Steve Aug 10
When he was eighteen
Went to his mom to confess
Mom I'm gay
All I do is think of men
Dream of two or three at a time
From Sunup till forever
Staying on my  knees never getting up
I'm going amputate my feet
Donate them to an amputee
Not one to be wasteful
Hope this don't make you sick mom

Called his father who answered just to scream
Don't call me fag
Then the familiar sound of the phone hitting the ground
Starts laughing cause this happens every time he calls
Six hundred spent on replacements
His mother goes to interrupt he cuts her off
Mom there's more
I'm addicted to gay porn
To the point I seen everyone
Now I watch straight and my stomach turns seeing the girl
Would've told you sooner but I didn't want you to be like dad
Your all I got
But I been busting nuts for years staring at men's butts
One day, and this bad
But I almost raped the mailman
But Saved by the Bell came on and Zack is my favorite
Hope I haven't let you down
I hope you still love me
I hope.... She cuts him off

With a long strong  embrace
Few tears falling down her face
Love whoever you want
Be with anyone you choose
I'll always want what I always wanted for you
Just to be happy
You have never disappointed me
Until now
Remember those nights when you was five
I sat and held you to calm you after your father left you
The anger you had at fourteen and took out on me
The lost time we had cause of the two jobs I had in order for us to make it
But most important
Don't you remember the most important thing I taught you
If you did you wouldn't be sitting here telling this story
It's a good one and if I wasn't so hurt I would make you prove it
I can't believe this is how you do me knowing I'll die fighting for you
This ain't your first lie but it's by far the worst lie
I'm seeing what I always been afraid of
You being like him
She came by today to let you know in person being you quit taking her calls
You were gone so she told me that you should know
She's not pregnant
But now what bothers me more is
What if she was
Feel free to give honest feedback
Catrina Feb 22
Try, try, try my best to be positive.

Try try, try some more to please him.

Taking classes that I don't enjoy.

Just to please him.

Go home not knowing what to expect.

Did I do everything that he wanted?

Did I do it to his expectations?

Striving to be the daughter he wants me to be.

(He is trying to live out his childhood dreams through me).

Expectations that I always fail to meet.

Try, try, try not to be in his presence when I cry.

Can't show him, give him the satisfaction.

Try try, try to do everything.

(I just want to avoid his dreadful sting).

Straight A's, a few B's. 3.50 G.P.A.

Not good enough for him.

All A's, 4.00 G.P.A. , is nothing to him.

Try, try, try, I am numb, no more feelings,

my "happiness" is all a lie.

He placed me in NJROTC at my high school,

expecting great things.

Be the top marksman.

But how can I be, if he won't allow me to compete?

Become colorguard commander,

without participating in an y of the events.

Become the CO of the program next year.

Without interacting the way I need to.

He expects all these things from me , and so much more.

Expectations and standards.

But makes it so that they are all impossible to meet.

Try, try, try  to be everything he wants me to be.

Try, try, try, and only meet failure.

Fail, fail, fail, makes no difference to him.

Cracking under the pressure,

can't be in the same room as him or my stepmother.

Fail, fail, fail, giving them both reasons to yell at me more.

Fail, fail, fail, why even try, when he really doesn't care?

Fail, fail, fail..........

What else is there to do?
Crazymind Feb 19
I thought I'd be numb by now
I am no stranger to your pain
Repeatedly I reach into my heart
Failing to sever the vein
One that connects my love for you
There is no longer anything to gain
Be gone from me
Cause me no more shame
Falling into your tricks
Playing your sick mental game
Father is what you never were
It's only a name
Every year you call to promise change
Why am I always surprised when it all stays the same
I can no longer stand beside you
A daughter you will never claim
Pictures is all we ever were
In a cheap little frame
they're wickedness, he told me.
i was eight years old when i learned i could never again trust my father
but father, why not father, it's just love father, it just looks different than the one you say you have with my mother, father...
i knew i could never tell him about the boys that i met, playing hide in seek in the closet in my father's house, or that i took a peek when i told them i wouldn't... just taking a leak, right?
i could not ask him how to feel when i met him, father, i like him, father, me and he, father, i like the sound of it, father he's in glee father and we sing together and it's good, father, he kissed me father, and i liked it, father it's not farther along than i wish it'd be but it can be. but it can't be. because you can't see me, behind all that you'd wish i'd be. father's little boy toy present for convenience used and burned out like the elementary fad you said it was when i told you i didn't like any of those girls and i'd rather wear a tiara than my father's crown. my body, not a hobby, but real love, not a phase, not another oddity you can pick out of me, but something real that makes me feel shoddy when you tell me it's shoddy that i act this oddly, when it's just me.
maybe you're right, maybe i am just like my mother's father, father, but it beats the hell out of being my father's son.
i don't know, father, i don't know if i am, father, what, you mean like you and mother, father? how normal is it for a father to hit his mother, father? my father shouldn't be like that i guess i have no father...father. i surly won't do it for my Father, father, if He really is there like you say He'd say he made me perfectly. unless you don't believe what you preach.
but you wouldn't do that.
not you, father.
you're the real deal, aren't you, father.
big cheese has to be the shit or it all falls down.
don't leave me to pick up the pieces.
been thinking a lot about who i am and who i want to be and who i think i am and it's just a lot and so here internet.
Skyye Yoder May 2017
You are beautiful, yet terrifying.
Pushing your way to Cloud 9 Reaching for the Sky
-getting high-
Flying away from your imperfect life- away from your mom
and dead beat dad
you cry
with your big blue eyes.
You tell them lies that you are perfectly alright,
But baby, I'm right here - Right here by your side
You just have to realize, that I even know that when you are on Cloud9
    You still want to Cry.
but darling, it'll be alright.
Skyye Yoder May 2017
You are beautiful, yet terrifying.
Pushing your way to Cloud 9 Reaching for the Sky
-getting high-
Flying away from your imperfect life- away from your mom
and dead beat dad
you cry
with your big blue eyes.
You tell them lies that you are perfectly alright,
But baby, I'm right here - Right here by your side
You just have to realize, that I even know that when you are on Cloud9
    You still want to Cry.
but darling, it'll be alright.
Skyye Yoder May 2017
You are beautiful, and yet terrifying, you push your limits to try to get to Cloud9 -
until you are flying, flying away from your imperfect life, away from your mom and your dad.
you swear you'll never become anything like them-
you never open up, but when you do, oh when you do, your blue beautiful eyes stream water- pouring down your face , you probably have realized that even on cloud nine
you feel misplaced
- but I'll always be here for you, Dollface . <3
Skyye Yoder May 2017
You are beautiful, and yet terrifying, you push your limits to try to get to Cloud9 -
until you are flying, flying away from your imperfect life, away from your mom and your dad.
you swear you'll never become anything like them-
you never open up, but when you do, oh when you do, your blue beautiful eyes stream water- pouring down your face , you probably have realized that even on cloud nine
you feel misplaced
- but I'll always be here for you, Dollface . <3
How would it be like to die in a gutter?
A gutter made of cold pavement
That slowly grows warmer and warmer
As I lay down and feel the life drain out of the pores of my skin
A gutter with stagnant water turned green
By whatever the hell makes stagnant water green

Some nights I see myself dying in a gutter
I feel the warm blood rush out of my mouth
And the icy gutter slime on my right shoulder
Both of them cooling my skin, one more than the other

I watch cars full of people
Who don't care enough to help a dying man
Pass by my side as I die sluggishly
With their rubber necks and undeaf ears

I don't want to die in a gutter
I would never want to die in a gutter,
But if there is peace and silence in dying in one
Let the cars pass
Shaine Fraz Sep 2016
Lone star walking roads,
crowbar in hand
cowgirl I'll die for,
I died and I died again,

fluent in 6 country's,
passports-- pardons,
no cargo,
but luggage is a stainless steel flask,

half full,
half way to the moon if you asked me,
Cadillacs in space,
expensive taste that's masked with,
-- the cheap stuff,

inspired souls,
they walk,
and this forsaken path,
they'll never make hell a dirty deed or two from heaven,

counterparts we're equals,
we're lost-- they're my colleagues,
a scandal from remembrance,
remember we followed rules,

no response-- shit,
there's a shift in the rubix cube, 
a memo from the warden,
no weapons in the visit room,

coordinating sin,
a taste of gin the before the see you soons, world was much warm,
before stone replaced the sand dunes,

scoff at the elixir,
cordially she casts stones,
bastard of a demon,
crossing ponds is all the child knows,

tales of the fishermen,
who heard it through the corridors,
all and all departed,
with a fear of the other gods,

strictly prohibited,
a swig of the forbidden fruit,
who are you to judge me,
"when you son is not of holy proof,"

wedded to a mortal said your honor,
absence i do's,
abstinence is bliss
and your crime ascends civilian law,

guilty -- you're filthy,
your son will never know your soul,
I know my role and play it well,
Your god never admits he's wrong,

so why would I -- a baby cried,
I'm present for my son's birth,
and leave before an open eye the practice of a perfect curse.
© 2016 by S Fraz All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of S Fraz
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