slapping at them as tears ran down my face.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
but now all i can think about is what men will think of the red streaks on my hips and legs
how i wont be pretty anymore
ugly.
so effing ugly.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
they're natural, but i wouldnt have gotten them if i didnt gain a drastic amount
i cant see past them.
i weighed myself again, too.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
theres more coming
i see more everyday
i cant wear bikinis anymore
i cant have *** anymore
i want to rip off my skin.
"i am okay."
"i am recovered."
"they dont matter"
Belle May 15
feeling lonely
less a part
my sanity left when this started
its so sad
because I'm sociable
its so sad
because my desires involve being with others
its so sad
because outside is a danger now
and how i thrive is going out and seeing people
going to public areas
talking at bars
socializing at restaurants
its so sad
because i don't know when this will end
quarantine has ****** me
and its so sad
please just end
Belle Apr 10
i remember this time years ago where the trees were full
i look at pictures and the trees have green beauty
now i look outside and they are naked
as my soul screeches i feel exposed,
just as the trees do
the wind blows and it goes right through them
if it's strong enough it will knock them down
a bird cannot hide
a bird cannot be protected
a bird cannot make a nest
without something disturbing it
i feel for the trees
they're ruined!
once a long time ago the trees were beautiful and full
they now sit,
barren and troubled.
i am the trees
Belle Feb 20
****
****
****
****
i have lost myself
and i hate you so much
but i hate myself more
why did i let this happen
Belle Feb 20
she was like cedar
astonishing, but delicate.
a nice mixture of things.
i'd say
but also easily dented and calloused
her eyes made of oceans
never know how deep they go
her voice,
a melody on its own
a simple song
a lullaby
she was like a doe
graceful and elegant
but easily shot down
huntee
as if i was the hunter
a treasure
worth more than the whole world in my hands
and i,
was the asteroid
Belle Jan 26
i spoke to you again today
just a few texts
but it was enough to make me question my sanity
of leaving you
and finding someone else
no one could love me the way you did
somehow it felt right
but every time i hear from you
i dont know
its so painful.
youre so painful.
everything is so
painful.
thats why i took myself away from you
you were my drug and i was addicted
but it became too much
but just like drugs, youll want to go back
and i am questioning my sobriety more than ever.
****
Belle Dec 2019
its christmas and the only gift i want is to lose weight
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