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829 · Feb 2017
Darling, I have a question:
Am I enough?

It's just that I never feel
Like I'm enough
It's like there's so much more
That I can do
But can't
Because of
My empty pockets
Or my bursts of depression
Or my rage toward the past
Or whatever else

I'm sorry if I can't give you the world in itself
At this very moment,
But I'm giving you bits and pieces
So that one day you'll be able to take them
And put them together to see it

I'm trying
I'm trying
I really am trying
Believe me

I want to give you the universe
From the grains of sand
Which you hate so much
To the stars in the sky
That I have never seen
Just you wait, my love
826 · Jun 2016
Empty Happiness
Happiness like this is irrational
It is a happiness I do not enjoy
Because it ends up dissipating
One way or another

Dopamine and adrenaline
Run through my body
I feel like I'm alive again
Like hundreds of horses gallop in my veins
And thousands of butterflies fill my stomach

Then you disappear
Leaving me with nothing
But the air you had breathed
And the feeling fades
And it fades
And it fades
And it fades
822 · Nov 2015
Darkness In Light
Being as lonesome as I
Expels all thoughts of happiness
A darkness looms over me
Telling me to give up hope
Reality is cruel, but
I shall stand tall
Combatting the demons
Everywhere in sight
Acronym.
817 · Nov 2014
One of those nights
Some nights I would imagine us
Living happily in a home in the suburb
With our wedding rings secured
On our left hands

Some nights I would imagine us
Having breakfast together, just us
A meal we both cooked
And probably burned a bit

Some nights I would imagine us
With out bodies entwined on our bed
Fast asleep after a time of intimacy
Skin on skin, heart to heart

Some nights I would imagine us
Kissing in the rain
Letting loose all the pain
As we felt the cool droplets splash

Some nights I would imagine us
At a hospital, exchanging places
On who would be on the hospital bed
And what we would say, our last goodbyes

Some nights I would imagine us
If one of us died
What would the other one do?
Wait for the end or fill in the gap?

Some nights I would imagine us
Having at least two kids
They would love us as parents
We'd raise them to be great

Some nights I would imagine us
If there would never be an us
How we would end up with others
And just go our separate ways

Some nights I would imagine us
And all the possible outcomes
Both if we'd be together or not
And that "some night" is tonight
Hey! How was the poem? I'd love to hear your feedback!
800 · Nov 2016
Words on skin
If I could tattoo my poetry to my skin, I would
I would show them my word-riddled wrists
Where the scars used to be
And the prosaic verses sprawled on my neck
Where I planned to loop the rope

If my poems were good, I would tattoo them on my skin
Sadly, all I have are a sophomoric amalgamates of odd words
That make dead poets turn in their graves
795 · Jan 2017
thoughts over tea
To be honest,
I was always quite scared
At the thought of meeting you.
Blood used to rush through my body
Whenever I thought of breathing the same air
In the same room as you.

I'm glad you pushed me to come
Because you gave the bitter, black coffee
A few tablespoons of sugar.
792 · Dec 2014
Drinks.
This drink makes me happy
I say as I gulp down my gin
It helps me forget the problems I'm in

This drink makes me happy
I say as I swallow my *****
It helps me forget all my trauma

This drink makes me happy*
I say as I chug down my beer
It helps me get rid of my fears
I'm far from alcoholic.
Was I ever enough?

It's just that I never felt
Like I was enough,
But you always told me I was
There was so much
That I gave
And I gave despite
My empty pockets
Or my depression
Or my lack of time
I gave all I could get my hands on
And you told me it was more than enough
And that I never had to do more

I couldn't ever give you the world,
But I tried so much to do it
I was giving you bits and pieces
So one day you would have been able to take them
And put them together to see it
I only did that because
It was all I could afford
And I would have given it in its entirety
If only I had the chance

I tried
I tried
I really tried
Believe me

I wanted to give you the universe
From the grains of sand
Which you hate so much
To the stars in the sky
That I have never seen
But you couldn't wait, darling

And when you got sick of me,
You told me I was never enough
You told me I never did enough
You made me feel
Like the world I was trying to give
Was just a moon
Compared to the vastness
Of the universe that was you

Darling, I have another question:
Did you ever love me the way I loved you?
A sequel I wrote when I was sad.

I'm not so sad anymore, really.

First post: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/1870358/darling-i-have-a-question/
Always for him, never for me
Is what always runs through my head

Always for him, never for me
I wanna fill my brain with lead

Always for him, never for me
Just spit in my face right now

Always for him, never for me
Tie me up and make me drown

Always for him, never for me
Choke me until I black out

Always for him, never for me
Turn my neck into a blood spout

Always for him, never for me
Always for him
*Never for me
Why must you choose him over me?
779 · Oct 2016
The Word: A Conversation
I love you so much

I love you too

You have given me happiness in this dark time
And I love you so much for it

Oh darling

Words cannot even express how much I am thankful for you and how much I love you

"Love" is not an adequate enough term for everything I feel in my heart, mind, and soul for you.

If only there were a word for what we feel for each other.
My being wants to scream that word out into the cosmos,
But I do not know what the word is.

I want to write the word, over and over again all over my blank white walls until they crumble
I want to say it to you every time I kiss you, every time you hold my hand, and every time I so much as think of you.

Iñigo.

I love you with every shred of my being. Every cell in my body misses you with ever passing nanosecond.
I want you here.


We're going to go around the world to look for that word. We will look at every painting in every museum. Every sculpture in every garden. Every star in the sky. We will find this word.
And I love you with every shred of mine.
Each time I say your name or even think about it or you, I fall in love all over again

I as well

We're stronger than the days.
Stronger than time.
We can get through this.

Stronger than the toughest rock, stronger than water.
We will.
We must.


Stronger than every wind that has ever touched the earth.

I love you.

*I love you too.
Lorenzo
*Fay*
777 · Jun 2018
Sensuous longing
I want to run my hand down your back
And feel your smoothness across the ridges of my fingertips
Once more

The smell of your hair lingers in the spaces between my fingers
The ends of each strand brushing my skin still haunts my forearms

My hips feel like your thighs are still there,
My spine still feels your ankles interlocked,
My tongue still remembers how yours tasted,
My teeth still feel your bottom lip in between

In your voice, I heard the angels of heaven sing;
And in your eyes, I saw its shining gates;
And in your eyes, I saw burning passion;
And in your eyes, I saw true love
762 · Jan 2017
Rooibos
I'm waiting for my tea to arrive in this hotel lobby.
The slow piano music playing in the background
Is more familiar than it should be.

I should be calm, but all of the couples around me
Are exchanging sweet nothings and sweeter kisses
And it makes me jealous
Because I wish you were here
So we could do the same.

Tea is here, love.
757 · Oct 2014
Dull Temptations
I'm smelling ash that isn't there
And tasting beer I haven't drank,
I have you to thank.

I miss these dull temptations
Even all they've done is hurt me.
Leaving me was easy, how hard could it be?

These days I laugh,
I laugh with pain,
I can't even try to say your name.
Well, here's something. It isn't much, I guess. Charles Bukowski's "Cows in Art Class" stuck with me and here's something I cooked up from it.
741 · Jul 2019
Parking Lot Lights
I remember the night we met
We kissed in the dark, dim lights
Of a public parking lot
We held hands, fingers intertwined

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember holding you tight
Half my body hanging off
The back seat of my X-Trail
The kisses were worth the back pain

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I remember falling in love
Actually, I didn't
I made the choice to love you
I thought I got it right for once

I told myself I could get used to it
Kissing you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And we always kissed in them, holding hands
I told myself I could get used to it

I told myself I could get used to it
Loving you in dark, dim parking lot lights
And outside of dark, dim parking lot lights
I never should have gotten used to it
712 · Jan 2015
A Letter to A
I promised to love you
I promised I swear,
But sometimes those're broken.

Just as broken as my heart
On the very night that you broke your word.
I hate to remind you about it

I hate reminding myself too.
The thing is, I did love you
Despite all the pain.

I've learned to forget,
But I haven't learned to forgive
Even though you apologized

With your amazing, angelic voice
I'd cringe at the thought
Because no amount of anything

Could cure this feeling
Because I don't get over some things
But I'm trying to get over you.
September 10, 2014

I have decided to post this series of poems. I don't know how many letters I'll write in the future or maybe I'll just stop writing the letters altogether.

Another thing, almost everything in this series is raw. Should I keep posting or what?
711 · Dec 2014
Anonymity
Codenames make you anonymous.
I gave you one.
Now, looking back at it,
I wish I didn't.

I gave you that name
So I could tell you I loved you
Without you knowing
And without you leaving.

I gave you that name
To say I would do anything
To get your heart
So we could die together.

I gave you that name
So we could both live in a world
Where only we existed,
Where we could be anything.

I gave you that name
To make you anonymous
And now that you know your name
You're truly anonymous to me.
Juvenile mistakes I will probably make again.
707 · Dec 2016
Solitude
Beams of morning light
Force their way into my room
The noises from the cars
And motorcycles and the TV
Blast their way into my ears
But I stay strong

I am not ready for a new day
I do not want the sunlight or the cars or TV
I am not ready for a new day
And I would rather stay under my blanket
Credits to Fay for the title
703 · Oct 2016
Alone
I used to enjoy
Reading books in my empty bedroom
While I sipped on a cup of green tea
(Or whatever tea I had in my cup)
During the weekends

Singing songs
To an audience of nobody at all
Was also a hobby of mine
(One I very much enjoyed)

The darkness in my room,
That embraced me
During moments of depression,
No longer holds me like it used to

The day you walked fully into my life
Was the day I realized I was not solitary
And it was also the day
That I stopped fancying being alone
I miss her so much.
700 · Oct 2016
Vacation
Be strong, my dear
Because I know you can do it

The demons crawl up
From the ground below
And steal the air you breathe
But take it back from them
Because it's rightfully yours

Be strong, my dear
Because I know you can do it
694 · Sep 2016
i got out of bed today
there are
millions
of reasons
to stay
in bed

pillows
matress
&
blankets
are a few

the way
the sun
is blocked
by curtains
is another

morning air
void
of sadness
negativity
&
pain
is another

but
there are things
that make you
get out
of it

like her
smile
voice
&
existence
Forgive me. I was a bit tipsy when I wrote this.
A bright flame danced in my heart
It danced because of love
It spun and moved with grace
And moved from place to place

It filled my soul with warmth
And the strength to carry on
Every time I left to fight
It filled me with soothing light

The fire danced for you
So our souls could one day unite
The fires in our hearts would merge
And the electricity in us would surge

But then the fire in me burned out
From your gust of icy wind
That I was in darkness for so long
And I had no will to be strong

After a while, a new fire was lit
And it's heat burned blue
It was hotter than any fire in the land
Not even I could make a stand

This fire was eternal
This stationary burning blue
It burned for the lust of bloodshed
The flame kept still, never turning red.

Every day and every night it burned
Through my heart and soul
I realized that the fire was still for you
I did not know what I felt or what to do.
Hey guys! Sorry for the entire time I haven't been posting. I've been (having a mental breakdown) studying and stuff. Anyway, here's my new poem.
691 · Sep 2016
Fay
Fay
My soul was ****** some time ago
But she brought it out of hell
The way her eyes looked into mine
Gave me new hope in the world and in life
Her fingers fit between mine like keys
Opening doors in myself I've never seen before
And when her lips touched mine
I found nirvana
671 · May 2015
Never Forget Her
"Never forget me."
She scribbled on the letter
That is what I remember
When I try to make my life better

"Never forget me."
She wrote in her cursive hand
I told myself to lam
But what happened was a countermand

"Never forget me."*
She happily wrote on the page
Those words were my *******
This can be cured only by age
She wrote me a letter once. ONCE.
671 · Feb 2016
The Snow Fell Like I Did
The night was cold and snow fell
In the middle of this forest.
We couldn't even get a fire to work.

The fires burned, but became snuffed
Because you refused to throw firewood
Into the bonfire of our hearts.

I'm tired of cutting down trees
Just to stoke the flames on your side
Of the fire that exists to keep both of us warm.

All I wanted was to have felt the fire's warmth too.
To give your share was all I was asking from you
And you couldn't even give me that.
666 · Feb 2017
A quick drive back home
The street is dark
Yet still visible
Here on the overpass

And yellow lights
Unevenly dot
The concrete and steel
Statues made of rooms
That stand blocks and blocks
Away

All I hear are the sounds
Of my engine humming
Like angered bees
Or silenced jackhammers

These are simple nights
In the "great" city
Nights of silence
Nights of calm
Nights of happiness
Despite being alone
656 · Dec 2015
I Thought I Was Over You
I let go of you
I thought of other things
And I was in bliss

I was alone now
And I was enjoying
Silent solitude

You were off my mind
You were nowhere near me
I thought I fell out

I was moving on
From you and from the past
And then I saw you
655 · Dec 2016
Monotony
I am back in the cycle.
The back and forth
And back again
Of the silent non-silence
Of this filthy city life.

I wake up in the bed
I laid in the night before,
Rise up to take a liquid ****
And retreat once again
Into the blanketed dome
That is my mattress.

The sun shines through
The cracks in the seemingly
Single piece of colored cloth
That we call curtains
And seep in through the fabric
Of the actual single piece of cloth
That we call blankets.

When the ****** star's light
Is more than bearable, I take away
The blanket from my face
And face reality as it is
From the cool and calm not-peace
That is my room covered in sunlight.

A few more hours
Worth of wallowing in not-happiness
Would be very sufficient
To start the "day".
A few more hours
Adjusting to the hellish yellow light
That blinds my eyes,
But frees them from the darkness
At the same time.
A few more hours
To plan the next few hours
Only to not follow the plan
And once again act on impulse
The same way I did yesterday.
655 · Dec 2016
Late December Woes
The darkness disguised as light that is life creeps slowly into my spine like water dripping down a rain gutter after a storm. The reality in the air fills my lungs like twenty cigarettes all smoked in a dimly-lit stairwell on a Tuesday afternoon. I exhale as hard as I can, but the reality ceases to leave my being. It carves into my windpipe like a tiger's paw, ripping it into shreds as gravity pulls it back down.

I take a look at the calendar. A calm font reads December 24. I feel nothing. There is no cheer or happiness lingering in the supposedly cool December breeze. It used to fill the air with the scent of gingerbread and mint, but all there is now is the smell of rotting garbage, sun-dried ****, and the occasional stench of ****.

False smiles are painted across coffee shop windows. Bright lights that distract you from the world are wrapped around the trees. Mary gives birth to Jesus on each manger atop each building. It all still feels blank. The magic is gone. The false smiles frown at me. The luster of each bulb of each string of light has faded into a bland dullness. What lies atop the buildings are dead eyed statues.

Where has it all gone?
647 · Apr 2016
And she never got better
She cried at night
And smiled in the morning
She looked happy
But I knew how it was
All just a ruse

I knew the lies and truths
The virtues and faults
The tears behind the smile
The darkness of her thoughts

She was sick
Sick of how the world treated her
Sick because her heart worked
She loved the same way I did:
Unrequitedly
639 · Jan 2016
Don't Slip Away
All I'm asking for
Is for you to talk to me
Don't toss me aside
I'm not one of your old toys

I've accepted it:
The fact that we'll never be
I am now begging
That our friendship doesn't rot

It's all I have left
It's all we have between us
No more and no less
It hurts me to say these things
627 · Dec 2015
Friends?
She's just a friend
Who I share common interests with
She's just a friend
Who doesn't reply sometimes
She's just a friend
I talk to about movies
She's just a friend
I share my favorite songs to
She's just a friend
Who listens to my sadness
She's just a friend
That I share stories to
She's just a friend
That I think the world of
She's just a friend
To whom I would give my heart to
She's just a friend
Who I'd want to hold hands with
She's just a friend
Who I'd trust with my heart and soul
She's just a friend
That I want to see when I'm sad
She's just a friend
That makes me happy
She's just a friend
That makes me sad
She's just a friend
That confuses my emotions
She's just a friend
I wanna see all the time
She's just a friend
I'd write poems to
She's just a friend
I would cry to
She's just a friend
Who haunts my dreams at night
She's just a friend
Who makes me drink to forget her
She's just a friend
That breaks my heart every time I see her
She's just a friend
That breaks me every time I think of her

*She's just a friend
And I'm just a friend
And that's all we are
And that's all we will ever be
Even if it hurts me
Weak I was and weak I am
My heart breaks for her once more
I play the game of love when I can,
But I cannot even score

Cry I did and cry I do
I cry to sleep every night
On my cheeks the tears they go
Oh what a terrible sight

Loved I tried and love I try
But I'll always end up hurt
Once again my poor heart tries
And the blood, out if it, spurts
625 · Oct 2015
Two Twenty-two
It's now two twenty-two
I've got nothing to do
I'm just thinking of you

Imagine us somewhere
Breathing the cool night air
Not giving any care

Laying there in the grass
Watching shooting stars pass
Snuggled with you, fine lass

The sky drapes us in dark
But with you it's not stark
For you brighten my heart

It's now two twenty-two
I've got nothing to do
I'm just thinking of you
624 · Oct 2017
October 11
So what did you do before this?
I asked the driver
"I drove trucks.
Now I drive people to places"
I sat and listened
As the radio melodies faded
And as the beeping
And the woman's voice
From his smartphone
Began to sound like silence

"My father drove trucks
I watched him drive
Day in and day out
I watched him drive so much
That when I was 12
I grabbed the wheel
And did his job for him"

And so we talked
Passing green lights
Stopping at the red ones

Finally,
The car came to a halt
I handed him my money
And told him to drive safely

That's when I realized
Some men are meant for some things
623 · Nov 2015
Third Time's The Charm
Third time's the charm
They always say
If the third time
Was the time
That you'd get hurt
The most
616 · Oct 2016
I don't need it
I used to spend my nights
With only bottles of alcohol as friends
They didn't care if I talked about
Love or
Dying or
Life or
Anything
They listened

Months later, I met her
She didn't mind if I talked about
Love or
Dying or
Life or
Anything
She listened
And said she loved me
And I abandoned my old friends
Because she gave me the bittersweet buzz
Without the bitter

I never liked the bitter
606 · Jun 2016
One-off
I used to feel fireworks fly and go off in my head,
My eyes used to light up like supernovas,
And my heart used to jump out of my chest like a frog in hot water

The feelings I had for you once brought cheer
And let the angels come down from heaven
To combat the demons that held me to the ground
And prevented me from ascending towards God's light
Alas, those days are gone like leaves in the wind

I am greeted by a dark, starless nighttime sky
(A sky which used to burst into color)
I drown in the somberness of it all
And let it embrace me in all its tenebrous beauty

Without love there are no fireworks in my head,
The stars in my eyes begin to dim and fade,
And my heart does not beat
I wish that my feelings for you could once again open the clouds
And show me the angels who freed me from *******,
But those feelings are gone and those days have passed
603 · Nov 2014
Drunken Dreams
I was out drinking again last night
Going home gave me some sort of fright
For the darkness altered my sight

My world spun unearthly
I watched the planet go topsy and turvy
As I went down home walking curvy

As I arrived home I hit the hay
I thought of you in the bed I laid
More than I did everyday

When I slept I had a dream
That you loved me
Something that could never be

We shared a kiss or two or three
Too good, it was to be
And now a hangover follows me
Good morning. I thought I would like to share last night's events to the world.
596 · Oct 2016
Her Favorite View
I've lived
In this city
18 years

And I never saw it
The way she saw it
Until she showed me

I never saw the lights
In the buildings
Because there were no reasons
To look at them
Until she told me
How beautiful they were
And she was right

The city
Isn't so mundane
Anymore
I am trying to avoid you,
But you keep showing up

I was invisible to you once,
And now you notice me
Like I'm a pimple
On the tip of your nose

I'm not complaining,
I don't want you to go
Stay as long as you want
I have not felt the perfect calm
That exists when I'm in proximity to your being
Since the day you walked through those doors

The light of the sun no longer shines down
I can only feel its searing heat boiling my blood and skin
The stars and moon no longer give light in the evening
They left me with only the darkness of the night sky as company
588 · Dec 2016
Uncertainty
I fear
But I do not know what I fear
Maybe it's
Late nights wasted with people
And thoughts of people
Who do not matter
And who will never matter
Or only mattered once
586 · Sep 2016
i love you
Those three words will never be enough
To tell you how much I really feel
Even if I could catch all the stars in the sky
Of this ever-expanding universe
And fit all of them in an artisanal bottle
It would not suffice for half of the feeling

My heart could jump out of my chest
And sing the most beautiful ballad on earth
For hours upon hours upon hours
Until it shrivels up and dies
And it still wouldn't do

I could write you millions of poems
That each have millions of stanzas
And it would never be able
To tell you how much
I love you
580 · Dec 2015
Winter Leaves
It's cold outside on the streets
But even colder inside my heart
For your love is like the leaves
That grow on trees in winter

nil.

Winter leaves are as absent as you
In the presence of my life's problems
Or when I need a shoulder to cry on
Or a soft, warm hand to hold
579 · Mar 2015
How She Was Like Space
She painted dark canvas of the night sky
With her beauty worth billions of stars.
She was a source of time dilation,
For every day I knew her felt like decades.

My life orbited around hers like a moon to a planet,
But I was merely a moon while she was a solar system.
I was an irrelevant speck of dust floating within her galactic heart.
I wish I could turn into her one and only star.
572 · Sep 2015
I Thought I Saw You
I thought I saw you, I really did.
I've been missing you.
I know you don't care anymore,
But I wish you would.

I thought it was you,
She looked like you.
I wish she were you
Even just for that moment.
There was a time when I told myself that I couldn't live without her.
There was a time when I thought she was everything the world could offer.
I used to think that she was who I would grow old with.
I used to think that we'd both be happy with each other in the next 20 years.
I used to think that I wouldn't survive college for a month without seeing her.

I was wrong.
I was wrong to believe that I would love her until I died.
I was wrong to believe that one day I would wake up beside her.
I was wrong to believe that I would hold her hand and call her mine.
I was
young
and
stupid.
I should have known better to not dwell in my childlike fantasies.
I'm no Prince Charming.

What did I know of live?
Nothing.
I was infatuated.
Dangerously infatuated.
I was at the point where I would be willing to kiss her
feet
just to gain her attention, just her attention.
I knew nothing about how love worked.
All I did was give her my heart and watch happily as she took it
and stomped it
into a
mushy paste.
Something in my mind told me that she would be reciprocating my feelings, but I was
blind.
Sorry for the wall of text.
560 · Jan 2017
Instability
Three knives
In a triangle
On my back

Mind
Body
Soul

Mind is a mess
A rip in a tea bag
Where all the leaves
Fly wildly
Like birds to a gunshot

Body is a temple
One I have desecrated
With ugly graffiti
And human ****
And posters
Of corrupt
And desperate
Politicians

Soul is black
Like sewer grime
Smells like it too
It's putrid
It's disgusting
It's not worth anything

There is no balance
556 · Nov 2014
The Brightest Light
You make me feel different, which is nice.
Your beauty makes me melt away like snow and ice.
Remembering you on a cold night
Makes me feel warm in the inside.

You are like a very bright light
You lead me out of a dark place
At midnight.

Every time we break apart
I want to tell you what's in my heart.
If I'm stuck in darkness during midnight,
You'll always be my brightest light.
This was the first poem I wrote! It was about four years ago when I put this together. I'd love to hear your feedback on it.
Electricity fluctuates
Darkness, light, darkness, light
I will find my way out
But the problem is too complex
For a quick getaway

I see a flash of God
Then the devil
Then God again
Then the devil
It never ends

It's torture
I don't know whether the light is better
Or if the darkness is
To be honest
I just wanna be dead already and be
Buried six feet underground
Where I can hear no noise
From any person at all

Electricity fluctuates
Darkness, light, darkness, light
And what I'm doing now
Is trying to not give a ****
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