Wala ba akong karapatan mapagod?
Rinig na rinig ko ang hiyaw ng aking kaluluwa
HIGA KA, HIGA KA, HIGA
PIKIT KA, PIKIT KA, PIKIT
IDLIP KA MUNA, KAIBIGAN
Gustong-gusto ko, pero hindi pwede

Dinadaan ko na lang sa tula ang kapaguran ko
Dinadaan ko na lang sa tula ang sakit
Dinadaan na lang sa biro at libog
Sa halakhak at ngiti
Sa mga sigawan at kwentuhan
Sa kalungkutan at panloloko sa sarili
Ito'y ang aking araw-araw

HIGA KA, HIGA KA, HIGA
PIKIT KA, PIKIT KA, PIKIT
IDLIP KA MUNA, KAIBIGAN
Kay sarap isipin
Kay sakit marinig
Pero sana'y makahiga, pikit, at idlip rin

At kahit minsan sana'y
Maramdaman ko ulit
Ang tunay na kapayapaan

I'm dreaming again
I kissed you and you kissed me
We both felt the aftertaste
Of coffee in our mouths

Lo and behold! The idiot has returned
      The people ask why
      I shrug and head turn

There he walks with his idiot stance
      I watch him angrily
      As he does his dumb prance

I remember his mind, so simple but true
      We talked a lot in the past
      I think his IQ is less than two

Great Scott! I cry for this hurts me so
      He should be executed
      Or have his ******* cut off for show

I am filled with anger every time he breathes
      How did he live this long?
      He should just stand in a busy street

Alas, there is nothing I can do
      What a shame
       I think he needs some counseling too

Good grief! I don't thinks his parents did well
      Raising a half-wit delinquent
      Oh isn't that just swell?

May this be a warning to you and to all
      Be wary of idiots
      For their brains are small

I spent my days staring at her
Contemplating her beauty
Missing lessons left and right
Failing quizzes and the like

I used my spare time thinking about her
Us having picnics on hills
Staring lovingly into her eyes
Her face radiating in the sunlight

I imagined our waking hours
In our house by the beach
Opening our eyes so sluggishly
Exchanging smiles, her and me

I stopped daydreaming and thought
Of the dark reality
I imagined all the way
And let her slip away

I wish I could say more,
But I could only say less.
So here is a poem for you
I will not jest.

I wish you a long life
And a good one too
I wish you excitement
So you'd have something to do

I wish you good health
One that will not expire
For in these times
The need for health is dire

I wish you a world
Wherein nobody would hate
Such a beautiful person such as you
On whatever date

I wish you happiness
Unlike me who is sad
I'd want you to live
Without regretting the life you have had

Finally, I wish you love
One that will last lifetimes
A love so powerful and strong
That it can slow down your time

Happy birthday

I went through the sidewalk on Pedro Gil and Taft
The blaring red and green traffic lights
Sort of obscured the view through my spectacles
In the early Manila evening

The smell of cancer in the air
Complimented the noise of the jeeps
That raced through the intersection
As the sun slowly sunk at the sight of the moon

I saw faces less and less
As the broken street lamps flickered
Some people were minding their own business
Others shouted and laughed in the street

I saw people gripping onto their bags
Like they gripped onto their lives, because the city is never safe
Especially at the dusk
Where all the thieves come out to play

The noise may reach above heaven
And the air may be as ***** as the sewers
But there is no other place
That I would consider home

Some girls were stars,
But she was the universe
I wanted my hand in hers

Her glow was that of comets
And her heart was the sun
Her light you could never outrun

The Big Bang occurred in my heart
And instead of galaxies there was love
Through the universe my heart was shoved

She was light-years of work
I couldn't stop thinking of her face
But what remains in my hand is space

I loved you.
What did I get for it?
Nothing but depression

I wanted you so badly
That I would beg and plead to God
Every Sunday at church

I was like a child,
Asking my mother for the one lollipop
That was on the counter at the grocery

Then I think again
After a long time
"Was it worth it?"

I then remember
That I didn't even like the flavor
It was the worst flavor

It was the worst of all
But I still wanted it
Because I was blind

I cried
Because she never bought it
And I wanted that one

I then imagined
What I would do
If my mother had bought it

With my childlike mind,
I would have been overjoyed
To merely have it in my hand

But with who I am now,
I would've tossed it to the ground
And crushed it with my heel

This is what you have done to me
Feel better?
Me neither.

You are Monday
I don't look forward to you
But I have no choice

I hate you so much
But I cannot get away
For you are a part of life

My soul aches
Because you hurt me
And I can't escape

I despise your presence
But because of you
I look forward to Friday

It is the eve of the dawn of a new time
Tonight I fill myself
With any alcoholic drink
To curb the curses this year has given

I'm sad again like always
So I'll be drinking to forget
All the memories that hurt
And all the problems I have

I wish you a Happy New Year
And may you find your happiness
While I find mine
In a shot glass

"It’s the things we love most, that destroy us."**
Is the quote that keeps resonating in my head.
I heard it in last night's movie
And it fills me up with dread.

I can say it's true
Since I've experienced it once or twice.
It has frozen my heart solid
What moves through my veins now is ice.

How would it be like to die in a gutter?
A gutter made of cold pavement
That slowly grows warmer and warmer
As I lay down and feel the life drain out of the pores of my skin
A gutter with stagnant water turned green
By whatever the hell makes stagnant water green

Some nights I see myself dying in a gutter
I feel the warm blood rush out of my mouth
And the icy gutter slime on my right shoulder
Both of them cooling my skin, one more than the other

I watch cars full of people
Who don't care enough to help a dying man
Pass by my side as I die sluggishly
With their rubber necks and undeaf ears

I don't want to die in a gutter
I would never want to die in a gutter,
But if there is peace and silence in dying in one
Let the cars pass

The cold mountain air nips at my cheeks
While I sit on the cold grass of this *****
I can feel the chills poke my skin like needles
And crawl down my spine like spiders
But the chills aren't worse than the cold feeling in my chest
Because you aren't here by my side

My heart is a planet
Or was
Because now it's
An asteroid belt
That floats
Ceaselessly
Around the sun
The bright star
That is you

Much can happen
In the space
Between the marks
Of the seconds
On a clock

The world could turn
Into a murky brown puddle
Of **** and shitstains
That dirties the boots
Of all the people
On the way to work
Or home to the wife
And twelve kids

The room with white walls
Slowly but surely
Turns to one with black walls
That sweat dark pearls
That melt the doorknob,
Block the windows,
And cover the door

The bubbles in the bath
Burst and leave clear water
That hold your floating filth
In microscopic specks
And the flickering light
Flirts with you
To dip your head and fall asleep
In the fading warmth

If I could hold you
And never let go
I would do that

To feel the warmth
Of your body on mine
Is soothing and serene
Like tea on a cold morning
Or whiskey on a winter night

The feeling of your breath
On the bare skin of my shoulders
Shifts my heartbeat into high gear
And fills my mind with electricity
Making me realize that life is good
After years of thinking it was hell

Most men run like clockwork.
Each piece is relevant to the system.
Alas, I am different.
I am a clock, like all other men,
But I am filled with broken parts:
Broken gears, broken hands,
And broken everything else.
I can no longer move forward in time
For my hands are stuck
Cursed to tell and retell one minute.

Why would the clockmaker
Turn me into a monstrosity?
Is this a punishment for my sins
Or is it a challenge I cannot win?
Am I broken to start with
Or is this a cruel joke?
I wish not to retell the same time
Because it is a time that haunts me.
A time that has brought me grief.
Fix me, so I may not be stuck.

What hurts worse than loving
Is losing
Not a lover, but a friend.

They always say "bros before hoes,"
But what if you didn't get the ***
And your bros left too?

What's wrong with this world?
It's full of broken promises and bonds.
I know the feeling all to well.

I'm on the search for fame
Because I don't want the world to bury me

I'm on the search for love
Because I don't want to be buried alone

I'm on the search for an answer
Because I know there's more to life

I'm on the search for happiness
Because I want to go out with a smile

I'm on the search for everything
Because I want to live life to the fullest.

I miss you so much

I miss you too

I want you so badly right now

Me too, darling...

I miss holding you
And your presence
And your voice

I miss the smell of your perfume
I miss your hands
I miss running my fingers through your hair

I miss the taste of your lips
And the warmth of your skin
I miss your eyes and their depth

I miss you entirely

I miss your being around me

******** it, Lorenzo

I watched her everyday

                                  like a movie

                           but I knew


                                                               that there was more depth in the book.

I'm running on Bacardi
Drinking like a slob at this party
My heart reaches for her hand
But only on the bottle does it land
I pour another cup of drink
And into a mattress I sink
Thinking just of her
As the world around me blurs
My heart twists and turns
While my esophagus burns
My face goes numb
And now I am drunk

The phases of matter all turn into one
When her lips touch mine
It burns like a thousand supernovas
And freezes like the vaccuum of space

The stars spill bright light through the invisble river
That holds no air in the darkness

The cheek of her face brushing mine
Fills me with the feeling
Of my heart when I see crescent moons

I can't wait to float away
Into the bright swirling stars
In the distance
With nobody but you

And maybe when we do that
We'll feel the stars pull us back
Like on starships

Pass, people, pass
People pass my field of vision
Different people
Some smart, some dumb
Mostly people
Sometimes a dog
Sometimes a cat
A few birds here and there
But mostly people
Old people
Young people
Mostly disgusting people

People like the young people
Who go home to their disgusting houses
And their disgusting families
To eat their dinner
And after
(On some nights)
Mommy and daddy
Discuss politics
Over a bottle of red wine
While the TV soap operas cry
About a gangster's child or whatnot

The trees dance as I think
As I think about the young people
The disgusting young people
The trees dance as the people pass
Dance, trees, dance
Pass, people, pass

People like the old people
Who work at dead-end jobs
And those with non-dead-end jobs
The ones who legally buy alcohol and smokes
And pay disgusting bills
And pay off disgusting loans
And disgusting mortgages
While they drink their alcohol
While they smoke their cigarettes
And think about bills, loans, and mortgages
About politics and where they stand
About the gangster's child on TV
And they talk about the bills, loans, and mortgages
Politics too
To their wives or husbands or kids or selves
As the TV drones on about the gangster's child

The trees stand as I think
As I think about the old people
The disgusting old people
The trees stand as people pass
Stand, trees, stand
Pass, people, pass

Honestly, I'm too lazy to read long poems,
But I can't stop writing them so
I can sympathize.

All I want is to talk
Again like old times,
But I'm so full anger.

You wrote to me once.
You told me to never forget you
Forgetting you is impossible.

I think about you everyday
Even if I don't want you
I couldn't forget you if I tried.

You're a lost cause,
But I'm trying to fight
Even if it means dying

Just shoot me already.
You already took out my heart.
Finish me off.

Please I'm begging you,
Just end me
Because I don't want to live like this.

Maybe she sees
Gentle rays of the sun
Glimmer from my face
Just like how I see her:
The light in the darkness
Of life's obscure fog

I wonder if she feels
The warm summer breeze
That would slowly blow
Upon her soft cheeks
Whenever I speak
The same breeze I feel
When she tells me
Nothings and somethings

I hope she feels
The slight glow
Of white moonlight
When my arms wrap around her
The very same glow
Whenever her arms
Lock themselves behind me
Sending me a message
To never let her go

I wish she forgets seeing
The heavy rains
That flood the roads on my face
Whenever I asked
If I were enough for her
Or if I were too much to handle

I wish she understands
The cyclones in my head
That clap thunder and flash lightning
Whenever the anger in me
Boils the chaotic saltwater
And creates tsunamis
In the vast ocean of my mind

I wish she forgives me
For the hailstorms in my words
That fall to the ground
And break like glass shards
That shatter windows and roofs
And car windshields and windows

I am a force of nature

I am jealous
Because he is the poison
In your bloodstream

He is the darkness
That haunts you at 2 AM
When you're falling asleep

I wish to be the one
Who keeps you up at night
Making you think of ruined futures

The world around me has always been gray
The buildings, the trees, the skies, and the people
Have always been duller than the blade
I used to cut myself with

Now I see the world in bright colors
Because you came in and painted it all
From corner to corner to corner to corner
And you filled in every detail
And every spot that was bleak

Darling, when the colors in your life fade,
Remember that I will always be there
To bring back all of the lost vibrance
And add a lot more

The way she smiled
At the sight of
Pretty glass bottles
And things like honey
Always amused me

She sees so much good in this world
And she is slowly teaching me how to

I miss the air in your apartment
The scent of you and city air fills it up
The calm and the chaos in every inhale

I miss the warm days with cool breeze
Where your lips descended upon mine
And our tongues ran in each others' mouths
Like wild horses over grassy hills

I miss the cool nights with warm breeze
Where our minds ascended into the stars
While bottles of craft beer and odd mixes
Gradually declined into emptiness

I miss you.

I wanna talk to you
Like I'm yours and you're mine
Slow deep conversations
At two in the morning

Us traveling the world
Like we're birds in the breeze
Exploring all the bumps
And the cracks on Earth's face

Hearing your soft whispers
Say "I love you" at night
While the world is asleep
And enveloped in dark

Your lips and mine touching
As fireworks light the sky
Burning bright memories
In our lives' pages

I was reading old texts again
Or at least what little is left.
How I wish we could go back
To the time we talked til morning.

Typing on our phones
Like time didn't exist.
Sending texts
Like it was world's end.

We'd talk of nothing,
But something at the same time
I don't know if I forced you
Or if you truly did want to speak.

The past can bring joy and pain,
And now I'm in both.
I wish we still texted each other
Because I sort of miss you.

I wish my lips could touch yours
Like the ones before me had done
It would be a great privilege
As if it were something given by God

I stand here longing for your hands
For them to wrap around mine
I long for your own heat and sweat
To meld into my own

I stare into your eyes hoping they stare back
I want to see your soul in its quintessence
I want to see your flaws and shortcomings
And fall for every one of them

Come with me
Through the noise
And the disarray

The deafening tones
Of screaming children
And dying adults
(Millennials probably
We both know
That they never
Shut up)

The world
Around ourselves
Is a path
Of broken glass
Atop coal embers,
So I beg you
To hold my hand
And walk through them
With me

Late nights haunt me
With memories of old conversations
With people I used to know

I remember the ways
I used to look at them
And how dumb I was
And how dumb they were

The names and faces
Old friends and would-have-been lovers
Ring and ring into my head like church bells
Before the Sunday mass would start

They echo in the halls of my mind
Like noise in school corridors
Or cars honking in parking lots
Or even guns at a shooting range

I live with these ghosts
Who sing about the friendly insults
And misunderstandings
And shattered hearts

May God be with me.

I want you to fall for me,
So I can hurt you
Just as much as you did me
I want you to feel
Your heart burst like a balloon
On a sunny day
I want you to be in tears
Of sadness, not joy
And watch you cry your heart out
In hopes I'd  turn 'round
Cruel they seem, my thoughts now,
But you did the same
The morning you turned your back
I was born again
Into who you see today
If you want the old me back
You will have to dig
Because he was buried deep
In his now dead heart
The heart you stomped on back then
The one in the dirt
My poor, beat up, dead, black heart
How I wish daily
That my heart beat like before
So I could love more
But it is impossible
For it lost the fight
I want you to fall for me,
So I can crush you
Until your **** heart gives out
And you cry to sleep
For the rest of your **** life

You once told me
That we would rise from the dark
Like a phoenix in its own ashes
And I believed you

You talked about the beauty of the past
Of caves and of their drawings
How the past calls us to use it
A fiery sword to lead us to the light
And I believed you

You showed me that my art could be more
That there should always be meaning
That there should always be soul
And so I gave my art more life
More soul
And I believed in you

Each line you drew
Each black acrylic spiral
Each word you wrote on canvas
Were similar to mine, in a way
The way the words repeated over and over
Were similar to mine
Were similar to mine
Were similar to mine
And I believed in you

Each line you drew
Each black acrylic spiral
Each word you wrote on canvas
Were similar to mine, in a way
But yours were never yours to begin with
They were Basquiat's
They were Basquiat's
They were Basquiat's
And I couldn't believe it

You showed me that my art could be more
That there should always be meaning
That there should always be soul
And so here it is
With more soul than you will ever have
I hate that you made me believe in you

You talked about the beauty of the past
But never talked of the horrors of your own
And now approaches the fiery sword
To strike you down like the demon you are
And I believe you deserve to rot

You once told me
That we would rise from the dark
Like a phoenix in its own ashes
And I believed you
But now I believe that you don't deserve to

I don't think I'll write about how your hair flows in the wind
And how I worship it like the flag of my country

I'm not going to write about how your dark eyes fill me with vigor
And how they turn my dark soul white

I'm not authoring a poem about your voice
Filling the air with the sweet notes from Apollo's lyre

I'm not going to pen down anything about your sweet smile
The smile that can end wars and famine

I won't write you for Valentine's
I might reconsider it though

Burning passion, gentle movements, and unwavering precision
Are only three sets of words that describe her
She moved en pointe with her ink-dipped shoes and wrote herself down on the pages of my existence
Delicate cursive appeared across the blank, unlined leaves
Creating soothing poetry amidst all the chaotic rants in the pages before
I watched as each step, throw, and turn add new words to the narrative
The spotlight followed her every movement as she floated across the stage
Jotting down line after line of her calming words

The lights faded after she ended the fourth stanza
And she was greeted with thunderous applause by the voices in my head
I could see her silhouette dance slowly on the unlit stage
She spun for what seemed like hours before the lights came back on

There she stood

The once pure and clean ballerina in white was drenched in blood and ink
She moved aggressively and without remorse painting rough lines on the soft syllables she'd written for me
Her eyes glowed with unholy strength as she knelt upon my pages
And ripped them from one corner to the other, tearing the book's spine
All I  could do was stare at her as she smiled at her work
And silently exit stage left

I remember the night we met
We kissed in the dark, dim lights
Of a public parking lot
We held hands, fingers intertwined

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember holding you tight
Half my body hanging off
The back seat of my X-Trail
The kisses were worth the back pain

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember falling in love
Actually, I didn't
I made the choice to love you
I thought I got it right for once

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I told myself I could get used to it
Loving you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And outside of dark, dim parking lot lights
I never should have gotten used to it

I thought you didn't like smokers
You stopped me everytime I started
I always understood why you did though
You hated the lingering scent of burnt cancer
You despised the fact I smelled like your father
When I went up close to kiss your cheeks
You didn't want me to leave you
Because you wanted to grow old with me

I stopped when you told me to
I threw packs in the garbage
I stayed away from my habit
All because I loved you
And because I didn't wanna hurt you
I couldn't bear the thought of you crying
At my bedside
As my lungs gave out
And I chose to stop turning my lungs black
So I could live longer
So I could marry you
So I could grow old with you

When he came along
I couldn't possibly think he would replace me
Even though you looked at him the way you did me
Even though I felt like a third wheel
Even though you talked about him to me
With hearts in your eyes
Mainly because he smoked
But he did replace me

What was the point of everything you told me?

She's half a heart
Because you took more away
Than you gave her

She's mad at night
And tries to sleep
Searching for peace

She can't see through the rage
Or through the tears
Or through the pain

What you did was fail her
Because she believed
In you wholeheartedly

Am I enough?

It's just that I never feel
Like I'm enough
It's like there's so much more
That I can do
But can't
Because of
My empty pockets
Or my bursts of depression
Or my rage toward the past
Or whatever else

I'm sorry if I can't give you the world in itself
At this very moment,
But I'm giving you bits and pieces
So that one day you'll be able to take them
And put them together to see it

I'm trying
I'm trying
I really am trying
Believe me

I want to give you the universe
From the grains of sand
Which you hate so much
To the stars in the sky
That I have never seen
Just you wait, my love